Wife is not interested in any form of sex

Mashie and Switchablesusie, why are you suggesting that guy to divorce his wife as a solution to his problems? There are SO MANY things you can do before you even think of divorce. Take my ten steps as an example. Please, do not mislead folks. FIX marriage, don't throw it away!

Dilu, there comes a time when divorce is the final option. There is 0 point in staying in a marriage that isn't working. It's not good for either partner.

I didnt' say he should go out and get a divorce. I did say in a round-a-bout sort of way that if he isn't happy he should go fine a piece on the side so to speak.

Mashie

Dilu said:

Mashie and Switchablesusie, why are you suggesting that guy to divorce his wife as a solution to his problems?. . . .

I am definitely leaning toward divorce or he should get some ass on the side because the guy's wife isn't interested in sex and he has tried things to get her interested but they don't work and she doesn't seem inclined to change her ways.

Your "solutions" are so religiously based that it totally turns me off. Why should the man suffer with a non-affectionate, non-sexual wife? He will grow older, unhappier, finally die and rot in the ground after throwing his life away on someone who isn't interested in expressing affection to him or allowing him to feel sexually fulfilled.

She sounds like a bitch with a capital B. She isn't ill or incapacitated, she is capable of having sex and showing affection, she just won't do it.

Yup, he should get a divorce.

Why would anyone stay with his wife if she withheld sex and affection??????? She is just being mean.

If my husband didn't show affection or purposely withheld sex from me, I would get a divorce--and I would definitely be materially poorer after a divorce. He really takes wonderful care of us, but if he purposely withheld sex and affection, I'd be gone.

SwSusie, let me explain. Marriage is a bond between two people which form a family. Children are one of it's goals. No child should ever be deprived of his family because of someones lust. Every child has a right to have his mom and dad living together in peace and love, taking care of their grandchildren and helping their kids. That's marriage, and it produces many many good things. If, of course, is taken seriously from both man and wife.

Now, I do know that USA is known to be the worst country in the word regarding that issue. Divorce rates are just unbelievable, which shows that it's citizens obviously don't know what they're doing, and they don't understand what marriage or family is. Do not ask me for proofs, just ask someone who is outside US, -who has the most psychiatrists or lawyers in the world? You don't need them for nothing, right? Ok.

My solutions are so religious and it turns you off. Well, that really explains why no one should listen to your advices at all. If religion promotes good things, such as love, understanding, tolerance, peace, family, happiness, then I am discussing this subject with completely wrong person. You asked why should a man suffer with such wife? Well, many of us who love their wives are willing to turn things to better so that we could BOTH enjoy what we like. For example - me. I had a wife who didn't understand my fetish for latex gloves. And no matter how I explained to her, she just didn't care. Just like you don't care about changing air in your car's tires every day. It was very hard to wait for her to realize that those little things are extremely important to me. Until one day I found a solution. Before that I did everything what I said earlier that should be done prior to considering an awful thing such is a divorce. All that helped ME to love my wife beyond her non-understanding, and it gave me a positive view of my marriage without that fetish part in it. And then I made a right move - I told her that I am about to give up my fetishes because I can't wait anymore for her, and I can't be frustrated all my life. Told her that she is much more worthy to me than some kink that I have and that I need a few weeks to let go of it completely, so that I won't be in agony anymore. One week has past after that, and she realized what she has (hasn't) done, so she came to me and changed my life for the better 😃 Much much better 😃 Now we enjoy what I always wanted - all the kinks and fetishes PLUS love and affection. Yeah baby, that is the best combination of all 😉

So, it's not what you want, it's what you can. I can stop smoking, I can stop watching porn for countless hours, I can give up some things that are not worthy, I can change my life for the better.

--

You mentioned that guy's wife - yeah she sounds like a Bitch, but that's manageable. Every bitch can be taken down with tools that you probably don't know they even exist. Again, my example, I loved that one girl long ago, but she was a Bitch. So I told her (I'm a strong man with attitude and muscles, so that you don't get me wrong on this one) - "whatever bad you do to me, I will beat you with me being good to you. I will show you that you are an idiot with only being more and more nicer to you." -that's what you do when you really care for someone, and I enjoyed every moment of it, watching harsh bitch turning ashamed with every move that I made. I just used her weapons against her in a manner she never expected. In no time I had both kitten and a bitch in same person, which is just right combination for me. Boy did we had a great time back then 😃

So, everyone wants to do things that are important to him/her, just they need to be taught how their world can look like if they actually do those things.

I think that you and I don't have anything in common, especially when I see how you present your husband in that last two sentences. Your life reminds me of an orgasm, it's wonderful but it quickly fades away just as it came. My "religious" views include love, and that's something you must work your ass for, so it can last and give for all your life.

All the best,

dilu

Right mate,

This is a forum about sexuality and sexual expression. Most people here are here to discuss that topic. Many people here (myself included) have views on unions (marriage) that differ from your own. I do not, for example believe that unions exist entirely for the purpose of regulating procreation. Some might even (gasp) have religious views that differ from your own, and again, being a devout follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (you are encouraged, if curious to Google His Noodly Goodness, I will refrain from discussing His word on the forums), I must count myself in that category.

Thusly, that it is not appropriate to discuss these topics here. This topic is about how to address a relationship issue from a sexual point of view, and while some of your initial suggestions are very valid (including trying to enhance the non-sexual parts of a relationship, enhancing communications), attacking others who suggest that the relationship might end, or a particular country for their/its perceived lack of faith in your god, is ill-advisable, and is just going to turn the conversation into a religious and/or political debate, which neither helps the original poster nor contributes materially to the intended content of this forum.

Peace, love, and a random yellow submarine........(no one ever explained to me why it's yellowness was particularly remarkable)

Dilu:

First of all, marriage is an obsolete institution. Many married people do not want children. There is no reason for anyone to get married. People can have children and do anything else without the benefit of that piece of paper. You should get married if you want to. It offers some benefits (mostly monetary) and many liabilities (mostly monetary). You can get sex anywhere. Affection is harder to come by. Sure, it is nice for a child to have a mother and father in the same house, but it isn't necessary and it certainly isn't their right. Furthermore, they guy who posted, being over 50 probably has no children at home. My husband and I are 44 and one daughter is in college and in two years our other daughter will be off to college.

Divorce rates are high because people are getting married who should not be married. It should be easier to cut the cord.

As far as religious solutions to everyday problems, that too is terribly obsolete. Just look at the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday. The world should live by John Lennon's song "Imagine." Seriously, you should google the lyrics. THAT is how to LIVE rather than simply exist.

You agree that the guy's wife is a bitch. Why should he suffer staying with a bitch? Why would you be nicer and nicer to a bitch who you say is an idiot and why would that person be important to you.? You said: "whatever bad you do to me, I will beat you with me being good to you. I will show you that you are an idiot with only being more and more nicer to you." -that's what you do when you really care for someone. . . " That's being masochistic and self destructive. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you?

You criticized my last two sentences, which were: "If my husband didn't show affection or purposely withheld sex from me, I would get a divorce--and I would definitely be materially poorer after a divorce. He really takes wonderful care of us, but if he purposely withheld sex and affection, I'd be gone." How does that reflect poorly on us?

You do not have an accurate understanding about the relationship between my husband and myself. We have known each other since we were about 11 years old and are now 44, are married for twenty years and have thoroughly tested our relationship by being with other people and we are ecstatic to have each other. We were best friends (but not always boyfriend and girlfriend) throughout school and college. We have had sex and done things with and to each other (S&M) and with other people both before and after we were married that vanilla people would consider shocking, but we love each other and have a wonderful time with each other. I can't imagine not being with him. I love being with him and love sleeping with him. We are in each other's arms almost all night long. In our king sized bed, we take up about a quarter of it when we are actually sleeping. However, if he purposely was doing something or not doing things that he knew were important to me, I would leave. I would leave our incredible house and possessions and I would go back to full time work and live in a little house. He probably would too. If either of us was sick or handicapped in some way, we are committed to making each other's lives as good as can possibly be. But that guy's wife not having sex or showing affection because she just doesn't feel like it is not the same thing as having a partner in life who is incapacitated and can't have sex or show affection.

To SomeRandomGuy:

"This is a forum about sexuality and sexual expression"

-ok, my dick is bigger than yours. Now that we fulfilled this forum's purpose, let's try and help that guy who has a turtle instead of wife.

"I do not, for example believe that unions exist entirely for the purpose of regulating procreation"

-me neither

"Some might even (gasp) have religious views that differ from your own"

-who cares, SwSusie called my views "religious", I didn't. And even if they are, who cares, as long as those views can make people happy.

"being a devout follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster"

-who cares, you're on a wrong forum.

"This topic is about how to address a relationship issue from a sexual point of view"

-exactly, but you can't solve all your sexual problems with a huge dick. You get the point, sometimes you need a cup of tee and your sexual life can get much better, and that's what this forum is for 😉

"attacking others who suggest that the relationship might end, or a particular country for their/its perceived lack of faith in your god"

- we discuss sex life here. If you have improved your sex life by stuffing flying spaghetti in your body - be free to share it with us, we are all kinksters here, so everything you have - just give it to us. Maybe my wife would be interested in spaghetti play, so I might PM you a couple of times with some questions 😉

Cocnlusion: your objection has been noted. I understand what you tried to tell me, although you didn't told it the way you should have. However, I hope that my post will leave an impact on people who really suffer from lack of sexuality in their marriage, so let's leave it as is and let's both be wiser in the future.

😉

Some Random Guy gets all that and I get nothing?!?!?!?! LOL 😁 😁 😁

Susie:

marriage is an obsolete institution just like grand piano is an obsolete instrument. You have to understand that 85% (my personal estimate) doesn't have needs that you have, and many of them have needs that you don't even understand. For example, marriage is for you an institution. Well, for me it's a bond. A lifetime decision. Why lifetime? Because it seems that it works best that way for humans. Well, most of humans, we are different. Now, take that guy who has a 50 yrs old bitch in his home. Do you think that he can live the rest of his life the way you do? Do you think that you two are anything alike? Sure, you can and know how to take care of yourself and your needs, but what about him? People need alcohol to meet other people, it's easier that way, and people need some bond to stick them together with it's SO even when times get rough between them. You need ________ to keep you with your husband, and I need _____________ . Now that you understand how different we are, you probably understand why divorce isn't a solution like it would be for you.

Divorce rates are high because people don't take their marriage seriously. They step into marriage with fake arguments, and they step out of it because they don't care enough. Exceptions are those who really fucked up in the first place and married tits and ass instead of what's inside.

I told you, if any religion promotes good, love and family, then it's wise to take that views in consideration, regardless of their "religious" prefix.

And I told you why should he stay with a bitch, because bitch can be fixed. I did it few times in my life, and I'm a lot younger than you. It's better to FIX things than throw them away. For example, If I mess up with my wife, and if I do that really bad, I am sure that she will stay with me until she get things right. And that my friend is what John Lennon calls LOVE.

"You do not have an accurate understanding about the relationship between my husband and myself"

-ok, now I do, and you confirmed what I said before. Love isn't what should be discussed in this forum, so I won't. Therefore I can't say anything about your relationship other than what you told me here, and I don't feel like I should, except to repeat what I said earlier: Everything what you said about it is like an orgasm, feels good, but not meant to last. Every hedonist knows what I'm talking about.

I wish both of you good health and a hard cock to your husband, so that you never ever part. Everything else you already have. 😉 But leave some space for a possibility that maybe other people are not so sexually oriented as you two are. Just that.

I hope a grand piano isn't obsolete. We just got a Bechstein grand last year for our musician/scientist younger daughter. I can't claim credit for that. It was my husband's doing. He enjoys good music and equipment.

I have to say that I do have a very good understanding of human needs, both sexual and emotional. For my husband and myself, our telling each other "I love you" and the way we look at each other is the bond. We don't need the piece of paper for that. In retrospect, I can't say exactly why we got married but we did wait until after we both finished graduate school. We loved and emotionally supported each other and we enjoyed the same things so we took the plunge.

I hope the 50 year old guy doesn't spend the next 30-40 years of his life unfulfilled. I think he and I are more alike than you believe, only he is suffering and I'm not. I know I would be very unhappy if my husband withheld sex and affection. You spoke about working at it to make a marriage work. People have to compromise when they disagree. This woman shows no signs of coming to a middle ground with her husband regarding sex and affection.

You make it sound like I'm a sex fiend with nothing else on my mind, and while I will take just about any opportunity to enjoy sex with my husband (and once in a great while with a woman who turns me on-and my husband is aware of that) I do need a certain amount of sex but the closeness he and I share is what really turns me on and makes me feel wonderful all day long, not just for the minute of the orgasm. I can't wait for him to come home at the end of the day and I know he feels the same way. If I am in the house when he comes home, I hear the garage door alarm and I wait for him at the top of the steps coming into the house. He's a wonderful man and I can't wait to get my arms around him.

While religions MAY say a few things about promoting good, there is a hell of a lot in the bible and other religious books promoting killing (the word smiting is used countless times as are other terms for killing either by people or a god itself) and the interpretation of religion has caused plenty of deaths, so religion isn't really all that it's cracked up to be.

Why should the man spend time fixing the unaffectionate woman when he can go out and get one who will be genuinely affectionate on her own? Like I said before, she is being mean to her husband. By the way there is no prohibition from discussing love or relationships on this forum. It has been discussed by a number of people in relationships just like I have just done and I don't understand why you say our relationship is like an orgasm (wonderful but short lived) and believe a relationship where people love each other and have lots of sex can't endure. Sex is about the most fun two in love people can have with each other. Since you mentioned my husband's hard cock, (I didn't) it is fine thank you and it sounds like the unfulfilled guy in question here does NOT have unusual problem and he is entitled to get rid of his uncooperative wife and look for someone better suited for him.

Peace, love, and a random yellow submarine........(no one ever explained to me why it's yellowness was particularly remarkable)

It wasn't a very brave submarine -- that's why.

It wasn't a very brave submarine -- that's why.

According to interviews with the Beatles, the lyrics of the song and the plot of the movie, that isn't why.

http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=106

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Submarine_(song)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yellow_Submarine_(film)

Yellow Submarine Lyrics:

In the town where I was born

Lived a man who sailed to sea

And he told us of his life

In the land of submarines.

So we sailed up to the sun

Till we found the sea of green

And we lived beneath the waves

In our yellow submarine.

We all live...

A lot of men complain that their wives have done that. They never really liked sex, and now that they reached menopause, they (even announce) decide that they don't need to bother with it any more. I have a friend who recently admitted this to me. The Internet dating sites are full of millions of women like this. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of young women who are determinedly following along the same well worn path.

As a woman on the other side of the coin I wanted to say a few things...I have been legally married for the past almost 23 years. The vast majority of those years without basically any sex and any physical or emotional contact. (We did managed to get pregnant 3 times and have 2 of the most awesome children) Upon my husband getting a new job in a different city I realized just how unhappy I was. I am an incredibly strong woman and I have managed very well most of those years without any need for any intimacy but once I discovered my love for medfet and for having orgasms (had my first orgasm in my 40's), I decided that being in a loveless marriage was not and is not worth it. I believe in the family and I believe in marriage but I do not believe in them at all cost. I did that and not only was I unhappy, but I came to discover so was my husband. Once he decided he never wanted to sleep with me again and that we were done, I have successful moved on from him. I am now in a loving relationship (that my husband knows about and supports in his own way) with SomeRandomeGuy, and he loves me for me and the sex & sexual intimacy is better then I could of ever dreamed of. It was worth moving on for me but it may not be for very one. Look at your options, weigh them carefully, and them decide. Either you are going to be committed to your wife at all cost or you are going to make the changes you need to make, to make your relationship what you want it to be.

I've been there and done that and I know first hand because I've had this happen to me and it's jaded me on the whole idea of marriage period. :'(

I had a wife who was like this and went through the lifeless and loveless thing and believe you me that hurts like a mother fucker.

You could say back in 1989 I met this young woman who I was once in love with and would eventually marry in 1998 only to have my heart broken because I knew before when I was courting her that she was damaged goods (she's a victim of sexual abuse when she was in her early teens by a relative on her mom's side of the family) and I shouldn't have ignored the red flags such as, her not wanting to have her breasts touched or fondled with which hurt me a real lot, but silly me overlooked this and thought that things would eventually get better when we got married (it didn't) suffice to say after our only child from that marriage was born things went downhill from there and ended up not sleeping together and ended up drifting apart. As the years went on and knowing years down the track that unbeknownst to me at the time that because of the sexual abuse she was repulsed by men (me included) and in 2009 had a couple of affairs in the space of a few weeks with other women that she met on the Internet via a lesbian chat site which hurt me to the bone and this was the final nail in the coffin for me. :'(

She's now my ex and I'm still on good terms with her (for my daughters sake) and now in the process of rediscovering myself sexually and I'm open to new things.

P.S. For the record I bear no ill will towards lesbians at all and I'm still on very good terms with my ex and most of the females I've known in my life are bisexual, so I have no problems at all with lesbians and bisexual women and treat them as I would any other woman.

I have a theory about why many good,exciting,sexy marriages (and relationships) go bad. In the course of everyday living men forget to be romantic and women forget to be sexy. It does not matter who forgets first.Someone has to bring home that first bouquet of flowers or open the door wearing nothing but a smile. Put your resentments away and work to save your relationships. Don' wait until it is too late.

I have a theory about why many good,exciting,sexy marriages (and relationships) go bad. I

What about the daily grind of everyday pressure to make ends meet, keep a job or suck it up to a superior, worry about kids, their education and the stupid things they do, worry about medical mishaps that (for our American Cousins) can end up in an actual bankruptcy, diffused and general angst about the condition of the physical world and so on ... sometimes you'd wonder how people can ever relax anymore, there are always so many things to worry about ...

I have a theory about why many good,exciting,sexy marriages (and relationships) go bad. In the course of everyday living men forget to be romantic and women forget to be sexy.

@Susismith - Bang on the money.

Someone "forgets", and the other one resents it. Both of them have "excuses", but none of those excuses preclude simple acts of love and affection that can keep the fire in the relationahip.

When they go to the blame game, it's on the road to over.

Someone "forgets", and the other one resents it.

When they go to the blame game, it's on the road to over.

If forgetting something causes resentment, enough resentment to start a cycle of blaming and recriminations, then to me it would appear that the relationship was never very compatible and viable to begin with. That is almost like saying that showing any kind of human flaw is a valid reason for incompatibility.

If forgetting something causes resentment, enough resentment to start a cycle of blaming and recriminations, then to me it would appear that the relationship was never very compatible and viable to begin with.

The kind of forgetting that I meant is the kind that comes with today's pace of life - not forgetting a birthday. I mean forgetting the passion that got the relationship going to begin with.

It's easy for any one of us to become complacent and "forget" what things ignited our partners in the first place. Then the partner resents that, and so on.

I believe it happens to every single one of us to some extent. I know that it did in my former marriage. Two earner households means two burned out people sometimes, and it's all too easy to just assume that your partner knows you care. Easy NOT to do the little things that actually SHOW it.