Wife is not interested in any form of sex

Is anyone out there married to a woman (over 50) who's wife is not interested in any form of sex or affection??

If so, how do you deal with this situation from sexual POV?

Well the easiest answer is masturbation! I certainly can't recommend infidelity. If the rest of the relationship is fulfilling to both of you have you considered seeking outside marriage help? At your age if all else fails there's always divorce!

Yes, Capri, you are right masturbating is an option.

And so many fatasies will fit into this one.

Can be due to any number of problems. In menopausal women, hormonal changes are known to play a part in loss of interest in sex. Lack of lubrication can make sex uncomfortable or painful. Also, women post menopause, begin to consider themselves to be unattractive and undesirable (body image issues).

If you can convince her to seek medical help, there are options available. Some feel Viagra or Testerone (male hormone) may help to stimulate increased sexual drive in post menopausal women. There is a book, I think the name is "Sex After 50", may provide some insight.

Beltoro, I am not a expert so this isn't advice ..it's only what I did.Wife and I are 61 & 62 and been married for 42 years.Sex certainly is not what it was 40 years ago but we can still have our times.When she got to where sex was lets say not on her mind ,I got a subscription to Penthouse Letters and started reading them.Before I knew it ,she was also reading them and then we started going to bed and reading together.It does make a difference or at least it helped our situation.As far as the lubrication problem,there are several things on the market to fix that problem. One other thing I always do..I never pass my wife that I don't brush my hand across her behind on over her shoulder to just let her know I still think she is sexy to me.Like I said, I am not an expert but I hope this will help .

Marriage is by definition a sexual relationship. If you don't have a sexual relationship with your partner, you may have a friendship or a comfortable living arrangement, but you don't have a marriage. People who are married to each other have an obligation to take care of each other sexually. Neglecting one's partner sexually is a form of infidelity. A married person who continually refuses his/her partner sexually has no right to complain if the neglected one finds sexual fulfillment outside of the marriage.

Thanks to all for all the help.

I have this problem too. We both are 57 and to further add to the problem of her losing interest in sex after menopause, my wife has had a angioplasty 3 months ago.

Now she thinks and behaves as sex should be avoided altogether.

Any thoughts?....

I can't imagine to abandon sex even If I am 50 years or older. Maybe you both can find another form of sexual fulfillment. If my partner wants to have sex and I am too tired or something I'll give him a handjob or I'll just snuggle up to him while he masturbates.

Don't feal bad, my wife is only 39 and she is not much interested unless shes drunk. So, I get her drunk quite often. Better than nothing I guess!

Wheel,

You have the same problem I do. I have tried magazines, like Penthouse or Penthouse Letters, you name it. Nothing works. Sex is a 3 letter dirty word and you better not even mention the idea.

I feel sorry for both of us. Cheating would only cause a diviorce and I can't afford that. Other men don't understand this situation because they look at it as black and white. In our case it is GREY.

If cum up with something let me know.

Panties,

That use to work for me, too, but it doesn't work any more. Now she gets mad if she is drunk and blames me for getting up set for not getting any. So be careful.

Saraha,

I wish you were my wife. Your husband better be damn nice to you or I'll kick his ass.

Thank you for being an understanding mate.

Lucam,

We are the same age but I've tried that already and it didn't work for me. She use to love reading those letters from Penthouse but will not even look at the magazine any more.

I may be a little bit younger but whenever I've had this problem it's time to start encouraging cardio exercise. We go jogging together, do some bike riding and that seems to get all the hormones pumping again.

Life is short and It's never too late to find another relationship. Whether you drop the old one is a matter of negotiation. You might find that an open relationship would work for both of you.

My wife told me her mother said: "Sex is dirty - but it's something a wife has to put up with occasionally." My brother-in-law told me he got the same story from my wife's sister. I eventually divorced my wife and a couple of years later her second husband divorced her also.

If you are in any form of relationship which is long term there will always be elements which one or other of the parties do not find mutually fulfilling.

In these enlightened times my initial response would be to suggest counselling.

If she is unwilling you must then decide how important this is as a part of your relationship before embarking on a course which might endanger it.

In all matters of the heart, and sexual organs, remember the most important element is often Discretion!

To paraphrase what the Irish say, " What the eye never sees, the heart never yearns after (and therefore doesn't object to!)

Women over 50 do not like to have sex for many reasons, sometimes hormones, sometimes they are not comfortable with their body, sometimes overweight, sometimes poor health. You need to have an honest talk and see if she wants to enjoy sex but simply no energy.

I did try Testosterone with my wife who does play and it helped her. However before meds. Be honest talk first. Women like to know they are cared for. hugs joe and margit

Here in the UK doctors are reconmending the marina coil to help with a couple of things , like hysterectomy's .it stops the problems there some times ...

and also it brings back sex life cos it adds 20micrograms of hormones in to the womb witch helps make the clit and vaginal area more sensitive .

i just had 1 fitted although i am only in my 20s my sex drive had vanished..

10 days ago i had it fitted and my sex drive is back and i had the best sex in 3 years last night .

i actually enjoyed it ..

it makes women much wetter and makes us feel more sexy than normal .

but this is how it affects me . maybe its worth a try

hope you get this itch sorted soon

I take great comfort in reading that many women in their 40's go off sex. My partner of 18 years is 45, she shows no affection and always treats sex as a chore, so much so that I get no pleasure from it anymore.

My wife isn't interested ... She lays there like a dead fish

Standard formula for sex is: emotional attraction + Physical attraction = sex. If no sex, you have to evaluate both factors. In a long term marriage, its possible both aspects could need healing for sex to work again. If physical exam doesn't reveal any problems, there is likily a problems with the relationship. Lots of people have sex with their partner even though they themselves are not horny because they want to please their partner. If your wife doesnt want to have sex at all, you might have a serious problem going on with your relationship.

Can't get the wife into it, tried getting some tos but they are just stored under the bed collecting dust.... Wish she would be open to new things

Here are the answers:

1. Marriage is NOT by definition a sexual relationship, it is a union of two people which are together in good and in bad, and it's purpose is FAMILY, sexual pleasure is a bonus.

2. Divorce is not a solution, it is a problem.

3. toss the TV out of your house, permanently!

4. ask God in your prayers for a love from your partner, because everything what starts from love has a happy ending. Do that every night before sleep and make sure that your partner hears that (whisper, don't be intrusive)

5. watch disney's cartoon Up! with your partner (you didn't toss your pc out together with TV, right? 😉 ), first ten minutes are incredible

6. find activities that you can perform together, like hiking or camping. Nature often makes people horny 😉

7. watch erotic movies (not porn!) and make sure your partner knows about that, and never ever go into an argument about that, just whatever she or he yells at you keep your answer simple: "what can I do when you don't like me anymore?" or something else pathetic

8. smile when looking at your partner

9. dance with your partner

10. buy a good looking suit, perfume and take your partner every week to a nice restaurant. Do NOT talk about waiter, tips, prices, global recession or elections. Talk about the old days, memories, your dreams, comment on other couples, comment on other guests at the restaurant, plan a vacation together, be nice and positive.

And now and then just tell your partner how much those little things mean to you, like when she's wearing sexy lingerie, when she's putting a perfume when going to bed, when she lies on top of you...

That's the style you are missing in your life, and as a result you might get much more than you asked for.

God bless,

b.

And beltoro, what's with the yin yang? 😃 that philosophy might led you to some problems that you have now, because it "balances" good and bad, which is wrong.

Good and good only is good 😉

My wife had zero interest in sex at fifty, she also became so fearful and anxious,that I was seeking someone else .

The constant accusations of me having a girl friend lead to her to driving us apart emotionally .

I asked her to seek help, big mistake.

I should have lead her to help.

Hormones - and lack of , are a serious concern .

Seek help together , care for each other and sex will come, maybe not as much as you wish but the comfort two caring people provide each other is worth more than you realize , family and friends depend on stability.

I masterbate more in my fifties, because it relieves sexual tension without discord.

I think one person or the other is always going to be over or under sexed, marriage of fifteen to thirty years , is more than sex.

Marriage becomes your identity , be friends with self your spouse and thru your marriage you'll find the answers to needs together.

You may be happier.

If you have tried getting help, which includes your spouse refusing to get it, decide just how much crap you are going to accept. Eventually enough will be enough and it will be time to CUT THE CORD. Why suffer?

Start a new life. It won't be easy, but you'll be happier. In the beginning it may be hard. You have to give up what you have to persue what you want. It's the devil you know (but don't like) and the devil you want (the sex and pleasure) plus the possibility of her baggage, which another potential problem. Relatyionships are rarely perfect, but you get to decide what you can live with.

Your identity is YOU, NOT YOUR MARRIAGE. If you're past 50, your kids are most likely gone. Get a divorce. Find someone who you can be soul mates with and who likes what you like.

Amen to that sister!

Mashie

We're 75 and 69. I'm horney, she's tone deaf. My plumbing still works good, hers has dried up and blown away. After 50+ years together, she says she is through with "all that stuff" and I should be too. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I have been, and am faithful, but after going without any form of affection for some time (years) I've considered accepting invitations to enjoy "benefits" elsewhere. This is definitely not what I want to do, but see no alternative except to go solo and enjoy my fantasies. She is in good health, except for all the missing parts.

Karl39, While I am sorry, very sorry about your situation, (and my stand on this issue is clear, lol, I say go for it) I have found your post today to be quite encouraging to me. One of my biggest fears is that in our old age Doc might not be horny anymore, or want to. But reading posts like yours settles my fears a bit. It thrills me to death to think that in our 70's Doc will still be chasing me around, lol.

Mashie

It thrills me to death to think that in our 70's Doc will still be chasing me around, lol.

Mashie

Yeah with his walker, wearing a gown that doesn't quite close in the back...

Lol. I will be sure that the nursing home puts wheels on his walker and tennis balls on mine, as to give him an added advantage. I will let him actually catch me several times a day. That would be fantastic fun, lol.