Why do we seek pain for pleasure

In the moment - especially if I am on the edge and having trouble falling over - the abrupt addition of a pain will often be all I need.

I've often thought about how I would really handle a real spanking. I love watching a man over a woman's lap with his underwear pulled down getting spanked hard with a belt or wooden spoon. I think I would regret it at first but find myself aroused with pre-cum dripping from me.

I also find the idea of spanking a mouthy bratty woman to tears just as arousing. There is such a true fine line between pain and pleasure.

I have never been given a real spanking, as a child or an adult. I have never felt all the emotions that come from this, the fear of the event, the pain during it, and the embarasment that goes along with it as well. I know this thread is about pain in general, but spanking is a common topic here in zity land, so I thought i would focus on it. Maybe the thrill of feeling pain is the sheer intensity of all the emotions that I mentioned being felt all at once. Perhaps it is not just the pain itself. I'm not sure because, I have no real personal experience, with or without a diaper on, but I thought I would chime in.

Regarding the first post by Master Dorson: I did end up clicking that link and listening to that podcast (the whole thing) it was interesting. Thanks.

I seek a certain type of pain for pleasure, i.e. being spanked by women. I have always enjoyed being spanked by women since 1968 and I will still enjoy it if I am still alive in 2068.

I never thought I was into pain but my lover who did my enemas talked me into submitting for needles into my anus. And I have to say it but I liked it even though it was painful and embarrassing. He did it with his closest friend helping him. They both did a deep enema one first. After four founds I would lay over his friend‘s lap and his friend would hold me tightly and open up my anus very wide. My lover would tell me to be a good girl and handle anus needle pain. He would carefully insert three needles. Two minutes later he would take them out. painful and humiliating but I got a kick out of it and he did too. His friend had to hold me as i would move and could mess things up by accident. After that he fucked my pussy and ass. Ass for longer actually. We both loved the experience.

@ClassyGirl23 wow I've seen this on video. Glad you enjoyed it

My lover did not post that video so if you saw something like this it was not me. )) I did love it BUT it WAS real painful. I had tears in my eyes and if his friend weren’t holding me so tight and my anus so open I might ask to stop. The pain was a lot to take… and I was very nervous. My lover knew what he was doing so I guess it was okay in the end. not an easy thing to endure. The second time we did with me sitting on his friend with my back to his friend and his friend holding me from behind. Then he put me on my tummy and sat on my waist facing my ass. He then spread my dark anus very wide and firm for my second and third needle placement. All I can say - very painful and super embarrassing. I did let out loud cries as he was placing the needles deep into my anus folds. He also talked dirty to me like - relax your anus, dear, don’t be tense, let me see, it will sting but be a good obedient girl, good girls open their anus wide for master, etc. But it did turn me on.

In all honestly, I really don't know! I suppose it is just the way I am! LOL

Its a great question, especially for some of us who, in our childhood experienced pain that we wanted to stop. I was thinking about this the other day. Spankings, physical abuse and humiliation were something i tried to get away from when i was young. Why am i now drawn to feeling pain as a sexual attraction, seeing spankings and needing to feel some pain in the act of love making. My depth of trauma experienced, or a combination of trauma experience and acceptance of who I all was have been?

or perhaps the difference is that when i was a child it was forced on me and i couldn't control the amount of pain; now i make the choices and can say stop when i choose.

I have a friend who models nude for me and lets me give her a series of soapy enemas. Our sessions always end with an otk spanking and oftentimes a series of needles stuck in her butt.

Sub space is a very special time and place.

I have a friend who enjoys a spanking after a thorough finger fuck in her vagina and a perfectly deep anal fucking with a large dildo.

I spank her with my hand, a belt and a strong switch. Along the way she enters sub space and asks for me to spank her harder.

I comply with her begging and thrash her bottom and the back of her legs. Then to get my cookies, I mix another large soapy enema with a long, fat colon tube with her butt high in the air.

I slowly insert the tube completely and let the enema flow slowly while I rub her clit and she fucks her self with her fingers. She cums, sometimes squirting and takes the entire bag.

Both pain and sex can release endorphins and oxytocin, and these feel-good hormones help you deal with or relieve pain, as well as create feelings of relaxation and intimacy, as well as helping to stave off anxiety and depression. So, (IMHO) pain can induce a sense of pleasure - as does sex. For many, they go hand-in-hand.

Nurse Phillips: "sometimes I want to experience pain for its own sake. Usually that’s when I’m feeling numb and pain is the only tool that cuts through the numbness."

OMG yes! A lightbulb just went on in my head when I read this! It makes perfect sense. I have never really connected the two, but over the last few years, as I've experienced more numbness, both emotionally and physically/sexually, I have become more and more interested in things like e-stim, being spanked, nipple torture, etc. without fully understanding why. To be honest I hadn't really given it a lot of thought. But reading this, it just clicked. Physically I need to feel something, and emotionally, though it's just easier not to feel too much, I think deep down I need to. Pairing that with the whole pain/pleasure, yin/yang, I can see that pain is a way to feel something, and not just something, but it's actually a conduit to feeling good. Hmmm...

I think that is often a path that many had trodden to lead them into BDSM @Phoenix18 . The chance to actually feel something, even if it is pain, which can often turn out to be a stimulant.

@Rigel

Definition of masochist

1: a person who derives sexual gratification from being subjected to physical pain or humiliation : an individual given to masochism

2: But Ksenia is a masochist who cannot experience sexual pleasure without first experiencing extreme pain.— Christopher Rice

"Sexual gratification"? There is a lot more masochism outside of the sexual realm. Sexual gratification is a very small part of gratification that people seek when they seek out pain.

@Rigel "Sexual gratification"? There is a lot more masochism outside of the sexual realm. Sexual gratification is a very small part of gratification that people seek when they seek out pain.

@SuppoEnemaGirl You’re right. I tend to associate BDSM and masochism - as a kink - with sexual gratification of some sort. But I recognize there are other reasons people enjoy or feel a need to endure - or inflict - pain.

There is a lot more masochism outside of the sexual realm.

This is true.

One daughter is a tweenager and around this time last year, I discovered she had been cutting. And of course, I slipped into lecturey Mama Bear mode. But then I started talking with her… and listening to her.

I asked her why she was cutting, primarily concerned that she was attempting self-harm. She denied that, stated “I have no desire to harm myself.” Not realizing how she does not perceive the disconnect, I asked her “why?”

She said something that blew my mind a little. She said “because I can feel it. It makes me feel… something.”

THAT. Exactly that, right there. I can 100% understand that.

Because I have said/felt exactly the same thing before.

My kid has no idea I like it rough sometimes. Or that I need pain, sometimes. Want it.

And I had never connected the idea that it could run in families.

My younger brother expressed those very words to me on his 21st birthday, right before he slammed his fist into a marble countertop and broke the fingers on his left hand right in front of me.

I’m not saying I want it to be excruciating. I don’t need to recreate Fight Club in my kitchen.

For me… it can be, but it is not always, about sex at all. Sometimes, it’s about feeling something… anything. Sometimes, it’s about proving something to myself. Like “I can do this,” “I can handle this,” “this is nothing.”

And sometimes it is to ground me. When my anxiety or my OCD is “on,” and high and my brain is on fire with amped-up thoughts, a little bit of pain… or discomfort… grounds me.

And THEN, there are the moments when I am so close… so close… so close… and cannot climax because of all the things spinning in the world/between the ears, etc. And a touch of pain - grounding - pulls me back to the sensations between my legs.

And sometimes… that just… (sigh)… works.

It works.

That said. My “ouch” may be quite vanilla compared to someone else’s “ouch,” sure. I may enjoy watching Master Costello videos and get off on them… but I probably could not handle that brand/level of pain. Then again: dunno.

@Ladybug761

Never fully made that connection until I read your post here. The ladies I spank say, “Thank you. That felt good.”

And I’ve had the thought after a good butt thrashing by one of my ladies. You said you sometimes need it rough. I can dig it.

Stressed out, super busy people and people who must be responsible for everything are the most likely to be attracted to this. Sound like you? These folks want to surrender control for a brief period in a safe and respectful environment where the focus is on them, and it’s directed towards improving their well being when they leave that space. It is like a bossy massage, Seriously though what they really seek is a physical intervention to alleviate mental and emotional stress. I imagine in the correct mind space, just spending the time, quietly, under the direction of another is probably as big a de-stressor as the endorphins can be.

The submission it requires. The after care. The anticipation of when it will happen, how long it will last, how far it will go. That said, I'm a sissy and can't handle too much. ...but oh the pleasure!!

@cdrpat , Based on my stress levels, etc... I believe all that you said is accurate.

Stressed out, super busy people and people who must be responsible for everything are the most likely to be attracted to this. Sound like you? These folks want to surrender control for a brief period in a safe and respectful environment where the focus is on them, and it’s directed towards improving their well being when they leave that space.

@cdrpat so that explains those feelings I sometimes get. 😉

I do live with chronic pain and I do seek the adrenaline/endorphins path in many ways.

Tattoo is one of those

Stressful work situation is another

And many masochistics games are also a way.

In chronic pain, the pain is there but not the hormones rush your body send with it. Painkiller are hard on the body and pain management is a constant struggle. And I know I have it mild in the category of chronic pain.

So when I do seek these situations, I know that the endorphin rush will also soothe the chronic pain. And makes me feel powerful over pain. For a lot of people I know that deal with chronic pain, this part is crucial.

In masochistic games, it also has a deeper psychological layer, and with the right partner, it also means I can dig deeper into my relationship to pain, and even to powerplay, knowing I am in a safe context to be taken care of afterward.

During the COVID lockdown, I was feeling so stressed one day that I just wanted to be in bed and asked my husband if he would stay with me and give me enemas until I was cleaned out. I was feeling so bloated and having a tough time with regularity. Felt like I had a full bowel. I could have taken a stiff laxative, but my mind seemed to be fixated on cleaning me out with enemas.

He had given me enemas on occasion in the past, and I rarely had painful cramps. But this time I was lying in bed with severe cramping when suddenly I was struck with the thought of whether I was actually doing this seeking pleasure through my pain. Why would I be thinking of this? It never occurred to me before, and I still wonder about it.

Read Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs. Surrender is a psychological state of forfeiting power which "hurts" already. Then add a whip or whatever and you are in heaven, more or less. It's not totally unlike being a dom/domme. but the pleasure flows from the altered state of losing power, feeling pain, and accepting it v taking power, administering pain and enjoying it. Pinch your skin and then your nipple. The nipple sends out pain and pleasure signals at the same time. Strange but true. I love that as do many.

Maybe because its such a taboo and requires so much trust its exciting...

Maybe in no small measure because it's so effective, maybe thru dopamine release which gives that warm all over, everything is right in the world feeling. I have a playmate who has gotten great orgasms from being spanked, though it has to be hard. I'll give my favorite relevant quote from Nikki Flynn, a professional spanking model who can take harder spanking than I could ever give. She says I hate being spanked but I love having been spanked.

Same with having a hard painful workout. Dopamine release. Feels so good when it’s over! Sexually works me up!

Same with having a hard painful workout. Dopamine release. Feels so good when it’s over!

That's like the old joke about a guy who sees someone banging his head against a wall. 'Why are you doing this? the guy asks' 'Because it feels so good when I stop' is the answer.

Pretty corny, but essentially the same with a painful workout.