When your fantasy doesn't work for you

I've had the good fortune of being able to try out some of my fantasies on a willing partner. Many times they work better in my head than when it comes to actually acting them out. This is disappointing for me and certainly for her. Has anyone else had this happen? Is there a better way to approach this?

Like you I've been lucky to live out a few of my fantasies. Some were not as exciting in real life, while others were more so. The waiting (days, weeks) for something planned to take place was actually stressful.

Usually, for me, it had more to do with the other person. When I fantasize something, I can control what the other person says and does. When it's real time, of course I can't do that. I've had some really good experiences, so I can't really complain though.

Same here too.

Fantasying butt injections always better then giving injections

Often better in the mind.

Finding someone both with a similar passion for your fetish and someone you trust & vice versa. That’s rare.

It’s a crapshoot.

Put another way, I once tossed the wrong person’s salad!

Definitely better in the mind than trying it in real life. I think these fantasies I have are desperate attempts at trying to make something work that never did.

I have had GREAT luck with my being spanked fantasy! My wife took to spanking me like a duck to water!

This was soon after we met about 1973 or 74. Still spanking me for fore play, I used to get hard & she still gets wet from spanking me. And she also gives me punishment spankings that I also crave!

The sad part is she will not let me near her breasts till just before she orgasms!

I've never gotten to try. My particular medfet is patients needing to wear masks (it started out as mainly black beauty anesthesia masks when I was a kid, but now is primarily N95's, surgical masks, and half mask cartridge respirators). So, now, with COVID-19, I am wearing a mask a lot. I have never fantasized about this, and i still don't. It's kind of uncomfortable. It gives me a new perspective on an old friend who had to wear a mask in public for her lung transplant.

Point is, in my case, I know for a fact my fantasy world is magnitudes better than any real-life playout of it.

Sometimes fantasies are better left as that.

We tried meeting another couple, several years ago. First there were the many coffees, lunches, drinks, dinners we went to after a few online meets and email exchanges to see if we were compatible.

Once we deemed similar interests, we would meet in person. Oh the stories. Too many times they were 100% inexperienced. One partner wasn't really into it, they were not just new to the scene they were 100% vanilla. Inexperience brings potential injury and disappointment.

What I have found if it is not your trusted partner, you have to approach fantasies with an experienced person with very similar expectations. Belonging to the kink community in my area allows me to tap into a plethora of kinky people with myriad of kink skills, e.g., needle play, rope, etc. I also have male subs that I play with on a regular basis. We ALWAYS discuss a little bit of what we both expect.

I am fortunate my husband will try and fulfill most of my fantasies by himself or bring in another play partner but there is dialog before hand.

My fantasy, the one that cannot be fulfilled is my snowbird neighbor. There are things I would love for him (with his wife directing/helping/encouraging) to do to my body that I know will NEVER happen. This is due to several reasons, but one, I do not know if he is The Dom in real life, as THE DOM he is in my own mind. Even if it were possible, a sexual liaison with him, I do NOT think he would fulfill my fantasy. Which in part, is to be an extremely demanding sexual partner, using my body mainly for his pleasure.

The take away, your expectations would have to be reworked to be realistic. In bdsm safe, sane, consensual and you negotiate. I believe this is where beginners fail. Experienced kinky people will negotiate terms and talk through likes and dislikes, know their boundaries etc. LT

Find someone who will do anything you want them to

Find someone who will do anything you want them to

I really wish someone would explain in concrete, down-to-earth, practical terms, exactly how to do so. This advice is the same as saying to people in financial trouble to go and get more money.

I think most fantasies work better in one's head. I am blessed with a great imagination and live exploring it's kinky side

I think most fantasies work better in one's head.

The mind is the number 1 erogenous zone in humans. I'm glad you have a kinky side of it Secret-sub.

There’s a few that haven’t worked out. Try more than once, sometimes the first time you’re so wrapped up in trying to do it you don’t enjoy it as much

I can pass along the situation that ended any and all role-play for Mistress and me.

We were at a hotel and she decided we would do an interrogation scene where she would restrain and beat the information out of me. Everything was going great, handcuffs, ropes, bare ass, canes, crops, floggers and other devices. She starts caning me, which of course, gets a verbal response from me. Then I hear a voice from the next room through the adjoining room door.

My brain then falls out of subspace and in to overdrive. I starting thinking... If I can hear them talking....then they can hear me every time she strikes me with the cane. Then I start giggling. She hits me harder and I laugh harder. No matter how hard she caned me I could not stop laughing.

I completely ruined the scene and she refused to ever do role-play again. ::yes, it is one of those memories that still makes me laugh::

I was about 26, back to college and things were going very well. Just off campus there was a small arts and crafts shop and one of the things the owner did was beautiful stained glass. The owner was about 40, a bit balding and had a rather eccentric personality in other words we hit it off. It did not take long until he was teaching me the art of doing stain glass, cooking with cast iron and we were lovers, smoking pot and having a fantastic summer.

One of the things he wanted was a prostate massage, now there was no internet so I found a book. OK!!!!!! I stripped him off, greased him up and went in. 😳😳. Well I found the big boy but I guess I did hit it a bit hard as he jumped up, went forward and off the bed into the nightstand. I softened my approach and after that we did OK. 👍👍

Another fantasy I tried was sex on the beach, no not as romantic as it seems. Sand in the twootie is not fun at all.

@Tillie I spit my wine reading that 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Tillie I spit my wine reading that 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Did any of that wine come out through your nose? 😄