When did you know that you were either Dom or sub?

I am curious as to when approximately in your lives you knew that you were inclined to be Dom or sub or a switch for that matter? I've always been interested in it. Leaning more to sub but also liking to Domme at times. I've got a couple of people offering to teach me. But I'm finding it hard to take that plunge. I often fantasize about dark things that make me cum like crazy when masturbating but if faced with those situations in real life might find it sooo intense that it shuts me down.

Plus I love to experience other kinds of sex as well. I like variety and changing things up. Does that mean that I'm not serious about trying this realm because at this point I cannot live it full time (have a family and a vanilla hubs with no sex drive)?

How many of you live this part time only?

Thanks for your input.

This is interesting to me in that I have been told that to be a really good Dom you have to submit to someone to know what it feels like. I don't claim to be much of a Dom and have been likened to a Third degree playdom whatever that is. I am the oldest of ten so I pretty much ran the kids when the parents weren't around starting at 5 or 6 and started running a crew in my early twenties and still run a business to this day. I would rather have my leg sawed off with a dull saw than submit to anything. I do occasionally meet for a session and while we have fun there is never any doubt who is in charge. That doesn't mean you have to be an asshole about it but submitting is just not in my DNA. Interesting topic though

Some people are vanilla.

Some people are Dom.

Some people are sub.

Some people fall somewhere in between.

Some people are a little of all of the above, depending on circumstances. I'm dominant frequently, submissive occasionally, and on the occasions I'm submissive it's with a VERY short list of people.

It's complicated...

Agree that it's fascinating to think about when I knew my D/s orientation. Sexually, or erotically, my fantasies most of my life have been about anal submission or enemas. Many of my thoughts were about a LTR where we were mostly equals except for sex. Probably this identity started young. On the other hand, I have always been the class academic lead, the lead at work, in charge, Dominant and a decision maker.

I didn't really take hold of, or understand, my identity as a submissive until experimenting with spanking in my 40's; although I've often thought about being 'taken.' In fact, I'd try to brush off my BF in bed, pushing his hand to the side after teasing, thinking "just take me, please." He didn't catch on.

My current (and forever) Dom started out as my Dom.; designed to be physically D/s - and it was for a very long time. Emotionally I still and always feel I'm his submissive, which makes me feel like a woman like nothing else can. However, we started operating as a switch/switch couple, exchanging enemas and other naughty ideas. In wanting to please him, I also found out that Topping him made me VERY wet! And sometimes I even enjoy my sassy Dominant comments to him, spanking him, restraining him. I must say that surprised me, but this happened well into my 50's.

My insight is that I have parts of me that are the same, have been the same, since I was young; other sides of my personality have been malleable. For me it is also partner dependent.

I knew when I was ten or eleven. I used to LOVE bringing kitchen chairs into the den and tying my friends to the kitchen chairs with my jump ropes. When I got a couple of years older, I would ride my bicycle to the hardware store and get a 100 foot roll of sash cord. They were at my mercy until I decided to let them go free. I ALMOST always remembered to clean up my jump ropes and put the chairs back in the kitchen. After seeing the ropes around the chairs a few times, my parents had a serious talk with me about tying people up and making sure everyone kept their clothes on. I complied until I got a few years older. 😁

In retrospect, it was interesting that my parents connected my tying people up to removing their clothing at such a young age.

I'm a lifelong switch, having discovered same sometime in my 20's after discovering all my individual kinks by age 20.

Eric

Lol Susie, your parents sound really cool. Were they really worried then you would have their clothes off? I bet you were a riot as a kiddo.

Lol Susie, your parents sound really cool. Were they really worried then you would have their clothes off? I bet you were a riot as a kiddo.

I bet she was too, lol.

Mashie

Lol Susie, your parents sound really cool. Were they really worried then you would have their clothes off? I bet you were a riot as a kiddo.

My parents were and are terrific, now in their late seventies. They were concerned about taking people's clothes off because they knew I used to flash my older brother and badly tease him when I was naked. The early 1980s was the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and they were fearful for me even as a 12-14 year old. I used to squat a little and spread my labia, asking my brother if he "had any lately" because I knew he hadn't and he was four years older than me. I was shameless about my body. My father wasn't so pleased when I told him about my playing "under the blanket" and jumping out naked in front of 30 friends when I was 14 years old at a party. They also knew I was a ferocious masturbator because I was very open about it.

In high school I pretty much ran the show when I was having sex with guys. I always made the boys oral me to orgasms before I would let them fuck me. I also used to butt-fuck guys with a dildo who I thought might not keep our dalliance private as a pre-requisite to their fucking me. They didn't want others to know what I had done to their poor backsides.

I can't say everyone thought I was a riot, but I thought I was a fun kid to be around! 😁

I'm still trying to figure it out. I took the lead with a sissy partner, that was ok but it didn't give me the satisfaction I was hoping for. Most of my partners have been fairly vanilla so not a lot of exploring sadly. Solo play I find myself doing a little back and forth in my mind. I think my best experience was with one partner who made me feel incredibly sexy that it brought almost an animalistic tendency out of me. Still was the best sexy of my life and I was in my early to mid 20's. I'm in my early 30's now and still chasing that level of intensity. In hopes of finding that excitement and person who helps to unlock it I've discovered new things.

I didn't see I could be Dom until I and my husband (my soon to become sub) has hit the lowest point in our marriage.

It was at this time he told me he wanted me to be in charge, sexually. I started searching the internet. He sent me to Zity.biz and that is where my doors started opening. I looked back and saw that I was more "bossy" than I thought when growing up.

My sub's requested role was easier to step into than I first thought. But it continues to be a learning experience. Evolving, ebbing one way, and changing to our needs at that time.

I knew early in life I was the submissive type always the follower never the leader I liked being told what to do and asking or telling others what ever they wanted to do was fine especially when I was dating always liked when the girl was making decisions about what we would do.

By age twelve I liked people telling me what to do as a regular part of my life and growing up. Really loved my doctor and his nurse telling me what to do in an exam; how much to take off, how to stand and walk or bend. I knew by age fifteen that I respected adults and enjoyed cooperating, obeying and submitting to them. I was not shy, I was simply submissive without putting a name on it back then. I liked someone taking over and directing every situation.

As a child, I had a fascination with being tied up, but on occasion I would tie someone else up too. It was all in fun though and I was just playing around. I haven't really been actively searching until recently. I would look on-line for all sorts of stuff about bondage, gags, diapers, stuff like that. That's when I stumbled upon Zity and read so many posts that I decided to become a member so I could talk to some of these awesome people on this site. I am thankful to all the open-mindedness on this site and for those that have accepted my sub role. I have loved all the role-playing and everything. I'm so glad that Zity exists.

I guess around 14 0r 15 i figured out the i like to have females in charge. Female teachers which most of mine were always gave me special feelings, i liked when they told me what to do. Same went at home, i guess i was very much a mamma's boy and mother certainly was in charge. She treated me very much like i was a little boy, no showers allowed, only baths, the rectal thermometer and enema bag were a common thing all thru my teens

I tend to dominate a situation, but I am not sure this is the same as being a Dom.

In my fantasies though, I am very much not in charge. I think I would prefer not to be.

I can remember thinking that females are somehow superior to males from a very young age, certainly younger than 10.

I realized I was submissive at the same time I realized I was bisexual and strongly anal erotic; at about 13!

Only a few years ago, in my mid-late thirties. But - it recently occurred to me that one of my earliest memories that I can connect with sexuality is reading a scene in a children's book (was I nine? ten?) where a girl gets taken prisoner and tied up. I remember thinking about that scene a lot... only now am I starting to realise why!

I realized I was a Dominant when I started fantasazing about tying and giving enemas, injections and enemas to some of my female friends, I was about 11 or 12.

I was probably pre-teen when I realized certain things appealed. I didnt tell anyone as I probably couldn't explain it properly anyways.

About 12 -14 when I threw a snowball at a girl about 16! She was on the front step of her house with a girlfriend of hers next to her. She ran up to me and slapped my face, in public with her friend watching! From then on I knew that who ever my future wife would be, that SHE would be spanking ME! Happily being spanked by my Sweetie since 1972!

( For Foreplay and or Punishment & as she sometimes tells me " Because I can and because I want to!")

I guess it really evolved over several years. An old girl friend asked me to spank her and that was the trigger. However that urge sat for several years before I started to find more and more I enjoyed the Dom side.

By my teens I discovered I loved enemas and rubber and by extension, (canvas and rubber) women's sneakers, in particular Keds (and later, Converse). By my 20's I had discovered I wanted to share these as well as other kinks with a girlfriend. So one day after I'd previously explained my preferences, I convinced my much younger college GF who was also a SCUBA diver like me to put on her rubber wetsuit jacket and let me insert an enema/douche nozzle into her. After foreplay including the nozzle, I gave her a small enema to see how she liked it, and discoveed I loved the way she reacted to both the rubber jacket and enema, both her movements and sounds. I also loved it when she did the same to me. In the process of doing this to each other several times, I learned that I also loved lovingly but firmly being in control of her sexually, telling her all about how much rubber she had to wear and how much enema to take and hold before I'd give her an orgasm. So I gradually learned I liked being both a Dom and a sub during my late 20's. Haven't stopped since. I still especially love having a Domme GF give me submissive enemas after dressing me in rubber and sneakers and restraining me.

Eric

I grew up with step-mother, three step sisters, one my age and two older. Started wearing my sister's panties at 13 when I had wet the bed and given them to wear while my clothes were washed. Putting them on for the first time gave me a rush I had never felt. I asked her if I could continue and she allowed it. I wore her panties until I was 15. That's when my older sister took me shopping for my own lingerie. I also started wearing pantyhose at 16. I was just 18 one night when my sisters and I were sitting around watching tv. I was wearing panties as usual and pantyhose under my jeans. One of my older sister's girlfriends came over and joined us. At one point I heard her ask my sister if I was really wearing pantyhose. She told her I was and explained that I was really more girl than boy and sooner or later would transition. The girlfriend I later learned, was an amateur domme. She had asked my sister if she thought I could use some special training and was told I'd welcome it.

One night my sister took me to her place and it started. She asked me if I thought I could benefit from some special training and discipline. I said I would. I was to stay there that night. I was put into diapers and tight plastic panties, collared and attached to her bed by a long leash. The next morning I was told the rules one of which was weekly maintenance spankings. She told me I'd be given an intro spanking that night to start my conversion process into a sub, She took me into what would be my bedroom and showed me a strap, two belts, a switch, a set of leather ankle cuffs and leather wrist cuffs as well as a full set of steel transport chains. I was told I'd be collared all the time and that soon I'd be introduced also to a cock cage which I'd wear part of the time. By that time I was so excited I was shaking and felt like begging her to put me in restraints. She could tell I was excited and told me that I needed to be patient, more was coming. My sister arrived to take me home. I was allowed to put my panties and pantyhose on. Then I was leashed and she gave my sister the leash. That started it. At home we were all punished with the strap or a belt and had been since we were young. My older sister was told she would be the one administering my spankings when I needed it. So...when did I know I was a sub...when I was 13 and put on panties for the first time.

I’ve always known that I don’t like telling what to do, or being the leader, in any circumstances. With that, the first time I tried it the sub felt the natural tile for me. Especially as the guy it was with was a natural Dom.

I went away with a few friends once where we were all keen to experiment somewhere safe. I did try doming one of them but I even struggled to smack his bum when they were telling me that’s what they wanted. They also felt it extremely difficult to pinch my breast hard, what I’d asked for, when it was there turn.

Nothing to do with fear of touching each other’s bodies, more that we didn’t want to cause the pain and loss of control that we both normally crave.

I was about 13 . I did something wrong, my Mom was very angry. She was waiting for me when I got home from school. She had a kitchen chair in the middel of the living room and was holding a belt. She told me to take off my pants and underwear and bend over the chair. She made it clear that I was not to resist and I was to cooperate. I always to that point feared spankings. But this time I obeyed her doing everything she told me without a word . I bent over she beat my ass . When she was finished she told me to dress and walked out of the room. I'm glad she walked out of the room, because when I stood up , I noticed I had a big hardon. I was crying and tears were running down my face. But that didn't stop me from running to my room and jerking off. For days afterwood I would think about the spanking and jerk off, never putting 2 and 2 together as to what had made me horney. I finally relized it was Moms domination.

100% when I gave my GF a paddle to use on ME! I got HARD and she got WET!! VERY soon we were married! 48 years ago!

Fascinating question.

i didn't put words to or identify my disposition or nature as "sub" until i was an adult, but i can trace it back to early age. Probably 8 is the earliest age i can look back and see it. There was one boy who i had a crush on who lived a couple of houses away from me. He introduced me to my anus by explaining to me and showing me what an enema nozzle was. He had a sparkle in His eyes as He described enemas to me, showing me an enema nozzle. He didn't actually do anything with me physically, but when i went home i ran into our bathroom, found our enema nozzle and inserted it into my rectum while thinking of Him.

I think He (Danny) sensed my crush on Him and He'd frequently do or say mean or controlling things, almost like He was testing me. One time He instigated another boy into stoning me... sort of, He whispered to the other boy, and they both picked up rocks and sticks and started throwing them at me. I ran, but i always came back and He would be friendly too, He'd go back and forth sort of playing me emotionally.

I had several boyhood crushes like that and others where the other boy was friendly, but controlling. I didn't put together how much i was attracted to boys who liked to take control until i was an adult looking back.

Before having a long term relationship with a Dom, I would have called myself a switch by current definitions, after being introduced to D/s relationship and learning to be a sub and all that entails I see myself as a sub 90%. I've flogged a woman at her request and found I could and do have some Dom tendencies, but find the responsibility exhausting. I crave submission for stress relief and letting go to enter a wonderful place to float and feel good things. Escapism at it's best. I do Domme for a very few select men here at Zity, and I really enjoy them, but and I stress this, those few are the only ones I can handle. As I said it's an enormous responsibility and outside a committed relationship ( just play) takes trust and understanding.