Double standard

Bisexuality now has nowhere near the social stigma it used to have. It's pretty much just thought of as how we are nowadays.

My 30 year old niece said that everybody at university was bi, or curious. I go to a swing club, and bi is the norm. It's a very healthy way for society to be.

There's still on really weird double standard among the general public Bi-girls HOT! Bi-men GROSS!

I think men fucking men, and women fucking women are equally cool, if it feels good, do it.

I was talking to a man and conversation turned to anal sex.(with me it always does) I asked if he had done it. Yup, he loved it, and did it as often as possible. I asked if he's ever had anal with a guy. He looked at me like I was totally crazy, and said- That's disgusting, sticking your dick into some guys shit!

I just shake my head.

You are right about society's double standard

Society sees sex as more of a feminine act, the softer side of life. In contrast to violence, roughness, etc which tend to be looked upon as masculine acts, the rougher side of life.

So with that, 2 women performing sex acts together tends to be looked upon more favorably by society. Whereas 2 guys being sexual together doesn't seem as natural to society. A stigma associated with it is that it's thought to be a risk to spread diseases, AIDS, stuff like that. The sight of 2 women together does not trigger those same concerns.

I have a lot of issues with society's regards on a lot of things. What is great about this site is that it's an escape from society, where we seem more comfortable being free, open, and honest with our feelings and desires. The central theme of everything on here is about how we enjoy and treat our bodies, and we get to express that for the most part without typical societal labeling & judgment.

That said, society has made strides and come a long way in regards to things like bisexuality and homosexuality. A lot of it has to do with change and resistance to change in regards to many facets of life.

That's a big issue for me.

So many bi women will even say that two guys is gross.

Heck, let us all enjoy sex with whoever!

The fact that bi women are applauded and bi men need to keep it on the down low pisses me off.

I'm going to be generalizing a lot here, though I am aware there are many exceptions, I'm just illustrating my point.

Straight men love sex involving pretty women and THEIR PENIS ONLY. They don't want any other penis involved in the situation, that's what makes them straight! Thinking about lesbian sex, that works out well for them. Gay sex? That breaks the above rule.

So if a girl is bisexual she can be more easily pictured having sex with another girl, that makes her more attractive.

If a man can be pictured having sex with another man, that is where the 'gross' part comes in. Straight women don't usually enjoy gay porn as much as straight men do lesbian porn, so what makes a bi girl 'hot' makes a bi man 'not' in the eyes of many. Straight women tend to favor strictly hetero situations.

Personally I love gay porn, but I prefer lesbian. Actually, I enjoy the thought of 2 men together as much as I do 2 women, but because of the high demand for lesbian porn compared to the demand for gay porn, very often the production quality is lower for the gay porn. It can simply be there is a surplus of beautiful female porn starts that there is enough for all genres, while with men the most attractive are so often in hetero porn.

As usual, money makes the world go around. Great lesbian porn will bring in more views than equally good gay porn, because of a larger consumer base. Therefore they get the better actors and production apparatus.

Well said, @JR3

I understand the aesthetics so to speak but when someone is Bi but says two bi men is gross, that's pure hypocrisy.

Or that they wouldn't consider dating a bi man but they are a bi woman, it just doesn't make any sense.

If being bi is so accepted, how come at work one can't talk about it? I worked in retail and was out of the closet. I got scolded for talking about it in the break room. As far as where I work now, a nursing home, I would never dream of talking about my sexuality even in the break room. Yes, a few women set off my gaydar. To assume is one thing, to flirt is another and totally unprofessional.

If being bi is so accepted, how come at work one can't talk about it? I worked in retail and was out of the closet. I got scolded for talking about it in the break room.

Even if in developed countries, LGBTI individuals are coming to be more and more accepted - at least in theory as indicated in opinion polls - there do remain significant percentages of people who do not accept it in any way and who remain very strongly opposed and moreover very vocal in their opposition and refusal.

If being bi is so accepted, how come at work one can't talk about it? I worked in retail and was out of the closet. I got scolded for talking about it in the break room.

Talking about sexuality is crossing the line from professional and polite to too much information. You just don't need to air your laundry to everything's that has an ear. As well as get you written up fired or worse for "sexual harassment".

I don't tell people about my sexual preferences, or ask about theirs at work. It is none of my business. And visa versa.

In my opinion it is not so much about LBGT, but just sex. And of course not all people are out and that must be respected.

@agracier if it's a Christian who doesn't accept it, they are not to judge. If it's a homophobic person, forget them!

Even if in developed countries, LGBTI individuals are coming to be more and more accepted - at least in theory as indicated in opinion polls - there do remain significant percentages of people who do not accept it in any way and who remain very strongly opposed and moreover very vocal in their opposition and refusal.

The reverse is true. Those who do not accept it are much LESS vocal than those who are demanding that the world adapt to their VERY small minority.

@SwitchableSusie there's 100 percent truth to that statement.

The reverse is true. Those who do not accept it are much LESS vocal than those who are demanding that the world adapt to their VERY small minority.

Look up some tables and numbers on acceptance of homosexuality. In North America and Europe, percentages of people who think that homosexuality should be accepted by society, range from percentages in the 80% to 60% with only a country like Poland falling under 50% and the Russian Federation at 16%.

That means that a majority of the population in these countries does accept homosexuality. And that those who reject acceptance are in the minority, but a very vocal and loud minority.

@agracier the facts and tables are fine and dandy. You didn't experience the non acceptance that I did here in America. I actually have to agree with @SwitchableSusie on this one. That isn't a first but isn't too common. I have been judged too many times and actually by my Christian family. As far as in the work place, I was out to coworkers. People gave me heat.

It's unfortunate, but I think the United States is the most sexually uptight place on earth. I don't even visit anymore.

I have to agree with you buttwoman; the Puritans have never really relinquished control in the Un-United States and with the latest election, have made gains to the detriment of most of us here on Zity.

@agracier the facts and tables are fine and dandy. You didn't experience the non acceptance that I did here in America. I actually have to agree with @SwitchableSusie on this one. That isn't a first but isn't too common. I have been judged too many times and actually by my Christian family. As far as in the work place, I was out to coworkers. People gave me heat.

Well, this is what I was trying to get across. That while a majority of the population may agree that homosexuality should be accepted, a large minority, a loud and vocal and very self-righteous minority, do not accept it and do everything they can to marginalize it, condemn it, shame it and if possible, legislate against it.

There was a time when advocating social acceptance of homosexuality was a minority voice, as Suzie says, but those years are behind us now. And yes, those advocating equal rights were indeed demanding at first, but they were advocating a moral cause that was not to anyone's detriment, no matter how it was turned or presented. Accepting a person's sexual orientation, does not diminish anyone else's rights or prerogatives.

Every country will have both extremes, those who loudly defend the rights of Q+ people and the opposite. As @agracier pointed out, the numbers of each will change from place to place, but both are present in every country.

But it will also vary depending on what age group you work with and for, what area you work in, how rural/urban the area is, the predominant religion, and dozens more variables.

If you work in a nursing home where people are going to be a lot older than most other 'customers' then don't expect open arms if you walk in wrapped in a pride flag. If you work in hairdressing I'm starting to think the pride flag may be obligatory since so many are openly gay.

I'm a student, so my peers rarely worry about what gender I fuck, but they do want to hear the details 😉

Nobody is saying it's perfect, but you're not getting stoned to death in the streets for being bisexual, so we have improved. The best thing you can do is try and keep you partners penis or lack of penis very far away from your work situation.

Think of it like hiding your kink. There's nothing wrong with being kinky, and people should just accept that you like what you like, but they're not going to. So do what you've gotta do to function as a part of society and keep your job. Life's not fair.

This is a great discussion.

I am a Christian and am LGBTQ and believe that love is love.

I recall being a child and wanting to wear women's clothes. No one taught me that, I wanted it.

So to me, God made me this way. Period.

My wife is conservative in regards to what marriage between two people should look like; she is not accepting or understands how people can swing or be poly or have an open marriage.

But she does believe LGBTQ should marry the same sex if they so choose. The one thing that she doesn't get and says that she can't grasp, is bisexuality (hence why I'm closeted) because she can't understand how can someone be attracted to both genders.

My company has a strong LGBTQ employee resource group but very few people actually engage in it, which is sad. I'm on there as an ally, as I'm still closeted.

I am a member of the local BDSM community and openly bisexual. In many sub circles of this lifestyle bisexual males are shunned. In others we are welcomed. We host play parties and have a lot of sexual activity. There is a lot of girl/girl play and some guy/guy play.

I often have encounters with other males at the parties, often to the enjoyment of the ladies present. At one party a very well endowed CD offered to fuck my ass. We were in a play room and I bent over and handed her some lube. She went balls deep into my anus and pumped me until I could not take it any more. Five ladies in the room were speechless. I asked them if they were offended and each one was very turned on by the scene.

I can only conclude that it is the people you surround you with that make bisexuality enjoyable, both as a participant and a spectator.

That's awesome!

I think it's the people and also that people see two women together as more normal than two men.

Maybe because of the gender roles, who knows.

I think bisexuality is definitely alot less stigmatized than before,,,but there is still not parity....I think in general 2 women together is more acceptable than 2 guys together......not quite sure why.....maybe just still social repression about guys.......I must admit I love to watch to women but really wouldnt imagine watching 2 guys......not that there's anything wrong with it but I'm just not into it.......

I think it's odd women are almost encouraged to be bisexual but men it is still a stigma. I've been looking for bi support in the Los Angeles area and it's been next to impossible.

Women with women has always been more acceptable, even historically as many laws against homosexuality were sodomy laws and unmarried women living with other unmarried women were spinster roommates. They couldn't be public, but it raised less suspicion, especially for older women whom society deemed essentially sexless. LOL. If they only knew...

As a bisexual woman who is married to a man I find it difficult to be out even when I want to be, because I'm simply not believed. I've found both straight and gay people have trouble understanding how one can be attracted to more than one gender, because that's not their experience.

ETA: I enjoy gay porn for the same reasons I think men enjoy lesbian porn. One hot guy good, TWO hot guys better! Most straight women I know will admit to enjoying gay porn from time to time.

I think most the double standard has its roots in hetero males. Not all but some feel they have to validate to themselves and others their own heterosexuality by reacting negatively to any man on man sex- if they say it's gross then that lets people know they would never do it and are all heterosexual. Heterosexual women seem to be more neutral regarding same sex relationships because their views don't necessarily reflect on their own sexuality- so less negativity.

I find it difficult to meet guys available for relationships. Women are much more readily available. But the homophobes are much more vocal then the accepting people.

I've got to admit, I do enjoy watching lesbian porno on occasion. Male homosexuality videos ...... not so much.

From a young age, we were taught that male homosexuals were "queers". When I first learned of homosexuality, it never dawned on me that women could also be homosexuals ..... as did all the other young boys I hung with. When we did find out women could be gay, they were called "dykes", which had a derogatory sound to it. And that they were militant man-haters.

For several decades, I have stood up for gays rights, even though I feel a little bit uncomfortable about it. Why? Because, as I got older, I firmly believed these people were hardwired from birth this way ...... you don't just change into a homosexual. And there are organizations out there that have programs to "convert" gays to straight. Which never really works. It's totally unnatural to attempt this. Really, let them be.

I suppress this stigma I have ..... because it's the right thing to do. To borrow a quote from Woody, "The heart wants what the heart wants."

Period.

I feel they have the right to pursue happiness ..... just like any of you "straights" and myself. They're not hurting me or anybody else, so let them do whatever makes them happy.

But I still don't enjoy watching gay male porn. Sorry.

[...] For several decades, I have stood up for gays rights, even though I feel a little bit uncomfortable about it. Why? Because, as I got older, I firmly believed these people were hardwired from birth this way ...... you don't just change into a homosexual. [...]

A nice post, jonormal (post #27 ). Thanks. But the above small excerpt puzzles me. Not because I'm 100% sure that gays are 'hardwired from birth' (I'm not that sure), but because your wording sounds confused somehow. Surely people have rights, just like animals have rights, regardless of their birth status or predisposition? (They - people, animals - may lose some of those rights, if they turn criminal or rogue, say, but most matters of their birth seem to me beside the point. Note: I'm not talking about matters of inherited entitlement, such as to be born into a royal family may convey!)

If anything, to be born with a certain sexual predisposition is all the more reason to be granted the same rights as other people born with a different sexual predisposition. No?

- Ken

If anything, to be born with a certain sexual predisposition is all the more reason to be granted the same rights as other people born with a different sexual predisposition. No?

That's pretty much what I'm saying.

[...] For several decades, I have stood up for gays rights, even though I feel a little bit uncomfortable about it. Why? Because, as I got older, I firmly believed these people were hardwired from birth this way ...... you don't just change into a homosexual. [...]

I stand corrected, jonormal. In light of your response (post #29 ) when l quoted your words above, l see that l should have been more clear. Yes, we agree on the basic idea that gays should have the same rights as straights, all else being equal.

I guess my point is that even if someone is gay by choice, rather than from birth, they should be given the same rights as straights.

Scrub the last paragraph of my original post (post #28 )!

- Ken