Afraid to do an IN PERSON PLAY exam

Hi all,

Am I alone in my fear of taking the next step from online to an in person play exam? I think I have found a great play doctor, but I'm afraid to take that next step. Anybody with me in my fear or have any words of encouragement??

I am in the exact same circumstance. All I can say is you're definitely not alone!

You're not alone. Putting yourself in a vulnerable position with a stranger is a tough thing.

I've been lucky enough to have taken that step and it worked out great. Several others I've talked to on here have had similar experiences. You need to have trust in yourself and in the person you will be meeting. Make sure you have all the usual safe guards in place. ( i e. a safe call and a safe word} Trust your gut feeling. You will know when the time is right to take the next step. From personal experience, I can tell you it's fun.

Have a friend call you during the first 30 minutes of your appointment. Tell her if you don't answer to notify the authorities. That's what I did actually with Doc believe it or not. I didn't feel I needed to, but my friend actually talked me into it, and he was doing the right thing to keep me safe.

Make sure you know your play partner as well as you can. Ask the tough questions, then ask yourself the tough questions and answer yourself honestly. If any red flags pop up abort my friend, abort. You are more than welcome to contact me personally if you have any private questions you want to ask or whatever.

Mashie

Thank you everyone! I am completely secretive about this subject; so I don't have a person to call. I did find an app that will automatically call someone if I don't press the check in button in a designated period of time.

Tell your friend (safe call) everything you can about who, when where, etc. Set up a safe phrase with the friend - something the sounds normal but means HELP. "If you call me or I call you and I say 'everything is just OK' that means I'm in trouble." Anything else means exactly what you actually say. Pick your 'I'm in trouble' phrase to sound conversational.

I'm definitely a member of the same club. I've done a few online exams in the past (not recently) and really enjoyed some of them. I would absolutely love to meet someone in person and have an in-person play exam done on me. But I just can't push myself to do it. In my particular case, I think it boils down to two reasons:

1) My wife wouldn't understand one bit. She doesn't know anything at all about my kink and I'd have to find some way (and time) to do this without her knowledge. And no, I can't come clean and tell her anything about it. That wouldn't work at all.

2) The safety issues that have already been discussed here by others.

Maybe one day I'll get up the nerve.

I can certainly state that in my own case I have met patients in person and in the patient role met with play doctors. The experience of a face to face encounter far and away exceeds anything I have found with on-line role play.

Safety is the priority for me, but once trust has been established with another like minded individual, the scenarios are wonderful.

Google BDSM and your city and/or munches in your city.

You can also take out a free zity.biz personal ad

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I'm surprised no one's mentioned Backpage yet.

I'm surprised no one's mentioned Backpage yet.

You can thank out wonderful government for censoring and having all the adult listings removed.

Eventually it will come down to just taking the plunge; meeting a stranger can and should cause a little anxiety. However, there are plenty of situations in life where you will have to put your trust in someone you know very little about. I have met several play partners over the years and all have been positive experiences. Get to know the person as best you can and always exercise caution. Being nervous is normal and something that should be expected; being afraid is not. Just trust your instincts.

Personally I would like to find someone to play with in this cold norther country. It seems to me there different levels to this thing.

The first level seems to be finding someone that won't assault or seriously harm you. I think that levels is probably easier to figure out than the next levels, but you can never know how people react in certain situations.

The second level seems to find someone who're interested in fairly the same things and this level is a bit harder and help you perform these procedures that will do so without unintentionally physically harm.

The third level seem to find someone that really clicks without and that you truly appreciate as a person due to a similar mindset.

I could imagine trying to play with people of both the second and third level.

In a group that are playing on level two,

I would be more open to experimentation and let people of different orientations and genders examine such as male on male exams etc.

On third level I would be more choosy with play partners :-)

/regards

/xguy478

@xguy478 You make some good points in your post. The most important, in my opinion is safety.

If you can establish trust then a face to face role play scenario can be very rewarding.

I've found you need to go slow and really get to know the person before you take the last step. I've gone there and if the person is not comfortable I don't do it. You can also meet for dinner or a cocktail before getting any farther and safety first. All these are good ideas for staying safe

You are right - the step from online to real life is one of those giant steps NEVER done in haste. The few people I have met in real life have been only after a great deal of online and phone chatting. I've left contact info for a trusted friend (who did not know the entire story) so that they could put out an APB if I did not return when I said I was going to, Fortunately, my "reading people" meter was operational and I never had issues. I think a part of it starts with being honest about who you are and what you are looking for in a meeting. Verify details about the other person just to know if they are who they say they are also. An agreement for either party to pull back at any point is important.

As a real date, as in my now wife and I met online and it took a couple months before we even talked about meeting. Then we met in a very public place and progressed from there. It takes a lot of trust and can be scary.

When you have talked to them enough, I think then meeting is possible. But having a wingman/woman is essential I think. Don't rush into anything you're unsure about.?

Are you alone in your fear of meeting someone in rl?

Hell no. Just like meeting someone face to face you must read them.

My suggestion is you must email, text, pm, whatever for quite a while before you exchange phone numbers. Get a feel for the person.

Then when you do decide to meet them, do so in a very public place. You are 'interviewing' them only, not having or even really talking about sex yet. Bring a friend to meet your potental date, this a meet & greet. Your friend only has to know you are meeting a person to date. That is all.

You will also tell this kink person you are going to bring friend who does not know your kink and want to keep the conversation vanilla. Set some boundaries and criteria.

Pay attention. Don't get so caught up the excitement of meeting someone that you ignore red flags. As a female I would publically meet them more than once if you like them. If you don't like them, get out quickly. Start with coffee, if it is good progress to lunch. If it is not good, it is only a quick cup of coffee.

Of course people, especially women, should be cautious about meeting anyone, especially if its for sex play and extra especially if any form of restraints are involved. But I don’t think meeting (just to meet, not to play) has to take months of talking. EVERYONE you meet first (sex or just dating) should be in public and its the perfect opportunity to use that ‘women’s intuition’ thing. If they give you a bad vibe, DON’T just chalk it up to being nervous. If their story doesnt quite hold up or something feels OFF, don’t jump into any compromising situations. Use any kind of ‘vetting’ available to be fully assured that this person is safe.

I met one partner after a fairly short time of talking online. Since distance was involved, it wasn’t really practical to meet vanilla first and play at a later date. So I arranged to meet her at a restaurant near my house for lunch, so we could sit and talk and get a feel for each other. I assured her that if anything didnt feel right, that she didnt have to come back to my house.

So we meet in the lobby of the place, nervously hug hello and she starts to leave... but taking my hand. I said ‘Are you sure you dont want to sit and talk first?’ She said no, she knew ‘enough’! I knew she was safe with me as I’m not an abuser, so off we went! ... Although... I did beat her ass... but that’s what she wanted! 😄 😈 😁

And a good time was had by all...

For many years I have put off all sorts of encounters, as I find social situations very difficult- However as I have become older, I have realized that I very much regret all the things I haven't done.

My philosophy now is to seize every opportunity when I can.

GO FOR IT! Like you I thought about it for years .. I remember the first exam I gave I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I was sooo nervous. After that first exam I was totally hooked. Just be safe.. make sure you chat with them long enough that you're sure they are on the up and up. NOW GO HAVE SOME FUN and come back here and tell all us pervs the details.

You should do it, but take your time. You should talk with the ‘doc’ first and by talk I mean online and even on the phone if it makes you more comfortable. Talk about the exam, what to expect, what limits you have, or want to explore. Be sure you know what’s going to happen and agree to it up front. I had a doctor send me a pic of every thing he was going to ‘use’ on me, etc. When we did meet we met in the lobby of a hotel and talked for about 30 minutes to make sure there was simpatico and trust. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. But if you’ve talked, agreed on parameters, and once you’ve you can establish report and go from there. The ‘regular’ doc I see now is a good friend and we chat/email a lot and we’ve explored a lot of territory. It sounds like you’re ready, take your time....

If you are a female, regardless of play exams, the chances of your being raped are 1 in 5 according to https://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-facts-rape_b_2019338.html (from 2012 so it is somewhat dated)

To put this in perspective..

The odds of your getting in a fatal car crash are 1 in 77 according to https://www.cars.com/articles/are-the-odds-ever-in-your-favor-car-crashes-versus-other-fatalities-1420682154567 (based on 2003 data, so it is quite old - interesting heart disease was 1 in 4 back than and is now 1 in 6. Better diets, not smoking, more sex?

A fatal fall is not that uncommon: 1 in 83 (ibid)

That is slightly less likely than being poisoned, 1 in 53 (ibid)

You are still more likely to die from alcohol or drugs , 1 in 34 (ibid)

A good current list can be found here: https://www.businessinsider.com/mass-shooting-gun-statistics-2018-2

The thing is the chances of your surviving a meeting are astoundingly high as far as the meeting goes. Driving, eating, drinking, catching a buzz, crossing a street, riding an elevator etc, seem to be the kill joys.

The one thing not mentioned in this thread and that should be avoided is carrying a gun. A study has shown (https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17922-carrying-a-gun-increases-risk-of-getting-shot-and-killed/) that carrying a gun increases the risk of your being shot and killed. This is from 2009 so it is a bit dated.

As always the best weapon, and the best defence is between your ears. Use your brain.

You are certainly not alone having fear about making it real.

I think both persons are afraid, with different risks though. Try to mitigate them by providing redular feedback to a friend, for example.

I have a patient that called every 30' when we started seeing each other for mutual auscultations.

She does not call anymore everytime she comes in :-)

I've done an in person medfet role play once.

The main point that made me anxious was that I find it next to impossible to be in a proper state of mind for role-playing by set appointment. How in the world can I know if i will be ready and willing 1 or 2 days from now at x-o'clock? If you are not in the right set of mind, it will of course be a disappointment. And this includes a situation where you do indeed trust your partner.

I certainly can understand why you may fear to have an IN-PERSON PLAY exam. Perhaps a few thoughts from an experienced medfet play doctor to those of you considering a real life experience.

1). Take your time in getting to know your potential play physician. Are they responsive to you promptly? Are they willing to answer you in a way that feels honest? (Remember the questions you are asking should be addressing your fears/concerns).

2) Can you find others who have made appointments with your medfet doctor? If there is a track record you can look into? That can help.

3) In your discussions with your medfet physician, do they sound "professional," "knowledgeable," "experienced," and/or "comfortable"? Use your intuition here - you know what you are looking for and do NOT, even for a second, hit the YES button unless it feels like that is the right thing for your needs. It is OKAY to ask if it is their first time as a medfet doctor/patient. We are all newbies once!

4). Are YOU clear to your medfet physician on your expectations? Never hesitate to be explicit in what you are looking for, what your triggers are, what your limits/boundaries/absolute NO-GO situations. If need be, create a small document/contract for you both to agree on. Granted, this cannot be a legally enforced document, but it may help ward off "undesirable" behaviours. (Check the web for advice on drawing up such a "contract" - there are plenty of excellent BDSM sites that offer great solutions).

5) Before meeting "in the flesh" - try to arrange a meeting virtually - things like Skype, Google Hangouts, etc. offer protocols for seeing the "other" while remaining in a safe space. Consider this is you are unsure.

6). If practical, meet in a public area WITHOUT the pressure of playing. There are lots of safe public spaces where you can talk over the scene and still get a sense of whether or not the person you want to play with is within reason.

Sadly, we live in a world where meeting others can be dangerous. MedFet often involves feelings of anxiety and humiliation - this is not the thing that should prevent you from actually playing out your fantasy. Instead, your goal is to trust each other in fulfilling your role-play obligations. Do all you can to vet the meeting and even after having done "all you can," you have to remain on guard. Yes, you might still have a "bad" experience.

If you are anxious about something other than your role-play partner in your medfet play, I suggest you think about why you have those feelings. Do not let generalised anxiety stand in your way. Be sincere and honest with yourself.

I encourage you to explore your medfet fantasies as a healthy way of self-understanding and realization.

I had a similar experience of being a bit worried about meeting in person. Prior to my first role play exam, I had a “safety meeting” in person with the role play doctor about half an hour before the exam. This really helped and when we met each other we just had a chat not about medical stuff but in things in general. It really helped, and now my play doctor and I are good friends wver since.

Get to know the person really well first. Talk about regular stuff - what they do for a living, what you do for a living, hobbies, etc. I always feel that any question that i ask someone, I should be willing to answer the same question. The person should be willing to share photos of themselves (clothes on haha), and you should reciprocate. If the person has something to hide as far as their looks go, they'd be foolish not to share it because you're possibly going to see them in person anyway. When they send a photo, ask if it's a current photo. If it's not, request a current one. With cell phones having cameras now, there should be no problem for them to take a photo and send it. If they have a lame excuse for not sending a current photo, be leery. That's a red flag.

There should be a lot of talk about what you and the other person like as far as kink goes. Talk about what you like and what they like, and what you both don't like, won't allow, etc.

Meet them in public. Don't be late hahaha! 😄 (*private joke). Have coffee or lunch or something and chat some more. No obligations. If you don't like them or they don't like you, it's no biggie. Maybe you don't like each other's looks, which is ok. You can't help what you like or don't like. Be diplomatic. Hopefully if you agree not to play, you can stay friends and everyone goes away with a new friend and a good attitude about it.