What happened to my wife??

. . . .and it's too bad your wife doesn't give a damn about how you feel.

What would it take for her to just spread her legs for you for ten minutes once in a while? Why couldn't she do that?

Very good question! I've tried to take different approaches with her, but none really seem to work.

I've tried the romantic approach...holding her hand, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek, or the back of her neck. Trying to coax her into being in the mood for a roll in the hay. Nothing, nothing at all. Stone cold response, or "not now I'm busy, maybe later". But later never arrives.

I've tried the "make an appointment" approach...telling her up front that "hey, I'd really like to have sex sometime in the near future". Her response might be, "OK, we'll see", or "how about Tuesday night", or "later this week." Then we might actually have sex on that night. Or maybe not, since one of us might not feel entirely well that night.

I've also tried the "it's your duty" approach, also know as the "just lay there and spread your legs for me and it will be over quickly" approach. That worked a couple of times, but to be totally honest it's not all that fulfilling for me. I would think it would be similar to fucking a dead body. And no, I've never tried that. I'd be better off just jacking myself off.

I've told her that I'm open to trying any position that she would like, any toy that she would like, any kink or fetish she would like to indulge (she appears to have none), etc. She does seem to like it when I go down on her as I can tell that she has a really good orgasm that way. So I always offer to do that, but even then she will most often just say no.

I think it really comes down to effort on her part. She doesn't make any effort at all. I'm the one that has to initiate sex, try to get her in the mood, bring her to orgasm (if possible), decide what position we'll try, buy any toys to try, etc.

Why does one person get to say how BOTH people in the couple live?

Situations like we are discussing here are not always simple and clear cut. What does one do when a serious illness, disease or physical condition comes into play? Does the un-afflicted person simply go his/her own merry way looking for sex partners? Sounds rather selfish and moreover something risky in all manner of ways. It can complicate things in innumerable ways.

Moreover, what kind of person would abandon an ill, sick or invalid spouse because of unfulfilled sexual desires?

Situations like we are discussing here are not always simple and clear cut. What does one do when a serious illness, disease or physical condition comes into play? Does the un-afflicted person simply go his/her own merry way looking for sex partners? Sounds rather selfish and moreover something risky in all manner of ways. It can complicate things in innumerable ways.

Moreover, what kind of person would abandon an ill, sick or invalid spouse because of unfulfilled sexual desires?

Come on, we aren't talking about an ill or invalid spouse. Besides they should still allow you to get sex elsewhere if they are unable.

The real problem is when THE BITCH is perfectly capable and just won't do it. The unaffected man should be able to have his desires satisfied. I am sick of hearing women saying things like, "you had sex with so and so, how could you do that to me." That's a crock of shit. When a man or woman goes for sex outside the marriage, he isn't doing anything TO his wife he is doing something FOR HIMSELF and he is completely entitled to do so if he isn't getting it at home.

god I can't stand those women.

Personally, I can't see my husband ever cheating on me (I know, you're thinking "famous last words" ) but the truth is, I love doing it and I never refuse him. We could be fixing the lawn furniture for an evening party and if he says, "hey Sue, let's do it," I might say something like, "really? now? but 9 times out of 10 I'll do it, and then we'll get back to what we were doing. When the tables are reversed, he does the same for me.

"My wife loves to talk after sex. Last night she called from Chicago." (Rodney Dangerfield). Seriously, I heard years ago that "Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love." Something to that: after a few years in a relationship, it's too easy for the man to ease off on the love part, and complain about lack of sex. And too easy for the woman to ease up on the sex part and feel unloved. Some say a relationship takes a lot of work. Work? for a loving relationship? It's all too damn complicated for me. I think the whole relationship-business is summarized in a scene from "Monsier Hulot's Holiday," a 1954 B&W French movie starring Jacques Tati, a great pantomime artist. An older couple is walking on the beach, woman in front with guy behind. She collects pretty stones, so now and then picks one up, looks at it, and hands it back to her husband. And he tosses it back on the beach. "That's all, folks!"

I can definitely relate to this topic! I really don't understand what happened to my ex, she had her ovaries removed before I met her. For a long time we had all kinds of kinky sex, including enemas and anal. Then, kinda wierd, she said that she was having hot flashes at times. Then after 7or 8 years together, she seemed to lose most interest in sex. I had to bug her to get straight sex, no more enemas, and if I wanted anal she would get pissed and say "ok, just shove it in", then grab my cock roughly and pull it towards her ass. Needless to say, her attitude turned me off! Her pussy still got plenty wet when we did vaginal, and she seemed to enjoy it when we got around to doing it. We are no longer together, and I am wondering what the hell happened. Anyone have any ideas?

I believe that once the wife gives up sex after menopause, it rarely comes back. The suggestion of HRT (hormone replacement) is probably the only hopeful catalyst to restarting your sex life. I am 67 now, and when my wife hit menopause, it was cruel. Her sex drive diminished significantly, and has lost interest in sex altogether now for about the past 5-6 years. She says she still loves me, does other kind things for me, but sex is not one of them. She is not interested in participating in my enema sessions, and there is little enthusiasm shown in a quarterly BJ, that is reluctantly performed. For me, Zity provides a needed source of info, and a place to share our stories of what life is like. There is comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this situation, and what others have done to fill the void. And to enjoy the stories of all the great sex had by the fortunate people (the great majority) on this site!

I ask what happened to my husband!

I am 56 and had a complete hysterectomy a few years ago. I have been on hormone pellets since then. My sex drive is still very strong.

My husband is a couple years younger and has completely lost his sex drive. It is rare he has any interest.

So, yes, I have gone else where for that missing part. Nothing I'm proud of by any means but I don't think a husband or wife should be force to go without this important element of our lives. Especially when there is no illness causing the issue.

I ask what happened to my husband! ... My husband is a couple years younger and has completely lost his sex drive. It is rare he has any interest.

Personally, I'd check his testosterone level.

Personally, I'd check his testosterone level.

Speaking from the male side of the equation, I have been doing testosterone injections for about 3 years now. I tested low and my doctor recommended this treatment. I know there are risks (every drug has risks) but for me the improvement in quality of life was very significant. My libido increased tremendously and my body's response to exercise has been very positive- lower body fat and increased muscle mass.

My wife who is on HRT and has noticed little difference laments how simple it seems for men. Take a shot every two weeks and get great results.

DAW said

I ask what happened to my husband! ... My husband is a couple years younger and has completely lost his sex drive. It is rare he has any interest.

Nobody wants to breech this, so I'll ask.

Are the two of you getting along? Do you argue? Are you still sexy in your daily life? Is he having an affair? Is he resentful of something about you?

If you're not getting laid, there are other considerations besides his testosterone and health issues.

Nobody wants to breech this, so I'll ask.

Are the two of you getting along? Do you argue? Are you still sexy in your daily life? Is he having an affair? Is he resentful of something about you?

If you're not getting laid, there are other considerations besides his testosterone and health issues.

This is most likely, also look at general stress in the rest of his life. Back on the medical/health topic - does he have any chronic pain issues (even ones he won't admit to because "it doesn't hurt badly enough" or similar)? Even moderate pain can reduce your interest in sex if it goes on and on.

I suppose stress can take away a sex drive, but for my husband it makes it higher. When he has had a rough day, he fucks my eyes out (NOT make love) and we both feel much better, more relaxed and then have dinner. 😁 😁 😁

There are multiple factors as to why sex drops off- physical and relationship issues. Setting the medical / physical issues aside, sexual activity can be a leading indicator of how well the relationship is going. Tension / stress for whatever reason can kill the sex in a relationship or cause it to decrease over time.

Relationships are never easy.

I suppose stress can take away a sex drive, but for my husband it makes it higher. When he has had a rough day,

I would suppose there are different kinds of stress, differing in origin. It can be very stressful being responsible for leading or supervising subordinates for instance, but it can be a very different kind of stress if you are on the receiving end as a subordinate yourself.

For the latter, it can be a sort of impotent stress, about which you can do nothing but suck it up and do as you're told. I'm certain that is much more debilitating.

The former kind of stress might be more akin to frustration, which might very well just be what makes people work yet harder to achieve a goal.

I'd say English doesn't have enough words to differentiate the nuances for the concept 'stress'... time to create some new synonyms ...

I would suppose there are different kinds of stress, differing in origin. It can be very stressful being responsible for leading or supervising subordinates for instance, but it can be a very different kind of stress if you are on the receiving end as a subordinate yourself.

For the latter, it can be a sort of impotent stress, about which you can do nothing but suck it up and do as you're told. I'm certain that is much more debilitating. . . . .

According to my husband, if a business is to thrive, the CEO is a subordinate to his customers and clients.

EVERYBODY has stress and one type isn't more debilitating than another.

Some people are just more concerned about paying their bills, others are more concerned about keeping clients happy so they return for more.

According to my husband, if he wants the business to thrive, the CEO is a subordinate to his customers and clients.

Now that is polite semantics. Doing business is a meeting of more or less equals in which both parties have an option of not doing anything, depending on circumstances. Neither can be pressured by the other. each is a free partner.

Employees do not have the same advantage. If they walk away from their job, they loose it all, no more income. Walk away from one business deal and you loose little compared to the rest of a year's earnings.

I had a business too when younger and on occasion, if a potential customer was just too demanding or finicky, it was no skin off my back if they walked out without buying anything. But be on the receiving end of a finicky or demanding employer and you don't have the option of just quitting. The consequences are far greater if you should. How do you support yourself or family with no job or income?

Hence it is a different kind of stress.

Now that is polite semantics. Doing business is a meeting of more or less equals in which both parties have an option of not doing anything, depending on circumstances. Neither can be pressured by the other. each is a free partner.

Employees do not have the same advantage. If they walk away from their job, they loose it all, no more income. Walk away from one business deal and you loose little compared to the rest of a year's earnings.

I had a business too when younger and on occasion, if a potential customer was just too demanding or finicky, it was no skin off my back if they walked out without buying anything. But be on the receiving end of a finicky or demanding employer and you don't have the option of just quitting. The consequences are far greater if you should. How do you support yourself or family with no job or income?

Hence it is a different kind of stress.

Doing business they may both be equals (not necessarily), but the business NEEDS to sell its product or services to survive and the consumer needs the product or services (sometimes more than the business needs to sell theirs) for their purpose. They both pressure each other.

When one walks away, business income is lost and that's very bad especially if it is a big transaction. We're not talking about selling a few paper clips here.

As far as quitting is concerned, many statistics show that when you quit your job (NOT get fired) your new job has a higher salary, so quitting can be good if you think your boss is too tough.

As far as quitting is concerned, many statistics show that when you quit your job (NOT get fired) your new job has a higher salary, so quitting can be good if you think your boss is too tough.

Many people, far too many - and the percentages are growing - live paycheck-to-paycheck, with no or virtually no savings, possibly one disease or accident away from financial disaster. In such situations, getting dumped on by a boss or supervisor is a whole lot different from losing a customer or slipping in the annual sales statistics.

It should be glaringly obvious that it is a different kind of stress.