What happened to my wife??

You guys who have a wife or partner that participates in our fetish should thank your lucky stars. Since before we were married, my wife would participate in giving to me, but she wasn't interested in taking. Because of Crohn's disease, I got salt & soda enemas on a somewhat regular basis from her, as they helped with inflammation. My GI doc knew & didn't have a problem. The sexual aspect of enemas was slowly introduced & she had no problem with that. There was plenty of nozzle manipulation while taking, and just about anything you could think of while holding. Lots of "doggy style" sex & BJ's to encourage me to hold........it worked. One time, I was given a 3 Liter enema with a 30" silicone colon tube fully inserted. I could feel it about halfway across the transverse colon. I got up to go & she told me I have to hold it. Told here I wasn't sure if I could. She got down on her knees & took me into her mouth (she has NO gag reflex) & started S-L-O-W-L-Y moving the colon tube in & out. I don't know how long I was standing there, but that BJ led to the most intense, explosive orgasm I EVER had.

This went on for many years............until menopause hit. She then lost all interest in all things sexual. Things she and I used to enjoy doing. She saw her ob/gyn & told her about her loss of sex drive. A few things were tried, but nothing seemed to work. And it was left at that. We talked about it a few times but to no avail. My libido is still quite strong.........and seems to get stronger as time passes. She will still help giving the enemas (if I ask), but all the enthusiasm is gone. To me, it appears that it's just another chore for her to do. Aside from all things sexual, we do have a good relationship. I work part time & have several hobbies that keep my busy, but it's just not the same without sex. Most of my sexual satisfaction now comes from ZITY & some of the links here.

This doesn't seem to happen to all women, as I see many profiles here that show women in the 50+ & 60+ age bracket. What is it that makes this happen to some, but not all women? Anyone ever brought their significant other back from the dark side of menopause and reignited their sexual drive? It's bizarre to me that, seemingly overnight, my wife could abandon things that we had been doing for decades, that she obviously really enjoyed.

Best

vapor

Has your wife considered hormone replacement? Has she seen her gynecologist about this?

That could make a complete turn-around in her sexual feelings. It could take some time to balance things out, but you should give it a few months to find out.

Sorry that is your case now. my spouse was very sexual for years, but not a klysmo. After menopause and having one ovary removed, her libido vanished. I'm now on my own with "Rosy Palms" and self enemas. It is what it is. After living together for 28 years, things just change, but I'd never think of splitting up with her. She's now the primary bread winner, so I am very dependent on her. I was the main bread winner for 25 years until retirement, but things have changed. I still give her 16 oz. bulbs every morning for her IBS, but there is nothing sexual about it. I assume that estrogen loss is part of the problem, but diabetes II also plays a role. You're not the only male klysmo who deals with this.

It happened to me too. Six or seven years ago, my wife lost all interest in sex, and with it went the enema fun we used to have. She has continued to give me enemas, but she is pretty clinical about it.

I have diabetes 2, and I had a stroke three years ago, which paralyzed my right side. I came back from that, but it left me with a sort of lazy colon. I need enemas to keep things flowing. She says it's her job to give me those enemas. I can't complain about that. Every weekend she gives me a series of 2 or 3, and sometimes I get one during the week.

I miss the sexual play. She tells me she has no interest in sex, and does not want to try to revive her libido. I mentioned hormone therapy once. Once was quite enough. I had to clean off all my blood after the claw slashing that ensued. I didn't need stitches, but it was a close call. So, I'm not going to mention hormones again.

My wife has never been into anything anal, including enemas. She knows I take one occasionally, especially when we are traveling.

But diabetes sidelined me sexually six or seven years ago. Fingers and tongue still work and still and pleasure her. But dryness and soreness are sidelining her of late.

My father said getting old isn't for sissies, now I know what he meant.

Absolutely agree with this post as I have tried just about everything to get my wife interested and to date no success what so ever!

Those of you who have this kind of relationship with your spouse or another special person "thank your lucky stars"!

Well I am "glad/sorry" that I am not alone in this, although there is no confort taken.

For the last 10 years sexual encounters can be counted on one hand, and the last 5 years none.

Being in my early 50's, I am to dam young to give it up.

Don't know how to get out of this "trap" without everything falling apart, it is extreamly depressing

Just needed a "pity patry " here

My wife did opt for hormone replacement therapy and I would say it did help somewhat. But I would say her desire is driven more by having a state of mind of relaxation and not letting herself be distracted by the pressures of everyday life. There is a noticeable difference when we are on vacation and we have sex very often. But as soon as we get back to normal everyday life, it's back to the trenches and she becomes much less sexual.

So for guys with wives that are going through a biological change with less hormones to help stimulate a sex drive, maybe a change in the setting can serve to step out of the rut of everyday life.

A change of settings and circumstances can possibly reboot the sex which is our goal. And this is the time for the guy to have a frank discussion of your sexual needs and maybe you can become closer sexually as you move into this stage of your life.

Menopause... The pause of men. When it hit me it came with an ugly vengeance. Bio identical hormone treatment (BHRT) gave me back not just my life but my libido.

Found a qualified doctor, one that specialises in BHRT, this is KEY!!!

I have been on them now for several years, write about them whenever anyone mentions dead or painful sex. Have explained this on other posts. If you are interested in more information and would like to PM me, please do.

That whole menopause thing is an excuse. People don't just stop having sex or liking it. Menopause does not cause women to stop liking sex. I guess if you tell someone something long enough, they will believe it. To me, it sounds like one person in the marriage gets to decide what happens and the other person has no say.

She won't give in, because she knows there are no consequences for her refusals.

As someone who has gone through menopause, I think I even said in my profile that I am a bit conflicted about such a monumental change in our lives. At first I was doing HRT, but we decided that there are some risks with that. I never have lost my desire for sex, but my vagina is not as supple as it used to be meaning that sex can be painful. The solution was twofold: first, my OBGYN prescribed a hormonal cream, but second, it is working to keep things flexible. For one, my husband bought me a second vibrator, but also a nice dildo that I use for both enjoyment and practicality. I tend to think of it as physical therapy for my girl parts.

I am in my late 30s but am the reverse. I live my husband dearly but he has never really been interested in sex. We play about a bit but accual intercourse about 20 times and we have been married for 16 years.

Tbh I nevwr knew thete where men who dont like sex .

Vapors #1 post is an exact copy of my own experience. I lost a "wife" and gained a good friend, a housekeeper and a room mate! As for sex, what's sex? In my case, a plastic blow up doll would be more responsive. At least we have a cordial working relationship. Things could be a lot worse, but i do miss the intimacy which has vanished from our relationship.

I lost a "wife" and gained a good friend, a housekeeper and a room mate! As for sex, what's sex? In my case, a plastic blow up doll would be more responsive.

I'm in exactly the same boat. In my case, not only has my wife lost all interest in sex or anything sexual at all, she refuses to do anything about it. I don't think she's ever mentioned it to any of her doctors. And any and all attempts by me to try and liven up our intimacy have been simply ignored by her.

Somewhere around age 40 my wife's libido took a spiral dive. When her ob/gyn suggested there may be ways to revive her interest she changed doctors. I still remember the last time she initiated sex, about 1992.

But what was the real defining moment. When I came home from a business trip and found her toys on the night stand, that would have been in 2008 or 9. So she would still masturbate but found no pleasure in intercourse.

On the enema side, for the first 5 years of our marriage, when we started dating I told all, she tried them and loved them, then one day it was, I'm not doing this anymore. But she would still give them to me, until one day, after saying she felt superfluous, then that stopped.

My wife worked in an all male environment as a machinist, aircraft mechanic and locomotive engineer. I've often wondered if she had worked with women or a mix of men and women if that would have made a difference. She was well respected by her coworkers, and one of the boys. No kids, two tubal pregnancies took that off the table, so I have wondered if that was a factor. Atheist, pro-choice, gay rights, liberal, traits we shared, so no issues there. But no "you have to submit to your husband" religious issues, maybe I would have been off with a Mormon!.

That whole menopause thing is an excuse. People don't just stop having sex or liking it. Menopause does not cause women to stop liking sex. . . . . it sounds like one person in the marriage gets to decide what happens and the other person has no say.

She won't give in, because she knows there are no consequences for her refusals.

It sounds like divorce should be seriously considered in a few of the above cases.

Yep, yep, and yep! Over my years of talking with both males and females on Zity as well as some personal conversations with friends and relatives I've found that a large number of people of both sexes have run into exactly what Vapor started and others have stated. I'm getting to a point that I think well over half the population of our world has run into some sexual dysfunction whether it has anything to do with fetish or not. Most likely my count is way short and it may actually be as high as 80% of the population??? or even higher? If anyone can find a magic pill to alleviate these kinds of challenges I think our world would be a much easier place in which to live. My notion is that places like Zity (and some other fetish sites before they were banned) have impacted many of our lives in positive way since they allowed many of us to express and explore our needs openly and with people that mostly understand where we are coming from. This thread has great merit and I hope others will continue sharing their experiences. I think it can help us all that are in the "been there, NOT doing that anymore" part of life as it appears many of us are trying to figure out how to cope with similar situations.

Taking an excerpt from Sundaybrunch - "To me, it sounds like one person in the marriage gets to decide what happens and the other person has no say." Too true!! Very well stated!!!!

To me, it sounds like one person in the marriage gets to decide what happens and the other person has no say.

That is what a Dom/Domme and sub relationship can be. It is an agreed upon arrangement by both parties involved. In this instance it isn't agreed upon by both..

I can add that my libido does go up and down. Don't know why, but I do try to make sure my sub has his balls and his ass cleaned out every so often. Whether I am actually in the mood or not. I wouldn't want him to become congested or backed up.

When my libido is high, I try to make sure that I get the better end of the orgasm stick. To make up for those awful low spells.

@MissStress your response made me laugh. It's why I am a faithful follower and reader of your blog just so you know.

Mashie

--and I love you both!

the boxcar

Thank you boxcar. You have a special place in my heart. *kiss and a hug for you

My wife has not been interested in enemas as a sexual benefit. She has taken a few long ago for constipation. I have suggested the subject but she has not taken hold. We are both in our 60's and general sex is still good, vaginal and some anal. So I cannot complain. My wife is not into experimenting and after 30 years of marriage I can only mention the option, which I have. My libido is very strong and I would like more and new variations but this is unlikely. Given the discussion above I think I am fortunate and I wish you all well.

Like many others who have replied here, my life's story is similar with my second wife. Menopause and a radical hysterectomy ended our sex life long ago. The joke I tell about myself is that women get involved with me just so they can safely end their sex lives and not have sex with me. In this case, I got hit with the "NO MEANS NO! Isn't that what we teach our children" before she ultimately answered my question about our sex life seven months later whether there was any situation or any future for our sex life. That was 20 years ago. If I was going to walk away, it should have been then.

(That also became part of the situation with my first wife after my she gave birth and our sex life went away.)

So, I am left with a housemate who shares the duties around the house. We travel together, like many of the same things, share many of the same views. But intimacy is lost. We sleep in separate rooms with separate bathrooms.

And in the meantime, I've become a marathon runner with the stamina to run the 26.2 miles in just a little over four hours in my 60's, she's become the QVC queen. It doesn't look anything like either of us thought when we met more than 30 years ago.

Wow...I'm in exactly the same situation. My wife lost all interest in sex or anything sexual at all a few years ago. We sleep in seperate beds and bedrooms. She doesn't think anything is wrong and she has never mentioned it to any of her doctors. Even on our anniversary there was no interest in sex or anything sexual. What is a guy suppose to do?

Even on our anniversary there was no interest in sex or anything sexual. What is a guy suppose to do?

In sickness or in health ... that was the promise, right? Or some variation thereof.

I suppose it's best you find a way to substitute some kind of sexual activity in a solo capacity. Or else you sublimate the whole thing if you stay together.

In sickness or in health ... that was the promise, right? Or some variation thereof.

I suppose it's best you find a way to substitute some kind of sexual activity in a solo capacity. Or else you sublimate the whole thing if you stay together.

SCREW THAT

If the wife or husband isn't into having sex anymore, you can stay married if you like, just find someone else to have sex with. Why does one person get to say how BOTH people in the couple live?

I can see why a spouse wouldn't want to "share" their sex partner if they are having sex, but if there is no sex, it isn't a question of sharing. Just have sex with someone else.

Who the fuck do those spouses think they are? If one doesn't want to have sex, the other should find it elsewhere.

If one doesn't want to have sex, the other should find it elsewhere.

I really wish it was that simple. I still have feelings for my wife, although it's difficult to really use the word "love" because of the lack of intimacy between us. Part of me doesn't want to hurt her. And part of me is worried about what else might happen if I had sex with someone else. I certainly don't want to go through the trouble and expense that a divorce would bring. And I really think it would come down to that if I had sex with someone else. I'm really just too old to deal with all of the drama, and I'm just taking the easy way out by just living with the status quo right now. I know deep down that's not a great way to live the rest of your life. But it's what I'm doing for now. I might change my mind in the future.

. . . . Part of me doesn't want to hurt her. And part of me is worried about what else might happen if I had sex with someone else. . . .

. . . .and it's too bad your wife doesn't give a damn about how you feel.

What would it take for her to just spread her legs for you for ten minutes once in a while? Why couldn't she do that?

Yes, I can relate... my wife and I are both in our late 40s, and she has gradually just lost interest in sex. I do believe it is ...at least partly ... hormonal. This all seemed to start after my last daughter was born 11 years ago. Her Dr started messing with her birth control, and that just gradually made it worse. She now just says she's not interested.... even sleeps in another room often. We're friends, but as others have written below.... it's hard for me to say I love her like I used to... the intimacy and closeness is so important to keep the fires burning. And we still have two kids at home, which always makes changes much more complicated.

I didn't used to think this way, but I have to agree with Susie's comment below about getting sex elsewhere. Intimacy is a need, and I don't want become angry or dissatisfied at this point in my life by denying this reality. Denial helps no one.

Great topic. It truly gets to the point of, "why are we here". For many of us, we were always "wired for kink", and for others, Zity is a safe forum for exploring all sorts of kinks. In my case, while I wouldn't go as far as calling my spouse "just a house mate", her lack of interest combined with my "off the charts libido" and vivid imagination has lead me to hang out more and more on Zity. I have continued to evolve my interests and tend to feel most comfortable here, as opposed to at other kink or hook up sites. As I say on my profile, "there is enough vanilla in the freezer" which is my euphemism for, I'm getting older but still like 31 flavors. Even if I was having regular sexual intercourse with my spouse, that wouldn't satisfy my desires. Clearly, I would love for my spouse to be interested in kink, but that isn't going to happen. Like others here, I have tried for years and recognize as Enema Runner so eloquently said, "no, means no". In chatting with, and occasionally playing with members of Zity, I feel that many of my needs can and are being met here, without blowing up my marriage.