Fetlife

I used to be in Fetlife. I noticed "enema/medical fetishist" attracted those whose expectations weighed heavily towards domination and sadism. Their wording reflected their preferred dynamics. I just wanted to play patient for fun and games, not BDSM.

Been a member of fetlife since its very beginnings. Anyone that’s been in that world for almost 20 years will tell you it’s changed quite a bit.

Initially, everyone I was friends with on FL I knew IRL. It was a tight-knit group of real kinksters that played around once a week, and everyone was for real kinky. We all had ties to community or dungeon and people vouched for others so you knew who was safe to meet up with. It was a great place to promote events and classes, as well as meet potential play partners that shared a niche kink like age play, enemas, or medfet. In the start, I’d have given FL a solid B+, and I was in there constantly interacting with friends and meeting new kinky folks.

What changed?

1. Bunch of dudes pretending to be ladies aggressively reaching out to everyone, which can be an issue on other forums as well. Drove ladies away and meant RIP to many an inbox.

2. Despite not being into such kinks and saying as much on my profile, a lot of MtF and TG men rudely reaching out expecting play. No issues with their lifestyle, just not my thing.

3. Deluge of posers, fakers, wannabes, and generally people claiming they were legit experts when they were clearly newbs, which can be dangerous depending on what kink activities you engage in. Some play requires much training to pull off safely, and these people had no biz engaging in or training others in such play. They give us all a bad name when they make the news after someone gets seriously hurt.

4. Generally rude people being disrespectful - basically Facebook but with kink. Reaching out and expecting to play with you or you’re partner without any introduction, in person meetings, or legit context prior to being propositioned.

5. Horny men and women that aren’t actually kinky but see fetlife as a way to get laid easily. Fucking lame. Extra lame points for kink shaming any activity they deem too strange while on a kinky forum.

6. Only fans cam girls, hookers, and pornographers using the site to market their stuff when it used to be about finding others like you that were seriously interested in meeting up for real play.

7. Having to pay to watch videos

8. It’s basically become X rated Facebook, which is not a good thing. Much like Facebook, it now works best for those looking to monetize their hobby, while the rest of us have to be constantly bombarded with ads and marketing.

9. Young people being ageist and thinking they can get whatever they want because they are in their 20s and still look the part. Flaunting your inexperience and ignorance while having such an elite attitude. Dunning Krueger at its finest.

That said, it’s still THE kink forum, and there are unicorns to be found there for those with the patience and strong want to find kinky soulmates.

I am also a member of Fetlife and, while initially I found it really hard to navigate, I slowly got used to it. I like the fact you can meet people who are more local. I have chatted to some really interesting, friendly and supportive kinksters on there and have also met a few in real life, including my current partner who shares my kinks. I introduced him to Medfet. I came to Zity thinking I was solely into Medfet, however what I learned here was that I was into Medfet because of the dynamics and that in fact I am much more into D/s.

My worst experience was definitely here on Zity with someone who defined himself as a mature gentleman. After communicating quite intensely for 3 months and chatting over Zoom he then ghosted me. I can take rejection and respect the fact I was not what he was looking for. I learned a lot from that experience and it was also key to me understanding I am into D/s - though only in the bedroom. I think his was a lifestyle which is possibly why he realised I was not what he was looking for. He also didn't believe in a safe word so definitely a red flag for me. Being ghosted after sharing a lot of intimate aspects about myself was a horrible experience (he was online quite a few times after that so I know it was not because something happened to him).

I also met someone on here not willing to share their full name, I won't "play" with anyone who won't share their real identity though I understand they may have their reasons.

Fetlife is a huge place and much less moderated than here, I get lots of unwanted messages there but there are good people on there too, just sad you have to wade through so much crap!

I've interacted with good people on Zity and on Fetlife 😃