I wake up a little earlier than I might normally... Mostly because once my eyes are opened, they’re opened, and I’m awake. Too much anxiety to go back to sleep, I think.

Alice comes in a little after I wake up, just to check on me and see how I’m doing. She takes my vitals: blood pressure, pulse, temperature. Seems like I’m still pretty stressed out, and that fever hasn’t gone down at all. She also changes out my urinary bag for a clean one. Lets me know she’s bringing what’s in the old one down to the lab for Jensen and Westy, just for a quick study.

She then allows me to take a quick shower. “It’ll help you freshen up. Maybe help you feel a little better,” Alice tells me.

I agree. Definitely agree. Back in my darkest days of addiction, I always knew that something as simple as a shower to freshen up could be enough to make me feel so, so... So much better. It was the small steps. Changing my underwear and socks. Washing my face. I don’t doubt that having a nice, warm shower will help me out a little bit.

I find that standing’s a little bit easier now that I kind of have my head back. My stomach and my back still kind of hurt, but I can keep myself upright. Alice then helps me use some medical tape to hold the urinary bag against my leg so it stays out of the way while I’m washing up. She lays out a clean gown and a clean pair of socks to put on when I get out, and hands me a towel to dry off with when I come out and some shampoo and a bar of soap to use. Then I head into the bathroom and begin to shower off.

Being under the warm water really does help; my muscles begin to feel softer and not as sore. Washing up my hair and my body feels good... I feel less covered in myself. Wash the iodine stains from my penis. And even in my exhaustion, having the water run over my face wakes me back up.

By the time I finish up and I’m drying off, I do find that I feel at least a little better. I dry off my body quick. Wrap my hair in the same towel and head out of the bathroom to sit back in bed. Take the tape off of my leg and cover up with the new, fresh gown and socks. Even the new clothes feel better against my skin.

My hair’s probably dry enough now. I shake my head free from the towel, and use one of the elastics Alice left me to pull it up. Just a messy little ponytail to keep it off my neck.

From there... I just relax for a minute. I’m awake now, so I’m not going to go back to sleep. So I just chill out. Do what I can to ward off my anxieties for a bit.

It’s probably about a half-hour after I’ve showered when Alice comes back. She’s smiling, kind of knowingly.

“Hey, Valen,” she greets me softly. “Feeling better?”

I nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I think showering helped,” I say.

Alice giggles. “That’s good,” she says. “I have something that might make you feel even better. How do you feel about having a couple of visitors?”

I find myself looking at her with puppy eyes, and I want to cry all over again out of relief when she says that.

She recognizes the look I’m giving her, and giggles softly again. Looks just behind her and steps aside. “He’s right in here, boys,” she says.

And sure enough... She’s got my best friends with her. Alex Alvarez and Auburn Taylor.

I burst into tears when I see them. Alex’s worried, hazel eyes and Auburn’s knowing smirk. Wanting to see them and just talk to them after all of this, I hold my arms out towards them.

Alex sits himself in the chair that’s beside the bed, and Auburn crouches down until Alice pushes over another chair for him.

Quickly, Alex places the drink in his hands down on the side table, and embraces me tightly in his arms, letting me place my head on his shoulder. He rubs my back. Strokes my hair gently. Just trying to comfort me as I find myself bawling into his arms.

“It’s alright,” Alex tells me gently. “You’re alright. Breathe... You’re okay. We’re here now. It’s okay.”

Alex takes a minute to just hold me... Try his hand at comforting me. Reminding me gently and consistently that everything is okay here. Then he places me into Auburn’s arms, and allows him to take over. Auburn lets me bury my face in his shoulder, and just tries patting my back in a rhythmic way. Very gentle.

“Hey... Hey. We’re good here. It’s all good,” Auburn reassures me in that Texas accent of his. “You’re being taken care of. You’ve got us now. Right? Nothing to worry about here.” He gives my damp ponytail a good ruffling before he returns to patting my back. “What’s going on, Valen?”

I let out a deep whimper. “I don’t want to get a cystoscopy,” I sob into Auburn’s shoulder.

Auburn gives me a squeeze. “I know. It sucks. It fucking sucks,” he agrees. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want it.”

Alex reaches over and ruffles my ponytail. “What is it that you’re worried about?” he asks gently. “Are you afraid it’s going to hurt? Afraid of a diagnosis?”

I sniffle, turning my head to look at him. “Both,” I whimper.

Alex sighs softly, rubbing my arm. “I don’t blame you. The whole thing sounds kind of scary,” he says. “But... There’s nothing to be afraid of. Whatever’s going on, the doctors are going to catch it, and we can work on getting you better. It’s probably nothing too serious, I’m sure. And even if it was, well... It’s being caught nice and early. As soon as they know, they can get right to work on treating you. And you know that Jens and West are really good at what they do. They’re great doctors. Serious problem or not, they’ve got your back. So do Auburn and I.”

Auburn gives me a gentle shake. “I don’t think they’ll let it hurt that bad, either,” he reassures me. “I think they numb you real good before they go in with the scope. Like... You’ll feel it a little bit. But it’s not gonna hurt. You’ve got in a catheter, right?”

I sniffle again. Nod.

“Yeah. I think it’ll be kind of like that,” he says. “Kind of rough at first, but... Not painful.”

Alex nods. “I’m sure Jensen will do whatever he needs to so that you’ll be comfortable the whole time. He isn’t going to let you be in too much pain,” he reassures me.

Just hearing the two of them let me know that I’m going to make it through in one piece makes me feel calmer. Auburn lets Alex hold me another minute, and they just talk to me... Let me know everything’s okay.

Then Alex lets me lie back against my pillow again.

Auburn perks up just then, reaching for the bundle in his lap. “Oh! We stopped by your apartment before we came here,” he says. “We figured you would want this… It’s kind of cold in here. Also probably just a comforting thing to have on.”

He picks up the bundle from his lap, placing it into my hands. I find that it’s my black, zip-up Dual Diagnosis sweatshirt. And he’s right… Being able to wear this over my gown will feel so much more comfortable. So much warmer.

“Oh… Oh, yes,” I mutter. I sit myself up, pulling it on over myself. Put my arms through the sleeves. It already feels so much better. It even smells like my cologne, too, which is much more familiar and reassuring than the smell of hospital shampoo. “Thank you so much, Auburn.”

Alex also reaches for that drink he put on the side table earlier… Looks like an orange smoothie or something of sorts. Something cold and frosty. “Here. This is for you too,” he says. “We weren’t sure if you were hungry at all, or if you’ve been eating solid food. But we figured that you should try to have some kind of nourishment. This should be nice and easy to stomach.”

I take the cup from him, sniffling softly. “Oh god… You guys are the best,” I tell them. “Seriously. Thank you so much. I don’t think I can thank you enough.”

I take a sip, and I find it’s really refreshing. Something that’s nice and cold against my tongue. Orangey flavor. Really good. Tastes like a good start to the morning, even if I’m in the hospital. Definitely a slushee of sorts.

Alex smiles. “‘S it good?” he asks.

I nod. “Oh yeah,” I say, tears still on my voice. “That’s real fucking good.”

Auburn smiles, chewing on his toothpick. “Figured you’d like that,” he says. “It’s an orange juice slushee from Orange Julius.”

I sigh with satisfaction before going back in for another sip. “So fucking good,” I say.

Auburn and Alex just sit with me for a few... Talk about what’s been going on. I tell them everything that happened yesterday, from the time that I passed out at Blue Lightning until they got here. They agree that it sounded terrifying, and that I’m pretty damn badass for making it through. That’s reassuring to hear... Gives me hope that I’ll make it through the cystoscopy in one piece.

To take my mind off of things, they tell me about what they’ve been doing. Things they heard that would make me laugh. Just random stuff to calm me down. Make me feel a little bit better.

So glad to see them. I really am.

They’re with me for a bit of time before there’s a knock on the door, and Alice comes back in. She has another tray with her, and I feel myself getting very nervous again. But I remind myself to calm down... It’s probably not anything bad. I already have a catheter, so she can’t do anything down there right now.

“Hey, boys,” she says. “Looks like you’ve cheered Valen up, huh?”

I laugh softly. “Yeah... Yeah, seeing them really made me feel a lot better,” I say, letting Auburn reach over and ruffle my hair again.

“Good! I’m so glad, I know you were feeling a little bit sad,” Alice says. Placing that tray on the counter by the sink, she sits on the edge of the bed. And I notice she’s looking a bit guilty.

“So, Valen. I know that you’ve been through quite a bit already, and you’ve have some stress ahead of you later on this morning,” Alice says softly. “But Jensen did ask me if I would be able to draw a little bit of blood. He said that pairing blood test results alongside your urine tests would give him a lot of answers.”

I breathe out tensely a bit. Never really been a fan of blood tests. Not really afraid of needles, considering how many tattoos I have. Not afraid of blood either. Still, I don’t think anyone really likes blood tests.

But considering what I’ve already been through, it’s not going to be that bad. Nor is it as scary as a cystoscopy sounds.

I can do this.

Breathing deeply, I nod. Look up at Alice. “Okay... Okay, I can do that,” I agree.

Alice smiles, giving my knee a gentle nudge. “There you go! See? You’ve got that bravery in you! You’ll be just fine,” she reassures me. She then smirks a little, and she looks all devious. “I also thought of something else. Something that might make you feel a little less alone, maybe?”

Curious, I can’t help but smile. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

Alice giggles. “Well, while I was printing out the labels for your blood test vials, I looked at someone else’s medical records,” she explains. “And one of your friends here, well, they’re a little bit overdue for a tetanus shot.” She looks at Auburn and Alex with a mischievous glance of her own. “Someone who’s last name starts with the letter ‘A,’ maybe?”

Auburn smirks, elbowing Alex in the ribs.

Alex himself raises his eyebrows and purses his lips, averting his eyes. “Yeah, Valen... Y’know, your friend Auburn. Whose name starts with an ‘A,’” he mutters. “Yep. Auburn’s the one.”

Auburn bursts out laughing, giving Alex a jostle. “She said last name, smartass!” he cackles. “You’re not getting out of this one, Alvarez!”

I find myself laughing at their antics. God, I’m so glad that they’re here. Makes this all so much easier to get through.

Alice reaches over and gives Alex a soft push with a gentle laugh. “You do need your tetanus shot, Alex,” she tells him. “Is it okay if I give you a quick shot while you’re here?”

Alex finally laughs, even sounding a little nervous himself. “Sure. What the hell,” he insists, reaching over and massaging my shoulder. “Get it over with, right? Make sure that Valen here isn’t the only one getting stuck with needles today.”

Alice giggles, pinching Alex's cheek. “There’s my boys,” she purrs. “Very smart.” Getting up off the bed, she heads back over to the counter. “Well, I’m going to start with Valen. Get all that bloodwork done.”

With that, Alice washes her hands nice and well in the sink. Pulls on a pair of light blue latex gloves, nice and tight. Then she grabs the tray and puts it on the side table, pulling over the tray table for me to rest my arm across, and resting down a clean, cornflower blue hand towel.

“I’m just going to have you put your arm across the table here, Valen,” Alice instructs me gently.

I do, inside facing up... The towel makes it comfortable to rest my arm across. Nice and soft.

“Very good,” Alice says softly.

The next thing she does is pull up my sweatshirt sleeve and tie a pink tourniquet around my bicep, buttoning it nice and tight. Figures that Alice would have a pink tourniquet. While my veins are a little bit protruded, she does a little bit of feeling around with her clean, gloved hands for one to stick that won’t cause me too much discomfort.

“Hm... Okay. I see here,” Alice says softly. “Your accessory cephalic vein is popping out the most to me, so I’ll probably go with that vein there. I know that you’re a little bit dehydrated, so please do forgive me if I have to go looking a little bit.”

With that, Alice uses an alcohol wipe to clean up the area inside of my arm a little bit, and she readies the needle and the tubing that’s attached to the syringe. I opt not to look for the time being, at least while she’s putting in the needle. Alex reaches over to grab my free hand, and he holds it to support me. Breathing calmly, I hold his hand in return. Give it a squeeze to comfort myself.

“Alright, Valen. I’m going in with the needle now,” she says. “You know the drill, I’m sure. A good pinch, and maybe a little bit of pressure. Let me know if you start feeling dizzy.”

Still, even if I have gone through this before, I appreciate her warning.

I feel a sharp pinch in my arm that is the needle piercing my skin. I give Alex's hand a squeeze to distract myself from it. It’s followed by quite a bit of pressure... It doesn’t necessarily hurt; it’s just kind of uncomfortable.

The pressure’s pretty intense. I’m not sure if the needle’s made it inside of any veins yet.

“C’mon, little guy,” Alice whispers gently, I think in reference to my vein. “Stay still for just a minute. Don’t run from me.”

Just then, there’s another pinch inside of my arm, and I gasp out a little bit because I hadn’t expected it... Give Alex's hand another squeeze. Though, right after, the pressure subsides, and I can’t feel the needle at all.

“There we go. Feels a little better now, doesn’t it?” Alice says softly as she loosens up the tourniquet around my arm.

I breathe out with relief. Open my eyes. And it looks like things are going smoothly. My blood is being drawn up into the tube to fill the vial that’s in the syringe. Still doesn’t feel all that great, but it’s not painful.

All I have to do it sit nice and still. Breathe evenly. Hold onto Alex's hand and just relax. Alice replaces the vial in the syringe a couple of times. Easy enough. Still doesn’t hurt.

I think Alice has about four vials of blood from me when she places a clean cotton ball over the needle before sliding it out of my vein. Just a little more pressure. She keeps it padded against the wound with a band-aid so that any extra bleeding will stop.

“And you are done!” Alice giggles softly. “Wasn’t so bad, huh?”

I can’t help but grin a little bit. “Not so bad,” I agree.

“Good! You’re so brave,” Alice coos softly. “Let me just wash up, and I’ll give Alex his tetanus shot.”

Letting go of my hand, Alex shakes his hands out and breathes softly with a nervous laugh. “Sure thing,” he chuckles.

With that, Alice tosses the syringe into the sharps container next to the sink. Takes off her gloves and washes her hands nice and well again. Puts on a fresh pair of gloves and returns to the tray that’s still on the side table. She has another alcohol wipe, and a syringe that’s already got a little bit of medicine in it, needle covered with a light blue cap.

“I came prepared, Alex, my dear!” Alice giggles. “Which arm would you like me to do? You’ll be sore for a couple of days so I don’t want to stick you in an arm you’ll use a lot.”

Alex purses his lips in thought, eyebrows raised. “Hmm. Let’s go with the right,” he says.

Auburn looks at him funny. “Your right?” he questions him.

Alex nods. “Yeah, man,” he insists. “I tattoo right, doesn’t take too many big movements. I wipe with the left, which does take bigger movements.”

Both Auburn and I nod in understanding. That does make sense.

“Sure thing,” Alice giggles. “Roll that sleeve up for me, Alex?”

He does. He pushes the sleeve of his gray and white striped polo up above his shoulder, out of Alice’s way.

“Good,” Alice purrs. “I think you know how this works too, hm? No needle yet; just cleaning you up.”

I watch as Alice cleans up a spot on Alex's bicep with the alcohol wipe. Alex just takes a few deep breaths, readying himself for the needle.

After he’s clean, Alice pulls the cap off to reveal a long, thick needle. A little bit scary looking; definitely bigger than what I just took in my own arm.

I can tell Alex is nervous. He opts not to look... Snatches up Auburn’s hand and squeezes tight. Auburn just chuckles, returning an encouraging squeeze to Alex.

“Alright now, Alex,” Alice reminds him. “Nice and easy. This is going to pinch a little bit. Take a nice deep breath.”

As Alice pinches up a little bit of Alex's bicep muscle, he breathes in nice and deeply. And then as she inserts in the needle into his arm, he breathes out deeply. Wincing, and squeezing onto Auburn’s hand a little bit harder. Again, he takes another really deep breath as she releases the medicine into his muscle.

But then it’s over, and Alice gives him a soft pat on the shoulder. “And you’re all done, too, Alex!” she says, bringing everything over to the sink. Puts the syringe in the sharps container and removing her gloves before coming back over. Using a new and fresh alcohol wipe, she cleans up the blood leaking from the wound, then covers it up with a band-aid.

“Good!” Alice purrs, pushing his sleeve back down for him and rubbing his shoulder gently. “Now, you might find that you have a hard lump in that injection site for a little while. It’s nothing to worry about; it’ll go away soon. As long as it isn’t red or extremely painful, you’ll be just fine.”

Alex nods. “Alright, sounds good,” he says. “Thanks, Alice.”

She giggles, reaching over and picking up Auburn’s ponytail and letting it fall through her fingers, making him laugh as his eyelids flutter with how gentle she is. “Of course,” she says. “Well, I’ll leave you boys to it for a bit. I’ll come back for Valen when Jensen’s got the cystoscopy suite set up, okay?”

I breathe deeply and nod with a gentle smile. “Thank you, Alice,” I say before she heads out.

And then... I’m left with Alex and Auburn. Just to chill and relax for a little bit.

I have time before it becomes a little too real.

I get more time with Auburn and Alex, just talking and all. Still glad as hell to have them with me. After everything I’ve been through, I feel myself finally calming down a little bit.

That is, until Alice comes back.

It’s about eleven-fifteen when she knocks on the door again. And this time, she has a wheelchair. She’s going to be taking me to the cystoscopy suite...

I try my best not to panic. Everything’s going to be fine... It’s all going to be okay.

“Alright boys,” Alice says with that sympathetic smile I know all too well. “I’m going to be borrowing Valen for a little while here. Jensen’s ready to see him.”

Both Alex and Auburn nod, getting up to move their chairs out of the way. “No problem,” Auburn responds to Alice.

Alice then looks to me with a very gentle expression. “I hope it’s okay with you, Valen, but I do need you to take off that sweatshirt. Just for the procedure,” she says. “You can leave it right in your bed and you can put it right back on as soon as you’re done. I promise.”

I just nod; the lump in my throat is a little too big for me to speak. Then I pull my sweatshirt from my shoulders, and settle it neatly into the bed so I can put it on when I get back.

“Alright, man. Let’s get you up,” Auburn says.

I wrap my arm around his shoulders, and he helps me swing my legs around so I can stand up. While I pin the urine collection bag to my leg once again with one hand and hang onto Auburn with the other arm, he helps me sit down in the wheelchair nice and comfortably while Alice holds it still so it won't slide around while I’m trying to sit.

“That good? You comfortable?” Auburn checks in with me.

I nod. My butt’s cushioned okay. The urine bag isn’t being squeezed under my leg or anything... Tube isn’t bent funny in a way that would cause discomfort.

“Cool,” he says. Smiling, though those puppy eyes of his look a little sad as he reaches out and pats my shoulder. “You’re gonna be okay. You’re a tough guy.”

At the same time, Alex gives my shoulders a gentle massage. “Good luck, Val. It’ll be over before you know it,” he reminds me. “Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll be around. See ya later.”

Appreciating their comfort, I reach behind me and place my hands over Alex's hands for a moment. Reach out and give Auburn’s hand a gentle squeeze.

And with that, Alice begins to take me out of the room and down the hall to the cystoscopy suite.

“You’re gonna be in good hands,” Alice reassures me. “We made sure that you would be comfortable the whole time. I’m gonna be with you... Jensen and Westy will be with you. You’re not alone.” She reaches down for a moment to give my shoulder a gentle rub. “Just breathe... Try to relax.”

I take her advice and take a few deep breaths... Or at least, I try. I know that staying calm is going to make this a lot easier for me... It’s just easier said than done with where she’s taking me right now.

Though, I have an entire wheelchair ride to cool down from the anxiety a little bit. She takes me into the elevator, and when we get off a couple of floors up, she takes me down the hall a little ways.

And then she takes me into an examination room... Looks a little bit like an operating room.

The anxiety flares up all over again. This is a little too real now.

There are a few doctors in the room already... And thank goodness, most of them are friendly faces... People I already know.

I see Dr. Shaw Zedler, one of the head physicians at the hospital in his own right; he’s sitting at the desk on one side of the room, clicking around on the desktop computer and taking down a couple of notes. There’s Dr. Brandon Blue. Dr. Landon Auburn. Another female PA I don’t think I’m familiar with. A male nurse I don’t know. A couple of girls that I think are nursing students, but I’m not really sure.

They’re all dressed... Really rather clean, interestingly enough. Each of them have on a pair of scrubs. Hair pulled into a surgical cap of sorts. Surgical masks to cover their mouths and noses.

Alice helps me sit up on the exam table... It’s different. It’s almost like a dental chair of sorts with a dark teal, leather cushioning. There’s a monitor to the right of me that has a couple of screens. Still, I try to ignore feeling uncomfortable, and let Alice help me sit up comfortably on the table.

“You okay?” she asks with a soft smile, seeing as I’ve glossed over with fear a little bit.

Snapping out of it, I nod. Swallow hard.

Alice giggles, patting my lap. “Good. You’re okay,” she reminds me. “Well, I’m going to step out for a moment. Get myself ready, and see whereabouts Jensen and Westy are. I’ll be right back, okay? You’re safe... You know a lot of these guys, huh?”

I can’t help but smile... Nod softly. She’s right... I’m in good hands.

With that, Alice heads out of the room for a moment. I have no reason to panic... I know a lot of these other people.

Landon is the first one to come over and check on me. “Hey Valen,” he says in that soft, professional voice of his. His “Bible reading voice,” a lot of people call it for some reason; I think it might be a jab at the fact that his estranged parents were crazy religious people. He’s even got that friendly, professional smile on his face; I can tell, even with the mask covering his mouth. “Good to see you. Brandon and I were just talking... Saying we haven’t seen you in a bit.” He frowns just then. “Sorry we’re meeting under these circumstances.”

I manage a soft chuckle. “Hey Landon. It’s okay,” I say, realizing just how hoarse and nervous I sound right now. “Good seeing you again too.”

Landon gives me a gentle rub on the arm. “Of course,” he says. “Well, Brandon and I are here to assist Alice. Shaw’s going to be assisting Jensen... And then he has Mr. Lucas and Miss Serena here to assist him, if he needs it. Then Miss Deanna and Miss Claire are a couple of medical students that are here to observe your examination.” He gives me another gentle pat against the arm. “Sound okay? I know it’s a lot.”

Breathing deeply, I nod. “Yeah... Yeah, that’s okay,” I insist.

“Good. Now... If it’s okay, I’m just going to have you put on one of these...” He reaches over to one of the side tables by the exam bed... Probably meant for ease of access for the doctor. And out of one of the boxes, he pulls out a light blue medical mask, not unlike one of the ones the others have on. “Just for sanitary purposes.”

I nod. No problems there, I get it. I put it over my mouth and nose nice and comfortably. Smells a little bit like whatever antibacterial soap they use to sanitize the room.

“Good,” Landon says again. “And then I’m just going to loosen up your gown a little bit. Just the tie by your waist right here.” He reaches towards my waist, and I let him. He’s just undoing the tie that rests there... Not all the way. Just enough to loosen it up. “And that’s just in case we need to get underneath and feel your belly a little bit.”

Just then, Brandon swings by, sitting on the stool that’s positioned in front of the table. “Heya Valen!” he says, ever the peppy guy himself. “Long time no see! Are you doing okay?”

Again, I can’t help but smile just because of how bright Brandon is. “I’m okay,” I insist, voice still weak.

“Good, good. I know that you’re in a pretty tough place,” Brandon says. “But we’re gonna take care of ya. I know this is a lot to take in, especially after everything that’s happened to you already. Is it okay if I get ya set up to take a couple of vitals? We’ll be monitoring them while you’re being checked out... Just to make sure you’re okay during the whole thing.”

I nod. Breathe it off again. “Yes. That’s okay,” I insist.

It’s relatively easy. There’s a monitor next to the bed, not unlike the one that the nurses used to check on me yesterday. Brandon straps the blood pressure cuff on my left arm, and wraps a pulse oximeter around my left ring finger. Turning on the monitor, there’s a soft, rhythmic beeping as it records my blood pressure and my pulse. Totally harmless.

“There we go. Easy, easy,” Brandon says gently. “Those are going to keep track of your BP and your pulse throughout the entire procedure. But I’m just going to take your temperature really quickly before we start and you’ll be good.”

Just then, Shaw clears his throat on the other side of the room, and it makes Brandon look up.

“Bran,” I hear Shaw’s all-business voice. “Jensen wants a rectal temperature from him.”

Hearing that makes my stomach drop, and my heart jump straight into my throat. When I breathe out, it’s shaky. I swear that I’ve started to sweat.

Brandon nods. “Sure thing, Zedler,” he calls back. Looking at Landon and I, he smiles. “Be right back. Landon’s gonna help you lie down in position.”

With that, he gets up off the stool, and heads over to the counter.

Landon, seeing how goddamn nervous I just got, pats my back gently and smiles encouragingly. “It’s okay. It’ll be really quick and easy,” he reassures me. “Have you had this before?”

Swallowing hard again... I nod. “Yeah... Yeah I have,” I admit, though my voice is really pinched. “I-it was a long time ago.”

It’s not a lie... It’s another sour memory from when I would be rushed to the hospital after an overdose. Naturally, I’d be fighting and kicking and screaming – even biting the doctors on occasion – while they’d try to be checking on me and taking my vitals. They’d have to take my temperature to make sure I wasn’t hypothermic. And because I wasn’t cooperating enough to take it orally or in my ear, or even under my armpit... So they’d have no choice but to wrestle down my pants, and take my temperature up my ass.

I think Landon gets the message. “Alright. No problem,” he says in understanding. “It’ll be much, much easier this time, I promise. I’m just going to help you lie down... Get you into the position you’ll be in for the cystoscopy. It’s nice and comfortable. Nothing to worry about.”

With that, Landon pulls up a pair of stirrups from the end of the bed... I’m familiar enough with that. I’ve had my feet rested in those during a urology exam, so I know it’s nothing scary.

“I’m going to have you lie down, Valen. Rest your feet in the stirrups,” Landon instructs. “Scoot your bum down.”

I slowly lie back... Prop myself up on my elbows so I can see where the stirrups are. Put my feet in them, and lie down the rest of the way. The metal feels a little cold, even through the hospital socks... Glad I have them on, then. Must be freezing with no socks on.

As I lie down, Landon holds the urinary collection bag so that it doesn’t fall between my legs and pull and cause discomfort. “We’ll be taking this out in a short bit,” he tells me, resting it against my stomach. “I’m just going to put it here for now until we’re ready for that.”

Brandon comes back from the counter, and now he’s got on a fresh pair of powder blue colored nitrile exam gloves. With him, he has a jar of Vaseline and a digital thermometer; it’s white, and it’s got a blue end.

“Alright, brother,” Brandon says, opening the Vaseline and dipping the metal tip into the petroleum jelly inside and getting it nice and coated. “Not gonna hurt at all. If it does, you let me know. Okay?”

I nod, breathing deeply.

“Cool,” Brandon says. “Take another nice deep breath. Just like that one.”

Again, I take another deep breath. And as I’m breathing out, there’s a slight pressure between my legs, right in my anal sphincter; I know that’s the thermometer; still nothing scary... Nothing to worry about. Brandon timed the insertion just right; when I’m breathing out, my whole body relaxes, so the thermometer can just slide right in. It doesn’t go in too far, either – just enough to be able to take my temperature effectively.

I just lie nice and still. Keep breathing. Try to ignore it.

“Good work, my man,” Brandon says gently. “We’re just gonna hang out here for a second...”

We do just that. Chill out. Relax. Focus on Landon rubbing my shoulder rhythmically rather than the thermometer in my butt. Even if the catheter feels a little bit tight as I build up a little bit of an erection...

As promised, it’s quick. There’s a sharp beep from the thermometer, and with ease, Brandon slides it back out. Feels a little odd. My anus is still greased up from the Vaseline.

“Perfect,” Brandon says, checking the little digital screen. He frowns, pursing his lips. “Hrm. He’s still got a fever, Shaw. One-hundred-one solid.”

Shaw, still sitting on the other side of the room, nods gently. “Thank you, Brandon,” he says. “It’s higher than the one that Jensen’s nurse took yesterday and the one Alice took this morning, but rectal temps are usually higher, as you know. I’m not going to mark it critical just yet.”

That’s a relief. I think anyways.

The thermometer must have been disposable, because Brandon tosses it. Nods once. “See? That’s not so bad,” he says.

Brandon stays with me and keeps me company while Landon heads over to the counter. He himself gets washed up in the sink. Puts on a pair of exam gloves, same shade of blue. And then he comes over with another one of those carts that has a tray on it. He trades places with Brandon, sitting down on the stool. In the meantime, Brandon goes over to the sink to replace his gloves... Wash his hands again.

“Alright. I’m going to go ahead and start preparing you for Jensen,” Landon explains. “I’m going to start with taking out the catheter. Do you think you need to pee one more time before I take it out?”

I pause for a moment... Feel things out. And after having had some liquids this morning and drinking quite a bit of water last night, I figure that my bladder is pretty full. Looking up at Landon from between my knees, I nod.

“Of course. Go ahead and pee. Take your time,” Landon says gently. “We want your bladder to be nice and empty. Best to make sure while you still have in the catheter; that’ll keep it less painful.”

Like last time, it takes me a minute because I’m still feeling vulnerable. But I just concentrate, and after a bit, I’m able to urinate. Again, I don’t really feel it because of the tube inside of my urethra, but I still manage to go. Make sure I empty out my bladder completely.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Landon mutters... I think that means my urine is still bloody. He then looks back up at me. “Is that everything?”

I nod, breathing out. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Perfect,” Landon says.

He starts by closing off the urinary bag and taking it off the catheter tube. Sets it aside on the cart. Picks up a syringe... Totally empty. No liquids, no air. Nothing in it; the plunger is pushed all the way down.

“The first thing I’m going to do, Valen, is deflate the balloon that’s keeping the catheter inside of your bladder,” Landon explains. “You’re probably used to the pressure inside at this point, so it might feel a little bit funny not having it there. I’m just going to do that for now.”

He puts the syringe tip into the empty tube — the one that doesn’t have the bag attached — and pulls out on the plunger to remove the air from the balloon. As he does that, the pressure that’s been deep inside my lower belly is relieved. Does feel a little weird… A little less full I suppose.

“There we go. Nice and easy,” Landon mutters as he pops out the syringe and unscrews the urine collection bag from the catheter. “I’m going to be taking this out now… Again, it isn’t going to hurt. It might be a little more uncomfortable because there’s no lidocaine. I’m sure Jensen also warned you about the cath passing your prostate before; I’m going to warn you about the same thing. It might not be as much of a jostle, but you will feel it.”

I nod, breathing out through tight lips. ”Okay," I mutter, but it barely even comes out because my voice is shaking so much.

The next thing I feel is... Pressure. Just a lot of pressure. It’s not comfy, but... I’m not writhing in pain, not like I was yesterday. I appreciate Landon’s warning about the neck of my bladder though... There is a little bit of a startling feeling as he passes my prostate. Mostly just that urge-to-urinate feeling. Once the catheter is out, the feeling of something inside of me is gone... Though, it isn’t as relieving as I thought it might be. That stinging feeling returns as my urethral lips come in contact again...

“There we go,” Landon says softly. Places the spent catheter on the tray with everything else that is now a biohazard, and looks over his shoulder. “Miss Serena, can we get a blanket to drape over Valen’s knees? Please and thank you.”

The female PA smiles, and nods softly. “Of course, Dr. Auburn,” she says.

With that, she brings over a blanket; one of the blue thermal ones. Smiling softly at me, she spreads it out over my spread-open knees, tucking it in around my waist a little bit.

Though, while she’s getting me all comfortable, I can’t keep my eyes off of what Landon’s doing. On the cart next to the bed, he’s got a plastic syringe that’s pre-filled with a clear gel... And based on what happened last time, it makes me nervous. I’m scared of what’s going to happen next.

I snap out of it for just a second when I hear Serena’s voice again. “Is that comfortable enough for you, Mr. Angeles?” she asks.

I swallow hard. Nod. ”Th-thank you...” I answer, voice even more shaky as my heart begins to hammer inside of my chest.

My attention immediately turns back to Landon as he taps the air bubble to the bottom of the syringe, and he prepares a clean sheet of medical paper before coming back to stand between my legs.

“Alright, Val. I have some good news and some bad news,” Landon says, voice very gentle and calm. “The good news is that because you had in the catheter, you don’t need a urethral dilation; you’re already nice and dilated so there won’t be too much discomfort from the scope.” He then smiles, but his hazel eyes are sad. “The bad news... I have a feeling you know what this is. I know you had a really rough time when Jensen did this to you yesterday because of all the pain you’re in, but... It’s worn off now, and it’s going to make the cystoscopy a lot easier for you to bear. It might not be comfortable, but the lidocaine will make it so it doesn’t hurt.”

I feel the tears quickly coming back into my eyes. I was afraid of that... I was afraid of this being another dose of lidocaine.

Landon frowns upon seeing the flood in my eyes. ”I know, Val. I know,” he says gently, reaching out and patting my knee with his free hand. “Jensen traumatized you, I know. That bastard, huh?” He chuckles a little bit, and I appreciate him trying to light the mood. ”But you know it isn’t to hurt you. It’s to help you... It’s a little rough at first, but trust me, you’ll be glad you did it. The cystoscopy would really hurt if you if we didn’t do this. Worse than the lidocaine does at first.” Again, he pats my knee. ”You trust me, don’t you?”

Breath catching, I nod. Breathing deeply, I look sharply at Brandon... Reaching out for his hand.

He chuckles softly, and holds my hand snugly in his, just like Westy did before. Even if he’s wearing latex gloves, his touch is still comforting. ”You’re alright,” he reassures me. “I’ve gotcha.”

Landon smiles. “That’s it. See? You’ve got this," he says. ”Are you ready for me to go ahead? Get it over with?”

He’s right. As much as I want to give myself a minute to mental prepare for this again, I know that if we just go right into it, the pain will be over soon enough. So taking another deep breath, I nod.

“Very good,” Landon says. He tucks up the blankets just a little bit so he can see what’s going on underneath. “Just relax. Squeeze Brandon’s hand nice and tight there.”

Next thing I feel is Landon placing the medical paper underneath my penis... And then a sting as he inserts the tip of the syringe inside of my urethra.

Knowing what’s coming next, I feel my breathing pick up. I close my eyes, and tighten my grip on Brandon’s hand.

Landon inserts the medicine, and like before, my urethra catches on fire.

It feels like sandpaper scraping at the flesh inside of me all over again. Having gone through it once doesn’t make it any easier, because just like last time, I can’t do a thing to calm down the pain. It’s just going to burn like this until it settles in.

I cry out again, breathing so hard that my chest starts heaving. A couple of tears make their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It’s taking nearly all of my strength not to scream out in agony. Sweat begins forming underneath my hairline. I think my anus is pulsing, and my abs are flexing involuntarily.

“You’re doing good,” Brandon praises me. ”Hang in just a little longer. It won’t be too much longer until it stops. I know it hurts.”

I try. I’m really fighting to make it through this. Fighting against the nuclear pain in my dick that only seems to get more and more intense. A couple of times, Landon says softly, “Try to relax your abdomen. I know it’s making you feel like you’re in control, but it might be amplifying the pain.” Again, I try. I really do try. But I’m in so much pain that I can’t help it.

But... Alas. Just like before, the burning eventually calms. It calms, and it goes numb. Nothing but a mere dull tingle. Landon begins to massage the lidocaine down to make sure my whole length is affected, just like Jensen did.

“There. There, see?” he says softly. “Nice and calm. You did it, Valen. Doesn’t that feel much better?”

I breathe out through tight lips again. Manage to nod... It does. It feels a lot better. Again, after all that pain, I feel like I can take on anything. Even the cystoscope, and I know that’s going to be a lot different than the catheter.

“Good,” Landon says, letting the blanket over my knees drop back down to cover my groin. “Let’s just wait for that to settle in while we’re waiting for Jensen. Make sure it’s all kicked in... Just relax for a little bit.”

Brandon knits his eyebrows just then. “Where is that nerd and his posse anyways?” he mutters.

That makes me laugh a bit. That’s always been Brandon’s job: lightening the mood.

For the next little bit, I’m just talking with Bran and Landon. Sometimes Shaw will chime in from the other side of the room. Talking about things completely unrelated. Just taking my mind off of things before it gets rough again. It’s nice... I find that my tears are beginning to subside a little... I think being less anxious will make this a lot easier.

I’m not safe forever, though.

After a bit of just lying back and relaxing, another three doctors come into the suite. Again, I know who they are, even if each of them are dressed in the same surgical attire: scrubs, hair pulled back into a cap, and a mask over their mouth and nose. Of course, the nurse with the pink scrubs is Alice. The youthful blue eyes belong to Westleigh – he's got on light blue scrubs. And then the eldest amongst them is none other than Jensen; it’s kind of odd to see him dressed in the dark teal scrubs he has on rather than the usual business casual attire and lab coat he wears. Still, though, he has on that signature stethoscope of his: the bluish-gray one with the metallic blue chestpiece.

I can’t say this has ever been the case for me, but seeing them makes me feel nervous rather than comforted. I know what they’re here to do.

Jensen heads over to talk to Shaw for a brief moment. While he does that, Alice and Westy come over to check on me.

“Hey there, champ,” Westy says. “Seems like you’re doing okay, huh?”

I breathe out. “Yeah...”

Alice giggles softly. “I know. I know it’s tough,” she croons. “We’re getting there, though. This is the road to making sure that you’re better.”

Clearing his throat, Westy sits himself on the stool that Landon was sitting in a minute ago. “So, Val. Here’s what’s going to happen,” he says. “I’m going to be going in with the scope, okay? While I’m doing that, Jens is going to be examining the monitors, and he’ll have Shaw assisting him. They’ll be keeping an eye out for what’s bugging you.” He looks at me with reassuring eyes. “Okay? Alice is going to be right here. Brandon and Landon are going to be helping her out.”

It’s a lot. It really is. I think my head’s starting to spin and my eyes flutter momentarily. I nod, but I barely realize I’m doing it.

Westy pats my knee with a soft smile. ”Okay, champ," he says. “I’m right here. Just getting a few things ready.”

I opt not to pay attention as he stands up and begins to prepare something that was on one of the tables next to the monitor. It sounds like metal. I don’t think I like it.

I have a feeling that Westy knows I won’t like it, either. Even after he has everything gathered and prepared, he keeps whatever he has under the blanket where I can’t see it.

Alice stands by the bed, smiling softly at me to give me courage. “It’s okay,” she reminds me. “We’ve got your back.”

Still unable to speak, I just let my eyelids flutter in response. At least I think... It might also be because I’m on the verge of passing out.

Then Jensen comes back over, and he has Shaw with him. As always, he seems calm and jovial. Though, now that he’s at my bedside, I’m shaking. I literally feel my legs shaking in the stirrups, and I’m pretty sure I hear them rattling slightly.

“Good morning, mein Freund,” he greets me gently. “I know that you might not be as happy to see me as I am to see you.” He smiles. “It’s okay. I understand.”

Even when I’m lying on this exam table, feeling cold and afraid, physically shaking, Jensen still knows how to coax even the smallest smile out of me.

“There’s that bravery I know you have,” Jensen praises me. “You’ve made it this far, hm? I know you have what it takes to make it through this. We’re all here to support you. Understand?”

Breathing out, I nod once. I do understand. They’ve been taking really good care of me this whole time. As hard as this is, I know they’re doing it to make sure that I get better as soon as possible.

“Very good,” Jensen says, blue eyes lighting up with the smile behind his surgical mask. “Now. Just so you know exactly what’s going to happen, I’m going to start explaining what we’re going to be doing to you.” He points to the monitor that’s to the left of the table. “That right there is the monitor that the imaging will show up on. I’ll be able to see it from right here, and Shaw here will be taking some notes for me. Both of us will be keeping an eye on that there – that's out job. Nice and simple. Nothing scary.”

He then motions to Westy, who’s still configuring something under the blankets and out of my sight. “I’ll have Westy here in charge of the scope,” he says. “I won’t make you look at it, but do you have a little bit of an idea of how it works?”

I dip my chin slightly. I kind of do... Alice said it’s a little bit like a colonoscope, just for my bladder instead of my colon.

“Good,” Jensen says. “Well, as I’m sure you’ve been told, it’s a long tube with a light and a camera at the end. Very thin – it's designed to fit inside of your urethra. At the end, there’s a scope that Westy can look down and have a very close look at what’s going on inside. While he’s doing that, there’s also a monitor image from the camera. As I’ve said, that’s what Shaw and I will be examining — you don’t have to look at it if it makes you nervous. Ja? Everything making sense so far?”

A little bit dazed again, I nod. Doesn’t sound terrible so far...

“Good, good. You’re getting it, my friend,” Jensen reassures me. “Now. When Westleigh inserts the scope inside of you, it won’t hurt. It’ll be a lot like the catheter – not painful, but not comfortable. You made it through a catheter in one piece, so I know that you can make it through this.” He smiles encouragingly. “It might be a little tighter and maybe a little bit more tender than the catheter was. But it won’t be terrible; the lidocaine that Landon gave you will keep it from feeling sore. Ja?”

Yet another breath out through tight lips, I nod. “Yeah,” I breathe.

Jensen then reaches past my spread legs to outline my lower stomach... Right where he was feeling yesterday. “Just like before, that pressure is going to go up through your urethra and right through here... Where your bladder lies. You’ll be able to feel it in your tummy... Feel it in your prostate a little bit. Again, it might just be a little different from the catheter; the cystoscope goes just a little bit higher up so we can see everything that’s going on. If we have to go up a little further to have a look at either of your ureters, you might get a little cramp.” He pats my tummy. “Nothing too bad, though. I promise. If you just relax, and focus on your breathing, and you stay nice and still, it won’t be painful.”

I take a deep breath. Right. Right. Focus on my breathing. Relax. Don’t move around. Just like getting a tattoo... Right?

“O-okay...” I answer. “Okay... I can do this.”

Jensen pats my knee. “That’s it! See? You’re going to be just fine, Valen. I know you are; you’re very strong,” he reassures me. “Are you ready to get started? You’ll have it over with and done before you know it.”

I know he’s right. It’ll be done with soon. So I nod, even if I’m entirely sure that I am ready. It’ll be over soon if I just start now...

“O-okay...” I whimper. “I’m ready.”

Jensen nods. “Okay, my friend. Westy and I are going to wash up and glove up,” he says. “Take a minute to breathe.”

Both Jensen and Westy head over to the sink to wash their hands really, really well. I just rest my head back. Stare at the ceiling and try to breathe. Thankfully, I’m not alone. Alice sits next to the monitor and rubs my shoulder gently. She doesn’t have on gloves, so she feels nice and warm.

Jensen and Westy come back over, and they’ve both got on the same gloves that the others have on. Westy sits back on the stool between my legs, and Jensen sits in the chair that’s on my left side. Shaw has all the work with the monitor covered – he can take notes and make any marks on the touchscreen computer on the other side of the table.

“Alright, my friend,” Jensen says. “I’m going to be right here with you through this. Turn the monitor just a little bit, if you would, Shaw. Thank you very much.” He then takes my hand into his, and gives it a gentle squeeze. It isn’t as warm as Alice’s touch because of his gloves, but it’s comforting to have him here. “Are you sure that you’re ready to go ahead?”

I’m breathing even faster now, swallowing my own breath. But still, I nod. “I’m ready,” I squeak.

Jensen nods in confirmation. “Very well,” he says. “Westleigh, you can start with the scope.”

“Okay,” Westy responds. “Just relax, Valen. It’s very important that you relax through this. It’s going to make it so much easier for you.” I hear that metal again... I have to look away from him. “Now. Big breath. I’m going in with the scope. Might feel a little cold….”

I take his advice, and I breathe in really deeply. As much as my chest will allow me.

The next thing I feel is against my dick. It’s cold... Even with everything down there feeling all numb, I know that it’s cold and metal. That cold, hard metal begins to slide into my urethra, and... It doesn’t hurt. It isn’t necessarily pain that I feel.

It’s just really, really uncomfortable. There’s a deep, deep pressure inside of my urethra. It feels tight, and I can’t help but tense myself up. My hard breathing becomes fast, and I’m nearly hyperventilating. It’s hard. I have to restraint myself from bucking my hips and coming off the table. I was asked to sit still for a reason; I could end up hurt if I move while the scope is inside of me.

“Ah, ah...” Jensen coaxes me gently. “Breathe, Valen. We need you to be breathing.”

I squeeze his hand, feeling tears forming at the corners of my eyes again. “I... I-I can’t,” I whimper.

Alice frowns, making a sad sound as she continues to rub my shoulder gently.

“I know. I know it’s hard,” Jensen reassures me. “I just need you to try. If you tense up, West will have a tough time trying to get the scope inside of you, and the struggle is only going to make you more uncomfy.” He gives my hand a squeeze and pats my shoulder. “Try it with me here. We’re going to breathe… Just breathe…”

And as Jensen breathes calmly, I try it as well. I just try to breathe calmly as well. Granted, it’s still heavy as hell, especially as the scope makes its way further down my urethra. But I find that it gives me something to focus on other than that.

“You’re doing fantastic,” Jensen says gently. “Just keep up the breathing. You’re doing very well. Breathe. Just breathe…”

As Westy takes his time with easing the scope into my urethra, Jensen begins to sing to me very, very gently and softly.

“Breathe, breathe in the air

Don't be afraid to care

Leave, but don't leave me

Look around, choose your own ground…”

It’s soothing, really, hearing Jensen’s soft singing voice. As he sings the rest of the song, he only pauses to say a couple of things to Shaw and Westy. Mostly things like “Make note of that urethral irritation for me, Shaw,” and “Stop there for a minute, Westleigh. Just want to have a look.”

All the while, I just do my best breathing. Listen to Jensen sing to me.

“Long you live and high you fly

Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry

And all you touch and all you see

Is all your life will ever be

Run, rabbit, run

Dig that hole, forget the sun

When, at last, the work is done

Don't sit down, it's time to dig another one

Long you live and high you fly

But only if you ride the tide

Balanced on the biggest wave

You race towards an early grave.”

Just then, the pressure in my urethra begins to slide into my lower stomach… I think Westy’s beginning to slide it into my bladder now.

“Doing really good with the breathing, Valen. Proud of you,” Westy says. “If you can, try to let your knees fall apart. Open up your hips.”

Afraid that there will be even more pressure, I hesitate… But then slowly let my knees fall to the sides a little more. Relax my hips so he doesn’t have a hard time getting into my bladder.

I just keep on breathing, even as the pressure gets a little worse.

“That’s it,” Jensen says gently. “Take it easy. You’re making great progress.”

Though, once Westy’s inside of my bladder, Shae frowns visible, and Jensen nods knowingly.

“Mhm, mhm. I see it,” Jensen says to Shaw. “There’s our problem. Just as I thought; the calcium in the urine and blood samples make a lot of sense now.”

Shaw nods solemnly. “I agree. I definitely agree,” he says. “Westy, shed a little more light here. Just make sure everything’s okay.”

Breath catching, I try to lift up my head to look at Westy in horror. “Wh… What?” I gasp sharply. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong with me?”

Jensen and Alice are both very quick to help me lay back down. “Ahh, nothing’s wrong, my friend. Everything’s under control,” Jensen reassures me. “I’m quite sure we have a diagnosis, but… We still want to have a look and make sure everything’s okay here. Just relax. Stay lying back. Relax.”

Alice softly strokes my forehead, coaxing me into relaxing further; relaxing my entire body instead of just lying down. “It’s okay, Valen,” she reassures me. “It’s okay. Try to keep up with those long, slow breaths. You were doing really well with that and I think they were helping a lot.”

I try. I’m trying to keep up with the long, slow breaths, but my chest still feels real heavy. Heavy and raspy. There’s a metal tube deep in my bladder, and something going on in there... I can barely breathe.

But... Ever the good doctor, Jensen knows how to calm me back down, even if it’s just a little bit. He gives me a gentle rub to the shoulder, smiles gently at me. “See? It’s alright. Everything’s okay, mein freund.”

And in that same, calm voice, he sings to me again. A selection from America’s songs in particular. Just to keep my mind off of things. Just to keep me calm.

I just have to close my eyes and listen to him. Let Westy do his work. My only complaint is a wave of silent tears that overcome me, dripping off the sides of my temples.

I think Westy is giving Shaw and Jensen a close, personal look at every inch of my bladder. Checking for injuries, any signs of cancer or anything, I suppose... And I get it. Even in all of this distress, I don’t want anything to get missed. It’ll only be harder if something is missed.

The discomfort gets a little bit worse when Westy guides the scope a little further up the neck of my bladder to get a look at my ureters. As Jensen warned me, there is a little bit more cramping. I wince, trying with everything I have not to squirm too much... I’ll only hurt myself if I move, and Westy isn’t ready for me to move. The pain is kind of weird, though... It doesn’t hurt like it had been before, when I wasn’t able to pee. Just cramped, probably because there’s literal metal being fit into a place where nothing is supposed to go.

I think Landon was right... This would hurt way worse if I didn’t have that Lidocaine.

I don’t even want to think about how much that would hurt.

Alice and Jensen are quick to help me through the pain; Alice places a gentle palm over my forehead to try to cool me off a little bit while I’m exerting so much of myself, and Jensen pauses in his singing to reassure me, “You’re alright. Squeeze my hand... Breathe like you’re having a baby, just like before. The pain will pass.”

I do just that; I squeeze his hand so hard I’m afraid I’m hurting him, not unlike what I did to Westleigh yesterday. But Jensen’s there... He lets me do what I need to do to make it through the pain.

Landon even brings over a nice, cool, damp cloth, which he gives to Alice so she can place it over my forehead. Bring my body temperature and my stress levels down as much as possible.

After a second, he smiles softly. “There. There we go. Blood pressure’s coming down a whole lot,” he says. “Feel better, Valen?”

Still concentrating too hard to speak outright, I just nod. It does feel better... Definitely not sweating as much. The cold cloth against my skin makes the rest of my body feel cool. It helps... It definitely helps.

Alice giggles, and I can tell she’s smiling behind her own mask. “You look a lot better,” she says. “The color’s coming back to your cheeks. You’re doing so well.”

Jensen nods in agreement, those blue eyes of his reflecting that calm reassurance; he’s definitely smiling. “You are, Valen. You’re doing incredibly,” he says. “Not too much longer. We’re almost done here.”

Thankfully.... He’s right.

For just a little while longer, I stay laying down as still as I can. Holding Jensen’s hand for dear life and just letting him sing to me. Relaxing as Alice gives my arm a gentle scratch... It feels good against my skin... Gives me another calming, rhythmic motion to focus on instead of what’s happening between my legs. Bran and Landon are still standing by, as they have been the whole procedure. Making sure everything finishes off without a hitch.

Then finally, Westleigh nods to Shaw and his father. “We have our diagnosis?” he asks.

Shaw nods in confirmation. “Most definitely,” he says. “I think with what we found here we can pair it with everything else and make sure we have the treatment for our poor friend here.”

Jensen grins. “I do agree,” he says.

With that, Westy looks up at me. “Alright, Valen. We’re all done with the scope here,” he says. “I’m going to come out now. Once again, you’ll feel some discomfort, but it shouldn’t hurt; it will go a lot smoother for you if you just let it happen. Don’t try to force the scope out, just let your body release it as it comes out on its own. Okay?”

I breathe out shakily. Finally manage a verbal, “’kay.”

With that, Westy begins to slowly pull the scope from my urethra. Like before, I can feel it happening... It doesn’t hurt, I can just feel it. It takes a lot to keep from tensing up and forcing it out... It’s almost at the end, and as soon as this scope comes out, it’ll be over. But I don’t... The pressure on my prostate is pretty significant, and it’ll only get worse if I tense up. I just focus on my breathing... Focus... It’s almost over.

And before I know it, it’s finally over. The scope recedes from my urethral meatus, and Westy pats my knee gently with a smile. “You made it, Valen,” he reassures me. “It’s all over. You’re so strong, you made it, man.”

Jensen pats my shoulder gently. “Let’s get you up, my friend,” he says. “Nice and easy here.”

Westy lets me push myself back on the table, then helps me take my feet out of the stirrups. Jensen and Alice help me sit up from there. I can be sure that it’s really over when Brandon unstraps the blood pressure cuff from my arm and unclamps it from my finger.

“Are you alright?” Jensen asks gently.

I nod. I’m okay. Still a little breathless, but I’m okay.

Jensen pats my shoulder. “Good. You did an amazing job, Valen. You were nice and still and calm, and it made it very easy to do our job. We’re on the right track to making sure you feel better.” He smiles. “Now. Westleigh and I are going to have a word with Shaw for a moment about what we think is going on with you, and what the best course of treatment is going to be. We’re essentially sure we know what’s wrong, but we just need to figure it out. Alice is going to take you back to your room. Let you rest and recover for a little bit.” He then taps my shoulder with his finger. “On one condition, though. You need to be drinking plenty of water. It’s going to make the process of relieving you a lot easier if you drink plenty of water.”

I nod. I nod hard and wipe my forehead with the cloth Landon gave me. I can do that. I’ll drink as much water as they want me to drink if I can just lie down for a couple of minutes.

Jensen chuckles softly. ”Good. Very good,” he says. “Well, Westy and I will catch up with you in just a little while. Alice is going to take you back to your room to rest for a little bit.”

With that, Alice pushes over the wheelchair next to the bed so I’ll have easy access to it. Jensen and Westy help me off of the table and plant myself in the chair.

Before heading off, Jensen gives me another gentle rub to the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, Valen. You’ve been doing so well,” he tells me. “We’re almost there... We’re on the road to you feeling better. Hang in there. Rest up for a bit and then we can talk.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze, as if attempting to grab my attention. “Plenty of water,” he reminds me.

I nod absentmindedly. “Right. Plenty of water,” I slur.

And on that note... I’m free for now. They don’t need to examine me again. They don’t put a catheter back in. I’m just free.

I’d like to say I’m relieved... But I know deep down there’s probably a reason for that and I’m not going to like it later.

As promised, Alice takes me back to my room, only stopping to grab me a couple big bottles of water. Once we’re back at my room, she helps me back into bed... Sitting on the side, then swinging my legs back around. I’m still a little sore. She even helps me tuck my sweatshirt back up onto my shoulders.

Before heading off again, Alice smiles, stroking a gentle knuckle against my cheek. “You did really good, Valen,” she says. “I know that was tough, but you made it through. We knew you could do it.” She then pats my shoulder and hands me one of the water bottles she grabbed for me. “Now, rest up and relax. Jensen and Westy will want to see you again shortly. Take a nap if you can... I’m sure you’re exhausted. Drink plenty of water; I know Jensen made that really clear, but I just want to remind you. It’ll make treating you a lot easier.” She rubs her hand down my shoulder. “If you need to pee, page me right away.” Again, she smiles, but her eyes seem sad again. “Okay?”

I nod. “Okay,” I agree, finding my voice sounds really hoarse now. “Thank you Alice.”

And then she leaves me to have some alone time... I really could use it, I suppose, if Jensen and Westy have plans for some other procedure. As much as I’d love to nap, I don’t think I can... My mind is racing a bit too much and I can’t stop thinking about what could possibly be coming.

So I sit up and awake. Drink plenty of water.

Whatever’s going to make it easiest for me.