Well shit.

I’ve been in a hellish amount of pain all day, seemingly for no reason. My lower back hurts… It hurts so much that my waist kind of hurts too. I haven’t been able to stay standing for more than five minutes at a time. My lower stomach hurts five times worse… I can only describe it as what a woman feels like when she’s on her period. It’s odd, but I can’t seem to position my dick comfortably inside of my boxer briefs, and somehow, it amplifies all the rest of the pain I’m in.

Not to mention how sick I feel.

It isn’t like I’m keeling over and throwing up or anything. I just feel achy all over. Tired. Sweaty. Kind of cold.

Probably just a bad day, I’m sure.

I’m hanging out at Blue Lightning this late afternoon... Chace Tinsley’s tattoo and piercing shop. It’s just a few of us. Chilling. Talking. Having iced coffee and such between appointments. It’s just Dakota Hadley and I from the outside; the rest are Chace and his artists.

I’m sitting back in a chair for a bit. Able to keep up, for the most part, even though I don’t feel good at all. I’ve also been super thirsty, so... I have lemonade rather than coffee. I figured it would keep me hydrated a little better. It might be working. I’m so exhausted I can barely tell.

Though, in the midst of everything, I’m getting that same lower-abdominal cramp. It’s bad now... Mostly because I have to pee. The longer I wait, the worse the cramps get.

That’s kind of weird. I’ve definitely had those moments when I was squirming in my chair because I’ve had to pee really bad. Maybe I couldn’t fold over without squeezing my bladder the wrong way, or I have to unbutton the first couple of buttons on my jeans because of it. Undo my seatbelt for a minute. I’ve never been cramped like this, though.

Maybe I ought to just try to go. I’m probably dehydrated and need to take in more water. I’ll pee... Then head down the street to grab a couple of water bottles. I think that’s what I need now... Water. Lemonade’s not going to cut it for the rest of the evening, I don’t think.

So I excuse myself. Head into the bathroom.

And now I’ve got privacy to relieve myself. Take down my jeans. My boxer briefs. Just taking my penis out of my pants is enough to irritate it. Damn, I’ve really gotta drink water. I think that’s what’s going on. That’s probably what has me feeling so awful.

I try to pee like I normally would. Try.

I’m standing here for like, five minutes, and nothing’s coming out. Nothing.

I don’t understand. I thought I had to go bad enough that I was getting cramps.

But the cramps aren’t going away. They’re still there, deep in my lower abdomen, right where my bladder is. No pee is coming out, though. I physically can’t relieve myself.

I find myself panicking. I try to push. That’s the one thing I can think of doing: pushing. I turn on the water in the sink to see if it’ll help me, and I push. Stick my hand under the hot flow of the water for a minute; a hot shower can make anyone pee. Keep pushing.

Nothing’s working. I can’t pee. As bad as I have to, I can’t.

So with my free hand, I press in on my lower stomach underneath my belly button, right where my bladder is. And while I’m pressing there, I push. I push as hard as I can manage.

And I finally start peeing.

But there’s a problem.

It isn’t just dark, dehydrated pee. It doesn’t just hurt like pins and needles and the fires of hell inside of my urethra.

No... The piss coming out of me right now is red. Like cranberry juice red.

That’s blood. That’s definitely blood.

I find myself beginning to hyperventilate, and my chest feels tight with anxiety. What the hell? Why am I pissing straight blood? What the fuck is going on?

Even then, not even a lot of pee comes out. It’s mostly a weak, thin stream into the toilet for a couple of seconds. A dribble of blood onto the toilet seat.

And that’s it. My bladder still feels full to the brim, but that’s all that’ll come out.

It’s all I want to have come out, really. My entire lower half throbs. Throbs. My dick is so sore that it hurts to move it. I feel even more sick. Dizzy now, too.

I’m done... I’m done...

I pull my underwear and pants back up around my waist, swaying... I can barely feel my head. I’m in so much pain, I can barely bend below the waist.

I need to get water... I need water. I’m really dehydrated. My head is hammering.

But I don’t get that far.

I don’t get to washing my hands in the sink that’s still fucking running.

Hell, I don’t even get to buttoning my pants, even though I think that would just hurt more.

No. In a mixture of being in so much excruciating pain and disgusted by what just came out of me, I feel myself fading. Fading fast. My vision fizzles out.

Next thing I know, I’m falling. I smash my forehead on the corner of the sink. Slump backwards against the wall, where I lie on my back, barely propped up. Legs spread, one of which falls flat against the floor. My other foot is propped up by the heel of my combat boot…

And it all just fades.

I don’t know how long it is. My perception of time is lost. It’s beyond me.

I fade in and out of reality... I think the one thing keeping me at least semi-conscious is the sound of the running sink. The blurry, red and black of the bathroom walls come into my vision... The white of the sink and the toilet... Then I’m back out.

It’s a vicious cycle, and... Again... I don’t know how long I’ve been here.

Though... I think what yanks me back out is the sudden squeeze on the pressure point of my shoulder. The male voice crying out into my ear, “Valen!”

I think it shocks me into waking up, and being able to stay awake.

Through my blurry vision, I see Chace beside me. Dakota’s sitting down beside me. A couple of Chace’s artists came in, too. I see Rosa, crouching right beside Dakota. Then there’s Magnus and Zane standing around, probably to see if I’m okay.

I answer with a groan, feeling tears come to my eyes. Tears because I’m in pain and I’m worried as hell. “Y... Yeah?” I whimper.

Chace knits his eyebrows and looks at me with absolute worry. “Valen... What’s going on? Are you alright?” he asks gently. He looks over his shoulder briefly. “You left the sink on, and... You’ve been in here for like ten minutes. We found you like this on the floor and blood in the toilet.”

Dakota rubs my shoulder softly. “Did you pass out, Valen?” she asks.

I find that there’s a spot on my forehead that’s throbbing and burning. I reach up to try to soothe it, only to find that touching it causes my skin to go up in flames. When I look at my fingers, I find blood.

“I... I don’t know,” I squeak weakly. “I think so...”

Zane shakes his head, and he looks very concerned too. “Damn,” he mutters. “You musta hit your head on the sink when you went down.”

Chace then looks over his shoulder again. “Where did all that blood come from, Valen?” he asks. “It’s not from your head... There’s a gash in your head but it isn’t bleeding that much. Do you remember what happened?”

I remember. I remember clearly, even through all the fogginess. And my chest begins to heave with terrified, heavy breathing when I think about it. I don’t know why it happened. But it’s gotta be bad. Something’s wrong with me.

Dakota strokes my hair comfortingly, seeing as I’ve begun to hyperventilate. “It’s alright, Valen. Everything’s going to be okay,” she tells me softly. “Did you throw up blood?”

I can’t speak... My chest is just too heavy. It feels like there’s a lead brick right in the center of my sternum. I’m really nervous... I don’t know what’s going on.

Chace squeezes my shoulder again. “Valen. Breathe for a minute, man,” he tells me calmly. “We need to know where the blood came out of so we know what we need to do to help you.”

I try to breathe as much as I can so I can speak. Try to ward off the panic attack so I can tell them what’s wrong.

And when I can breathe through the pain in my chest, I speak as best as I can.

“No... No I didn’t throw up,” I answer, sounding like I’m on the verge of tears. “It’s... It’s pee. I peed blood.”

Everyone looks at each other with worry... Even they’re at a loss. No one knows what to do for that.

Magnus looks back at the toilet briefly. “Jesus Christ. That’s, like, straight blood,” he says. “And you haven’t been feeling well at all, have you? What’s going on?”

Dakota reaches over and places her hand against my forehead, carefully avoiding my wound, and then against my cheek. “You’re burning up, Valen. You feel real hot. It feels like you have a fever,” she says gently, trying to stay calm. “Something’s going on with you. You’ve been feeling sore, too, haven’t you?”

Rosa frowns, reaching out and scratching my beard softly. “Do you need anything, Valen?” she asks.

I nod vigorously. Yes... Yes, I do. I’ve needed it since before this even happened, it’s because I’m dehydrated. It has to be. “W... Water. Please,” I whimper. “I need water.”

Chace nods in agreement. “Yeah. Yeah, he needs water,” he says. “It might not solve it at all, but... He does need water.”

With that, Rosa nods. Rushes out to grab some water from the cooler.

The others look back at the toilet, then back at each other.

“Seriously. That is a lot of blood,” Magnus mutters. “Especially to come out of his bladder or whatever like that.”

Chace shakes his head. “I really don’t think it’s gonna stop with Tylenol or rest, dude. You’ve gotta go to the doctor. Bad,” he says.

Zane nods in agreement. “Especially because you passed out, and you’re still just barely with us,” he points out. “I’d go so far as to say we need to call an ambulance.”

My stomach falls when he says that. No… No I don’t want to be taken out in an ambulance. I’m fine, really, I just…

But I can’t make that argument. Not only because I’m half dead with no energy, but because the scene says otherwise. Anything I try to convince them of, they won’t take it.

I just whimper. Collapse my head back against the wall.

Dakota frowns, continuing to scratch my shoulder softly. “I know. I know, hon,” she reassures me. “It’ll be alright. It will. You’re really not doing well and you need help. It’s too big for us to take care of by ourselves.”

Chance nods in Magnus’ direction. “Here. Call 911,” he says. “Get some alcohol and some gauze to clean up the wound on his head, ‘cause that’s a bad son of a bitch. That won’t close up without stitches; we should probably give the docs a hand with it, since we’re able.” He then smiles sadly in my direction. “We’ll make sure Valen’s alright and stays awake. Rosa will be back with water in a second.”

Magnus nods. “Cool. I’m on it,” he says. As he heads out to grab the supplies we need to take care of my cut, he takes out his phone to call 911.

Right after he leaves, Rosa comes running back in with two plastic cups full to the brim with water. She kneels back down beside me, and she hands me one of the cups. “Here you are, conejito,” she whispers. “Finish that one and then I’ll give you the next one.”

I take it from her. Even though I know I need this water more than anything, I don’t chug it. I’m feeling nauseous; I’m in so much pain I feel like I’m going to throw up. So I take baby sips. Just a couple at a time. Still, the water feels good in my mouth. It feels wet... Cold...

Zane frowns. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so unwell, man,” he says. “How long have you been feeling bad?”

I shrug. “I mean… I felt kind of drowsy and ill last night before I went to bed,” I say. “But… Waking up, I… I felt like crap. Everything hurts… Especially my back, and my lower belly.”

Chace shakes his head. “It doesn’t sound good. This is probably way out of our control,” he says. “Blood in the urine can be serious. Especially so much that it’s just red pee.”

I try to breathe deeply, but it comes out all shaky, and it doesn’t make me feel any calmer. Tears begin to flood my eyes. “I… I’m scared,” I squeak weakly. The tears sound really thick on my voice now.

Zane reaches out and pats my shoulder. “Naww, you don’t gotta be scared, Angeles,” he tells me gently. “You’re gonna be okay. The paramedics are gonna take care of you, and the doctors are gonna figure out what’s wrong. Nothing to be scared of.”

Just then, Magnus comes back. He’s got a bottle of cleansing alcohol and a whole packet of gauze squares. A new, fresh packet too. He’s also wearing the black, nitrile gloves the artists wear when they’re tattooing people. He nods reassuringly, both to me and the others. “Ambulance is coming. They’ll be here as soon as they can, they just said to keep the front door and the bathroom unlocked. They also said not to flush the toilet so they can see what came out of Angeles.”

Chace nods. “No problem. Sounds good; we can do that,” he says.

With that, Magnus crouches beside me. He dampens one of the gauze squares with some alcohol, and dabs at the wound on my forehead nice and carefully to clean it out and stop the bleeding a little bit. I hiss sharply, squeezing my eyes shut. It stings like hell, but… I stay still and let him do it.

Magnus chuckles. “You’re lucky you had this happen in a tattoo shop, huh?” he points out. “We can take care of it a little bit for ya.”

That manages to get a chuckle out of me. He’s right; I’m pretty damn lucky they have the supplies.

Between the pain I’m in with both my midsection and Magnus cleaning out the cut, Dakota holds my hand. Squeezes it nice and tight. I think she’s afraid I’m going to pass out again... And honestly, if she wasn’t supporting me like this, I think I might. So I squeeze her hand right back to distract myself from the pain.

I just have to make it until the paramedics get here.

Try to focus on squeezing Dakota’s hand. Take a sip of water every so often.

Still... I don’t think anything’s going to keep me from feeling completely scared. I am scared. There’s something going completely wrong in my urinary system. I don’t know what it is, but I’m in a huge amount of pain.

I’m scared to find out what it is.

It’s probably not long, but because of how much pain I’m in, it feels like hours. I’m just sitting on the bathroom floor, talking to people to stay awake and trying not to cry. I make sure I drink enough water, too... I’m more than halfway finished with the second cup Rosa gave me.

But the paramedics come into the bathroom eventually. Chace, Magnus, Zane and Rosa all step out to give them room, seeing as they’ve got a lot of stuff. I think they have a goddamn gurney...

Unfortunately... It doesn’t seem like I recognize any of the paramedics that are here right now. They have a medical bag, and yep... They’ve got a gurney. I’m going to the hospital, no question. Whether I want to or not.

“Hey there,” one of the guys says gently. Greets me with a smile. The patch on his uniform says Reed. “Everything okay there?”

I breathe deeply, but it’s shaking. I want to say I’m fine, but again... The scene. I’m anything but okay, according to what they’re looking at.

“N... No,” I whimper. “No...”

Reed’s still smiling, but his eyes look sad. “I’m very sorry that you’re having a rough time. We’re glad that you’re safe, but... We’re sorry that you’re feeling rough,” he says. He looks over his shoulder at the other two paramedics, who took to looking at the blood in the toilet. “Do you mind explaining briefly what’s going on?”

Dakota squeezes my hand, encouraging me to speak.

I take another deep breath. Just trying to put my head on straight so I can explain calmly.

“I... I wasn’t feeling well last night. Kind of sluggish and tired,” I tell them. “And... When I woke up it was just worse. I felt sore all over... But it’s definitely coming from my lower belly, and... And lower-back, and my waist. I just feel sick.” The tears well up all over again... So much that my lip starts to quiver. “I really had to pee, so... I tried, and... I was here for so long just trying, and nothing was coming. I pushed, and pushed, and nothing came out... Not... Not until I pressed down on my stomach with my hand, and... When I did it was... It was all blood.” I sniffle... Take a sip of my water to try to ward off the tears, but it doesn’t seem to work. “I passed out. Hit my head, and... I haven’t been able to get up. Been fading in and out the past little bit before they came and found me.”

Reed nods. “Okay... Alright. I understand,” he mutters. “Well, everything’s going to be okay. We’re going to get you checked out a little bit. Take some vitals. Then we’ll bring you to the hospital. The doctors will probably want to do some tests on you. Stitch up the wound on your head.”

I’m struggling to keep the tears in now. I look at Dakota with big tears in my eyes. “I’m scared,” I whimper again.

She frowns, stroking my beard with a soft, “Aww, shug...”

Reed pats my shoulder, smiling reassuringly. “It’s alright. Don’t be scared, man, you’re in good hands. All the way through, you’re going to be taken care of,” he says. “What can we call you?”

I take another sip of water. Use both my hand and Dakota’s to wipe at my eyes. “You can call me Valen,” I say, voice sounding weak. “Valen is fine.”

Reed nods. “Alright, Valen,” he says gently. “Is it okay if I have one of my partners take a look at you? Take some quick vitals from you?”

I nod. “O-okay.”

With that, Reed allows for the guy with the medical bag to come over, while he looks over the blood with the female paramedic. This guy’s patch reads Sandwick.

He smiles too, very comfortingly. “Hey there, Valen,” he says softly, pulling on a pair of light blue, nitrile exam gloves. “I’m going to be taking your vitals. Your job is to just relax, alright?”

I just nod, breathing out through tight lips.

“Alright,” he says. He pulls at the stethoscope around his neck briefly. “I’m going to start by listening to your chest and your breathing. I know that you’re alive and breathing now, but you did pass out. I just want to make sure that nothing happened that’ll block your passages before we get you to the hospital. If anything sounds off, you will need oxygen. Understand?”

Again, I just nod.

I stay lying back against the wall. Allow him to push up my black tank top so that my chest is exposed for easy access. Reveals my tattoos on my torso and my pierced nipples.

Sandwick places his stethoscope in his ears. And with an extremely gentle touch, he turns my necklaces to rest against my back so they’re not clinking in his ears. Places the chest piece against my chest, right underneath my pec. It’s chilly... The metal is cold against my skin. I feel goosebumps begin to pop up underneath my skin because of the chill I get.

But still, the paramedic is really gentle. He keeps the chest piece lightly pressed. Just listens to my heart... All the different areas, making sure not to miss out on anything. Moves that chestpiece to those four parts of my left pec where the pumping of my heart can be listened to.

“Good,” Sandwick says gently. He places the chestpiece against the right side of my upper chest. “Take a couple of deep breaths.”

Even though my chest still feels tight with the anxiety, I do. I fill my lungs as much as I can, then let it all the way out. Breathe in deeply, let it all the way out. Kind of helps with the anxiety, if anything.

Sandwick then moves the stethoscope to the other side of my chest. “And again. Another couple of deep breaths.”

I do the same thing. Take a couple more full deep breaths so he can listen to what’s going on deep inside of my chest. Make sure I’m breathing so I don’t have to be put on oxygen.

“Good. Everything sounds okay,” Sandwick says, resting the earpieces of his stethoscope around his neck for easy access later. “No airway blockage, and your heart is beating fast and clear 一 I know you said you were feeling a little nervous, so the heavy breathing and the racing heart is normal. No oxygen or CPR needed.” He tucks down my tank top over my chest.

He then uses the alcohol and the gauze pad that Magnus had to wipe up more of the blood that’s leaking from the wound. I squeeze Dakota’s hand to ward off the discomfort of the sting.

“Alright. I’m going to take your pulse right on your neck, alright? It’s strongest there so I can get the best feel of what your heart rate is,” he says. “I’m going to have you turn your head to the left to look at your pretty friend there.” He smiles softly.

I do. I turn to look at Dakota, and she looks right at me. She can tell that I’m thinking about crying... She sees the tears in my eyes. She looks at me with a smile. Rolls her eyes in the direction of Sandwick and kind of laughs.

I can’t help but laugh too. She did not take to that “pretty friend” comment very well. If there’s one thing I know about Dakota, she is not your “pretty girl.” She’s Tony Medellin’s pretty girl, and she’ll tell you that long before Tony himself can. She’s a tough, badass woman. An ex-Army soldier.

Regardless. He’s taking care of me, so I ought to let him.

When I’ve got my head turned, Sandwick places two fingers on the artery under my jaw. Very gentle touch, doesn’t press too hard. I just keep making eye contact with Dakota. She’s smiling at me encouragingly. Giving me the emotional strength I need. “You’re okay,” she keeps reassuring me. “Don’t cry. Nothing to be afraid about.”

Sandwick counts the beats of my pulse. Keeps an eye on his wristwatch all the while. It’s about a minute before he turns my chin back. Dabs more blood out of the wound. “You’re at about seventy-six beats per minute,” he tells me. “Again, it’s within a healthy range. You’re just nervous, and that’s okay.”

He then goes through his medical bag, and he takes out a blood pressure cuff. “I’m going to ask to borrow one of your arms here 一 I’m going to take your blood pressure.” He motions to my cup that has a few sips of water left. “Are you done with your water here?”

I raise it to my lips. Finish the last few sips that are left, then nod. “Am now,” I say.

Sandwick nods. “I can take that cup from you,” he says.

I give it to him to throw away later, and now that my arm is free, I offer him my arm. Allow him to take my hand and place it on his shoulder so it’s stretched out. He wraps the cuff around my bicep, and straps it there. Puts his stethoscope back in his ears, and places the chestpiece against the inside of my arm with his thumb.

I just sit still while he pumps air into the cuff... Gives my arm a squeeze and makes the artery in my arm tick a little bit.

It’s so uncomfortable. Seriously. I’m usually okay with having my blood pressure taken. But with everything else going on between my head wound and the overall peeing problem, I’m already uncomfortable enough. The squeeze on the arm is adding to it all and making me feel lightheaded again.

Dakota notices. She reaches up and gives me a couple of really gentle smacks against the face. “Stay awake, Valen,” she says gently. “I know it’s uncomfortable but he’s almost done.”

Thankfully, he is. He listens to the pulse in my arm... Counts them carefully. Then he lets out the air... Counts those pulses.

And I find that I’m a lot less squirmy then.

Sandwick finishes pretty quick. Puts his stethoscope fully back around his neck and unwraps the cuff from my arm. “Well, it’s a little bit high, here, Valen,” he explains to me, packing it into his bag again. “Again, it’s all because you’re nervous, so I’m not worried. Though, because you’re having some problems with bleeding, the doctors might give you a small dose of medicine to help lower it.”

I swallow hard. Nod once.

Sandwick then takes out a penlight from the pocket of his uniform. “And then I’m just going to take a look at your eyes and pupil dilation,” he says. “Just because you passed out, and you were fading in and out of consciousness. That, and... You hit your head hard enough to get a cut; we’d hate for you to be dealing with a concussion on top of everything else.”

He clicks on the light, shining it into my eyes. Honestly, it perks me up a little bit. Sandwick then holds up a finger for a second. “Stare right at my nose. Don’t move your eyes,” he tells me.

I do. I focus on his nose. Let him move the light in and out of my vision to test my pupil dilation. Doesn’t bother me. Not at all.

Sandwick then nods once. “Okay, good… Now follow the light here with just your eyes,” he instructs.

As he moves the light, I follow it with my eyes. He moves it from side to side a couple of times… Up and down. To each diagonal once as well. And I just follow it. Just with my eyes, keeping my head still. Easy enough.

With that, he clicks off his light. Puts it back in his pocket. “Well, the good news is that you don’t seem to have a concussion,” he tells me, using a new piece of gauze and a little more alcohol to wipe the blood from my forehead. “Just a little cut that needs a couple of stitches.”

I just sigh heavily. Blink slow once.

Sandwick then looks over his shoulder at Reed and the female paramedic. “How’s it looking over there?” he asks.

The female paramedic frowns. “Well, considering the color of his urine, it seems like something more than just irritation of his urethra,” she explains. “It’s most likely centered in his bladder or his kidneys. And if his bladder still feels full even after going to the bathroom, he’s going to need his bladder drained.” She nods. “He needs to go to the hospital.”

It’s probably stupid of me because I knew that I was going to the hospital. But still… I find myself beginning to cry. Just something about it being official makes me feel that much more nervous all over again. I only just now realize how much I don’t want to go to the hospital. My lip trembles and tears begin streaming down my cheeks. Wet sniffles.

Dakota frowns, stroking my face carefully. “Aw, Val, shug, it’s alright,” she says softly. “They’re gonna take care of you at the hospital. You don’t have anything to be afraid of. Everything is going to be okay.”

I let out a low whimper. A long, deep whimper. I know she’s right; the doctors are going to take care of me, and that I don’t have to be scared.

But… I’m just plain scared. I don’t know what’s going on at all, and it has me on edge. I think I just have to accept that I’m a little nervous.

The female paramedic — I notice that her patch says Donahue — smiles, though her eyes are still sad. “It’ll be alright, Valen,” she reassures me. “I know that you’re apprehensive, and that’s alright. You’re going to be taken care of very, very well. They’re going to figure this out.” She then crouches right beside Sandwick. “Here. You must be uncomfortable on the floor like this. Not comfortable for your sore tummy, I’m sure.” She pats my shoulder to help me feel more comfortable. “Tell you what. We’ll get you to lie down on the gurney, if you’re feeling comfortable. I’m going to hook you up to an IV — nothing to be nervous about, I promise you. You’re just in need of a lot of hydration, but it might not be a good idea to ingest too much more water until they can get your bladder drained. We don’t want it to get too full if you can’t relieve yourself. Then when you’re all set there, we can get you into the ambulance… Make sure that you get to the hospital nice and safely. Okay?”

I just nod. Sniffle wetly again. I really ought to trust them. Try to relax at least a little bit.

With that, Reed comes back over. Smiles at me reassuringly again. “Alright, Valen. I’m going to pick you up here,” he explains. “I’ll be really careful, alright? I know your midsection and your back hurt a little, so I won’t fold you up or stretch you too much.”

Dakota pats my hand, then my shoulder gently. “You’re gonna be okay,” she reminds me, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Don’t be scared.”

I nod to her. “Okay,” I say, voice quiet through the tears. I’m so choked up I can barely speak.

And putting my trust with Reed, I allow him to pick me up off the floor. Just in a bridal carry, seeing as he doesn’t have to take me far. He transfers me safely from the floor onto the gurney. Being put there still makes me a little nervous... Brings back some sore memories from my rough past. Although... I’m not fighting or seizing now, so he doesn’t have to hold me down like a paramedic might have in the past.

That’s good... It’s all good so far.

He gets me all tucked in with the thin blanket... All nice and cozy. Just in case I catch a chill. “There you go. Probably a little more comfortable, huh?” he says.

I just sniffle as a response. Let Donahue wipe the tears from my face with a clean piece of gauze. Dakota joins me on the other side of the gurney to support me.

“Alright, Valen. Let’s see your arm again, if you’re okay with that,” she says.

I give her my arm again. When I see her take more supplies out of her bag 一 a blue, rubber tourniquet, a needle and IV tubing, and one of those IV bags that’s already pre-filled with fluid 一 and I have to turn my head and look away. I’ll be able to feel it, no doubt, but... I’d rather not look. I’m not a fan of needles for... Personal reasons. Of course, I don’t mean tattoo needles... I mean shots and blood tests and shit like that. Thankfully, Dakota stands by me, stroking my hair and my beard gently to distract me.

I feel as Donahue uses an alcohol wipe to clean off the inside of my arm. That’s okay. A little cold and wet. That isn’t the hard part.

I close my eyes and try to relax as I feel the tourniquet being tied around my arm to get my vein to pop up a little bit underneath my skin. Makes it so that she doesn’t have to go looking for it, which is appreciated. Otherwise, she’d be digging around in my arm way longer than I want her to be... Especially because I haven’t had nearly enough water, and that’s why they’re hooking me up in the first place.

I’m unfortunately getting that same, uncomfortable squeeze I got from the blood pressure cuff.

But that’s not the worst part.

I don’t really see it because I’m not looking, and I’m still not fully here so I’m not all with it. So... Out of nowhere, I feel a pinch deep in my arm. I whimper... Squeeze my eyes shut and knit my eyebrows. More tears stream down my cheeks.

Dakota rubs my cheek with the back of her knuckle, then wipes away those tears again. “Shh... It’s alright, shug,” she whispers. “Almost done. I know it’s rough. You’re holding on nice and tight there... You’re such a fighter.”

Donahue frowns, patting my shoulder gently. “I know... It’s okay,” she says softly. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, Valen. I’m sorry. You’re doing such a good job, though.”

There’s another deep pressure as the needle slides out of my arm, leaving nothing but the cannula. The pressure remains as Donahue hooks up the IV drip bag to that cannula. I keep my eyes closed nice and tight… Keep my chin turned. Nothing to see there.

And… Before I know it, it’s over. The IV is running. I can’t even feel it.

“Alright, Valen,” Donahue says softly, neatly tucking the IV bag beside me. “This will sustain you until we get you to the hospital. The doctors might end up taking you off of it when we get you there, but depending upon what’s going on, they also might put you back on with a little bit of antibiotics.”

I just nod. Swallow.

Reed frowns, patting my shoulder softly. “You ready, Valen?” he asks gently.

Again, I just nod, still sniffly and choked up.

“Good, good.” Reed then looks towards Dakota. “You can go ahead and say goodbye to him before we take him.”

Dakota does. She bends down and gives me a kiss on the cheek, stroking my hair and wiping away another tear. “I’ll see you around, Val,” she whispers softly. “Everything’s going to be okay. Don’t be afraid… They’re going to take care of you, alright? They’ll figure out what’s going on and they’ll make sure you get better. You’re so brave... Be that brave man we all know you are.”

I grab onto her pinkie finger with mine… Squeeze tight before letting her go. “I’ll try,” I promise her.

With that, the paramedics wheel me out of the bathroom. Allow Chace and his artists to say goodbye to me as well. They wish me luck… Reassure me that everything is okay. Give them permission to flush the toilet, now that they’ve seen what’s going on.

And with that, they take me out to the ambulance parked on the curb. There are a couple more paramedics waiting there, as well as two drivers.

Reed chuckles softly. “Yes, yes. I have Valen Angeles,” he tells everyone. “He’s just as nice of a guy as you think. Very chill and friendly kind of guy. You can call him Valen.”

With that, they work to get me packed in, and make sure I’m comfortable. It’s a little chilly, so... They cover me with another extra blanket. It’s thin, like the first one they covered me with, but it blocks the air conditioning.

As the drivers are getting in and preparing to rush me to the hospital, the paramedics get me hooked up to a monitor. Blood pressure cuff around my arm, pulse oximeter on my middle finger. There’s a soft beeping noise that sounds in time with my heart rate, which is a little bit quick. Definitely not relaxed. Doesn’t help that it sounds like I’m going into surgery right now... Just makes me feel more tense.

I try not to let the panic get worse as I feel the ambulance drivers take off.

Seeing as neither of my arms are free, Donahue dabs off my tears again with a tissue. “Are you alright?” she asks softly.

I sniffle. Breathe deeply again. “Um... As okay as I can be... I think,” I answer with a teary laugh.

She grins softly. “It’s alright. You’re so strong,” she reminds me.

One of the paramedics that was outside the whole time 一 I think his patch says Burk, but he’s on the other side of the bench and my eyes are very clogged with tears, so I can’t really see 一 smiles softly. “Were you getting tattooed before you started feeling bad?” he asks.

Again, I can’t help but laugh. “Nah, nah. Chace Tinsley’s a friend of mine,” I explain. “Um... Our friend that was with me — Dakota — she and I were just hanging out there during the afternoon lull.”

“Hmm, sounds nice,” Burk says. “I’m sorry it was interrupted by this.”

I sniffle. “It’s okay,” I insist. “Thank you though, man.”

There’s a pause. Donahue wipes my tears, Sandwick wipes the blood from my forehead.

Reed then looks down at me with a frown. “Valen, I... I don’t want to scare you any more than you already are, and that’s why I’m asking before I do anything,” he asks. “But is there any chance we could catheterize you before you even get into the hospital? It might make your diagnosis and examination a little easier... Not just for the doctors, but for you, too.”

The thought makes me feel scared all over again. I feel my eyes bug out with even more tears and my lip puckers. I try to sit up, but... I can’t with the pain in my abdomen. The farthest I get is up onto my elbows. “No... Please no,” I sob. I close my eyes with another soft sob, feeling more hot tears run down my cheeks. My nose actively starts to run. “Please don’t make me...”

I hate to cry so much and be such a baby about it, but... I don’t want to. Not in the ambulance. Not really at the hospital. Not at all. My penis hurts so bad, and my belly hurts, and my bladder is so full. I can’t do it. I can’t handle it.

Donahue makes a soft, sad sound, dabbing at my tears again with a fresh tissue. Coaxes me into blowing my nose.

Reed shakes his head. “We won’t. Not if you don’t want to,” he tells me. He then looks at me with a gentle, but firm expression. “I just want to warn you... They will be catheterizing you at the hospital. You can’t pee... You have to be drained somehow, and... Unfortunately that’s what needs to happen.” He strokes the hair out of my face, seeing as a few strands got stuck to the salty tear tracks on my cheeks. “I know it’s scary. I know you don’t want to. It’s just what has to happen to help you start feeling better.”

I whimper. “O… Okay,” I squeak out. Choked up as hell.

The other lady paramedic who was waiting outside earlier 一 the blonde one... I can’t see her tag from where she’s sitting... It’s upside down 一 she places her hands on my shoulder. Helps me lie down again. “It’s alright, Valen,” she tells me with a soft smile. “I know you’re nervous. Just try to relax... It’ll make things so much easier to stomach. Lie back down. Rest your head.”

I do. I lie back down on my back again. When I’m looking up at this paramedic, I find that her eyes are so sad, but empathetic and motherly. It almost makes me cry more.

“Don’t cry,” she whispers, wiping my eyes with her thumbs. “Don’t cry. It’s going to be okay.”

I want to take her words to heart and not cry as much.

But I just can’t. I’m scared. In pain.

It’s a very short amount of time before we’re at the hospital. I barely even notice it, considering I’m still lying here and crying.

But we are.

The paramedics take the blood pressure cuff off of my arm, and the pulse oximeter off of my finger. I watch as Reed takes out another blanket, though, he folds this one very strategically… To be much smaller than the ones I was covered with.

“Alright, Valen,” he begins to explain. “I’m going to cover your face with this here, alright? No one will touch it until you’re in your room. Understand? You’re going to be safe the whole time, even if you can’t see what’s going on.”

I nod once. “Okay,” I whimper.

And with my permission, he does just that. Lightly covers my face with the blanket. He doesn’t make it too tight so that I struggle to breathe. Just a light covering.

And now that I’m safe, they open the doors. Rush me directly into the hospital building.

Christ, as soon as the gurney is moving rapidly down what I assume is the halls, I’m brought back some sore memories. Memories that are a bit fuzzy, but still ones I don’t like to think about much.

At one point, I hear a female’s voice… Neither of the paramedics.

“Who’s this? Where are they going?” she asks.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Male. Fifty-eight,” I hear Reed say. “He’s going straight to urology. Blood in his urine, abdominal pain, body aches. Unable to urinate. He also has a wound on the forehead right above his eyebrow that needs stitches. Is there a doctor available?”

There’s an unrecognized male’s voice just then. “Yes. Dr. Brass. Dr. Jensen Brass,” he says.

I breathe out a sigh of relief. I know Jensen Brass… I know him well. We’re friends, and… He’s such a stand-up guy. Very bright spirit. I’ve lucked out so well.

“Alrighty. Take this man to him,” Reed then says. “I just ask that you don’t take off this blanket here until he’s in a room. Safe and out of public eye. He’s nervous as hell, and… I’d hate for anyone to see and embarrass him.”

“Alright. Understood,” the woman says. “We’ll take care of him. Tim, can you page for Dr. J. Brass? Let him know that he has a patient coming from Emergency?”

“No problem,” the guy says.

And seeing as I’ll be safe, I’m transferred. They begin to run me down the halls to the Urology ward. I just hang on as best as I can. Ward off the dizziness by closing my eyes.

Thankfully, the racing stops for a moment… We’re in an elevator, I can tell. It’s a steady ride up. Only complaint is the jostle in my tummy when we stop. And then they start running again.

Although, it doesn’t last long this time. Eventually, I’m carefully wheeled into a room, where it appears they’re going to keep me for the time being.

I’m not really expecting it since my eyes are closed, but the paramedics pull back the blanket over my face. When I feel the cool air over my face, I open my eyes to see the paramedics and a couple of nurses looking down on me. A couple of tears find their way out of my eyes after having been blocked for a good minute... I think it partially has to do with the fact that I might be in a surgical room... There are a few monitors in my peripheral vision... The kind that assist in doing a surgery.

I really hope that they’re not planning on doing surgery... I don’t need surgery.

The female nurse with the dark brown hair and bright blue eyes smiles. “Aww, he’s a cutie,” she whispers. “He looks a lot younger than fifty-eight.”

“He is pretty handsome, huh?” Sandwick chuckles. “D’ya have orders from the doctor yet?”

The male nurse nods. “Yep. He said to lay him down on the table. Take off his clothes and just start checkin’ him out,” he says. “Vitals, ENT situation, a rough examination of what the problem is.”

Burk nods. “Sounds good,” he says. “We’ll help you get him onto the table and we’ll leave you to it.”

I allow Reed to pick me up, just like when he lifted me to put me on the gurney. He places me down flat on my back... I hear a crinkle of thin, medical paper as I’m being placed down, and I feel somewhat relieved. It’s not a surgical room... Thank God it’s not a surgical room. Just an examination room.

They really are just looking right now.

And from there... The nurses that are here have me. The paramedics wish me luck, and wheel the gurney out of there.

I’m trying not to panic here. Really trying.

The nurse with the blue eyes comes back over to me with that soft smile of hers. She has a box of tissues with her. Pulling one of the tissues out of the box, she uses it to dab off my eyes. Pinch off my nose a little bit, seeing as it’s runny.

“Hey there,” she says softly. “Your name is Valen Angeles, huh?”

I sniffle. Nod once. “Mhm.”

She strokes my hair softly. “Nice to meet you, dear. My name is Brittany,” she says softly. “We’re some of the emergency room nurses... We’re just going to be helping Dr. Brass Sr. take care of you... He’s with a patient right now, so we’ll just be starting off with doing a preliminary exam before he comes in. Okay?”

Again, another sniffle. I nod. “Okay.”

Brittany nods softly. “Now… I’m going to be examining you. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable with Tim helping me because you’re both men and we’ll be removing your clothes before Dr. Brass comes in with a gown and socks for you,” she explains. “I’ll have Ally take down notes for us.”

I try to breathe deeply. “O-okay…”

With a soft smile, Brittany strokes the good side of my forehead. “Alright,” she says. “Is it okay if Tim helps you undress? Take off your clothes and your boots?”

I whimper. “All of my clothes?” I squeak.

Brittany frowns. “I know it’s tough, dear,” she says gently. “It’s a urology problem, Dr. Brass needs to be able to do a checkup below the waistline.” She grins sadly. “He’s bringing you a gown to put on when he’s all done checking ya. Some of those comfy hospital socks everyone likes.”

I can’t help but smile through the tears. Those hospital socks are cozy and snug. I kept the ones I got after both my appendix and nasal cavity surgeries I had a while back. Still, nothing compares to a fresh pair of those hospital socks that’s never been worn before.

Seeing me smile makes Brittany giggle. “Ahh, see? You’re alright. You’ve got a tough side,” she says. “Is it okay if Tim helps you now?”

I don’t want to take off my protective layer. I don’t. I’m just so embarrassed and in pain that I feel safe by something as small as my clothes. Besides… Because of the fever, I’m a little chilly.

But… I have to. I just have to. They can’t figure out what’s wrong with me unless they can see my whole body, and… My private region has a lot to do with what’s happening. They need to see it. And… Even if the thought makes me want to shit myself, they have to catheterize me.

If I want to start feeling better, I have to be a good patient.

So I give them the go-ahead.

Brittany helps me sit up while Tim helps me take off my tank top over my head, making sure the IV cannula in my arm doesn’t get snagged and pulled out. And once I’m laying back down, he puts a piece of gauze over the wound on my head to pad the bleeding until it can get stitched up.

He stands at the end of the table where my feet are positioned. Unzips and unlaces my combat boots. Pulls them off my feet, leaving me in my navy blue socks… The ones with the red stars and broken hearts on them. Though, he sneaks his fingers around them where they rest on my ankles, smiling softly.

“I’m gonna take these off. I sincerely apologize if I tickle your feet in the process,” he tells me with a gentle laugh.

Again, I find myself able to laugh through the tears. “It’s alright, bro,” I insist. “I know you don’t mean it.”

Being careful not to tickle, he peels the socks from my feet. And he’s gentle. No tickling at all. My socks come off nice and comfortably.

“Alright... I’m gonna take your pants and underwear off as well,” Tim says. “That okay?”

Again, I breathe really deeply. Nod silently.

Reaching over, he finds that I never got around to zipping and buttoning my pants back up after I went to the bathroom. Makes his job a little easier. He just has to tuck my jeans down... Pull them from my waist. Then from there, pull them off of either of my legs.

Leaves me in my dark red boxer briefs, but... I’m not protected by them for long. Tim slides those from my hips, then simply pulls them from my legs and off my body.

And like that, I’m naked. My penis was in so much pain before after having peed straight blood, but... I’m so scared and skittish about not having on any clothes that I’m still able to spring a nervous erection.

I think I’m beginning to shiver. It’s chilly in here... It might not even be that cold. But my body is telling me that I’m cold... I need to cover up.

That or… I’m just deathly nervous now that I’m at the hospital.

“There we go. I’m sorry if you’re feeling uncomfortable, but we’ll be able to cover you up when the exam’s over. I promise,” Brittany says softly. “Okay? Maybe Dr. Brass will let you put those socks on right away.”

I nod, swallowing deeply.

She smiles gently. “You have a lot of beautiful tattoos,” she tells me.

A soft blush comes into my cheeks and I grin. “Thank you,” I answer.

“Of course,” Brittany whispers. She strokes my hair back again. “Do you think you can sit up for just a minute?” she asks. “You can lie down right after, and you can certainly lie back down if you start to feel dizzy. We’re just going to have a look at your ears, and your nose and your throat... It’s a little easier to have a look while you’re sitting up.”

My head is caught between feeling like lead and feeling like it doesn’t exist. But... As long as I can lie back down, I can probably handle being upright for a second.

“Yeah... Yeah, I think it’ll be okay,” I insist.

So with that, I let Tim help me sit up. Sitting comfortably with my legs hanging over the side of the table. The other female nurse with the auburn hair 一 Ally, I think 一 sits at the stool positioned at the desk with the file they pulled out for me. And while they’re doing that, Brittany gets together an otoscope and a tongue depressor, which she tucks away into the pocket of her scrubs for a moment.

“Alright, Valen,” Brittany says softly. “I’m going to have a look in your ears. Okay? I’ll be really gentle with your piercings.”

I nod once. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

As she said she would, Brittany carefully holds my ear... Very gently where my piercings are. She doesn’t squeeze too tight. And just as gently, she does a gentle pull on my ear to straighten the canal so she has a straight look on back. Then she slides the speculum of the otoscope into my ear. It tickles a little... I’ve always found ear examinations to be a little ticklish. I’ve had people try to clean my ears in the past... It always ended with whoever it was pinning me down against the couch while I was laughing so hard I was crying. I remember this one time I tasked Alex Perez to clean my ears because I was scared to do it myself. He had my head pressed down into a pillow, yelling at me, “Stop moving, would ya? I’m gonna end up stabbing you in the eardrum. Then you’re gonna be even more deaf than you already are!”

It’s tough, but... I try not to move my head away even if it tickles a little.

“Good. Good, good,” Brittany mutters softly. “Other ear. Stay nice and relaxed.”

Again. She pulls my ear, very gently, just to straighten the canal. Sit really still as she settles in the otoscope and has a look inside.

“Good! Everything looks good there. Very clean ear canals,” Brittany says softly. “Can I get you to tilt your chin up?”

I do. Turn my face towards the ceiling a little bit.

Brittany positions my chin right where she wants it. Then with the speculum still attached to the otoscope, she has a quick peek in my nasal canal. Of course, she doesn’t shove the thing up my nose. Just the tip… The speculum magnifies what’s going on, so it doesn’t need to go in too far. She checks one nostril… Then the other. I don’t have in my septum piercing today, so she doesn’t have to work around that… Makes it much easier, I’m sure.

“Very good, sweetie,” she praises me. She tosses the speculum away in the trash bin underneath Ally’s desk, then takes out that tongue depressor from her shirt pocket that she tucked away earlier.

Brittany grins softly, holding the tongue depressor out flat. “Can you open wide? Stick out that tongue?”

I do. I open my mouth up wide, stick my tongue out.

“Good,” she whispers.

I knew she was going to, so it isn’t that it shocks me. But she places the tongue depressor right on my tongue. Presses it out of her way so she can see the back of my throat.

Even knowing it was coming… I immediately wretch. I think it’s because my stomach is feeling yucky to begin with, so sticking something down my throat isn’t jiving. I’m embarrassed as hell from it, but I gag outright.

Brittany frowns, taking the tongue depressor out. “Oh! I’m sorry, honey, I’m sorry,” she says gently. “Are you alright? That was a big gag.”

I wipe the tears from my eyes. Waft some cool air towards my face. “I’m alright,” I insist. “Sorry, sweetheart; it wasn’t you. My stomach just feels sick.”

Brittany strokes my hair softly. “Ohh, I’m sorry, Valen,” she says softly. “I’ll be more gentle. I won’t press down as much to trigger that gag reflex. I know it’s a lot stronger when you’re feeling sick. Breathe it off.”

I breathe deeply a few times. Clear my chest and my stomach for a minute. Ward it off… Just ward it off. Deep breaths. I’m not going to get sick.

And it helps. I feel a little better.

“That’s it. Good job, sweetie. You’re doing much better,” Brittany says gently. Smiling reassuringly, she shows me the stick again. “Open wide again?”

Breathing deeply, I open my mouth again. Stick my tongue out.

Brittany settles the tongue depressor back against my throat. And it’s a lot more comfortable now… She doesn’t press it down nearly as much. Just rests it so that she can see.

And now that I’m comfortable enough to hang out for a second, she shines that otoscope light at the back of my throat.

“And can I have a nice ‘ahh?’”

Afraid of feeling sick again, I give a soft “ahh.”

She’s still looking. “Ahh,” she instructs me again.

Again… I respond with another “ahh.”

She knits her eyebrows. “Hmm… You’ve got a little bit of a sore throat, it looks like,” she tells me, taking the tongue depressor out of my mouth. “Does it feel sore at all?”

I shake my head. “Feels okay.“

She nods, and turns off her light, then tosses out the tongue depressor. “It is a little bit red,” she explains. “I’m sure it’s a result of stress and nothing we need to worry about. Though, if it gets worse, you might have a little infection. Just keep note of how your throat feels.”

I nod.

Brittany then takes a penlight out of that same pocket. “Alright. I’m just checking your pupil dilation very quickly,” she explains. “You can lie back down right after, I promise. How’s your head feeling?”

I nod. “I’m good,” I say. I don’t feel like I’m going to pass out again or anything. If I can just make it through this last thing, I think I’ll be okay.

“Good. I’ll check those eyes, then we’ll get you to lie down comfortably again. Change out that gauze on your cut.” Brittany grins. “Okay Valen, honey?”

I just nod. Take another breath.

Brittany turns on the penlight. Flashes it over my eyes briefly with a gentle giggle. “My,” she croons. “You have deep brown eyes. They’re beautiful.”

Again, I blush deeply. Can’t help but smile again. “Thank you.”

Brittany giggles again. “Of course, honey,” she says. She then points at her nose, much like Sandwick did back in the bathroom at Blue Lightning. “Look right here. Focus. Don’t move your eyes.”

I just keep my gaze. Let her move her light in and out of my line of sight a couple of times. Watch the shrinking and growing of my pupils. Just getting an idea.

“Yep. Everything’s okay here,” Brittany says. “I think it’s definitely safe to say that you don’t have a concussion from hitting your head.”

I breathe out a sigh of relief. “That’s good… That’s good.”

She smiles at the other nurse sitting at the desk. “Ally? Make a note that his eyes, ears, nose and throat look great for me, please.”

Ally grins, writing that down in the file she has.

Tim pats my arm. Rubs my shoulder. “Can I help you lie down?”

I nod. “Mhm. Thanks man.”

I let him cradle my shoulder with one hand, hold underneath my knees with the other. Helps me lie back down on the bed, the paper crinkling underneath me again. Again, I’m flat on my back… My penis points directly at the ceiling, which makes me blush. While I was sitting up, it sat comfortably in my lap, even erect.

Though, once I’m down comfortably, Tim switches out my bloody gauze for a clean one. Damn, this thing is bleeding a lot. I guess that’s the nature of open wounds.

Ally then wheels over a cart of equipment for Brittany, smiling softly at me. “You okay, Valen?” she asks shyly.

I manage another smile. “I’m okay,” I insist. “Thank you, sweetie.”

She grins again. Strokes my cheek with a soft knuckle before returning to her chair at the desk.

“Okay, Valen. We’re going to double check some vitals. Blood pressure, pulse and temperature,” Brittany explains. “Then we’ll have a listen to your chest… And then Tim is going to do a very, very brief genital exam. Just your genitals for now… The doctor will decide if you need a prostate exam. Dr. Brass should be the only one that does a prostate exam on you.”

I breathe out… A big, tense, shaky breath. Oh boy… Oh boy, I’m scared. My penis begins to pulse with the thought… I can’t tell if it’s because I’m nervous as fuck. If the thought of a genital and prostate exam is making me horny. Maybe it’s both? Regardless… My dick is still stinging like hell, so each pulse makes me wince.

Brittany smiles sadly. “I know, honey. It’s just to figure out if this is a urethral problem, or if it’s something going on in your tummy.” She strokes my hair softly. “He’ll probably just check your urethral meatus very quickly for redness. Check for pain. It’ll be okay.”

My eyes water up all over again, and eventually overflow. Because I’m on my back, the tears stream down the sides of my temples. “Okay,” I whimper, lip trembling.

Brittany touches my left arm gently — the one that doesn’t have the IV cannula. “Can I have this arm?”

I offer it out where she can easily work with it. She’s very gentle.

She begins with straightening out my fingers… Clamps a pulse oximeter onto my ring fingertip. It’s heavy because even my fingers feel weak, but… It’s not tight. Not at all.

“This little guy is going to hang out for a minute. Take your pulse and your respiratory rate,” she explains.

Brittany then turns on the blood pressure monitor, then smooths her hand over my bicep. “And I’m sure you’re familiar with this. Just gets a little tight like someone’s giving your arm a big hug.”

I let her slide it up over my arm, strapping it tight on my bicep. Doesn’t bother me… Just sits there. Brittany then touches a couple of buttons on the monitor, and with a mechanical noise, it begins to tighten around my arm again. It’s another good squeeze, just like before. Definitely uncomfortable, but… I just try to stand it the best I can. It just does its thing on its own. Brittany doesn’t need to use her stethoscope or anything.

Eventually, the cuff and monitor calculate my pulse… Then releases the air and lets me feel free again. Brittany slips off the cuff and takes the pulse oximeter off of my finger. Checks them both.

“Blood pressure is one-twenty-seven over eighty-two. Pulse is eighty-five. Respiratory rate is seventeen breaths per minute,” Brittany voices. She smiles, stroking my hair back. “It’s a little bit high, but that’s normal for a nervous patient.”

Ally writes those stats down as well. Repeats them to herself to make sure she has it right.

Brittany then shows me a temporal thermometer that she takes out of the same basket the blood pressure cuff was in. I breathe out tensely again… This time with relief. Nice and simple… Really simple. Just something quick against my forehead… Doesn’t need to go inside of me. Not my mouth… Not anywhere else.

Least not yet.

“This won’t hurt a bit,” Brittany giggles. “I’m just going to go like this once right here…” She places it against my forehead, far enough away from the wound. Presses a button. The thermometer beeps softly. “And again right here.” She then places it against my chest… Right in the center of my Darling, You Will Be Okay tattoo. Same deal; with the press of a button, she’s taken my temperature again. Then Brittany smiles. “And that’s it!”

She then frowns, looking at the two temps on the screen with a frown. “Yeah… You’ve got a high fever, Valen,” she says. “The temperature against your forehead was one hundred point nine. And against your chest it was one hundred point seven. That goes for an average temperature of one hundred point eight. That’s a sign your body’s telling you something isn’t right. Trying to fight off something that’s bothering you.” She then puts her hand against my forehead, then my cheeks… Then against my chest. Right where she took my temperature. “Hm. Yeah… You’re very warm.”

I try to breathe deeply, but… My breathing catches. There’s a huge lump in my throat. My body knows what’s going on, and… I just don’t. It’s scary knowing there is something wrong, and not knowing what has me on edge.

Again, she tries to smile reassuringly. “It’s okay, Valen, honey,” she says softly, taking her stethoscope off of her neck and putting it into her ears. She holds the chest piece warmly in her fist for a moment. “I’m going to listen to your heart with my stethoscope, Valen. It might be a little bit cold because your skin feels very warm due to the fever. I’ll warm it up as best as I can.”

I breathe out softly. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

After just holding it for a minute, she places the chest piece against my chest. It is a little chilly, but… Not as cold as Sandwick’s stethoscope.

And she just listens. Listens carefully to my heart. Make sure everything sounds okay… That it sounds strong and healthy. I just try to lie still… Breathe normally. Stay nice and relaxed.

Brittany places the chest piece against my upper chest. Left side. “Deep breath, Valen,” she says softly.

I take in a deep breath. A full one, even though I feel stuffy in the chest after panicking so much.

She then moves the chest piece to the right side of my upper chest. “And another deep breath, please.”

I do. Another big deep breath.

“Good,” Brittany says softly. She then moves the chest piece down to my stomach. “And I’m just going to have a quick listen to your tummy.”

I stay lying still for a moment. Let her listen to the sounds my stomach is making. Probably just the groaning of having eaten nothing and trying to process the water I drank. It’s quick. She just listens to the four main quadrants of my abdomen.

“Very good,” Brittany praises me. Taking off her stethoscope again, she looks to Ally again. “Heart and lungs are very strong and healthy. No murmurs or wheezing. Bowel sounds are okay too. I’m getting normal empty stomach noises.”

As Brittany finishes up, Tim’s putting on a pair of light blue, latex gloves.

I’m struggling not to throw up.

“Alright, my man,” he says. He’s looking at me with a very calm expression so that I know there’s nothing to worry about here. “I’m just looking… Okay? I can’t do anything except look. Only the doctor can do your catheter… Only the doctor can do a prostate exam. I’m just checking for redness and irritation at the opening, and just a quick penile palpation to see if you have any urethral pain… See if it’s something simple as a UTI.” He smiles. “Okay? You trust me, Valen?”

I breathe. Try to return his smile. “Yeah. I trust you, man.” I hold out my elbow to him while being mindful of my IV, seeing as he has on gloves. Really, I do trust him. No one’s hurt me on purpose so far, and… I don’t think he’s going to.

Tim chuckles, returning a bump to my elbow with his.

“Alright, bro,” he says. “Knees up.”

I pull my knees up… Feet flat on the exam table. Using his forearms, he presses down on the insides of my thighs to spread my legs open. Leaves my penis out in the open.

But I trust him.

“Just relax, Valen,” Tim reminds me. “As much pain as you’re in, it’ll be a lot easier if you relax.”

I really try to do what I can to relax. I even opt to close my eyes.

Though, because my eyes are closed, I flinch a little bit when I feel his gloved hands on my penis. I breathe out sharply… And then relax the best I can after that. It was just really, really sensitive, so… It shocked me.

He’s touching me now… I just have to relax.

Next thing I feel is him parting my urethral lips. It’s a little bit cold… Stings a little, but… It’s not unbearable. Not really.

“How does this feel?” Tim asks. “Feel okay?”

I sigh softly. “Aches a little bit.”

“But not unbearably so? Just a little bit?”

I nod. Breathe out again. “Yeah… Yeah nothing that has me writhing,” I say. “That pain’s in my stomach.”

“Okay,” Tim says. “And you don’t think you have any STDs? You’re using a condom, getting tested at the urologist?”

I shake my head. “No… No, I should be clean.” It’s true, I might sleep around every once in a while. Spend the night with a friend. But… Never without a condom, for everyone’s safety. And I’ve only made going to the urologist a regular thing a few years ago now, but I do try to go every year now. And I have been STD tested… Urethra, mouth and throat, and yes, my anus. I found out a little something about myself a little bit ago now. I know this isn’t from an infection like that.

“Very good. Always get your manly exams,” Tim says. “Keep relaxing. You’re going to feel me press your shaft a little bit. Let me know if it hurts.”

With light presses of his fingers, Tim does a gentle feel of my penis. From the base to the shaft. I’m trying my best not to groan here… Not out of pain, it’s not much more than a slight bruised feeling. No, I’m just… I’m so nervous and my erection is raging that it feels good in a way that’s so hard to describe.

“Are you okay?” Tim asks.

I answer with a simple “mhm.”

“Does it hurt?”

I breathe out through tight lips. “Not badly, no. Just kind of uncomfortable.”

“Alright. Well, if the pain is centered in your abdomen, then I don’t think that the problem is urethral. Especially if you’re not in that much pain; the pain you do feel is most likely from irritation.” Tim pats my knee with a smile. “Go ahead and relax.”

I rest my legs back out straight. Breathe out for a minute.

And from there, the nurses here just give me a minute to breathe everything off. Get used to not having clothes on, get used to lying on the table. Give me a minute of not being examined. Changing out the bloody gauze every so often.

I’m not safe for long, though, because about ten minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, and it opens.

I hear a familiar voice. One that brings me comfort because he sounds like he’s in such a good mood. There’s a slight German accent to that voice too.

“Ahh, there’s my handsome friend here! How’s our dear Valen been? Okay, I hope?”

I tip my head up against the table as much as I can without making myself dizzy. And I see the upside-down figure of Dr. Jensen Brass. A silver fox in his own right with soft, platinum locks, a well-groomed beard and curled moustache. Those friendly blue eyes of his pop, and they light up his smile. And, of course, he’s dressed in business casual blue-and-grays with his lab coat and stethoscope.

Goddamn, am I happy to see him.

Turns out, Jensen’s got a buddy with him. Another very friendly face. Dr. Westleigh Brass… More commonly known as Westy. Jensen’s dear, beloved son. Westy looks just like his father, with soft, hazelnut brown hair — the same color that Jensen’s was when he was young — and those same sunny, blue eyes. A little bit of trimmed facial hair. He’s very, very handsome. Takes after his father. Today, he went for a red button-up underneath his own lab coat.

Both of them have some equipment… Westy has a tray with a lot of stuff on it in one hand, but I can’t see what’s on it because it’s covered with a sheet of medical paper. In his other hand, he has a kidney-shaped dish. Jensen’s got my gown… A white one with bluish-gray snowflakes on it, and a package with navy blue hospital socks.

I don’t know if I should be relieved, or even more stressed out.

Brittany giggles softly. “He’s doing alright, for the most part. He is wonderful, though, doctor,” she says. “He’s very nervous and a little teary. But he’s an absolute sweetheart.”

I can’t help but blush when she says that.

Jensen chuckles softly. “Yes, yes. He is a very friendly man. Very sociable, too, when he’s feeling a little more like himself,” he says. He approaches the bed, grinning down at me. Somehow, it makes me feel a lot better seeing him. “Is that true about you, my friend?” he purrs, pinching my cheek softly.

Again, I just have to smile. He’s such a charmer, he knows what to say or to do to make someone feel better.

Jensen laughs. “Ahh, you know it is, huh?” he asks. His eyes then become softer. Sadder, almost. “What’s going on, Valen? What’s the trouble?” He smooths his thumb over my cheek. “What is it that Westy and I can help you with?”

I’m still smiling because once Jensen has you smiling, you can’t stop. But even through that smile, I find myself bursting into tears all over again like I was in the ambulance. “I dunno,” I sob. “I just don’t feel good. I feel sick all over, and… My lower belly and my back hurt. I… I really, really have to pee, but… But I just can’t. Barely anything came out, and it was all bloody.” I try to wipe my eyes, taking a shaky breath. “I just don’t have any idea what’s going on because this has never happened to me before.” Another deep breath. “I’m really scared.”

Jensen smiles, and it’s so sympathetic. “It’s okay, Valen. It really is okay, mein freund,” he whispers. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? We’re going to figure out what we need to do to help you feel better. I know you’re scared because this never happened to you, but you don’t have to be. We will get to the bottom of it.” He gives my beard a soft scratch. “Yeah?”

I nod once. “Okay,” I breathe. “Okay.”

Jensen chuckles softly. “There’s our man,” he says softly. “Well, I’m going to discuss what the nurses found in their quick examination of you. Okay? Just so I know how you’re doing overall. And while I’m doing that, Westy’s going to stitch up that cut there. That okay?”

Again, I nod. “That’s okay,” I agree.

Giving my shoulder a soft pat, Jensen paces to the end of the bed. Places a hand around my foot like he’s going to check for my pulse, and frowns softly. “Your feet are very cold. I’m sorry, Valen, I know it’s chilly in here.” He pats my knee. “Let me get you those socks before I do anything else, at least. You’ll probably warm up a little bit if your feet aren’t so cold.”

I breathe out with so much relief. “Thank you so much…”

Jensen opens that packet of socks, and takes them out. Rolls them up, and slides them comfortably over my feet. One foot, then the other.

And once those socks are on, I do warm up a little bit. Hm… These are so, so snug and cozy. So comfortable. I rub my feet against the table, just relishing in how good it feels.

I think Jensen knows how good it feels. He chuckles softly, giving the sole of my foot a soft rub with a knuckle. “Much better, huh?” he says.

I can’t help but laugh softly. “So much better,” I agree. “Thank you, Jensen.”

“Of course,” he says, patting my knee again. “Well, I’m going to have a word with the nurses here. I’ll let Westy take over for you.”

With that, he heads over to talk to Brittany, Tim and Ally. And Westy comes over after having finished up with washing his hands nice and well in the sink, bringing that kidney dish he has with him. Just finishing up with pulling on a pair of light blue latex gloves.

“Heya, Valen,” he greets me with his model-like smile. Offers out his elbow to me. “Been a while, huh? I missed ya.”

I grin. Return the bump to his elbow. “I missed you too, bro. Been way too long.”

He then frowns, though, like his father, that softness and sympathy remains in his blue eyes. “How are you right now?” he asks. “I know you have urinary pain and all. I know you’re having discomfort in the lower region, but… Is your head okay?”

I nod softly. “Yeah, it’s alright,” I insist. “It’s alright. It burns, and… Hurts to touch. And, uh… I don’t think that I could raise my eyebrow without pain.” I try, but… Nope. It feels raw.

Westy nods in understanding. “Okay. I see. Nothing too crazy,” he says. “Can I take a look underneath here?”

I nod. Breathe deeply.

Gloves nice and clean, Westy pulls the gauze up off the wound. Has a look at what’s going on underneath.

“Hmm, yeah. That’s a pretty good one, Val,” he mutters softly. “You hit your head on the sink, huh?”

I just nod.

Westy purses his lips. “Yeah… Yeah, it’s decently deep. You can tell that you passed out,” he says. “While it is deep, it’s nothing we can’t fix up with some stitches and a little bit of medicine.” He smiles softly. “Let’s start with getting you cleaned up. Put a little lidocaine on that wound.”

To keep the table clean, Westy first places a towel underneath my head. He uses a little bit of clean, cold water to wash the cut. Clean out the blood, any germs that were in it. It doesn’t hurt, per say. It just kind of makes it smart, maybe throb a little bit. But the burn does come through.

“How does that feel?” Westy asks me.

I close my eyes. Softly, definitely not squeezing. “Like cold water,” I say. While it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just the water running over the wound.

Westy chuckles. “Fair enough,” he tells me. “That’s what it is.”

He flushes the wound with water a couple of times, mostly until the bleeding stops. When he’s done with that, he shakes some fluid onto a cotton pad, though, I can’t see what the bottle says.

“This here is an antiseptic wash, Valen,” Westy explains. “It’s going to feel rough. This is the hard part, but… This is just to make sure we won’t have anything that’ll infect the wound while it’s closing up. We don’t want to put Lidocaine on a dirty wound.”

He’s right. It’s gonna suck. It’s going to feel really bad. But… It does need to be clean. On top of everything else going on, I’d hate to have an infection. It’s tough to be a good patient, but I have to do it. I promise I’ll be easy for Westleigh.

Westy starts with the cotton pad, soaked with the antiseptic flush. And as I knew it would, it sucks. It burns. It goes up in flames. It stings like a bitch. But I stay as still as I can. I don’t squirm or pull my head away. I let my own complaint be a low hiss under my breath. Try my best not to let that eyebrow twitch, even if it’s really hard.

“You okay?” Westy asks.

I bite my lip, feeling as more tears get squeezed out of my eyes. All I can answer is with a tense “mhm…”

Westy frowns, going at the wound again with the wipe. “I know. I’m sorry,” he says. “Almost done. Just gotta make sure I get the whole wound clean and then I can make it all tingly so it doesn’t bug you as much.”

Westy keeps his promise. He doesn’t linger. He makes it as quick as he can. Swabs out the wound nice and thoroughly. It stings all the while. Really stings. It’s really hard not to twitch.

But it’s over really soon. Westy does a full cleaning of the wound, and I’m good.

“Very good. You’re doing such a good job, Valen,” Westy praises me.

I watch as he squeezes a pea-sized amount of a lidocaine ointment onto his fingertips. “Alright, Valen. This might feel a little tender when I put it on,” he explains. “I’m just going to apply a thin layer; we don’t want too much on there because it’ll smother the wound and make it harder to stitch up. Even harder to heal.”

I nod. I’m ready. I don’t think anything can compare to the stinging that came out of the antiseptic flush.

With very gentle fingertips, Westy applies a thin layer of lidocaine ointment to the wound. As he promised, it does feel a little bit touchy. Kind of raw.

“Good,” Westy says gently.

He takes off his gloves and washes his hands again in the sink before putting on a clean pair. “That medicine will tingle a little bit. Get that area a little numb,” he explains over his shoulder. “It’ll cut down on the pain so it isn’t sore while I’m sewing you up. You’ll feel it, but the pain won’t make it rough for you.”

And while Westy’s washing up, I feel it. The wound and the surrounding skin tingle intensely, but… Not uncomfortably, just like a Novocaine shot at the dentist, just without the sting. And within less than a minute, the area is numb.

Westy comes back over… Does a little bit of touching around the wound. “How’s it feel?” he asks.

I press my eyes closed again. “Feels okay,” I say. “Doesn’t feel like much, honestly.”

Westy grins softly. “Good. That’s what we’re looking for, my friend,” he says.

My eyes are closed for the next little bit, but I can hear him collecting a few things behind me. Then I hear his voice again.

“Now, as I’ve said, you won’t necessarily feel the pain because the surrounding area has been numbed with the Lidocaine,” he explains. “But you’ll still be able to feel sensations, like if I touched it. So… The worst you’re going to feel is a tiny little hook, a bit of string, and a little bit of pressure. No pain.”

“Sounds okay,” I respond.

Westy chuckles. “That’s a man,” he praises me. “Alright, Valen,” Westy says softly. “Just relax. Everything’s going to be fine. Try to relax that eyebrow there… Keep a nice, calm and neutral expression.”

As West gets started, he’s not wrong about what I can feel. It’s a lot of pressure… A hook and thread passing through my skin every so often. A little bit of a different kind of pressure while Westy dabs off the blood with a piece of gauze. But it doesn’t hurt. It really is just pressure. All the while, I just try to relax my face. Try my best not to twitch or move at all.

My job is to sit very still. Let Westy do his work. Stay nice and relaxed... He isn’t going to hurt me, because the Lidocaine won’t let him.

It doesn’t take very long, considering it’s a small wound. It feels like he does about five stitches. Finishing up, Westy pulls nice and tight... Cuts the last bit of the thread, and ties the last surgeon’s knot. Snips off the extra.

With that, I’m closed up. West coats the wound with a very, very thin layer of antibiotic ointment, much like he did with the Lidocaine. Uses his fingertips to put on a little, tiny bit, then covers it up with a square of gauze.

“There you go, my friend. Much better,” he says softly. “We’ll probably take that gauze off later tonight... It just needs to be protected while the wound is still new and fresh. After that, it needs a lot of air to help it heal.” He smiles softly, stroking my hair again. “The feeling will come back to that eyebrow very soon. Within the hour. I promise.”

I breathe out a lot of tensity. “Thank you, Westy.”

While Westy’s cleaning up his supplies here and making sure it gets taken care of properly, Jensen discusses a couple more things with his nurses. And seeing as he has an idea of what’s happening, he dismisses Tim and Ally. On their way out, both of them wish me luck, and... I really appreciate it. The notion is almost enough to make me cry all over again.

Jensen comes back over with just Brittany, and he’s still smiling softly with those sad eyes. “Hey Valen,” he says softly. “Are you alright still?”

I breathe. Wipe my eyes with my fingertips. “Yeah... Yeah, I’m okay, I think.”

“Good. You’re so strong, my friend,” he says softly. He then clears his throat. “Well, I looked over the vitals that the nurses here provided me. Everything looks okay. You’re very healthy. Your blood pressure looks great, even under a little bit of anxiety. The one thing that concerns me is how high your temperature is. You’ve got a bad fever, my friend. Something that indicates to me that there’s at the very least an infection going on.”

I feel tears springing back into my eyes. I knew it couldn’t be nothing... There’s something wrong, and I’m really scared now. Jensen knows that there’s something wrong.

“Now. Because you weren’t in any immediate pain upon a brief genital exam, I’m ruling out a problem with your urethra,” he says. Very gently, he pats my tummy, tapping out a soft rhythm briefly. “Which is why I’m going to do a brief abdominal exam. Check your bladder and your kidneys. That’s where I suspect everything’s coming from. You are experiencing lower belly pain and flank pain, so that confirms my thoughts.”

I nod. It makes sense. It really does. If it was a urethral problem, that’s where the pain would be centered. But it isn’t... It’s in my stomach and my back. It’s a problem occurring in my bladder or my kidneys.

Jensen strokes a knuckle over my jawline. Soft, gentle touch against my beard. “Is it okay if I check your belly? Have Westy and Brittany look on?”

I take a deep breath. “Yeah… Yeah that’s fine,” I insist.

“Very good. Just relax,” Jensen reminds me.

He begins with a brief exam of my upper abdomen. Just making sure that everything feels normal in that area, so that we can be sure that nothing going on here is affecting the lower area.

It feels okay, just a little press against my stomach as he feels around. Places a hand down and does what I’ve heard get referred to as “percussing,” where he taps on the hand he has rested against my belly. It isn’t ticklish… It’s not my tummy that’s ticklish. Nah, that’s my pits… My feet. When I’m offered a foot rub by the pool from a friend of mine, I always redirect them to my shoulders or my back. Otherwise they’ll most likely be met by my screaming and laughing hysterically while they attempt to rub my feet. If I’m getting a foot rub from anyone, it’s because I’m awful sleepy and just want love.

Thankfully, Jensen doesn’t say anything, so I think everything’s okay.

“I’m now going to feel your bladder,” Jensen explains. “Alright? Let me know if it hurts.”

Jensen reaches down toward my lower abdomen, right by my pelvis. He uses two gentle hands, and presses down. Very gentle press. Not trying to hurt me.

But it does. It hurts. There’s this horrible ache that spreads out as Jensen applies pressure. The urge to pee comes back… The feeling that the pee is stuck inside floods back and hits my urethra like a freight train.

I nearly contract inwards with the pain. Let out a loud, pained hiss.

Jensen frowns, and looking over his shoulder, I see Westy’s frowning too. Brittany’s wincing when she sees how much pain I’m in.

“Mm. That does seem to be where the lower tummy pain is coming from,” Jensen explains calmly. “Right in the center of your bladder there, huh?”

I just whimper. Keep my eyes closed because I already know that I’ll probably start crying.

“I know, my friend,” he whispers, frowning softly. “We know where your stomach pain is coming from. It’s definitely radiating from your bladder.” He then strokes his hand over to my stomach, right around my waist area. At the same time, he slides his other hand underneath my back, around the same spot his other hand is in. “Let’s see about that flank pain.”

With his hands in the correct placement, Jensen presses inwards. And had Jensen been driving a dagger straight through that area, it wouldn’t feel much better. I pull my legs up, and I cry out in pain.

Westy frowns, trying to push my legs back down again so I’m in a more relaxed position… Makes it easier for Jensen to examine me.

“Mhm… That seems about right,” Jensen says softly. “Do you know which of your organs is in that spot, Valen?”

I probably should. I really should know what sits in that spot of my abdomen. I know that the doctors did a lot of massaging and tapping in that area when I was on detox. I’d be lying on my stomach in bed while they did it. Maybe it’s because I’m in so much pain right now that my mind is foggy and somewhere else at the moment, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what they were checking.

“N-no, I’m sorry,” I whimper. “I forget.”

Jensen rubs that area softly, smiling gently. “It’s okay, Valen. Don’t apologize; you’re under a lot of stress,” he reminds me. “That’s around where your kidney lies in the deeper part of your abdomen. You notice how I was pressing on both your back and your stomach? That’s because I need to press in on both sides to be able to feel what’s going on.”

Again, I… I start crying. I’m even more scared now. I know that kidney problems can be serious, and I know that kidney dialysis makes people feel really, really sick.

I’m scared… I’m really scared. I don’t want this to be kidney failure… I’m scared. I want to go home. I don’t want to get kidney dialysis.

I suddenly realize that I’ve been hyperventilating when Westy rubs my knees gently. “Valen… Valen,” he tells me gently. “Breathe through it. Breathe. You’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Brittany smiles sadly. Reaches out and touches my shoulder softly. “Deep breaths, Valen. Just like you were doing before.”

I try. I try to breathe deeply to get ahold on the hyperventilating. It works, for the most part. That faltering is still there, I can feel it in my chest. But I’m not gasping for breath anymore.

Jensen nods gently. “Good. Good. Everything’s okay,” he reassures me. “Is it okay if I check your other kidney? I know it didn’t feel good, but… I need to figure out what’s going on.”

It takes a lot of willpower not to break back down into hyperventilation. It felt really, really bad when he did it the first time. Like he was trying to work around a rock in my kidney or something.

But… If it’s kidney failure, we have to know about it. He has to check.

I have to let him check.

So I just nod. Breathe out heavily.

With that, Jensen stands on the other side of the table. Puts his hands in the same placement on my abdomen: one hand on top of my belly, the other underneath my back. At first, it seems like he’s struggling to press down enough to feel what’s going on. He presses... Repositions his hands. Tries to press down again. But it doesn’t seem like he’s able to work through the muscle.

Jensen frowns. “Just try to relax your muscles, Valen,” he tells me softly. “You’re very, very tense. Your abdomen muscles are very tense and hard.” He gives my stomach a gentle pat. “You’re very lean and slim, Valen. Beautiful body, very catlike.” He grins. “Relax it. I can feel much better when you’re relaxed.”

I honestly didn’t even realize I was tensing up. I must have been so nervous about the pain that my body automatically tensed up as a means of defense.

But... I know he needs to feel. So... I force myself to relax. Not tense up when Jensen goes back in and puts his hands into position.

As tough as it is, I let him press in against my back and my waist. And just like before… It feels like I’m getting shot. Bullet straight through the kidney.

I can’t help it. Again, I cry out, borderline screaming. Westy keeps up the gentle stroking on my knees and down my calves to keep me from coiling up again.

Jensen stops. He pats my shoulder softly with a sympathetic expression. “I know. I’m very sorry, Valen. I know you’re uncomfortable,” he says. “You have a very unhappy urinary system, my friend.”

I find myself in tears again. “It’s so sore…” I sob. “I’m in so much pain.” My lip quivers and I’m trying to keep it all in, but it’s so hard. “My urinary system is so unhappy…”

Jensen makes a sad sound… Strokes along my jawline again. “I’m so sorry. I really am,” he reassures me. “I know you’re miserable, Valen. I know that you are. You poor, handsome beast.”

Brittany coos softly, reaching out to scratch my beard. “Aww,” she whispers to Westy. “He is a cute lil’ handsome beast.”

I hear Westy chuckle. My face bleeds out with a bright blush.

Jensen scratches at my shoulder. “Now, I… I don’t want to stress you out more than I have to,” he says softly. “Considering your kidneys seem to hurt the most, I don’t think this is part of the problem. But… I am just a little nervous about prostatitis. Only because of how close in proximity it is to your bladder, and you’re having a lot of bladder pain.” He smiles at me with those sad eyes. “Can I examine your prostate? I’ll be very quick. Very, very gentle. I promise. I just don’t want you to be suffering with prostatitis.”

That shaky breathing comes back. I get so nervous that my teeth chatter and my right leg begins to bounce violently against the table. And I look to Brittany with apologetic eyes.

“I… I-I’m really sorry. I feel bad because you’ve been so good to me,” I tell her, voice shaking. “But… But do you mind if… I have privacy for the exam?”

Thankfully, it seems like she understands. She nods, and she’s smiling. “It’s okay, Valen! I totally understand, honey,” she says gently. “You don’t have to apologize. Don’t feel bad at all. It’s a sensitive exam, and I know that sensitive exams are meant to be private. You know the doctor and his son well, and they’re going to take good care of you. I’ll give you space, Valen, honey. Gladly.”

She takes my hand, and gives it a soft squeeze. Smiles softly, and heads out to give me some privacy.

With that, Jensen puts a hand on either of my shoulders. Looks down at my face reassuringly. “I’m going to grab some clean gloves, alright? Have Westy position you so you’re comfortable. Okay?”

I breathe out tensely. “Okay.”

While Jensen washes his hands very well in the sink, Westy pats my knee gently. “How do your legs feel?” he asks. “I know they must kind of feel like jelly in your state.”

I nod. “They’re fine. They didn’t hurt when Tim moved them.”

“Good,” Westy says. “I’m gonna do this… With your left leg.” He sets it up, propped up by my foot, which he scoots in to be really close to my butt. “And then put your right…” He takes my right leg, bending it at the hip, then the knee… And rests my calf across my left knee.

“How’s that?” Westy asks. “Gives the doctor access without needing to move you off of your back, or rolling you over and hurting your tummy or your back any more than it already does.”

In all honesty, I haven’t been examined like this. Just on my side and bent over the table. But this… This here is so comfortable, just in general, even. I don’t even think I’d mind a quick prostate exam like this.

Though, when Jensen comes back over, I think I might change my mind. He’s just finishing up with snapping a pair of white medical gloves. Has a bottle of lube with him.

“Very well, Valen,” he says softly, sweeping his stool over with his foot and taking a seat. “Have you had this before?”

I breathe out through tight lips. “Yes. A couple of times.”

Jensen nods. “Good, I’m very glad. It’s not the most comfortable exam, but it’s an important one,” he says. “This will probably be the fastest one you’ve had; I’m just checking for prostate pain so we can rule out prostatitis.” He pats my right knee. “I’m going to start with taking a look. Just a look first, nothing more.”

Using this thumbs, he parts my butt cheeks for a brief look at my anus. Very brief, he isn’t kidding around when he tells me that he’s just looking. Seeing that everything looks okay, he uncaps the lube and squeezes a good amount onto his fingertip.

“Alright, Valen. I’m sure you’re familiar with what happens next,” he reminds me. “You’re going to feel the cold gel, and then some pressure. It’s going to help you out if you push a little bit as I’m pushing in. If it hurts to push… Just relax, and focus on keeping your sphincter open.”

I nod, still trying to keep my breathing nice and calm. “Okay… Okay.”

With that, I keep my head back and my eyes pointed at the ceiling. Pay no mind to what Jensen is doing.

And within a few seconds, I feel him spread my cheeks again. Followed shortly by that ice cold gel that makes me breathe out a little bit, mostly because it’s in such a sensitive, delicate spot.

“Breathe out,” Jensen instructs me. “Big push, if you’re able.”

I do my best. I take a really deep breath out, and push just enough so that Jensen doesn’t have a fight trying to get past the sphincter.

And he doesn’t. His finger slides right inside of my rectum. No resistance. There’s some pressure, but because he used plenty of lube and I’m trying my best to relax, it doesn’t hurt.

Jensen wastes no time checking my prostate. He turns his wrist upwards towards my bladder. And I feel a really strong and very tender sensation deep inside on that pressure point. It feels kind of like a stream of tingles and sparkles that runs straight through to my penis... Makes it pulse with excitement. If it weren’t for the fact that it makes me feel like I need to pee even worse… It would feel pretty good.

“How does this feel?” Jensen asks.

I breathe out. “Feels fine. A little sensitive,” I say. “Feels like I really need to pee but it won’t come out…”

Jensen nods in understanding. Gives my prostate another couple of prods that make me shiver with the odd, yet pleasurable feeling. “No prostate pain, though?” he makes sure. “Just jostles your bladder a little bit?”

I nod in confirmation to his extra test. It’s exactly like that.

“Good. You’re prostatitis-free, my friend,” he says softly. “The bladder discomfort is coming from the fact that your prostate is a very, very sensitive organ, and it’s right on the neck of your bladder. It’s not unusual for your bladder pain to flare up when I poke at it.” He pats my leg with his free hand. “Give it another push.”

I push again, just like I did before. As I do, Jensen’s finger withdraws from my rectum. He’s still very gentle, and allows his finger to recede with the relaxation of my sphincter so that it doesn’t cause much discomfort.

“Very good job, Valen,” Jensen praises me as he removes his gloves and stands up from his stool. “I know it’s very tough, but you’re doing so well. I just want you to know that.”

Westy grins softly, patting my knee. “You can relax those legs,” he tells me.

Breathing out, I rest them back out straight for the time being.

He heads over to the sink. Washes his hands again. Then he puts that covered tray onto a cart... Probably makes it easier to work off of. He brings it over to his stool again.

I can’t hold it back. The hyperventilating starts again, and I feel the tears flooding back. I can’t keep any of them in this time, and they begin streaming down my cheeks again. I know what’s under there. I know exactly what’s under there, and I know what’s going to happen to me. I’ve been dreading it since the ambulance ride, and since the paramedics warned me that this was going to happen to me.

Jensen frowns. “I know. I know,” he says softly. “It’s terrible, I know it is. I’m terrible for doing it to you.”

I break down into sobbing again. I don’t want this. I don’t want to do this.

Jensen makes a sad noise, patting my knee again and trying to give me a reassuring look. “I’m so sorry, Valen,” he says gently. “I wish I didn’t have to do this. But I have to, and it’s just to make sure that you’re comfortable. You can’t pee, my friend. Nothing is coming out, and you have a very full bladder. You can’t drink anything until your bladder is empty or we’ll have a lot of complications trying to figure out what’s wrong. We need the pee to come out, and... Because it won’t come out no matter how hard you try, it needs to be drained out.” He frowns, and he looks into my eyes that are relentlessly overflowing with tears. “I really do hope you understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you, or make you even more miserable. I really just want to help you, Valen. I do.”

Breath breaking entirely, I try to speak. I try to say the words “I understand.” Because I completely understand. As much as I’m bawling my eyes out and not wanting to do this... I know I have to. I know Jensen is right. I’m going to be in the utmost discomfort if I don’t have any way to relieve myself. I’m going to be awful thirsty if I can’t drink anything. I’ll have an even worse time than I am having right now.

I just can’t speak. I’m crying too much. My mouth won’t form the words, my voice won’t do anything except sob. All I can do is nod.

But I think Jensen still gets what I’m trying to say. He smiles sadly, giving my shoulder another soft pat. “That’s it,” he praises me. “I’ll take care of you the whole way through. I promise I’ll explain everything I’m doing to you. You’ll feel so much better after you’re able to go to the bathroom.”

Again, I try to tell him “thank you.” It just won’t come out the right way, but... He definitely gets it. He chuckles softly and strokes my jawline again before heading over to wash his hands and put on gloves.

While he’s doing that, Westy puts my legs into a comfortable position. Sets my knees up, feet flat against the table. Very gently pushes my knees down until they’re rested against the table as well. Spreads my legs open wide so my erection is available to work with nice and easily. Just like Tim did earlier.

“There we go. Won’t even put ya in stirrups, my guy; I know you probably don’t want that, so we won’t make you do that today,” Westy says. He comes over, standing right next to me and holding my hand. “You’re not alone. I’ll be right here for you. We’ll go through this together.”

Trying to breathe off the tears, I wrap my hand around Westy’s. Relish in his love and support while I’m so scared and afraid of what’s going to happen to me. He’ll be with me. I don’t have to go through this alone.

Jensen comes over and sits at his stool, still positioned between my legs. Pulls the cart a little closer. Looks up to me with that apologetic smile again.

“Here, Valen,” he says softly. “It isn’t that I don’t trust you to sit still... You’ve already had so much happen to you and you’ve been a champ the whole time. But can I have you put your free hand behind your head? Just so I know?”

I do. I put my left hand 一 the one not holding onto Westy for dear life 一 behind my head. I know he asked just so he’s reassured I won’t suddenly sit up or try to reach out and stop him. Like this, I honestly don’t feel tempted. It’s for the best.

“Good,” he says. “Let’s get you covered up a little bit, just for cleanliness.”

Jensen starts with pulling up my gown and tucking it nice and comfortably at my lower stomach. Makes the area in question a lot easier to work with. Goes underneath the paper covering the tray, and takes out another fresh, sterile sheet of medical paper. Shaking it out, he places it over my pelvic area, then uses a pair of surgical scissors to cut out a hole... One that he carefully pulls my dick through where it’s easy to work with.

“Very well. Very, very well,” Jensen says softly. “Alright, my friend. I’m starting off with a little cleaning. Because you’re urethra is a very sensitive area and very, very susceptible to infection 一 especially seeing as you very well could have an infection right now 一 everything that goes near or inside of it needs to be perfectly sterile. All of my equipment is sterile inside of its package, and it’s going to stay that way until it’s inside of your bladder. Your urinary tract is a sterile environment. We’re going to achieve that by sterilizing the head of your penis with iodine.” He grins. “It shouldn’t hurt a bit. It’ll turn the skin a little bit orange but that’ll wash off in a regular shower, and it might feel a little bit cold when I apply it.”

I nod. Breathe out tensely. “Okay.”

Jensen uses a cotton pad pinched in a pair of medical pliers. He wets the cotton in a metal dish, and the previously white cotton turns reddish-orange. Very carefully, he brushes it onto the head of my penis with gentle circular motions. He seems to be doing it away from the head. Away from my urethra. He also does his best to do one pass. As soon as he’s done, he makes sure it gets thrown away right after and doesn’t come in contact with any of his equipment that needs to be sterile.

And he isn’t wrong. My skin gets dyed a deep shade of orange.

“Good. Nice and clean here,” Jensen says.

He then picks up a syringe… No needle in it, which is a relief. It’s filled with something that’s clear, but… It has bubbles in it, or… Or… Or something. I don’t think this is a liquid.

“Alright, Valen. I just need to explain to you that this will not have a needle. Trust me, my friend; if we needed a needle, I’d have already put it in. I would have used the needle to draw up the medicine. You don’t have any needles to be afraid of.” He grins. “Understand?”

I breathe out. “I understand.”

He nods once. “That’s a man,” he praises me. “Now, this here? It’s a lidocaine gel. Not unlike what Westy used on your open wound before he stitched it. It’s the same thing, just in a different form,” he explains. “You remember what that felt like, right? A strong tingle, and then the area went numb, ja?”

I nod. I just nod. I think I know where this is going, and I don’t think that I like it. I’m struggling not to cry hysterically.

“Right. Okay.” Jensen clears his throat. “Well, because of what’s going on in your bladder and your kidneys, you’re feeling a lot of tough pain in your urethra. If you can imagine... The pain is going to feel a lot, lot worse if I just put the catheter inside of you. What the lidocaine will do...”

Jensen doesn’t even get to finish. I burst out bawling again. Crying my damn eyes out. Nearly screaming.

I know what’s going to happen. I know. I don’t want this. I don’t want this one bit, but I don’t have a choice. I have to get this done, but I don’t want to. I feel like a little kid all over again... Not wanting to do it, but not having a choice.

Westy frowns, giving my hand a gentle squeeze and stroking my hair. “It’s alright,” he says softly. “It’s alright. You’re going to be okay.”

Jensen also frowns, making a sad sound. “I know, Valen. I know, my friend. I’m sorry,” he tells me softly. “I know it’s rough, and I know this is really mean of me to do to you when you’re already in so much pain. I know.” He pats my knee softly over the paper sheet laid out over my abdomen. “But listen! This here is what’s going to make it a lot easier, alright? It’ll be a little rough at first, but it’s going to make the rest of the procedure so much easier to stomach. Alright?”

I’m breathing far too violently and fast to be able to answer. So I just nod. Swallow all the saliva that’s building up.

Jensen nods softly with a knowing expression in his eyes. “Right,” he says. “Now. Just breathe. I want to explain what’s going to happen, but I need you to stop crying first so that I know you’re listening. Take some deep breaths. Just try to stop crying a little bit.”

I manage. I force myself into breathing deeply, and chill the fuck out for a minute. Breathe. Get ahold on my breathing so I’m not in hysterics. Relax enough to be able to focus on what Jensen is saying, because it’s how I’m going to know what’s going to happen.

While I’m trying to calm down and breathe deeply, Westy just continues to comfort me. Hold my hand and stroke my forehead. Lets me know that everything is going to be okay.

“There. Much better, hm? You can think a little more clearly when you aren’t so upset,” Jensen says gently. “Are you with me, Valen?”

I take another breath. Nod once.

“Good,” Jensen continues. “As I was saying. The lidocaine’s job is going to be to numb the urethra. Just like with the lidocaine Westy put on the wound. So… It’s going to react the same way. When I inject this into your urethra, it’s going to tingle and go numb the same way. Only thing is… It might sting and burn a little bit, too, while the medicine is working on putting your nerves to sleep.” He grins softly. “The good news is that it’ll be very, very calm when it fully kicks in and it numbs. From there, the worst thing you’re going to feel is the pressure from the catheter, but it won’t hurt. It shouldn’t.” Still smiling, Jensen shrugs. “Really, I think this is the worst part. Everything after this is mostly smooth sailing. The catheter won’t hurt… You’ll be able to go to the bathroom. Ja?”

I nod. “Okay,” I whimper.

“Is it alright if I go ahead?” Jensen asks.

I swallow hard. I still don’t want to… Knowing what’s going to happen helps the fear. But it still doesn’t make me want to do it any more than I did before.

It’s going to be best not to dwell on it. Just get it over with quick.

So I just nod. Brace myself. Hold onto Westy’s hand for dear, dear life.

And with my permission, Jensen begins. He places a square of gauze underneath the head of my penis. Carefully spreads open my urethral opening with his thumb and forefinger, making sure to be very delicate. And once he has it open, he inserts the tip of the syringe into my urethra.

It’s starting… It’s definitely starting.

I whimper when there’s a deep sting that comes from the disturbance in my sensitive urethra. Squeak out a weak “ow…”

Jensen holds the square gauze against the head of my penis in case there’s a leak. And with that… He inserts the lidocaine gel inside of my urethra.

He warned me. He did.

The initial sting is awful. It burns like fucking hell… Like I seriously have flames ripping through the inside of my dick. And it isn’t even like I can rub it and soothe it, and not just because I’m being held down. But because of the pain on top of it, it’s not going to calm down just from getting rubbed out. In fact, touching it would probably make it worse.

I cry out, squeezing hard onto Westy’s hand. Hard. I feel his knuckles pop and I hear them crack.

But he doesn’t feel the pain. He just squeezes my hand in return. Rubs my hand with his free one. “Hang on,” he reminds me. “Just hang in tight. You’re doing a good job.”

That insertion was just the beginning.

Jensen injects the medicine inside of my urethra, and all hell breaks loose.

Nothing but fire. It’s on fire. It feels like there are demon claws on the inside of my body. Not even in just one, targeted area. It bothers the entire length of my urethra. My testicles start to tingle and burn. It might just be from the pain I already had going on in my lower abdomen, but I swear that the cramps become even worse. It feels like I’m having a baby... Really, it feels like I’m going to need to push at any second.

I can’t hold it in. I squeeze the living hell out of Westy’s hand, so much that I’m afraid I’m legitimately hurting him. And much like I’m being stabbed straight through the bladder with a rusty dagger, I scream. I rear my head up, and I let out a blood-curdling scream with how much it hurts.

And... I’ve proven that I can handle pain. Massive amounts of pain. I have so many tattoos, some of which are in very, very sensitive spots. Some grown men – burly, grown men who’s whole thing is acting tough – can't handle getting some of the tattoos that I have.

But this? This is probably the definition of unbearable pain.

Just one little medical procedure, and I can’t handle it...

Westy tries to place a hand on my chest, and rubs my chest with soft, gentle circles to try to get me to calm down, even if it’s only a little bit. “I know, Valen. I know,” he says softly. “Try to sit still... It’s just going to burn for a little bit, then it’ll all go numb and you won’t feel it anymore.” He strokes my forehead softly. “Lie down... Try to lie down.”

I try my best to rest my head back... Try to sit still and calm down. But it just hurts so damn bad. It’s so hard... It’s hard, but I force myself to chill out as best as I can.

“Big breaths through it, Valen,” Jensen reminds me. “Try to breathe as if you’re having a baby; it’ll help. Pant, pant, blow… Pant, pant, blow.”

It’s difficult to establish a breathing pattern when I’m already breathing so sporadically. But I force myself into it. Close my eyes. Breathe kind of like I’m in labor and about to have a baby. Pant, pant, blow. Move the oxygen through the best I can even though it hurts so bad I can barely see straight. Close my eyes and focus on breathing rather than the pain.

It works, kind of. I can’t stop the pain. It’s still feeling like I’m being torn apart with razors from the inside out. But I’m able to calm down a little bit… Keep from being in hysterics for just a little bit. I just keep up with the breathing. Keep my eyes closed.

“That’s it,” Jensen praises me. Just based on that gentle voice of his, I can tell he’s smiling. “That’s it. Just relax. It’s almost all kicked in.”

Once I’ve calmed down, Jensen does a very gentle rub of my penis. Works the gel down, make sure it affects the whole length of my penis.

And then… The calm after the storm comes.

After all the burning and stinging, there’s a very cool numbness that comes to my urethra. Still tingling, but only a little bit. I can handle it now.

Oh… Oh, it’s so much better. I feel like I can take on anything now. After all of that pain, I think I can handle just about anything. Nothing can be as bad as that. Especially since I can’t feel anything in that region anymore.

That catheter? Bring it, Jensen.

“See? Didn’t I tell you?” he says with that encouraging smile. “You made it. Just like I said you would. And it feels so much better now that it’s had a chance to work, doesn’t it?”

I nod. “Yeah…” I breathe.

“Good! We’re almost done here,” Jensen reassures me. “We’re going to put in the tubing. Attach a urinary bag onto it. And then you’re good to empty that bladder.” He nods reassuringly. “Okay? You can do this, Valen.”

I swallow hard. Nod once.

“Very good. Now, I’m going to put in the tubing,” Jensen explains. “You aren’t going to feel the pain because you’ve been numbed by the lidocaine. You’ll feel quite a bit of pressure… Quite a bit. You’ll feel the tube sliding past your prostate and that might scare you a little bit because your prostate isn’t affected by the lidocaine — it’s on the other side of the wall. The process won’t be comfortable, but… It won’t hurt. Understand?”

Damn, that sounds like a lot of pressure. Considering the prodding against my prostate earlier caused a certain pain in my bladder, I’m a little bit nervous about what that’s going to feel like.

But I know it has to be done. If I didn’t have the lidocaine, it would be a lot, lot worse. I’m just glad it’s not going to be like that because after the lidocaine insertion… It would be hell. No, worse than hell.

So I just nod. I understand.

“I’m glad. You’ve got this,” Jensen reminds me. “Now. It’ll be a lot easier if you stare either at the ceiling… Or at Westy’s handsome face.” Jensen laughs softly, and Westy does too, reaching out to swat at his dad. “Sometimes for men, they find it really hard to see something fitting inside of a really tight place that normally, you wouldn’t put anything in. It makes them squeamish, they tense up… It gets hard to work with.” Jensen just smiles softly. “It’ll do you good not to look.”

I immediately take his advice. Avert my eyes at the ceiling. Look at Westy, then look back at the ceiling. Westy just grins softly. Strokes the hair out of my face that fell over the bandage on my forehead. “Just relax,” he reminds me. “You’re going to be fine. You’re almost done.”

While I’m not looking, Jensen washes his hands one more time. Puts on a fresh pair of clean gloves. Then he takes the cellophane package with the long, orange-yellow tubing, and opens it up… Edges out the end of it that has to go into my bladder.

From there… He feeds it directly from the packaging into my urethra, one hand guiding, and the other one holding another clean piece of gauze at my urethral opening. I remember he said that my urethra is a sterile environment, so anything coming in contact with it needs to be sterile as well so absolutely nothing gets tracked inside that shouldn’t be there. He said he’d be doing that by keeping everything in its package until it was time for it to go inside. In doing this… The catheter is, in fact, staying in its package until it’s ready to go into my urethra. Straight from the package to the urethra.

I appreciate Jensen’s warning. Seriously appreciate it. The second that he starts feeding the catheter through the head of my penis, there’s pressure. Undeniable pressure. And as he warned me, it’s not comfortable.

I breathe out sharply. Squeeze Westy’s hand and squeeze my eyes shut briefly. Try with everything I have left after so much hysterics not to break down hyperventilating again.

“Very good. Very good,” Westy praises me. “It’s gonna get tough, but fight through it. You’ve made it this far, you have what it takes. Breathe, dude. Breathing is important. So important that you’re breathing.”

I really need to be a fighter now. I really do, because the pressure only gets worse. As Jensen feeds more of the tubing into my urethra, the whole length of my dick becomes rigid with the pressure. All nine inches. And I am breathing heavily the entire time, as it gets pushed further and further inside of me. Very audibly breathing, and it’s probably not even at all, even though I really should be breathing steadily.

Holy shit, this is tight. This feels so tight. I remember that when I had my anal virginity taken, and I thought that felt tight and sore. I guess at that point, I had no idea I’d be urethrally penetrated. That, and at least with being anally penetrated for the first time, I was met with pleasure after the tough part. Now? I don’t think it’s gonna feel much better by the end.

At one point, Jensen stops pushing it through. “Alright, Valen. I’m coming up on the neck of your bladder,” he explains. “Like I said earlier, that’s about where your prostate lies. You’re going to feel a little bit of a shock, but I need you to stay as still as you can. You’ve been doing a really good job with sitting still, so keep it up.”

I promise myself that I will. I won’t get too anxious. I won’t squirm. Even if it’s hard.

“Very well. Passing through the neck of your bladder in one, two… And three.”

Nice and easily, like a knife through butter, Jensen slides the catheter through the neck of my bladder and straight past my prostate. And it jolts me. The electricity that comes through my nerves is on the verge of a blackout. My prostate never gets touched from this angle, and so it’s like having it touched again for the first time all over again. I feel my thighs and butt cheeks tense up as I gasp sharply with the fiery sensation. I think my butthole might be pulsing.

“I know, my friend. I know,” Westy reassures me, giving my hand a squeeze. “Weird spot, huh? But you know what that means?”

I whimper. Avert my eyes from the ceiling to look at him, breathing still super heavy.

Westy smiles. “It’s almost in. Just a little more to go,” he reassures me.

And he’s not wrong. Jensen pushes just a couple more inches of the catheter tube inside of me, until the nozzle is the only thing outside. It’s definitely a weird feeling. I feel it in the depths of my lower tummy.

“And we are in!” Jensen says. “Good job, Valen. Really good job. Almost done now, I promise. You’ve been a fighter this whole time, and I need you to keep fighting just a little bit longer.” He then sets the perfectly clean bedpan between my legs right underneath the catheter nozzle, where the urinary bag is supposed to get screwed in.

“So, Valen. The next step here is to inflate a balloon that’s going to keep the catheter inside of your bladder. Problem is that your bladder is very, very full,” Jensen explains. “If I were to just inflate the balloon, there would be even more pain and cramping and discomfort. The urine would be pushed from your bladder and back up into your ureter, which is the passage between your bladder and kidneys. We don’t want that; it’ll make you very sick.” He pats my lower stomach. “That’s why I’m going to have you start peeing right now, before I even get that bag attached. That way there’s a little bit of room in your bladder before we inflate the balloon.”

Westy gives my hand another squeeze. “Go on — the bedpan is right underneath you,” he tells me. “I know you’ve been uncomfortable because you couldn’t go. This is going to make it a lot easier.”

With that… I try to go.

Again… Nothing’s coming out.

I’m just lying here with the bedpan between my legs for a few minutes. I try to sit up a little bit. Just trying to relax my muscles enough to be able to release all that urine that I desperately needed to come out back at the tattoo shop.

I’m having trouble. I don’t think it’s in the same way before I was taken to the hospital. No, it’s… It’s just the situation, I think. Naked on an exam table. Peeing through a tube that’s not a part of my body. No privacy.

My face flushes really bright red. I can feel the burn in the tips of my ears, even. “S… Sorry,” I mutter.

Jensen shakes his head. “Not to worry, Valen. I figured you’d be a bit pee-shy. It’s a bit awkward,” he says. “Take your time. Take all the time you need.”

Westy pats my shoulder. “Just try to relax. Focus a little bit,” he reminds me. “I know that’s easier said than done right now. But if you’re able to relax as much as you can, it’ll help.”

I take his advice. Even if it’s hard, I relax as much as I can. Focus on being able to pee rather than the situation I’m in. Thinking about where I am and my state of dress is only going to make it tougher. Jensen even makes it a little easier by pressing lightly on my bladder. Not enough to make it hurt, but enough that the urine gets pushed down a little bit, now that there’s a clean pathway.

Just gotta focus…

And eventually, it pays off. There’s a leak that at first, I don’t feel because of the tube. But then I feel liquid coming out of the tube and spilling into the bedpan between my legs. Not an ounce of pain because the urine doesn’t touch my urethral lining. At the same time, that pressure of having a bladder full to the brim is slowly released as it gets emptied out.

Though, Jensen frowns. “Hm. They weren’t kidding about the bloody urine, huh?” he mutters, looking down at what’s in the bedpan.

I’m too relieved. I just nod in response to him. Breathe heavily and keep my eyes averted because I know it looks really bad.

Jensen then pats my knee before I can finish completely emptying my bladder. “I’m going to have you stop the stream momentarily,” he says.

It’s hard, considering the feeling is so relieving, but I do. I force myself to stop peeing.

“Good. I’ll let you finish in just one second,” Jensen promises. He then shows me another syringe… It doesn’t have a needle, and it’s not filled with either a liquid or a gel of any sort. Just air, it looks like. “I’m going to fill that balloon inside of your bladder. It’ll just be a little bit of pressure and it’ll feel funny at first. But you’ll adjust and it won’t feel like anything unless someone presses down on your lower tummy.”

He takes hold of one of the tubes — not the one that my urine is coming out of, but the other one — and inserts the syringe inside. There’s a little bit of a pressure inside of my lower stomach when he releases the air into the tubing and the balloon inflates. Doesn’t hurt… I can just kind of… Feel it, I suppose. I know it’s there, and I’m having a hard time trying to ignore it.

Jensen gives the catheter a gentle pull, which causes another odd pressure inside of both my bladder and my urethra. From there, he screws a urine bag onto the end of the tube that my urine is coming out of. Nice and tight to prevent leakage.

“There you go,” Jensen says softly, patting my knee. “Keep going. Empty out that bladder.”

It’s a lot easier this time. I only have to push a couple of times, then I’m able to keep peeing. As I let it out the rest of the way, the bag between my legs fills with that same red urine from before. I just breathe out. Try not to look at it, because it’s still freaking me out to look at. It’s still bloody, and not any less than before.

Eventually, I’ve been fully drained. I have nothing left inside of my bladder. And yeah… I do feel a lot better. Still sore and cramped up, but… Significantly better.

“Is that everything?” Jensen asks gently.

I breathe out tensely. Nod once and lie down on my back.

“Good. I’m going to take that bag off,” Jensen explains. “We’re going to use what’s in here for a urine test. Try to figure out what’s going on with you.”

Jensen unscrews the bag from the tubing, then makes sure that it’s closed nice and tight. Places it aside on the cart that he had the catheter equipment on, and sets the bedpan down with it so that it can be emptied and sanitized.

Though, he isn’t done.

He takes another new, clean urine bag from the cart, and begins to attach that to the catheter.

Wait… I’ve been drained. I thought I was done.

I sit myself back up a little. “Wh… What?” I whimper. “I… I thought I was done… C-Can… Can the catheter come out now?”

Jensen frowns, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Valen,” he says gently. “It stays in you for now. You had such a hard time emptying your bladder on your own, and you need to be drinking plenty of water, especially if that IV is coming out. Until we know why you can’t pee, we need that catheter to drain your bladder when it’s full. It has to stay in.”

I let out another weak sob. Lie back down.

Westy frowns, rubbing my shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry,” he says gently. “I know it sucks, but it’s going to keep you from being in so much pain.”

I can’t answer… My lip creases and I feel myself getting all choked up again.

Jensen pats my knee. “Tell you what,” he says. “Let’s get you covered up with the gown here. I know you’re cold and uncomfortable. I’ll help you take out that IV needle while Westy runs down to the labs to drop that cart off. And then we’ll get you to your own room… Let you relax for a while. Sound good?”

My breathing catches, but I nod. “O… Okay,” I breathe.

Westy collects the cart with my urine sample and the full bedpan, and heads out of the room to go down to the labs, both to drop off the sample and empty and clean the bedpan properly. While he’s doing that, Jensen very carefully removes the IV cannula from my arm. Pressing a piece of gauze to the cannula, he slides it quickly, but still very gently out of my vein. It’s a little bit of a sting, but it doesn’t last long. Certainly easier than inserting it. Once it’s out, and the spent IV bag is placed aside, Jensen patches up the wound with a clean piece of gauze and a band-aid. It’s a small wound, so it doesn’t need anything too heavy to cover it up.

Then finally – finally – Jensen helps me get dressed in the gown he brought with him. It’s not as cozy as pajamas, but it does cover me up and helps me to feel so much more comfortable. He helps me pull it on over my body, which wraps around me very nicely and modestly. Jensen then does the two ties in the back; one up by my neck, and the other at my back, which is covered up by the folds of the gown. Makes it a little tighter around me, which is appreciated.

Ah... It’s almost enough to make me feel better, just having something on my body again.

From there, Jensen and I wait for Westy to come back with a wheelchair and a wristband for me. Just talking... Trying to take my mind off of things for a bit. He helps me sit up a little bit to bring the blood back to my head a little bit, though, I find that I’m having a hard time with the placement of my legs... The urine collection bag keeps getting in the way.

Regardless, I appreciate him doing what he can to take care of me. Make me feel a lot less alone in this. He and Westy are here... They’re gonna help me through this.

It thankfully doesn’t take too much longer for Westy to come back. As Jensen said, he has a wheelchair so I don’t have to walk with the urine bag between my legs. He also has a wristband, which kind of makes me a little anxious... Kind of solidifies that I’m being admitted to the hospital.

Still, I let Westy strap it around my left wrist. They know who I am, but just in case a different nurse comes in to check on me. Then Jensen helps me off of the bed, and supports me while I sit down in the wheelchair. He has my arm linked through his, and with his other hand, he supports my back... I have to use my other hand to hold the urine bag against my leg. He makes sure my butt is planted comfortably... That I won’t fall out or anything.

Then I’m set. After all of that torture, the two of them wheel me to my own room, where I can just chill the fuck out for a few minutes.

Holy shit... That was a lot.

The room that they picked for me is a nice one. Has a window to let in some sunlight... The sun’s setting right about now. It’s a calming scene. I need something that’s going to help me relax, and I think being able to catch some sun is going to help out a lot.

Westy wheels me close enough to the bed where Jensen can simply just pull back the sheets, and have me sit down comfortably before I go ahead and lie back. Still, I’m having a hard time finding a comfortable position; my tummy and my back still hurt, and I’m not quite used to this whole catheter thing just yet. I opt to lie down on my back... Have my legs semi-stretched out and propped up at the knee so the catheter bag can rest comfortably between them. Once I’m as comfortable as I can get, Jensen covers me back up.

“There. Feeling alright?” he asks gently.

I nod. Take a deep breath. “Yeah... Yeah, I’m alright,” I insist.

Jensen nods softly. “Good,” he says. “Well... You’ve been an amazing patient. I know nothing you’ve been through since you got here has been easy or fun at all, but you’ve been so, so strong the entire time.” He pats my shoulder. “Westy and I are going to let you have some time alone... We’re more than certain that you’re exhausted, so we’re going to let you rest for a while before we have to start harassing you again.” He chuckles softly. “If you need anything, don’t be hesitated to page, ja? We’ll have someone check in with you a little later on to make sure everything’s still okay with you. Let you know what’s going on, since we’ll probably have a better idea of what’s going on then.”

Again, I nod. “Alright. That sounds good,” I say. “Thank you both so much.”

As promised, Westy and Jensen head out of the room. Leave me to myself for a moment.

Damn. Now that I’m alone in my own room, lying down in bed, I’m realizing exactly how tired I’ve been made by all of this.

I reach over to the side table, where Jensen placed my clothes and my phone. Grab my phone, and send a quick group text to my two best friends; Alex Alvarez and Auburn Taylor. Let them know what happened, since they’re spending some time in Boston as well.

Normally, I might do a little bit of scrolling through LockBox and whatnot to make myself tired before I go to bed.

I don’t think I need to now... I’m so sleepy.

Don’t even really think to put my phone back on the side table. I just kind of drop it next to my pillow...

Put my head down... Fall asleep.

I wake up much later. I had a really, really long nap.

When I open my eyes, I find my room illuminated by one of the nightlights... It’s dark out now... All the city lights are on.

Hrm... I feel sore. Mostly my back from the way my legs are situated. I think I peed myself in my sleep, but of course, it was drained by the catheter and into the bag. No accidents there. Everything’s happening the way it should be.

Groaning, I pick up my phone from under my pillow. Answer the rather anxious and panicked texts that were left for me by Auburn and Alex. Scroll through LockBox for a minute... Then find that I’m starting to get a headache and staring at a screen in a dark room won’t do me any good.

I opt to just relax a little bit. Try to get sleepy again.

In the midst of my relaxation, there’s a soft knock on the door.

Sure enough, it’s another very, very friendly face. Not Jensen or Westy, but a female nurse that I’m also friends with; she’s wearing pink scrubs with cute little puppies on them. Brings relief to my tensed-up nerves.

Alice Kissinger.

I can’t help but smile when I see her sweet face.

“Hey, Valen!” she says softly, pacing over to my bedside with such a gentle gait, much like an angel of sorts. “Good evening, handsome. It’s good to see you awake; I came by a little bit ago to check on you, but you were fast asleep. I figured I’d check on you one more time tonight... See if you were awake. If you needed anything.”

I smile sleepily, glad to have another close friend taking care of me. “Hey Alice,” I say, realizing how groggy my voice sounds.

She smiles, but her eyes seem sad. “Can I give you a hug?” she asks. “I know you’ve been having a rough day.”

I nod, the pure notion bringing tears back into my eyes. I would love a hug.

Alice coos softly, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a tight squeeze. She rubs my back, strokes my hair. And it feels good... Comforting. I’m able to just close my eyes and relax for a little bit. I return the affection, giving her a hug of my own around her waist. Squeeze tight, until we pull away.

She scratches the scruff on my chin gently. “How are you feeling, Valen?” she asks softly.

I sigh heavily. “Sore,” I admit. “Sore and tired.”

Alice nods in understanding. “Mhm. That sounds about right,” she says gently. “I know that you were in a lot of pain earlier. I understand; urinary pain sucks, and it sounds like you’re pretty sick. Hopefully the catheter is able to cut down on some of that pain. I know it’s not very comfy, but... It will help.” She pats my leg softly. “Can I have a quick look?”

I nod. I’m certainly okay with a quick look right now. Maybe not another exam, but... A look is fine.

Alice lifts up the bottom half of the bedsheets, then my gown, peering between my legs at the catheter and the urinary bag for a quick second. “Hm. Everything still looks okay,” she reassures me. “You had a pee, it looks like.” She bites her lip. “Still very red, though.” She then keeps her promise, covering me back up nice and comfortably.

Again, I sigh. Rub my forehead. It really does seem like this won’t go away on its own. I need medical help.

“Do Jensen and Westy know what’s going on with me?” I ask her nervously.

She sighs, pressing her lips together, and that’s all I need to know that I’m not going to like what she has to say.

“Well, not exactly just yet,” she explains. “They can tell that it’s something that’s started in your kidneys and is now affecting your bladder. There was calcium in your urine, and... That’s most likely why there was so much blood.” She strokes my forehead, giving me comfort for what she’s going to tell me next. “They said you weren’t going to like this, and... I know that you won’t too, considering what those mean men did to you earlier.” She giggles softly to try to lighten the mood, but her eyes are still sad. “They said that late tomorrow morning they need to give you a cystoscopy to have a look inside and figure out what’s going on exactly.” She cocks her head softly. “Do you know what that is?”

Alice nods. “Okay. Well. You probably know what a colonoscopy is, right? Long tube with a light and a camera that goes inside your rectum to have a look at your colon,” she explains. “A cystoscopy is very similar. Just... Instead of your rectum and your colon, we’re going in through your urethra to get to your bladder. Same idea: long tube with a light and a camera. Opening so the doctor can insert a little pinch-pinch if you need a biopsy. Just designed to go into a different place. A little bit thinner, too.”

It’s all I need to hear. I find myself crying all over again. Not so much bawling like I was earlier. Just whimpers. Tears. Runny nose.

Alice makes a soft, sad sound, reaching over to the side table and pulling a few tissues out of the tissue box; the one with the turquoise ombre clouds and stars. “I know, honey,” she whispers, wiping my tears and coaxing me into blowing my nose. “I know. It’s rough, and it’s scary. I understand why, and it’s okay to be upset.” She wraps an arm around my shoulders, rubbing my arm softly. “You don’t have to go through this alone, though. Jensen and Westy and I are all going to be your support team and make sure you get better, and it’s as smooth a recovery as possible. We also have Brittany to help take care of you... You remember her, don’t you? She’s a very nice nurse.” Alice smiles, giving my face another wipe with a clean tissue. “Everything’s going to be just fine, Valen. I know it’s not fun, but sometimes there’s a little discomfort in feeling better. We’re going to help you through it.”

I sniffle. Wipe my eyes against my wrist. “Thank you, sweetheart,” I whimper. Really, I do appreciate them doing what they are to help me. This really sucks, but having people who understand makes it so much easier to get through.

Alice strokes my hair softly, looking into my eyes. “Of course, dear,” she says softly. “Is there anything I can get you, Valen? Any extra blankets? Pillows?”

I wince. “Maybe... Just some water,” I say. “Some water and a couple of Ibuprofen.”

Alice smiles, scratching my scruff. “Of course, Valen. Good idea.”

With that, she leaves the room for just a minute. Not very long at all. And when she comes back, she has a water bottle and a couple of Ibuprofen in a small, paper cup.

“Here you are, Valen,” she says softly. “Take these pills here – it’ll help cut down the cramps you might be feeling. And then it’s in your best interest to drink plenty of water, alright?”

I nod. “Alright. Thank you so much, Alice,” I answer, wiping my nose with my wrist again. “I really appreciate you all helping me.”

She giggles softly. “Of course, Valen. No need to thank us; we’re happy to be taking care of you,” she says. “Well, you go ahead and take that medicine. It’ll help you get a better night’s sleep. And... I’ll let you get some rest; you deserve it.” She gives my hair one last soft stroke. “See you in the morning, Valen?”

I nod. Manage a smile. “See you in the morning,” I agree.

With that, Alice heads out for the night. Leaves me to rest everything off. Come to terms with the fact that I’m going to need a cystoscopy tomorrow morning.

I swallow down the two Ibuprofen with a big sip of water. Have a few regular sips of water to keep hydrated... I am pretty thirsty.

Then... I find myself pretty tired all over again. Exhausted by what happened, made even more exhausted about what still has to happen.

I put my head back down on my pillow... Close my eyes.

And I’m out for the night again.