What is it about going for a physical exam that has me, if not most men, regress to childlike behavior? I get anxious, will try to put it off, and recall memories of having to be naked for the doctor!

For a long time, I relied on the use of “Walk in” centers and to be honest, the one that I frequented rarely required any degree of undressing. Now that I reflect, it’s clear that I did so on purpose.

Time and circumstances have changed things so that I recently went to a PCP’s office for a new patient physical. I did so at the urging of my girlfriend who worked for a physician group. I never anticipated that allowing her to pick the physician would make for such a memorable event. I admit that the days leading up to the appointment, I acted as though it was no big deal. The night before was a different story. She was clearly aware of my nervousness and she teased me about having to “show your stuff,” while trying to get me to have sex that night. We did but it was not a fine performance.

In the morning, I showered and mentally readied myself for the inevitable. Thankfully, it was a morning appointment so she would leave with me, which was nice but also reminded me of having a parent take me to be sure I cooperated. She jokingly asked if I needed her to go in with me since she was going to work as well. I accepted her offer to walk me to the building and assumed once inside she would go to where she worked. She followed me to the doctor’s suite, room 301, and commented, “This is so cool. I work here to sweetie and entered along with me.”

Now it was like my childhood exams all over again. She left me and disappeared down another hallway while I filed out pages of forms. Sometime later, I was greeted by a nurse assistant who eagerly announced that she was a friend of my girlfriend. “We love Kristen here. She is just the best.” Halfway down the hall, the assistant stopped to grab a urine container and cup while telling me I had to produce a sample in the bathroom. She clearly sensed my nervousness and said, “Run the cold water, it helps get things going!” I smiled but wished to fade into the wall as I shut the door to the bathroom to commence my business. She was right, running water helped me urinate, as I struggled to make it happen.

Like many of you, I suspect those early childhood and teenage exams were conducted in the presence of a parent, typically a mother. The routine was always the same. It generally involved a nurse whose primary commitment was to collect a urine sample, take vitals and insure that one was up-to-date on scheduled vaccinations. Today, I clung to hope that this experience -- notice I couldn’t even say the word physical -- would not be anything too dramatic.

When I returned with my sample, I was taken to an exam room by the attendant who directed me to, “You can hang all of your clothes on the hooks over there. The doctor wants you to remove everything and put on this paper gown. It opens in the back. The nurse will be back to get your vitals. Any questions?”

What came to mind was a mix of emotions. Thankfully there was no Rectal Thermometer on display. Did this mean anything? Who knows but undressing and hanging my clothing felt totally embarrassing. The gown did little to offer coverage. Surely nothing from the back end view. It came to mid-thigh – just enough to cover my genitals but not enough once I sat down on that damn crinkling paper.

Eventually the nurse came in to the room after having knocked loudly on the door. She was in her mid 40s pleasant but clearly business like. “You’re scheduled for a first time physical today. Is that correct?” I nodded and felt my heart pounding. She asked if I had given my urine sample and if I needed to go to the bathroom. I was a bit shocked at that but said I felt fine and pointed to the cup of my urine. She then taken started with BP, an oral temperature, and being weighed. I felt rather chagrined when standing on the scale only to have the gown spread wide enough to display by bare bottom.

When that humiliation ended, I was told to sit on the table and wait for Dr. Robb. Little did I realize that Dr. Robb was short for Roberta Sidelecki. When she entered the room, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. “So, you’re the young man Kristen has been raving about.” I smiled but at her kind words and attempt to put me at ease but the truth was, I had never received an exam from a female doctor. My mind was being flooded with an acute sense of vulnerability. Being nude in a gown seemed brutally honest as I had little doubt as to what might subsequently happen.

Her approach was direct and immediately had the gown lowered to my waist to begin with her stethoscope exam. I must have looked nervous as she asked me to take deep breaths. “I don’t know what it is with you boys but get you in the exam room and you all become so anxious.” She asked if I had other “bad exam” experiences. Before I could completely answer, she said, “You should mentally prepare yourself for the fact that I am going to examine your genitals – your penis and testicles – and conduct a rectal examination.” So much for escaping that ordeal but in many ways it did help to know her intentions. She completed more preliminary tasks and then asked me to lay back and removed my gown. I attempted to cover up. She smiled, “Nothing I haven’t seen before. I am guessing Kristen has seen it plenty.” Her attempt at humor did little to relax me. I must have mumbled how coming in was Kristen’s idea. She left the table with me lying there in full view to call my girlfriend, “I think you’re going to need some moral support.”

Before I could shift my focus, Kristen came into the room, immediately smiled and asked, “Oh do you need to get his rectal temperature?” I whimpered, “Please not that not now,” and was made to roll onto my stomach. I spread wide and felt the an electronic digital probe push deep into my rectum about 5 or 6 inches. I so gasped; it made that squishy noise, and when done, I turned over sporting an erection for sure! Kristen smiled while the doctor began to examine my testicles and asked if I had any problems, pain or discomfort. Soon she was examining the shaft of my penis and remarked, “This seems like a good erection. Do you have any problems achieving and sustaining one?” Kristen chimed in, “Not that I have noticed doctor.” I felt my penis leaking as she examined the meatus. I felt more throbbing and then her hand was cupping my sack from underneath. She had me draw my legs apart and introduced her finger into my rectum. It was like an electric shock was given as my penis jumped and I groaned. Thankfully she didn’t insist on doing more and withdrew it leaving my penis to pulse and leak.

The hernia exam followed and did little to calm my reactive penis. I felt her fingers rotating my testicles and then squeeze one at a time instructing me to cough. Each cough caused me to feel a twinge and some discomfort as she pressed her finger up my inguinal canal. I remained semi erect during this until she had me lean over, spread wide, and take her finger up my bottom. She did not hesitate to enter me quickly and fully. I so groaned and then moaned when she made it two fingers in my bottom. I suddenly felt myself convulsing and spontaneously ejaculating only to hear Kristen proclaim, “He’s Cumming.” I simply could not stop. When she removed her fingers, she said that the exam was well within a normal range and that I had nothing to be concerned about. As she spoke my penis began to soften and I felt less anxious until told to get up on the table positioning on my knees and hands.

Kristen smiled and told me, “Babe, don’t fuss, it only makes it worse.” The thing with an enema is recognizing you can’t win. There is no beating the internal build up and necessity to evacuate. It’s powerful and has no regard for how you feel about having one. With that the doctor gave me a Fleets enema and waited for my stomach to convulse and then purge when I went to the toilet. I was totally helpless.

Upon returning, The doctor and Kristen made sure I got onto my hands and knees with my legs spread wide. The doctor spread my cheeks apart and lubed my tender rosebud. I gasped as her finger rotated inside me. My penis dangling though my sack was tight. Soon her anuscope entered me. I shook like a leaf and gripped the table strongly with my fingers. No amount of gasping could diminish how my tight my clenching had become. Before I knew it, she removed the instrument and wiped me off. “Well, he should be good until his next exam.” With that, she slapped my butt and administered a calming suppository. “Sometimes, this medication will cause you to have an erection. It’s okay. Kristen, I am sure you can help with that if necessary?” Before I could adjust myself and sit up, the nurse had returned and was holding a shot.

“Not so fast big boy. This goes in your butt. Stand up and face the table.” With that Kristen held my hand and guided me into position rubbing my shoulder as I got stuck. I whimpered like a teenage boy all over again. My penis shriveled fast as I shook for all it was worth. Kristen was kind enough to rub the injection site as I tried to adjust to what had happened.

That night, Kristen was especially attentive and felt that I should provide a rectal temperature to make sure that I was still in working order. Note to self, “You have to be naked.”