“Bear down for me like you're using the bathroom,” the doctor said. “You'll just feel some pressure.”

I felt the tip of his finger press against my anus, and I pushed down, curious about the new sensation I was about to experience.

“A bit harder, a bit harder,” Dr. Crowler repeated.

I pushed harder, and I felt the sticky lubrication and the finger slip into me making me feel like I was pooping myself. It felt really uncomfortable, and I worried that I would actually poop on the doctor's finger. He really shoved it as deep inside as he could, and firmly pressed around all of the interior surface, sweeping his finger in half circles. He took his other hand and firmly pressed down on my abdomen as he continued probing my rectum. His thumb brushed against my labia, and my own wetness mixed with the lubricant leftover from the attempted pelvic exam.

Before I could really process what had happened, the pressure and warmth of the doctor's finger was replaced with cool air, and my exam was over.

“Well, everything felt fine from that end," Dr. Crowler said. “I'll give you a referral to get surgery if you decide you want it. The surgeon will want to do another exam.” And with that, he left the room and I sat up, ready to get dressed, and already anticipating the next time I'd get to lay on an exam table for the surgeon.