Alex wanted to talk to me when we got back to the apartment, but I said no. I was too tired. Doc backed me up on that and said I needed to rest.

Julian held me very close that night. We were both thankful that Watters got a good stiff sentence and probably would not be a problem to me anymore. By the time he got out, he'd most likely be frailer than he was now. Both of us slept very well, knowing we had two weeks of peace before Jane's trial started. I wouldn't let myself think about her for the next few days. I needed some time to forget about everything.

The next day, I asked Doc to take me home to the farm. I was missing it terribly. “Not unless Oliver says you can go, Meredith.”

“Oh, come on, Doc. I'm doing fine, I can go.”

“You never did tell me where you got that medical degree, Dr Kingsley.”

“Oh, I did, Doc – the School of Hard Knocks.”

“Very funny, Meredith.” He picked up his phone.

“Who are you calling?”

“Oliver.”

Doc left a message on Dr Hampton's voice mail. He was probably on rounds or with a patient. He called back a half hour later and told Doc he wanted to see me. He said there had been a cancellation and he could see me at 1pm. I thought Doc was being way over protective, but he had just been through pure hell with me, so I kept quiet.

Dr Hampton saw us – or should I say me – right away when we got there. “Dr Hampton, please tell me I can go home to the farm. I need to see my animals. I can't handle being in the city any longer.”

“I get it, Meredith. I really do. I'm a country boy, remember? But I need to make sure you are okay first. I don't want you to be that far away from medical care if you have another cardiac event.”

“I'm fine, Dr Hampton.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” He took his stethoscope from around his neck and approached the chair I was sitting in. “I want to have a listen.” I sighed, but let him listen to my heart and lungs, after which he took my blood pressure. “Here's the deal, Meredith. I will let you go to your farm, but there are conditions.”

“No conditions. I'm going whether you like it or not.”

“Meredith...” Doc began.

“It's okay, Julian. Let me handle it. Meredith, I can't stop you from going, but why are you here if you are determined to go no matter what I say?”

“To placate Julian.” I looked at Doc. He looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel.

“Is that the only reason you came?”

“Yes, Doc. I didn't want to upset you by saying no.”

“Do you think he's upset now?” Dr Hampton asked me.

“Looks like he is.”

“You love him, don't you?”

“Of course I do. I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't.”

“Do you like making him upset like this?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then don't do it. Hear me out. Please.”

“OK, let's hear your conditions.”

“1. No riding or any strenuous activity

2. You do whatever Julian says to do

3. You sleep on a cardiac monitor at night

4. You go on it during the day if Julian or I say to

5. You let Julian take your b/p and/or listen to your heart any time he asks to.”

At the last one, I smiled. Little did he know that that one was absolutely no problem!

“I don't think those are too onerous. Do you?”

“The first one is. I cannot and will not agree to no riding.”

“I'll amend that. No riding at fast speeds. You can walk or trot. Nothing faster.”

“All right.”

“Oh, there's one more. You go to the hospital or come here to my office if Julian or I say to.” I sighed. “Those are the conditions, Meredith. Will you agree to them?”

“Yes”, I said reluctantly.

“Good. Julian, you heard what I said to Meredith. I presume you have no problem with monitoring her.”

“None at all, Oliver.”

“I'm going to have her on a monitor that will send me the readout every morning so I can keep up on what's happening with her heart. You just need to press send when you get up in the morning.”

“What about sex, Dr Hampton?” I asked. Doc turned a hundred shades of pink. “Oh, come on, Doc – he knows we do it!”

The cardiologist laughed. “A lot more frequently than the wife and I do, by the looks of the readouts you sent me from the safe house!” Doc blushed even more. “Yes, you can have sex as long as you are feeling up to it. No swinging from the rafters, though. Go easy on her, Julian. Or should I ask her to go easy on you?”

Doc sputtered, trying unsuccessfully to get words out.

“Calm down, Doc”, I said. “Let's get out of here before he changes his mind.”

It was so good to be back at the farm. First thing I did was go to the barn to see the horses. It was a rainy day, so they were inside. Doc made me take the 4wheeler and he came with me. I headed for Buddy's stall – the poor guy had been through so much since Doc brought him out here for my birthday. He travelled halfway across the country to get here, then a few short weeks later, he was sent off to another farm while Doc and I were at the safe house. Now I had been gone again, in the hospital and staying in the city for the court cases. I grabbed a carrot from the bin I kept them in and broke it up into pieces, giving them to him one at a time, and giving him some loving. I promised him that I would never leave him for any longer than I absolutely had to.

I glanced over and saw Doc at Jack's stall. I stood quietly, petting Buddy, and listened to what he was saying. He was thanking Jack for going easy on him when he rode him to get to me at the end of the trail. “Doc”, I said to him, “give him a carrot.” He went to the bin and got one, then tried to give it to Jack whole. “Break it up into pieces, Doc”, I instructed him, “then give it to him in the palm of your hand like you did with the treats the first time you were out here.” He followed my instructions and fed the carrot to the horse in pieces. Then he got another one and headed for Lilly's stall. He sure was getting attached to those three horses – Jack, Lilly and Blossom, Lilly's filly. I had tried to bring up the subject of putting Lilly and Blossom up for adoption, but each time, he asked for more time.

After I gave Buddy some loving, I took a carrot to Nell. The poor mare was feeling left out and was jumping around in her stall.

On our way back to the house, Doc brought up Lilly. “Meredith, I'd like to adopt her and Blossom. I'll pay the adoption fee.”

“We will have five permanent horses.”

“It's not that many, hon. Karen does the chores for you in the morning and you aren't taking rescues right now, so they aren't taking up stalls that would be needed.” I saw the pleading look in his face. This was a BIG thing – Doc wanting to own not one horse, but two! How could I say no?

“Okay, Doc. But you pay their vet bills.” I winked at him.

“Of course I will pay them. And their share of the feed - and I'll pay Karen for doing their stalls and feeding them.”

“I'm teasing, Doc.”

“I'm not. I want to pay for their upkeep. They are mine.”

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Julian. I don't decide who adopts a horse. Alana at the rescue organization does that. You have to fill out an application and submit it. You need references, including one from a veterinarian. That will be no problem. I'm sure Steve will give you one, based on your character and how he's seen you interact with Jessie and the odd time he's seen you with any of my horses.”

Doc took our things into the house, including the cardiac monitor we'd brought home. I was not thrilled with having to be on that at night, but it was small potatoes. At least I was home, where I belonged. He set it up right away.

When I got into the house, Jessie was thrilled to see me. She wanted to jump up on me, but Doc wouldn't allow it. “She's better trained than that, Meredith.”

“I know, Doc but she is just excited at me being home.”

He had brought Scruffy into the house in her carrier. I opened it and let her out. She jumped on Jessie's back and rode around on her for a bit. Heidi was here, though Alex and Deanna were still in the city. They were staying at the apartment for a couple more days to let Doc and I have some alone time at the farm. We'd take care of Heidi. Chey had been staying at the house while we were all in the city, looking after both dogs and the horses.

I called Alana and told her Doc wanted to adopt Lilly and Blossom. “He's never had a horse before, but he's learning about how to care for them from myself and Karen. He's gotten real attached to these two, as well as Jack.” I told her of him riding Jack to save me.

“Wow, Meredith!” she said. “That's huge! You'd told me of his absolute refusal to learn to ride.”

“I know! It's amazing that he did that. But I needed medical care and the only way in was by foot or horseback. It was a lot faster to ride than walk.”

“And to ride Jack! I know he's high strung under saddle.”

“He sure can be. But he and Julian have bonded and I think Jack knew to take it easy on him. Thank God, because there's no way he could have handled him if he misbehaved.”

Alana emailed the application form to me and I printed it out for Doc to fill out.

That night, I took Dr Hampton's okay to sex to heart and almost jumped Doc's bones as soon as we retired to the bedroom. I had wanted to do it in the kitchen while he was making supper, but he rebuffed my advances. “Not in the kitchen, Meredith!”

“Why not, Doc? Nobody's here but us!”

“It's not proper.”

“Oh, Doc!”

“Since you have so much energy, can you set the table?”

“I'd rather do something else, but okay.” I was now walking without crutches, though Doc was still insisting on me using a wheel chair when we went out and the 4wheeler around the farm. It was good to be able to walk on both feet again, it seemed forever since I'd been able to. While I set the table, I vowed to get Doc to have sex in the kitchen some day.

After supper clean up was finished, I retired to our bedroom. Doc followed me up. I was tired, but not too tired to get a little randy. “I thought you were tired, hon?” he said to me as I ran my hands all over him.

“I'm never too tired to make love with you, honey.”

“Meredith, you are naughty.”

“Just go easy on me, Doc. I'm a bit sore.”

“I won't go anything on you if you are in pain.”

“It's okay, it's just a little pain. I'm not up to anything really strenuous, but please make slow, gentle love to me.” As usual, I got my way. Unless I'm in really bad shape, like pain over 4 or 5 or just out of surgery, it doesn't take long to convince Doc. He's usually up to it.

We spent the next couple days relaxing. I took Nell for a short ride but kept it to no more than a trot, as I'd agreed to with Dr Hampton. I was feeling good, but still tired relatively easily. That was frustrating but Doc told me it would take time. He filled out the application to adopt Lilly and Blossom and Steve wrote a letter of reference for him. He also got references from Curt Wilcox and a couple other doctors at the hospital.

Alex and Deanna came back out to the farm a few days after Doc and I did. We told them they were welcome to stay at the apartment as long as they wanted to, but they were missing Heidi and did not want to subject her to apartment living. Deanna helped me decorate for Halloween. I scaled it down as there wasn't much time left and I didn't want to have to take a lot down afterward. We'd be preoccupied with Jane's trial.

After giving me a few days to just relax and not think about anything, Alex nailed me for a talk one evening. I'd gone upstairs after supper and was lying down. My arthritis was flaring, so I'd taken a couple pain pills. He knocked on the door and I told him to come in. “I've given you your space, Meredith, but I want to talk about what's happened over the last few weeks.”

“What's there to talk about, Alex?”

“How you feel about Watters getting off on the attempted murder charge and what you did after, to start.”

“You mean when I took off from the hospital?”

“Precisely.” I sighed. “What's wrong, Meredith? You rarely give me attitude about talking.”

“I'm talked out, Alex. Just so tired of it.”

“Tired of talking or tired of the problems?” I couldn't answer. I didn't know. “Well?”

I sighed again. “I don't know, Alex. I'm not trying to be difficult. Really, I'm not.”

“I believe you, Meredith. You have had a lot to deal with this year. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you haven't had a breakdown.”

“You must have forgotten the scene in the shower.”

“No, I haven't. That was a very short break, not a total breakdown. You recovered quite quickly. I didn't think you would. Julian and I were very worried about you.”

“I don't ever want to feel like that again, Alex.”

“I'll help you avoid it, Meredith. But you have to be open with me.” We talked for a while longer, then he went to his bedroom and Doc came in to bed. He had let Jessie and Heidi out for their last potty break of the day.

“How was your talk with Alex, hon?” he asked as he got ready for bed.

“It was okay. I'm so tired of everything, Doc.”

“I know, Meredith. You have every right to be. Soon, Jane's trial will be over and then the wedding will be upon us.” I smiled at the thought of the wedding. “Hey, hon, how do you feel about doing something for Halloween? I know it's short notice and I know Jane's trial begins on the 4th, but I thought maybe we could have a small 'do' here at the house after the trick or treaters will be done. Just a few friends.”

“Sounds good, Doc. Let's do it.”

Now he smiled. “It's been a while since I've cooked for more than just us and Alex and Deanna. I miss it.”

“I'll see if Deanna will help me put out some more decorations.”

“Don't overdo it, hon. They have to come down afterward. Come to think of it, I'll pay Karen and Chey to take them down.”

“No need for that, Doc. Deanna and I can do it.”

“You will need your strength for the trial, hon. I insist.”

“Okay then.”

Our guest list turned out to be bigger than we'd planned on, so we decided to have an open house instead. Doc was worried about it being too much for me, but I needed something to occupy my mind. And I knew he was itching to cook for a group again. It was a great diversion in the days leading up to the start of the trial. I baked during the day and Doc cooked when he got home from the clinic. He had gone back for the last week of October to do his books and help out with patients.

It wasn't a costume party, but we told the guests they could wear one if they wanted. I dressed up as a pregnant nun. I wanted Doc to dress as a priest, but he refused. “Meredith! How could you suggest that as a costume (to go with my pregnant nun)!”

“Oh, Doc, lighten up!”

He decided to dress up as a doctor again this year, but varied it by wearing scrubs under his lab coat instead of a shirt and tie. He looks so yummy in scrubs, it was all I could do to keep my hands off him while our guests were here. After the last one was gone, we had to get the leftovers put away and the dishes in the dishwasher before we could go up to bed and let loose in the bedroom.

Early Monday morning, we headed to the city. We packed a couple bags to take to the apartment and took Scruffy with us in her carrier. She was doing great, but still limping so I did not want to release her outside, where she'd be vulnerable to predators. She showed no signs of wanting out, either. I think it was the weather turning cold. It was hard on her leg and she didn't like the cold to begin with.

When we got to the courthouse, Max Carlson, the Crown Attorney, said we wouldn't be needed for at least two or three days. He said he'd call us after court recessed for the day and let us know how it went. As with the preliminary hearing, he was going to have Doc testify first so that he could be in the room when I did. I wanted to go first this time so I could hear Doc's testimony, but he (Doc) said no. Max backed him up. We decided to stay for opening statements, since that was allowed.

Doc testified Wednesday and Thursday. Being that this was the actual trial, it was more thorough and took more time. I began my testimony on Friday and was on the stand for three and a half days total. It was more gruelling than the preliminary had been. Max had asked me to not flash my ring at Jane like I'd done at the prelim – I guess he'd noticed after all. No problem, I'd made my point with her anyway. She sat with her counsel but was warned by the judge that any sign of her acting up and she'd be in the locked prisoner's box. Every time I glanced her way, I could see a look of anger on her face. Gone was the smugness she'd shown at the preliminary.

They made me go through almost every little detail of what had happened the previous winter/spring. It was brutal, but I answered their questions honestly and confidently. I showed no sign of emotion. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing how she'd affected me. At night, Doc held me in his arms and I cried on his shoulder. Dr Hampton still had me on the monitor. He wasn't crazy about the readings and wanted to pull me off the stand, but I begged him not to. As an MD, he could contact the Crown and say I was not physically fit to testify any longer. I did not want the trial postponed. I wanted it over and done with before the wedding so that Doc and I could start our married life without this hanging over our heads. He finally agreed but made me promise to not do anything even remotely strenuous in the evenings and over the weekend. I couldn't even go riding.

Cross examination was even worse. Alex and Deanna were there to support me. Them and Doc were the only thing keeping me sane. Dr Hampton even came to watch and make sure I was okay. He introduced himself to Max and told him that if he thought it was too much for me, he was going to pull me off the stand. I tried to protest, but he'd hear nothing of it. Max agreed with him. I knew that if I had to quit before cross examination was over, the trial would get postponed or my whole testimony would be struck.

When I was finally released from the stand, I walked down the aisle with my head high, past Jane and her counsel and past the spectator gallery. At the back, I opened the door and left the court room. I walked toward a bench in the hallway, but I didn't make it. I collapsed on the floor. Doc was right behind me and he almost jumped on me. “Someone call 911!” he yelled as he knelt down beside me.

“No, it's all right, Doc”, I protested. “I'm okay. Just exhausted.”

“You need to go to the hospital.”

“I've had enough of hospitals, Julian. I just want to go home.”

“I'm getting Oliver. If he says you're to go, you are going, even if I have to pick you up and carry you.” He disappeared into the court room. I got up and sat on the bench with my head in my hands.

Dr Hampton came out and sat down beside me. “Meredith, please go to the hospital.”

“I'd rather not, Dr Hampton. It's okay, I tripped over something. That's all.”

“Meredith, it's not like you to lie. I don't see anything on the floor you could have tripped over.”

“I can trip over thin air.”

“Julian, can you go to my car and get my bag for me, please?” Dr Hampton asked Doc as he pulled his keys out of his pocket.

“Sure, Oliver. I was about to go for mine.”

“I'm going to take your blood pressure and listen to your heart, Meredith. If it's okay, then you can go home.” I willed myself for it to be okay. I guess I didn't will hard enough. “Your blood pressure isn't as bad as it was the day you passed out at Watters' trial, Meredith, but it's not far from that. I'd like you to go to the hospital.” I saw the concern in his eyes and in Doc's.

“For how long?”

“Overnight, hopefully no longer.” I sighed. “And I don't want you coming back here to the courthouse until the verdict is in.”

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed. “I want to see her testify!”

“We can talk about that later. Let's just get you to the hospital.”

“Okay, but no ambulance. I'll go in a car.”

“Fair enough. I'll get Julian to drive mine and I'll ride in the back with you.”

At the hospital, they did the same thing as last time, put me on IV meds to bring my b/p down. They got me a bed on the cardiac ward and I was taken up there. I did not want to be there, but I didn't want to upset Doc, so I stayed. Alex came after supper and talked to me for a while. He'd been in touch with Doc and knew I was stable mentally. He ordered a sedative for bedtime to make sure I got some sleep.

The next morning, I had to settle Doc down. He really wanted to go to the courthouse and tell the judge and jury what Jane was doing to me mentally and physically. “Doc, you can't do that!”

“Why not, Meredith? I bet you'd do it.”

“No, Doc, I wouldn't.” A nurse poked her head into the room. I'd pushed my call button. “Could you please get Dr Carmichael to come up here as soon as he can?” I asked her.

“Of course.”

Doc looked at me in surprise. “I'm pleasantly surprised, Meredith – you are asking for Alex instead of freaking out.” I didn't tell him that I was summoning our therapist for *him*, not me. “Want me to hold you while you wait?” I nodded. This was perfect and would keep Doc from heading to the courthouse.

Alex came about ten minutes later. “What's wrong, Meredith?”, he asked.

“You need to talk to Julian.”

“Why?”

“He wants to go tell the judge and jury about this.”

“He can't do that. It would cause a mistrial.”

“I know.”

“Julian, come with me. Let's find an empty room to talk in.”

“I don't want to talk, Alex. I want to do.”

“You can't, Julian.”

“Doc, what would you say if *I* wanted to go in there and freak out on them?”

“I'd stop you, of course. But I do not 'freak out' on anyone. I would simply tell them what this is doing to you.”

“Please don't, Doc”, I said. “You don't want to cause a mistrial and for me to have to testify yet again at a new trial, do you?” That got him.

“No, hon, I don't.”

“Come on, Julian. Let's go chat.” Doc followed Alex out of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes, trying to rest. An hour later, they were back. “How did it go?” I asked.

“It went good”, Alex replied. “He's calm now.”

“I'm glad. Come here and give me a hug, Doc.” He sat down on the bed. I looked into his eyes. “It's just under a month until the wedding, honey. Let's hang onto that whenever we're tempted to do something stupid.”