I headed for the elevator. A nurse tried to stop me. I growled at her. She backed off. When I got downstairs, I found an exit and called a cab. It was there within minutes.

Half an hour later, I was home. The driver came in while I got his money – I had a LOT of money stashed in my safe behind a picture in my computer room.

After the driver left, I made a pot of REAL coffee and then sat down with a cup. While I was drinking it, Karen came in. “What's going on, Mer?” she asked. “Julian called, he's really upset. How did you get here?”

“Cab.”

“I didn't even hear it drive in. But what gives?”

I told my bestie what had happened. “I take it Julian is at the apartment”, I said after recounting the argument Doc and I had had.

“Yes. He told me the same – that he told you he will not come home – and you can't go there – until you've gone back to the hospital and been released by Dr Hampton.”

“Julian can get bent.”

“Come on, Mer. You don't mean that. You love him. And I see you are still wearing his ring.” I fiddled with my engagement ring.

“Take it off, Mer.” I fiddled with it some more, debating on taking it off. But I couldn't do it. Pissed off as I was at Julian, I still wanted to marry him. “See? You can't take it off. You love him so much, Mer. And he loves you. Please do what he says, he knows what's best.”

“I'll think about it, Karen.”

After my coffee, I went upstairs to lie down. I must have fallen asleep as I was woken up by Alex's voice. “Meredith, are you okay?” I opened my eyes. He was in the bedroom, looking down at me.

“I'm fine, Alex.”

“I doubt that.” He sat down on the bed. I pulled myself to a sitting position and leaned back against the headboard.

“Did Doc send you?”

“No. I wanted to make sure you're okay.”

“I'm fine. Is he okay?”

“No, he's not, Meredith. He's sick with worry about you. He loves you and wants you to be well. But he's frustrated. He doesn't know how to get you to see the seriousness of this situation.” We talked for a while but I held steadfast in my resolution to not go back to the hospital. Finally, he left to go back to the apartment. Apparently, nobody wanted to stay at the farm with me.

The next morning, I realized my medications were at the apartment, so I couldn't take them – I'd forgotten about them the night before. Damned if I was going to call and beg to have Doc or Alex bring them to me. Nobody called me either. My foot was feeling better so I spent some time in the barn, helping Karen with chores, even though I wasn't supposed to be walking on it yet. She wasn't happy about it, but she knows when not to push me.

I called Steve and told him I was coming to get Scruffy. “No, Meredith”, he said to me. “I will not release her to you.”

“What do you mean, Steve?”

“Not until you go back to the hospital for as long as you need to be there.”

“Julian called you.” Silence. “Come on, Steve.”

“No, Meredith. You are a good friend as well as client, so I'm doing this for your own good. If you come here and try to take her, I will call Alex and have him fill out a Form 4 on you. He's already very tempted to do it.”

“I'm not a danger to myself or others, Steve.”

“You are a danger to yourself by refusing medical care for a life threatening condition.”

“We have the right to refuse consent.”

“If you are in your right mind. Alex can say that in his professional opinion, you aren't.” I sighed. “Meredith, please. Think about it. We all care about you and want you to get better.”

I said goodbye and hung up.

A few days later, Doc called me. “Are you ready to come home?” I asked him.

“Not until you go back to the hospital, Meredith.”

“I'm not going back, Doc.” He hung up on me.

That day, late afternoon, there was a knock at the door. I answered it. It was Rick. He handed me a couple bags. “There's some food in here for you, Meredith, so that you don't have to cook and so that you eat well. I hear you are sick.”

“I'm fine, Rick, but thank you for your concern. That is very sweet of you.”

“This was sent by someone who is extremely worried about you. I'm not supposed to tell you who.”

“Julian.” Rick's face gave it away. I knew I was right.

He reached out and touched my arm. “I don't know what is going on with you two, Meredith, but I do know this. Before you came into his life, Dr Richards always looked so lonely when he dined at my restaurant. He has been so happy since you two started dating. He loves you a lot. Enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you.”

“I love him with all my heart, Rick.”

“Then please work it out with him. I don't know what caused this rift or who's fault it is – most likely there is fault on both sides. But don't let pride keep you apart. Make the first move if you have to.”

“You are very sweet to be so concerned, Rick. I'll think about it.”

“Good. I said the same thing to him. I don't want to get any calls cancelling the wedding reception. Oh, and since you figured out who sent this food to you, Dr Richards made the soup and dropped it off for me to bring to you. He said you really like his soup.”

I thought about what Rick had said while I ate my supper. Doc had sent over a couple suppers – lasagna and a beef stir fry – and some soup and sandwiches. He hadn't sent my medication, which I found strange. Maybe he was trying to teach me a lesson or trying to get me to make the first move and ask for it. I had the beef stir fry, figuring it was better for my heart. After I ate, I picked up the house phone and dialed Doc's cell. No answer. His voice mail came on. I almost hung up, but didn't. After the beep, I left a message thanking him for the food. He didn't call back.

The next day, I decided to take Nell for a ride. It was mid afternoon and Karen was gone until supper feeding. I saddled her up, left a note for Karen on the chalkboard and headed down the road. I decided to use a different trail than my usual, so I had to ride farther before I turned off the road. A few hundred yards in, the trail became too narrow to get a car down. Perfect. Nobody knew where I was, which was how I wanted it. I didn't even take my phone with me.

After a couple miles, the trail ended in a clearing. There was a creek running through the clearing. I dismounted and ground tied Nell. I took my shoes and socks off and waded in the creek. It was a warm day for late September, more like an August day. I tried to forget about Doc and our stalemate. Unsuccessfully. I was feeling guilty about my part in it, but too full of pride to call him and apologize. Besides, I did not want to go back to the hospital. I was sick of hospitals.

I waded a bit more, then started feeling a little dizzy so I decided to get out of the creek. I got my socks and shoes and sat down with my back against a tree to put them on. I figured I best be getting back home if this dizziness didn't go away.

Next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and it was dark. What?? I must have passed out. I was shivering. I felt around for my socks and located them. “Nell!” I called out. My mare nickered. She was close, good. I didn't have the energy to lift my foot to put the sock on, even though I tried and tried. Finally, I gave up and tried to get up. I almost made it, but fell back down and passed out again.

“Meredith! Meredith!” I heard someone call my name. I opened my eyes and saw Karen. It was daylight. “Oh, thank God”, she exclaimed.

“Karen, what...” I tried to sit up.

“Stay right there, Mer. I'm calling for help.” I heard her call an ambulance.

“No, Karen, I'm okay. I don't need an ambulance.”

“Shut the fuck up, Mer.” Karen almost never drops the f bomb. I heard her give our location to the dispatcher. “Now I'm calling Julian. He's worried sick about you.” She told Doc where we were, then said “I'll meet you off the road where the path ends and the trail begins.”

“The ambulance will get here before he does, Karen.”

“No, it won't. He's at the farm. He came out when I called him and said you had gone for a ride but had not returned. We have been up all night worrying about you. Now, I'm going to ride Jack back out to meet Julian. You stay here, don't even try to get up.”

“What are you doing riding Jack?” I asked her. She rarely rode my Thoroughbred. While he was quiet in the barn, he could be quite high strung under saddle.

“There was no other horse to ride, Mer. You took Nell. Buddy isn't trained to ride and Lilly has a foal by her side. There was no choice but to take him.”

I lay there waiting for her to return. What was going on with me? I thought. The dizziness and weakness and now I'm shivering to death. I closed my eyes. It seemed like it was taking Karen forever to get back.

I heard the sound of galloping hooves and opened my eyes again. I saw Jack come into view. Oh good, she's back. “Whoa!” I heard a voice say. A male voice. Jack pulled up and Doc got off. Doc??? Doc on a horse?? Galloping??

“Doc?” I said to him as he approached me with his bag in his hand. “What the hell? You on a horse?”

“You need me, Meredith. The only way to get back here is by foot or horseback. I didn't have time to walk and you know I hate running.” He took his blood pressure cuff and stethoscope out of his bag and wrapped the former around my arm. He took my blood pressure and listened to my heart. I saw the worry in his face. He lifted my left hand and touched my ring. He smiled upon seeing I was still wearing it.

“How did you know how to ride?”

“Karen told me what to do. She half heartedly tried to stop me from riding Jack, but she knew that you needed me and horseback is the fastest way in. She stayed out there to meet the ambulance. Jack went easy on me. I need to get us both on him and get us out of here.” I couldn't get over it. Doc rode a horse?? The world went black again.

When I came to, I was on my stomach across Jack's withers. Doc was in the saddle. My head was hanging down. I tried to raise it. “Meredith, stay as you are! I don't want you falling off.”

“What happened, Doc?”

“You went into cardiac arrest. I had to do CPR on you, then get you up here once I got your heart going again. We shouldn't have far to go.”

“I feel like shit, Doc”, I said and then proceeded to vomit. I guess it was a good thing my head was hanging down.

“There they are”, I heard someone say. “We have her, Dr Richards”, the same person said to Doc as I was pulled off Jack. They lay me on the stretcher. I heard Doc telling them about me arresting and giving them my b/p reading. Then he appeared beside the stretcher and walked with it.

“You can't leave Jack here, Doc”, I said to him.

“Karen has him, hon.”

“Nell!” I tried to sit up.

“Where is she?” Karen asked. She and Jack were right behind us.

“By the creek. I ground tied her.”

“I'll go get her and take them both home. I'll get Julian's bag, too. You let them take you in and I don't want to hear a word about you giving them attitude!” I rolled my eyes. “I saw that, Mer!”

They pushed the stretcher into the back of the ambulance and Doc got in with me. I heard the siren go on as we pulled onto the road. “Doc”, I said, “I'm sorry. I was thinking about everything and what a butthead I've been when I started to feel woozy.”

“Don't worry about that, Meredith. We were both 'buttheads', as you called it. We'll talk later, when you are well.”

“I still have your ring on, Doc. I didn't take it off.”

“I know. Karen told me about your conversation. Why are your socks and shoes off, hon?”

“I was wading in the creek.”

“Meredith! At this time of year?”

“It was a warm day.”

“You should have put them back on when you got out.”

“I tried, but didn't have the strength.”

“Oh, hon...” he reached out and brushed some hair out of my face.

“What's wrong with me, Doc?”

“I don't know, hon. Oliver will look at you when we get there. You haven't had your meds since you went home, have you?”

“No, Doc. They are at the apartment.”

“I know. And I was too damn stubborn to take them in to you.”

“I was too stubborn to go get them.”

“We're going to work this out, Meredith. But first, we need to attend to your medical needs. Don't count on going home for a few days.”

“I won't, Doc.”

“I'll be there with you, hon. As long as you want me to be.”

“I want you to be, Julian.” He got off his seat and leaned over and kissed me. Thus ended our first major fight. I hoped it would be our last.

“Doc?” I asked after he'd sat back down. “Why am I passing out?”

“It's your blood pressure, hon. It's way too high. And your arrhythmia, it isn't good either.”

“But why is it bad to begin with? The verdict?”

“Oliver will have some answers, I hope. But yes, I think so. Hearing the 'not guilty' on the attempted murder charge was very hard on you emotionally. That affects the b/p and arrhythmia.”

“Will I get better?”

“Yes, you will. With medication and rest. You need to stay in the hospital until Oliver says you can go home, no matter how long that is. Okay, hon?”

“Okay, Doc.”

At the hospital, Dr Hampton ran a whole bunch of tests and re-admitted me to the cardiac ward. He said it was probably a combination of things that contributed to me going into cardiac arrest – not taking my meds, my b/p still being high from stress and me getting a chill from wading in the creek. He made some changes to my medications and said I could not go home until my b/p was normal and my arrhythmia improved. He didn't lecture me. “You've been through enough, Meredith. I think you've learned your lesson. I hope you'll let me write a letter for Chad's sentencing. This all goes back to your stress over him and the trial.”

I wanted to work on my Victim Impact Statement, but Dr Hampton vetoed it. “Not until you're doing better, Meredith. I don't want the stress of doing it to set you back.”

“I need to get it done by the sentencing date.”

“If you can't, I'm sure the court will understand. Julian can tell them what's happened with your heart. My letter will help, too.”

I was still in hospital on the sentencing date, so the Crown requested it be put off to allow me time to get better and get my statement finished. Max presented a letter to the judge from Dr Hampton explaining that the stress was too much for my heart and that I needed to improve before I could work on it. The judge gave another two weeks for us to prepare.

Doc wouldn't talk about what had happened for a few days. He said that topic was off limits until both my b/p and arrhythmia had improved. He still hovered over me, though, and refused to leave my room except to go home to shower and to go to the cafe to get his meals or something for me. Dr Hampton told me I could have a small cup of regular coffee in the mornings but after that only decaf.

The first few days back in hospital, I slept a lot. I had no strength to even sit up in bed. Because I couldn't get out of bed, Dr Hampton ordered a catheter. Doc insisted on putting it in. At least my bladder wasn't traumatized this time and it didn't hurt. I had to admit that it beat having to get out of bed to go to the bathroom when I could barely lift my head. Doc got a bedpan whenever I needed it.

As he always does when I'm hospitalized, he slept on my bed. This time, I didn't have fresh surgical areas on my abdomen, so he held me tight. The first night, I felt his tears on my cheek as he held me close. I turned over to face him and put my hand on his cheek. I looked into his eyes. “It's going to be okay, Doc. I'm sorry for being such a butthead.”

He brought his hand up and wrapped his fingers around mine – my IV was in that hand, so he had to be careful. “Meredith, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so rigid on the coffee. Oliver says you can have one small cup a day. I should have asked him first.”

“But I shouldn't have left, Doc. And given that I did, I should have got my medications from the apartment, even if I had to ask Alex to bring them to me.”

“You'll get no argument from me on that, hon.” I laughed. “We're going to be okay, Meredith. We've weathered some pretty bad storms and we're still together. You're still wearing my ring.”

“I'll never take it off, Julian. I can't wait till Dec 7.”

“Me either, hon.”

Alex came to see me a couple times a day, but he said we would talk about everything later on, when I was better. I wasn't sure I wanted to. I was tired of talking.

My b/p came down slowly. The arrhythmia improved a tiny bit, but then seemed to stall. Dr Hampton was sure it wasn't permanent, that it would eventually get better. He didn't want me to go home until it was significantly better, even if it didn't go back to where it was.

Three days after I was back on the ward, I was sleeping one afternoon when I heard a voice in the doorway. “Is she sleeping?” I recognized it as my vet, Steve.

“Yes, she is”, Doc replied as he stood up from his chair.

“Not anymore, I'm not”, I said as I opened my eyes.

“Is it safe to come in?” Steve asked me. “Or are you going to attack me?”

“Why would I attack you, Steve?” I noticed he was carrying something in his hand. It looked like a blanket was wrapped around whatever it was.

“For refusing to let you take your squirrel home.”

“Oh, Steve, no I wouldn't do that. You were just trying to look out for me.”

“I'm glad you aren't mad, Meredith. I have a visitor for you.” He shut the door before approaching the bed. He removed the towel from the object in his hand and I saw that it was a cat carrier. He set it on my bed. I looked at Doc. His eyes were wide and he started to say something. I shot him a look that could kill.

I opened the door of the carrier and my squirrel ran out. “Scruffy!” She looked at me as if to say 'what are you doing lying there like that in the middle of the day?' I reached out to pet her.

In the background, I heard Steve say to Doc “Relax, Julian. This will do wonders for her. And Scruffy is clean. I gave her a bath this morning.” Oh, that must have been fun. Scruffy *hated* baths. I have a couple scars on my hands from bathing her when she got into something and stank to high heaven.

“Did Alex put you up to this?” Doc asked him. “Never mind, I can tell by the look on your face that he did.”

“He thought it would be good for Meredith. And I agree with him.”

“I don't disagree that it's good for her, Steve. But it's against hospital protocol to allow pets to visit.”

“I'll take full responsibility if I get caught.”

Scruffy jumped onto the bed rail and looked up at my cardiac monitor. She tilted her head as if trying to figure it out. Then she came back down and sniffed around the IV cannula in my hand. Doc looked apoplectic. The squirrel got up on my chest and nestled her head in my neck. She always did this when I was upset or sick. I think it was her way of consoling me. We lay like that for a while, then Steve said he better get going before a nurse came in and discovered Scruffy. It was hard to say goodbye to her, but I clung to the hope that I'd be out of there in a day or so and be home with her.

After Steve left, I said to Doc “Honey, thank you for not turning Steve in. I needed that visit.”

“I know you did, sweetie.” He leaned over the rail to kiss me. “But now I'm going to change your bed.”

“Doc, it was changed this morning.”

“I know, but I'm changing it again. A wild squirrel has been in it.”

I decided not to protest further. Doc couldn't help it. He got clean bedding and helped me get out of bed and into the chair. After putting a blanket over me, he changed the bed. “Wait here while I get what I need to clean your hand around the cannula.”

“Oh come on, Doc. There's tape all around it.”

“I know, but Scruffy sniffed it quite thoroughly. I'm not taking any chances.” When he came back with supplies, he removed the tape from my hand and cleaned it with an antiseptic solution before re-taping it. Then he helped me back into bed. He pulled the covers over me. I was chilly so he got an extra blanket. I'd coughed a little bit after coming back and Dr Hampton put me on IV antibiotics to prevent pneumonia. So far, they seemed to be working but I still had the chills.

After a few days, I started to regain some strength. It was slow going, though. Everyone – Alex, Doc, Dr Hampton – told me to be a patient patient. Patience isn't my forte. I bet this comes as news to my readers. For awhile, my weak state kept me in bed and not complaining too much. But as I began to get my strength back, I started thinking of Watters and the statement I still hadn't written. I begged my cardiologist to let me work on it. “Please, Dr Hampton. I can't think of anything else and I bet that isn't helping my heart any.”

“Okay”, he said reluctantly. “You can work on it a little each day. No more than 15 minutes a day.”

I had so much to say to the judge that the words just flowed from my pen. I was not allowed electronics. Doc worried that if I had my notebook, I'd be too tempted to get on social media, which he felt would be too stressful. He also didn't want me reading about the case. He kept very careful track of the time and made me stop at exactly 15 minutes each day.

One night, as he was holding me and I was trying to go to sleep, I said “Doc I can't believe it.”

“What, hon?”

“All the times I've tried to get you to learn to ride and it took me being near death for you to get on a horse.”

“Like I told you that day, Meredith – I had to. You needed me. And it's a good thing I did, too – I know that Karen knows CPR, but I'm a trained physician.”

“I owe my life to you, Doc – again.”

“I owe mine to you, Meredith. So we're even.”

I turned over and looked at him. “Julian, this makes me love you even more - that you would do that for me. I know how scared you are of riding.”

“That's how much I love you, Meredith. I'd do anything to get to you when you need me.” He gave me a kiss. “Now, time to get to sleep, hon. You've been awake all evening and you need your rest.”

“Yes, Dr Richards”, I said teasingly as I turned over again. My husband to be snuggled up to me and I drifted off to sleep.

Dr Hampton finally let me go home after I'd been there a week. My b/p was almost normal and the arrhythmia was a lot better. I was still working on my victim impact statement, but was almost finished. I was still under the maximum 15 minutes a day edict, though.

Doc and I went to the apartment. Dr Hampton had asked us to stay in the city so we'd be closer to the hospital if I got into medical distress. I missed my horses and Jessie something fierce but I knew it was for the best.

Alex and Deanna went back to the farm to give us privacy. Steve brought Scruffy back to me. It was good to have her back and she seemed happy to be with me again. Apartment living didn't seem to bother her. Alex brought one of her nests for her to sleep in. Now that her leg was well on the mend, Steve had given the okay for her to climb up to it.

She seemed pretty content to be in the apartment and didn't try to get out. Nor did she destroy the place. No surprise there as she was good in the house at the farm, too. She seemed to know that she couldn't behave like she did outside when she was indoors. I never had to litter box train her. She just automatically began using it when she started spending time in the house.

By the time the sentencing date was here, I had my statement finished. My nerves were on fire the couple days or so prior. Alex gave me a mild dose of Ativan for daytime and a stronger sedative for bedtime, to make sure I got adequate rest. I was doing better medically and he did not want to see me have a set back. After an initial reluctance to talk to him about leaving the hospital against medical advice and the subsequent events, I finally gave in. I have to say that it did help.

My relationship with Doc was back on track. Having the apartment to ourselves helped a lot. We were able to talk about what happened without worrying about other people walking in on us. Once Dr Hampton cleared me for sex, we made up for lost time.

Alex and Deanna went with us to the sentencing. The Crown had me read my statement first. My broken foot was almost healed, but I was still walking with crutches, albeit putting some weight on it. Doc wouldn't let me stand to give my statement, so I sat in my wheelchair.

“Your Honour”, I began, addressing the judge, “thank you for allowing me to speak at this hearing, to tell you how the actions of Mr Watters have affected me. I know he still has his medical licence, but I cannot bring myself to call him “Doctor” anymore.

“Before the events of that day last spring, there was a history between us. It was not allowed to be mentioned at trial, so I won't go into detail here. Suffice it to say, I had been his patient at one time and it did not end well. Consequently, when I realized that it was him who had taken me from my hospital room and then was taking me away from the ultrasound lab which he said he was taking me to, I began to panic. He had threatened my horses years prior. At the time of this incident, they – my horses – had been taken away from my farm due to a threat from someone else. As he was wheeling me along the corridor, he asked where they were. That told me he had tried to find them to harm them. When he couldn't find them, he decided to harm me. I was willing to die to protect them, and I still am. But that doesn't mean I *want* to.

“I cannot adequately described how it felt to fight for my life that day. It was absolutely terrifying, and made even more so by the fact that I was weak from having had four major surgeries in about a month. I knew his age was against him, but he put up a heck of a fight and at one point, I thought he was going to win. As I've since found out, had he won, I might not be here today to tell you about it.

“We all have a will to survive, it's human nature to do what we can to preserve our lives when we are in danger. But not only was I fighting for my life, I was fighting for Julian Richards' life, too. And for our relationship. Had I died that day, I fully believe it would have destroyed him, mentally and emotionally. Julian loves me as much as I love him and losing me would cause him to suffer so much, I believe he'd never completely recover. I know that sounds egotistical, but it's based on things he's told me about his past and about his feelings now.

“So, I was fighting for him as well as for myself. If I died, I'd not know it, I'd be gone. He'd be left to pick up the pieces.

“However, the trauma did not end when I kicked Mr Watters off of me and he hit his head on the ground, knocking him unconscious. I was lucky in that I had no major injuries but I did have a cracked knee and some of my stitches from my recent surgery to repair a torn bladder came out. For a while, it wasn't known if he'd survive his head injury. I didn't want him to die, just wanted him off of me. Had he died, I'd have carried the guilt – right or wrong – for the rest of my life.

“Hearing about the dungeon he'd set up for me broke me. I couldn't handle it. Later, Julian found me in the shower stall of my hospital room's bathroom. I was curled up in a corner, saying I was 'done'. Done even trying to fight. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Julian tried to get near me to help me back to bed, but I kicked at him. I kicked at the man I love more than anything in the world.” My voice cracked a bit saying that sentence. “Dr Carmichael, my therapist, had to give me a dose of Ativan to get me to allow him and Julian to take me back to my bed. He kept me on Ativan, which helped me get better emotionally and begin to live again.

“Things got back to normal and Julian proposed to me in July. We set our wedding date for Dec. 7, after the court cases of Mr Watters and another person who is charged with crimes against both Julian and I would be over.

“Even though things were back to normal, it was in the back of both our minds that the cases were coming up. Testifying against Mr Watters was hard, but it was harder watching my beloved Julian tell about finding me injured and of finding me in that shower stall.

“At the reading of the verdict, as you know, I passed out. My blood pressure was dangerously high and a heart arrhythmia, caused by Mitral Valve Prolapse, was worsening. I was admitted to hospital but walked away the next morning and went home. I went without my medication for a few days. One day, I took one of my horses on a trail ride and waded through a creek for a bit, as it was a warm day. I began to feel weak and dizzy. When I got out of the creek and sat down, I passed out. I lay there all night, coming to once, but passing out again.

“My best friend found me the next morning. You can only get to where I was by foot or horseback – she had ridden in on another of my horses. She called an ambulance and then called Julian to tell him where I was. She rode back out to the road to meet Julian there. Julian is terrified of riding. Absolutely petrified. I had been trying to get him to learn to ride ever since before our relationship began, but he flatly refused. For him to get on that horse and ride two miles in to where I was was monumental. He had his medical bag with him and checked me out before I passed out again. This time, I went into cardiac arrest and he had to perform CPR on his fiance to save her life. When he got my heart going again, he lifted me onto the horse at the withers – the shoulders – and rode back out.

“I was hospitalized for a week this time and Mr Watters' first sentencing hearing had to be postponed as my cardiologist would not let me work on this statement until I had improved. I'm telling you of all this because it was a direct result of Mr Watters' actions that my blood pressure went up so high and my arrhythmia got so bad. Yes, me leaving the hospital and the things I did are on me. I take responsibility for that. But those events would not have happened had Mr Watters not tried to kidnap me that day.

“His actions not only caused me physical pain, but even more emotional pain and distress - right up until today. My therapist has had me on Ativan and a sedative at night the past couple nights so that I could get some rest instead of tossing and turning at the thought of this hearing. I hope that after today, Julian and I can begin to heal from the pain he has caused both of us.”

The judge thanked me for my statement, then Doc came forward to give his. “Your Honour”, he began, “thank you for allowing me to speak as to how the defendant's actions have affected me, even though he did not commit a crime against me.

“While he didn't commit a crime against me, the crimes he did commit against my fiance, Meredith Kingsley, have affected not only her, but also myself and our relationship. Meredith managed to call me from her cell when she realized that Mr Watters was kidnapping her. She had the foresight to put it on speaker and turn the sound down so low that he wouldn't hear. Unfortunately, I did not know she'd done this. All I knew at the time is that I got a call from her, but she wouldn't talk when I answered. Then I heard her talk to him in the background. From what she was saying, I could tell he was trying to kidnap her. Then they fought. I was frantic, knowing she was in danger and feeling like I couldn't help. I called the police and headed over there myself. Thanks to Meredith thinking to ask Watters where they were, I knew where to find them.

“When I saw her lying on the ground, injured, I wanted to tend to her first. She wouldn't let me and said that Watters was hurt worse. I told her I didn't care about him, but she reminded me of my oath. She was right. I had sworn to cause no harm and had I ignored him, he'd have died. Meredith's injuries were not life threatening. Nevertheless, it was very difficult to tend to him, wanting to be by her side. Fortunately, ER staff got there fast and took over.

“This incident was very hard on Meredith psychologically. When she found out about the dungeon Watters had built for her, it broke her. She'd been through so much in the preceding weeks and held strong. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I found her in her shower, curled up and saying she was done, presumably meaning done with life. It angered me so much that Watters had done that. I was going to go to the ICU and God help me, I would have unplugged his life support. Alex Carmichael managed to talk me out of it. Thank God for him. But that's the state of mind that Watters' actions against the love of my life put me in.

“As if that wasn't enough, after a summer of relaxing and Meredith finally getting back to her old self, came the trial. I couldn't watch her testify as I had not done so yet. But I know it was extremely hard on her and that made me want to strangle him. I found it hard to testify, but not nearly as hard as it was for Meredith. Then came the verdict and the effect it had on her. Your Honour, I can't even come close to adequately describing what it was like to watch my bride to be go into cardiac arrest right in front of my eyes by that stream, two miles away from medical equipment – and having to perform CPR on her. I also had to ride a horse in to get to her as the only way there is by foot or horseback. Meredith had been trying for a long time to get me to learn to ride, but I was too afraid to get on the back of a horse. I had no choice that day but to do it, ride a retired race horse those two miles to get to her and medically evaluate her. I could feel my heart – a healthy heart – pounding all the way in and back out. I thank God that the horse, a horse that needs to be run at high speed on a regular basis – took it easy on me.

“Once I got Meredith's heart started, I had to lift her unconscious body onto the horse and then ride the two miles back out. I did not want to wait for the paramedics to get there and walk in. I had to get her to a hospital, which was a half hour drive, as soon as possible. I was so scared that Meredith would fall off or the horse would take off at a run. I galloped him in but had to go slower going out, for her safety.

“Thank God Meredith recovered. She spent a week in the hospital, the first few days of which she could barely even lift her head she was so weak. She slept most of the time. I sat by her 24/7 except to go home to shower and change clothes or go to the cafe downstairs to get something to eat.

“When I think of how close I came to losing her, thanks to Watters, I get angry all over again. Anger is not an emotion I feel often and I do not like it one bit when I do. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for Dr Alex Carmichael. He has kept me from losing it on more than one occasion.

“Watters may not have been directly responsible for Meredith taking off from the hospital and the events afterwards, but had he not attacked her that day last spring, she'd not have been in there. So I do hold him responsible in my mind.

“I can't tell you what sentence to give him, nor would I presume to. But I hope this statement helps you to decide on an appropriate amount of prison time. Thank you.”

The judge thanked Doc for his statement and he sat down beside me in the gallery. Alex and Dr Hampton then gave their statements about how Watters' actions affected my heath – both mentally and physically. Then the defence presented a few “character witnesses”. It was all I could do to sit still and not vomit when they went on about what a great man he was. When they were finished, the judge retired to his chambers to make a decision. We were told we could leave the courtroom but not to venture far.

Alex and Deanna joined Doc and I for coffee at a cafe across the street. I was a bundle of nerves. “What will I do if he gets a very light sentence?” I wondered aloud.

“You will deal with it and get on with your life”, Alex told me. “You know I will help you as much as I can. Besides, you have Jane's trial coming up in November and you need these next couple weeks to rest and get ready for it.”

It was already mid October. We had been hoping Watters' trial and sentencing would be done in time for us to have all – or at least most – of the month to rest. No such luck, thanks to me taking off from the hospital and getting into cardiac distress, which put off his sentencing by two weeks. Our engagement party, scheduled for the 19th, had to be cancelled as Dr Hampton said I couldn't go. He wouldn't even go on the trail ride we'd planned to have in October. “We'll do it in the spring, Meredith. You should be better by then.”

About an hour later, Max called me and said the judge was ready to pronounce sentence. We went back to the courthouse. Doc, sitting beside me, kept taking my pulse. He could do that discreetly, without anyone else noticing. “Relax, hon”, he whispered to me. “Your heart is going too fast.”

“I can't help it, Doc.”

“Try. Please.”

After what seemed like forever, the judge came in and sat down. He addressed Watters, who couldn't stand for pronouncement of sentence. “Mr Watters, I had a hard time deciding on your sentence. You are old and frail and you suffered a head injury, which you will likely never fully recover from. On the other hand, your injury is due to your own actions and you tried to kidnap an innocent woman, intending to torture her when you got her to your home. When she fought to get away, you fought to keep her from leaving. The police fully believe you intended to kill Ms Kingsley after torturing her. Unfortunately, I couldn't use that in my determination of sentence as it's supposition with no concrete evidence to back it up.

“However, I *could* use the statements given by Ms Kingsley and her fiance, Dr Richards, as well as those of her cardiologist and therapist. Your actions have caused her harm, not only on that day, but months later. Because of you, she was not in her right mind and took off from the hospital after being admitted for cardiac problems after the verdict was read. She did not have her medications and went into cardiac arrest. If Dr Richards had not performed CPR, she very well might not be with us today. Yes, she takes responsibility for her actions but that would not have happened if not for *your* actions. You have caused her and Dr Richards great emotional and psychological pain, pain which they will feel for many months, if not years, to come. Yes, you have presented a few character witnesses, but that does not negate the harm you've caused these two innocent people. Thus, I'm sentencing you as follows:”

He gave Watters some minor time on each of the small charges. I was almost holding my breath and trembling out of nervousness. Doc held my hand.

Then came the 'biggies'. “For the charge of assault causing bodily harm, five years. For kidnapping, ten years. All time to be served consecutively. 20 years in all.” I breathed a sigh of relief. 20 years total. That would mean no parole for at least almost 7 years and mandatory supervision (mandatory parole) at over 13 years. He might very well be dead by then, if he didn't make early parole.

Doc insisted on taking the four of us to Rick's for dinner. We'd go early to avoid a full house and so we could get home to an early bed time. I was mentally exhausted. Watters was dealt with but Jane's trial was coming up in a couple weeks.