“I didn’t give you enough to knock you out, just to relax you. Why don’t you want to be awake, Meredith?” he asked as he knelt down in front of me.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”

“What can’t you do anymore?”

“This.”

“What is ‘this’?”

“Can you give me more Ativan?”

“Why? To knock you out?” I nodded. “No, Meredith. You need to deal with this. Avoidance is not the answer.” Doc was standing up now, fidgetting. “Julian, stay here. Attacking Watters won’t help matters at all.”

“I know you are right, Alex. I just can’t stand seeing my darling Meredith like this.”

“We’ll talk later, after we get her settled.”

“It’s time for you to go home.”

“I’m not going home with you two in this state. Deanna will understand, I’ll call her shortly. Let’s see if we can get Meredith back to bed.”

Doc stepped forward. “Hon, will you go to bed? Please.” I nodded. He bent down and picked me up. I put my arm around his neck. “Alex, could you please get the door?” He carried me out into the room and set me down on the bed. He sat down and took me into his arms. “It’s going to be okay, Meredith. I promise you that. We’ll get through this. Alex will help us.”

“I sure will”, the therapist said. “Right now, you two are my biggest priority.”

I clung to Doc for dear life - I never wanted to let go. He hugged me tight. The pain didn‘t register. “Where’s my feisty Meredith? The lady with such spunk, she would never back down?”

“Gone.”

“Gone to where?”

“I don’t know. She can’t take any more of this.”

“Meredith, what is the worst part of all this?” Alex asked.

“What kind of question is that?”

“I’m just trying to get you to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You need to. Don’t retreat from yourself, it will not help.”

“I can’t breathe.” Doc loosened his grip around me.

“Let me get the oxygen cannula and the cardiac monitor on, hon.” Alex got the cannula while Doc attached me to the monitor. They watched the readings for a minute. “Your sats are way too low - 74%. I’m going to call Curt, but in the meantime, I‘m upping the oxygen. Alex, can you stay with her while I go make a couple calls?”

“Sure, Julian. Let me give Deanna a call and let her know I’ll be late getting home.” He took his phone out of his pocket and made the call. When he was finished, he said “She understands and says hi to you both and she hopes you recover soon, Meredith. Julian, can you ask Curt if Ativan on a regular basis is a contraindication for the meds he has her on?”

“Tell Deanna thanks for me, please”, I said.

“Are you thinking of putting her on it, Alex?”

“Just for a couple weeks, maybe a bit longer but certainly not long term. I think it will help stabilize her moods and anxiety so she won’t feel frantic to get out of here and do something she shouldn’t do. The best medicine for her right now would be to go home to her horses, but that is not possible. She needs to be here for a while longer.”

“I’ll ask him.” Doc left my room to make his calls. He had gotten me to lay down when he put the monitor on me. I started to curl up on my side. “Does that make you feel better?” Alex asked me.

“Yes.”

“Okay. What’s going through your mind right now?”

“He was going to torture and kill me.”

“It’s very understandable that that is distressing you, but try to focus on the fact that it didn’t happen and you are safe. He is no longer a threat.”

“Unless he gets better.”

“I’m not a neurologist, but I’m pretty sure that if he comes out of the coma, he will need care for the rest of his life. He won’t be able to get to you.”

“Alex, is it wrong to hope he is physically impaired when or if he comes out of it?” I lifted my head up to look at him.

“It’s not right or wrong, Meredith. It’s very understandable.”

“I want him to be physically unable to do anything for himself, but mentally there so that he knows what is going on. But then I tell myself that that is mean and I don‘t want to be mean.”

“Like I said, that is very understandable.”

“I want to see the room.”

“I don’t think you should.”

“You think I can’t handle it?”

“To be honest, yes that is what I think. And I would say that about anyone in your shoes.”

“I still want to see it. Or pictures. I’m sure the cops took pictures or video of it.”

“Tell you what, Meredith. I’ll look at pictures or video and if I say I think you can handle it, then you can see them. But if I say no, you respect that and stop asking to see the room. Deal?”

I thought a moment. “Okay.” I lay my head back down on the bed. The head of the bed was raised, as it was better for my lungs. I began to uncurl from my ball. “Ouch!” I cried as I tried to straighten my knees.

“What’s wrong, Meredith?”

“My knees hurt real bad.”

“When Julian comes back, we can ask him about that. I‘m glad to see you are coming out of that curled up position.”

I changed the subject. “This is hell on Julian. I feel so bad for him.”

“He’s very upset, but that isn’t your fault. He hates seeing you hurting so badly.”

“I’m really glad you stopped him from going to the ICU.”

“I am, too. I don’t know if he really would have tried to kill Dr Watters, but I couldn’t take the chance, I had to try to stop him.”

“Julian doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, except when it comes to me being harmed. I don‘t know how to make him feel better.”

“I’m going to talk to him when he gets back from those calls and make sure he’s settled down.”

“Thank you, Alex.”

“Then, I think you both could benefit from an early bedtime.”

“Yes, I agree.”

“There is something you can do to help him, Meredith. You can do what he tells you to do and what your other doctors tell you to do. Take your medication without arguing and don’t try to leave. Don’t try to walk until they say you can. Things like that.”

“I will try to do that.”

“I will give you some help. I’m going to put you on a low dose of Ativan for a couple weeks or so. That will help you keep calm and not get so anxious that you feel you have to leave or retreat to a corner in your shower.”

“Will it make me a zombie?”

He chuckled. “No. And it won’t make you sleep, either. You will be awake and alert. You can have a sedative at bedtime if you feel it will help you get to sleep.”

“I haven’t needed one yet, but I’m on a heavy duty painkiller and it puts me to sleep.”

Doc peeked his head in the door. “Can I come in or are you talking privately?”

“No, you can come in”, Alex said. “Meredith is a lot calmer now, she has agreed to go on Ativan for a little while. Her knees are hurting pretty bad.”

“She’s cracked the one and bruised up the other one. I’ll get her pain medication soon.”

I want to talk to you, Julian. Let’s see if the staff lounge is empty.”

“I don’t want Meredith to be alone, Alex. We can talk in here. I don’t have a problem with her hearing us.”

“If you are sure, Julian…”

“I am.”

“I’ll go find a chair.”

“Doc, I’ll try to tune out while you talk to Alex.”

“You can listen, hon. I don’t mind.” Alex came back with a chair and sat down beside him. “The Ativan is fine with her medications, both the pulmonary and cardiac. Curt said to increase the oxygen, which I did anyway. He’s changing her oral med for another one and also changing one of her inhalers. Oliver Hampton is adding a med for her MVP.”

“Oh, yay”, I said. “More pills.”

“You need them, hon. They will help you get better, and I’m betting you will be able to come off some of them after a while.”

“I sure hope so.”

“Julian, how are you feeling? Calmer?”

“Yes, a bit. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go storming into the ICU, but I’m still really mad about what Watters did to her and what he planned to do.”

“As I told Meredith about her feelings, that’s very understandable. You have every right to be angry. Are you okay if I go home in a bit?”

“Yes”, we said.

“I think you are both stable right now. Julian are you sure you are okay?”

“Yes, Alex. You really made me see how foolish it would be to hurt Watters.”

“Good. There’s something I want you to think about - about not being here 24/7 and taking breaks from caring for Meredith.”

“No, Alex. I will not … cannot … do that. Please do not bring it up again.”

“Doc, listen to him”, I said. “You need breaks.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Meredith?”

“No, of course not! But you do need breaks. Even the nurses take their coffee and meal breaks. And they aren’t here 24/7. For your sake. I know I’m not easy to care for, honey. It’s stressful on you.”

“What’s stressful on me is seeing people hurt you, hon. I can handle taking care of you medically.”

“What about just going back to going to the apartment once a day to shower?” Alex suggested.

“I don’t know … maybe.”

“Think about it, Julian, and see how you feel tomorrow. It shouldn’t be too hard to manage.”

“That’s where I was when Watters got to her.”

“I know, but he’s not a threat anymore. Think about it. Maybe after a good sleep, you‘ll feel differently. And speaking of sleep, you should consider going home for the night. You can‘t get a good sleep in that chair.”

Doc and I both looked at each other. Alex caught the look.

“Don’t tell me you’re sleeping in her bed? You are! I should have known.”

“It’s allowed, Alex”, I reminded him.

“Yes, I know, Meredith. I’m not convinced it’s what’s best, though.”

“It is what’s best for Meredith and I”, Doc said. “She does not sleep very well without me in bed with her. I don’t, either, but it’s her well-being that is most important right now.”

“Yours is, too, Doc.”

“It’s best for my well-being, too, hon.”

“Am I even needed here?”

“Of course you are, Alex. Meredith really needs you right now, after what she’s been through. And, to be honest, I do as well. I’m not ready to talk about it tonight, but I need to at some point. About what happened a couple days ago. I’m having a lot of trouble with that.”

“I’ll talk to you both tomorrow, then. Get a good sleep, in bed together if that’s what works best. Before I go home, I’ll write the order for the Ativan, Meredith, though you don’t need any more tonight. I’ll also order a bigger bed.”

“We sleep cuddled up anyway.” He shook his head. “Hey, that’s good”, I told him. “It beats being at each other’s throats.”

After Alex left, Doc got my night time meds and then lay down on the bed with me. I snuggled up to him with my head on his chest. “Doc, I don’t know if I want to be on Ativan on an ongoing basis”, I said.

“You really should, hon. It’s not for that long and it will help you relax and not be so anxious over what happened.” I sighed. “I wish I had taken a video of you in that shower area so you could see how bad you were. It killed me to see you like that, and I don’t want it to happen again. Just stay on it for a while while you talk it out with Alex, okay? You won’t be a ‘zombie’, I promise.”

“Okay, Doc.”

“And no pulling any stunts like flushing it down the toilet either.” I didn’t say anything. “Meredith? I know you aren’t asleep yet, hon.”

“Would I do that, Doc?”

“Yes, you absolutely would. In fact, I highly suspect that’s what you did with the sedative I gave you the day you took off out of here.”

“Goodnight, Doc.”

“Goodnight, Meredith.” He bent his head down and kissed the top of my head. I fell asleep listening to his heart beat.

Alex spent a lot of time with us over the next few days, talking to us both separately and together. Doc agreed to leave my room to talk to him a few times, and he went to the apartment to shower every day, but he had Karen come and sit with me while he did it. Alex was a big help to both of us. Between him and the Ativan, my mood stayed stable, and I behaved myself. I felt neutered, but Doc joked that I should stay on it permanently.

Doc settled down, too, and stopped feeling like he wanted to go pull Watters’ life support. He (Watters) was still in the coma.

Alex kept his promise to me and looked at video of the dungeon in Watters’ basement. He said it was very thorough and showed everything in it. He felt it was too much for me to see, so he vetoed it. I kept my word to him and didn’t ask to see it again. He said he would see how I was when the trial started and if he felt I could handle it then, he’d let me be in the room when that evidence was presented. I told him I hoped I would not still be his patient by then and he made it clear that he would still be able to keep me out of the courtroom if he felt it detrimental to my emotional well being.

“Even if you are no longer needing therapy by then, you’re still my friend and I will see you when I come out to the farm. I’ll know your emotional state of mind.”

A few days after the infamous shower scene - haha - Scott Fletcher came to see us. “I don’t know if you heard, but Watters is out of his coma.” No, we hadn’t heard. Both Doc and I looked at him in fear. “He’s in no shape to be a danger to either of you. He’s aware of what is going on around him, but he can’t talk except in grunts and he can’t move in a co-ordinated fashion. Therapists will be working with him, and he will undergo testing to see exactly what his cognitive function is. If he is determined to be fit to stand trial - mentally fit, that is - then we’ll lay charges. While he’s aware of his surroundings, they don’t know if he remembers anything from before the injury or if he is capable of knowing right from wrong.

“Also, it’s been officially decided that no charges will be laid against you, Meredith. The investigation is over and it’s clear you were acting in self defence.”

“That is such big relief. Thank you, Scott!”

A couple days later, Doc got a call. He answered, talked for a while, then put his phone down. “That was the College, hon. They wanted to let me know that Watters’ lawyer has filed a complaint against me.”

“What the hell for?”

“For getting involved with a patient.”

“But we did that on the up and up! They know about it!”

“Yes, hon - and they are not going to do anything about it. They just wanted to let me know what he was trying to do. They will do an investigation, talk to me and then determine that there is no violation of code.”

“That prick.”

“He’s just lashing out. He couldn’t get to your horses, he failed at trying to get you out of here. It cost him his mobility and could put him in prison for the rest of his life. He wants to take it out on someone and I’m the only one he can try to hurt right now.”

“I wonder how he communicated that to his lawyer.”

“I don’t know, hon.”

Later, in the afternoon, Doc went to Alex’s office to talk. I was stewing over Watters having his lawyer try to stir up trouble for him. There was a wheelchair in my room so I used my “have to go to the bathroom” trick to get my monitors unhooked without sounding alarms.

Once the nurse had left, I got in the chair and put a blanket over my lap for modesty. Then I wheeled myself out of the room and down the hall to the elevators. I took one to the floor he was on - I’d called patient info to get his room number, as he was now out of the ICU. I expected to see cops at his door, but there weren’t any.

Watters was awake. He made a move like he was going for his call bell, but I stopped him. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt you. I’ll stay back here by the foot of your bed so that you know that.” He stopped reaching. “I’m just here to talk to you.

“I heard about what you had your lawyer do, trying to stir up trouble for Julian at the College. Nice try but it won’t work. We did everything above board and he terminated the doctor/patient relationship before we got intimate. Then, when he wanted to take over my gynecological care again due to something that happened which caused me to say that I’d only let him and nobody else touch me, his lawyer went to the College and got special permission for that to happen. So, you see, they know everything and there won’t be any problems.

“Now, let me tell you why you should lay off of Julian and leave him alone. He saved your life that day when we fought and you fell backward and hit your head. He got there just after that. You stopped breathing and he administered CPR to the man who had just tried to kidnap his common-law wife and in fighting with her, hurt her by cracking her knee and causing some of her stitches from her recent surgery to come out in the scuffle. The man who had been inappropriate to her during physical exams and who had physically hurt her doing a procedure without proper testing beforehand and whom you’d threatened to kill her husband, and then after he died, her horses. Had he not done that, you’d be dead now. You owe him a huge debt of gratitude. He‘s a better man than you could ever hope to be. And when the speech therapist gets you able to talk again, you need to say ‘thank you’ to him.”

I turned my wheelchair around to leave the room and was faced with Doc and Alex standing just inside the door. I just about let loose of my bowels. I’m up Shit Creek without a paddle, I thought.

Doc stepped forward and addressed the old physician. “Meredith hasn’t told you the whole story, Watters. When I got there, I went to her first. *She* told me to tend to you as she felt you were more seriously injured. I told her I didn’t care about you, but she insisted. So, in actuality, you owe your life to her.

“And, by the way, we know about your dungeon that you built to torture her in. Yet, she still came here to your room, not to hurt you, but to defend me. Let’s go, Meredith.” He got behind my wheelchair and pushed me out of the room. I didn’t look back.

Alex went back to my ward with us. When I got back in bed, Doc put all the tubes and wires back in place, then sat down on the bed. Alex sat in the chair and said “Feel better now, Meredith?”

“Actually, yes I do.” He laughed. “How did you know where I was?”

“A nurse called me while I was in talking with Alex”, Doc said, “and told me you weren’t in your room and the wheelchair was gone, too. I just had a hunch that you’d gone to Watters’ room. We got there and you were so wrapped up in what you were saying to him, you didn’t notice us. I was going to interrupt, but Alex stopped me.”

“You were just talking so I felt there was no harm in letting you finish”, Alex said. “But don’t do that again!”

“I don’t plan to.”

“Hon, you have to stop getting the nurses to take you to the bathroom when you want to take off. Next time, you may really have to go and they may make you wait until I get back.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, then they can clean up the mess.” I could see Alex try to stifle a laugh. Doc just shook his head.

The next time Scott came to see us, he was not happy about my visit. “Meredith, you shouldn’t have done that. It could have harmed our case.”

“Scott, do you really think this is going to get to trial? Look at him? He can’t communicate so how can he testify?”

“He isn’t required to testify. The Crown can proceed with a trial as long as he is deemed capable of understanding the proceedings.”

“I didn’t do anything, just told him he has Julian to thank for saving his life.”

“I know and that shouldn’t hurt us any. Just please don’t do it again.”

“I won’t. I said what I have to say to him.”

My infections were getting better and the pain from the splenectomy had greatly diminished. However, I was still getting mega pain from the bladder tear and surgery. I had really thought that it would have abated somewhat by now, but both Doc and Dr Quinn said that my body had been through a lot lately and was just complaining loudly about it.

I had been told that when my sats got up to 93%, I could go home, even with the amount of pain I was in. The day finally arrived when they hit that number without the oxygen being on. Dr Quinn had me get an X-ray to make sure nothing was amiss that would cause the pain, such as an instrument being left in, which freaked Doc out. But the X-ray was clear, no surgical instruments in my belly. My discharge papers were drawn up and Doc and I were on our way home, unfortunately with catheter still intact.

“You sure you want to go to the farm?” he asked as we left the hospital parking lot. “It’s a half hour drive, it might be hard to endure.”

“Doc, I did it when I left the hospital with that infection and then had to ride back with you in at least as much pain as I’m in now. I can handle it.” Karen had brought me a pillow from home to hold against my abdomen to help cushion the bumps. Doc drove as carefully as he could, and swerved to avoid potholes whenever possible.

We finally arrived at the farm. Doc pulled in the laneway and stopped. He got out and came around to my side with the wheelchair he’d rented. I told him we might as well buy one with the amount of times we’d - I’d - needed one. I heard some whinnies and looked toward the barn. Three horses were galloping toward us from the back of the pasture. They were home! I don’t know how they knew it was us that had pulled in when they were that far from the laneway - animal instinct, I guess. “Doc, let me see them before we go inside.”

“Just a few minutes, hon. You need to rest.” I got in the chair and he pushed me to the fence.

“Doc, please take me to the gate.” He did and I opened it and he pushed me inside into the pasture. The horses gathered around me and I gave each of them kisses and pets. Doc generously gave me longer than he said he would. He let me stay with them while he took our things into the house. After about a half hour, he said it was time to go in. I didn’t give him attitude over it, I said my good byes to the horses and promised them I’d come out again as soon as I was allowed to.

Doc and I went into the house and I sat down for a few minutes in the living room. Boy, was it ever good to be home! It seemed like it had been forever since we’d left that Monday a few weeks ago to stay at the apartment because Doc was on call. Little had we known how long it would be before we were back to stay. (I’m not counting when I hid in the barn for two days)

Julian wanted me to lie down while he got something out of the freezer and heated it up for supper. “Doc, please let me stay up and have a coffee. We’ll go to bed early, okay?”

“Okay, hon. As long as you go to bed without any attitude.”

“I will, I promise.”

“I’m impressed that you asked me instead of just refusing to go lie down.”

“Don’t get used to it, honey.”

While supper was heating up, Karen came over with Jessie. I was sitting on the sofa in the tv room and my dog bounded into my lap before anyone could stop her. She was so excited and giving me kisses and stepping on my lap in her excitement. Karen pulled her off and told her to lie down. Jessie lay down beside me and I petted her. Doc had a horrified look on his face. “I’m okay, Doc. She’s just so excited to see me after so long.”

He sat down on the other side of me. “Let me see, I want to make sure there’s no damage done.” He lifted my shirt and pulled the waist band of my pants down. Karen had brought me some loose clothing to wear home. He gingerly lifted the tape around my dressing on my bladder repair incision and looked at it. “The stitches are intact.”

“See, honey?”

“There could be internal damage. You let me know if the pain gets worse.”

“I will.”

After supper, Doc helped me up the stairs. It was hard going as I couldn’t put weight on my left leg, but I had insisted on sleeping in our bedroom, not in the spare one downstairs. He tried to tell me that whatever room we slept in, it was “our bed”, but I asked him for this one concession and he reluctantly agreed. He helped me get undressed and into a night shirt. Then he got into his pajamas and got into bed behind me. He used the remote to raise the head so that I wouldn’t be sleeping flat since my sats weren’t where they were supposed to be yet. He turned off the lamp on his nightstand before snuggling up to my back and putting his arm around me. Jessie jumped up and lay down at the foot of the bed. She’d be up behind Doc before morning, as usual.

“It is so good to be home, Doc.”

“It sure is, hon.”