I woke up when Doc got into bed behind me. “Go back to sleep, hon. I’m just coming to bed.” I turned my head and he leaned over and gave me a kiss. Then he lay down and stroked my hair.

“It’s so good to have you in bed again, honey, though I can‘t wait to get home and really be able to cuddle up with you.”

“I feel the same, Meredith. How are you feeling? Do you need your pain meds?”

“Yes, I think so. Let me use the call bell and get the nurse to bring them.”

“No, I’ll get them.” He got out of bed and put the rail on that side up. “There’s skeleton staff at night, I can do it and save her the trouble.” He was back in a couple minutes and injected the medication into my IV. After disposing of the syringe, he got back into bed with me. “I’m so glad you came back to me, hon”, he said as he put his arm around me.

What?? Had Alex told Doc about what I’d told him regarding being out of my body and seeing my loved ones and his parents? I’d asked him not to! I wanted to tell Doc myself! I rolled onto my back. “What do you mean, Doc?”

“When they kept shocking you in the OR during your splenectomy. I was watching and I thought I was going to lose you.”

“I know. You were crying.”

“How did you know that?”

“I was watching.”

“What?”

“From above. You were standing up against the window in the observation room and you had your hands on the glass. There were tears running down your face. Then I was pulled out of the room and went somewhere else. Your parents were there, as were mine. They said I had to go back because you need me and to tell you they love you and are very proud of you. My Dad told me I have to make sure that Jane is put away for a long time and that Dr Watters loses his licence.” I looked at him. He was looking at me in disbelief. “Alex said others have had similar things happen and that he will tell you that if you don’t believe me.”

“You told Alex?”

“Yes, I thought I was losing my mind. He assured me that’s not the case.”

“That’s an NDE”, he told me.

“Near death experience.”

“Correct. I’ve always been skeptical about them. But you have no way of knowing about where I was standing or what I was doing - unless the surgeon told you, though I didn’t see him look up.”

“He didn’t tell me, Doc. I swear.”

“I believe you, Meredith. You don’t lie.”

“Doc, it was so peaceful there, but I’m glad I was sent back to you.”

“Me too, hon. Now go back to sleep.”

The pain meds were kicking in and I was getting drowsy. I turned over again and Doc put his arm around me. He nestled his face in my neck. “Please don’t leave me again, Meredith.”

“I don’t plan to, Doc.”

The next day, when he came back from going to the apartment to shower and change clothes, Doc found me in my curled up in a ball position. “What’s wrong, hon? Is it pain?” I nodded. “Where the hell are the nurses?”

“Don’t get mad, Doc. There was a code on the floor.”

“I’ll be back in a minute with something.”

“Just the pills, Doc.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be out of it, I’ve been sleeping too much.”

“You can’t sleep too much right now, sweetie. I’m getting the IV meds, you are curled up, that means the pain is really bad.”

“Doc…”

“You don’t get a choice, Meredith.”

“You’re so hot when you take control, Julian.” He shook his head and went out to get the meds. After he injected it into my IV, he sat on the bed and stroked my hair. “When is this pain going to stop, Doc?”

“It should start to abate soon, hon. But remember, you‘ve been through a few surgeries lately. This was your 4th in just a few weeks. Your body has been through a lot of stress. It‘s going to take awhile for it to stop complaining.” I sighed. “I know, hon. You don’t like being in this condition.”

“No, I don’t.”

“And I don’t like seeing you in such pain.”

“I’m sorry, Doc. I shouldn’t complain.”

“It’s okay, hon. You can complain all you want. But now you need to let the medicine work and go to sleep for a bit, okay?” I nodded.

I woke up in the afternoon. “Doc, can I have some ginger ale, please?”

“Feeling nauseous?”

“No, just thirsty.”

“Have some water, it’s better for you.”

“Can I have both?”

He poured me a glass out of the pitcher on my table. “Drink this and if you still want it, you can have some ginger ale.”

“At least you aren’t making me eat.”

“I’d like to see you have some broth at supper, if I can get some sent up. You’re on no meals right now because you have been out of it so much. I think you can go on liquids tomorrow, I’ll speak to Dr Quinn about that.”

“Liquids. Yay.”

“You haven’t eaten in a while, Meredith. You need to work up to solid foods. First, liquids, then soft foods, then solids. You’ve lost more weight. When you go home, I’m going to work on that.”

“I don’t want to gain any!”

“You need to. You’re too thin.”

“I never thought I’d ever hear those words said about my body.”

“It’s true, sweetie. But don’t worry about it right now. Just concentrate on getting better. When you are finished your water, I’m going to change your catheter. It needs to be changed every few days.”

“Ginger ale first.”

“Catheter first, then ginger ale”, he said in a firm voice.

“You drive a hard bargain, Doc.” He smiled. “I suppose you can’t leave it out”, I said when he had removed the catheter.

“You suppose right. This has to say in for at least two weeks.”

“At least?”

“At least.”

“You sure know how to make a girl feel good.” I said with sarcasm.

“I know. You say that every time we make love.”

“Haha, Doc. Though you definitely do know how to please me. There’s no need to blush, Doc. There’s nobody else in here with us.” Just then, he pushed the tubing of the new catheter into my urethra. “DOC!!! WTF??? That hurts!”

“Sorry, hon.”

“Take it out, Doc!”

“No, Meredith. It in all the way now. Relax.”

“Geez, Doc, why does it hurt so much? I’ve had catheters before and they were nothing like this.”

“Your urethra is probably traumatized from being hit by a car. The first catheter was put in while you were under anesthesia, and you were still pretty out of it when I did the first change. The is the first time you’ve been awake for it. It will settle down in a bit.”

“So, two weeks, huh?”

“At least.”

“Well, we should be able to get some sex in before it comes out for good.”

“Meredith!”

Just then Alex came in the room and Doc blushed a thousand shades of red. “Doc, I’m sure Alex has had sex. He’s been married for a number of years.” He blushed even more shades of red, if that were possible and busied himself gathering up the catheter packaging and putting it in the garbage.

“Did I come at a bad time?” Alex asked.

I tried to stifle a laugh but was not successful and then I yelped in pain. “That serves you right”, Doc told me.

“Are you okay, Meredith?” our friend and therapist asked me.

“She will be”, Doc answered for me. “She was talking about sex, then laughing and that caused her more pain. She knows better.”

“Than to talk about sex? It’s healthy to talk about that, Julian.”

“Not when you’re less than a week out of major surgery for the 4th time in just over a month and then making yourself laugh, aggravating your pain.”

Alex changed the subject. “So, how are you two doing?”

“I am fine, she is not. But she will be, with time.”

“If you are thinking about sex, you must be doing better, Meredith.”

“She thinks about sex *all* the time, Alex. No matter how sick she is.” Alex laughed.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing, Julian. Hey, could you do me a favour and go get me a coffee from the café downstairs?”

“Sure, Alex. Do you want anything, Meredith?”

“A coffee, please!”

“Take your time, Julian. Get something to eat, have a coffee while you’re down there, make some calls if you need to.” I think Doc got the hint that Alex wanted to talk to me alone for a bit. When Julian had left, he said to me “So, how are you really doing, Meredith?”

“I’m in a lot of pain still, but this is the longest I’ve been awake. I’ll probably zonk out after I have that coffee, despite the caffeine.”

“Are you behaving, and not giving Julian a hard time?”

“Pretty much, Alex. I’m feeling too rotten to even think about leaving, though I did ask him when I can go home.”

“I’m sure he said it will be a while.”

“At least a week.” I sighed.

“You are where you need to be right now. Don’t be impatient. You have someone here with you, so you aren’t alone. Most patients aren’t so lucky.”

“I know. Julian has been great - again!”

“Are you okay with him being here so much?”

“Yes, as long as he wants to be. If he didn’t want to be, I wouldn’t want him to be here. Alex, I know where this is going. Julian told me about his session with you and how you feel he shouldn‘t be here almost 24/7 with me.”

“I’m concerned that you are getting too dependent on him, Meredith.”

“I’m not. Trust me, when I get to feeling better, I’ll be back to my old stubborn and independent self.” He smiled.

“I can’t wait to see you back to your old cheeky self. How are you feeling about your scars?”

“I have another one to add to the collection and it’s a huge one”, I said morosely.

“Yes, but remember, that is there because your life was saved.”

“I know. I can live with them myself, it’s Julian’s reaction I‘m worried about.”

“What has he told you about that?”

“That it doesn’t bother him.”

“Why don’t you believe him?” I looked at him. “You obviously don’t believe him if you still worry about his reaction.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe him. It’s easy for him to say here in the hospital, but when we’re intimate, he might see them differently.”

“Why don’t you worry about that when the time comes? I’ll bet that nothing will change.”

“You’re probably right, Alex.”

“Probably? I *am* right.” He laughed. I chuckled but kept it a slight one to avoid more pain.

“Alex, I’m sorry - I haven’t done that thing yet about writing down what I want to say to Jane.”

“Don’t worry about that, Meredith. Things happened and now you’ve had another surgery and you’re still in way too much pain to do something like that. Write it when you are feeling better.”

Doc came back into the room. He handed Alex and I our coffees. I took the lid off mine and took a sip. Oh, that was divine. I hadn’t had a coffee in almost a week.

“It’s time for my stitches to come out. Alex, would you mind taking the ones in the back of my leg out? I can do the front but can’t get to the back.”

“Doc, I can do that for you.”

“Meredith, you aren’t a doctor or a nurse.”

“Oh, come on, Doc. I don’t need to be to cut a stitch and pull it out. I do it with my horses all the time when they need stitches.”

“I know, Meredith”, Alex spoke up. “I’ve had to listen to my brother rant about you doing it instead of calling him.”

“Has he said it’s harmed my horses?”

“No”, he admitted.

“I rest my case. He should be glad I save him a trip out, he can use that time to attend to animals that need him.”

“Julian, it appears that your wife is feeling better. She’s getting feisty again.”

“That’s about as feisty as I’m going to get right now. That took a lot out of me.”

“I’ll go get some supplies, Alex”, Doc said to him. “You rest, Meredith. Your lunch tray should be up soon.”

“Be still, my heart”, I replied sarcastically. “Can’t wait to see what culinary joys await me.”

“I have to side with Meredith on this one”, Alex said. “The food they serve the patients here is pretty scary.”

“I know, and when she’s better, I’m going to see what I can do to fight for better fare. Patients need good nutrition to recover and they aren’t getting it if they refuse to eat the food.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help lobby for it, let me know.”

Doc went and got what he needed for Alex to take his stitches out. “Ok, Julian - drop ‘em”, Alex said when he returned. “Unless you want to do this in the bathroom?”

“Meredith has seen pretty much every inch of me, Alex. She won’t see anything she hasn’t seen before.” I giggled, thinking of the fact I literally had seen every inch of Doc’s body, including his anus when I took his rectal temp when he was sick.

“What’s so funny?” Alex asked.

“Inside joke”, Doc said, quickly catching on to why I was giggling. Alex took the stitches out, both front and back. Then he asked me to look at Doc’s scars.

“Do they bother you, Meredith?”

“Of course not, Alex.”

“Do you still think Julian is sexy?”

“Very!” Doc blushed.

“Even with or despite the scars?”

“Yes!”

“So, why would you think your scars would be an issue for him?”

“I have a lot more of them.”

“Do Meredith’s scars bother you, Julian?”

“Not in the least. She’s still beautiful - and sexy.”

“Meredith, you need to trust and believe him.”

“Okay, Alex, you make good points.”

“I have to get going, but I’ll pop in to see you tomorrow. Julian, can you come to my office later this afternoon? Say, 4:00?”

“I don’t know. The last time I did that, Meredith left the hospital and I couldn’t find her for two days.”

“She won’t leave now. She has no reason to. Right, Meredith?”

“Right. Go ahead, Doc. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, Alex. I’ll be there.” When he’d left, Doc turned to me. “Meredith, believe me, your scars do not bother me. I can‘t wait until you are better and I can show you how much I mean that.” I smiled at him. “Now, you need to rest.”

“Yes, Doc. I’m ready for a nap.”

“Do you need your pain meds?”

I nodded “Yes, please, honey.”

He went and got my pain pills - it was too early for the IV pain meds. Then he gave me a kiss and sat down in the chair beside the bed. I turned on my side to face him and he put his hand through the bars in the rail and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Karen was sitting in Doc’s chair. “Hey, girl”, she said when she saw I was awake. “Julian went to see Alex Carmichael, he asked me to stay with you until he gets back.”

“He’s afraid I’m going to take off again.”

“He has good reason, from what I hear.”

“I‘m not going anywhere, Jane hasn’t bothered me since they found her phone.”

“I hope it stays that way.”

“You and me both!” I caught her up on all that had happened since Doc and I went to the safe house.

“Holy shit, Mer! That’s enough action for a novel. You should write about it.” I gave her an “I don’t think so” look. “But seriously, I’m glad you are okay - or at least you are going to be okay.”

“How are you guys doing? And my critters?”

“Everyone is fine. We’re happy to be home again. Joanna is probably glad to have her place to herself again, too! The horses and Jessie are doing well. Julian asked me if I could bring Buddy, he thought it would be good for you to see him. But he pined for you for a long time after the last time we brought him in, so I had to say no. I figured you would say no, too.”

“You’re right, Karen. Much as I’d love to see him, I don’t want to stress him by having to say goodbye again. I’ll be home soon enough and then I’ll see him all the time. I’m very touched that Julian asked you to bring him in, though.”

“He loves you, Mer and he knows what a pick-me-up that would be for you.”

“He is so sweet. I know he’s still not 100% comfortable with me having horses but he never says anything about it.”

“That’s because he knows they make you happy.”

Doc walked into the room. “My ears are burning”, he said.

“For good reason, we’ve been talking about you!” I replied.

“Uh-oh.”

“Nothing bad, honey.”

“That’s a relief.”

“I can’t think of anything bad to say about you, Doc. Even if I wanted to.”

“I better get going”, Karen said.

“Thanks for sitting with Meredith.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Julian. We got caught up with each other when she woke up. Meredith, I’ll come see you again in the next day or so.”

“Supper trays are up, hon”, Doc said to me after Karen had left. “I was able to get some broth sent up for you.”

“Oh, joy.”

“Hon, I don’t think your heart can handle all that enthusiasm.”

“Haha, Doc.”

“You drank some ginger ale today and a whole cup of coffee. I don’t want any attitude over some broth.” I rolled my eyes when he had his back turned. “Drink this and I’ll get you a decaf. Deal?”

“Okay.” I eyed the distance between bed and sink and wondered if I could make it to dump the broth out if I could convince him to go get the coffee now. Unfortunately, it was too much when I could barely walk due to pain. I sighed and began to drink the hot swamp water…er, broth.

Later, Doc came up from the café with coffee for both of us. “Honey, I am going to owe you at least $100 for the money you’ve spent on me at that café.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Meredith.”

“Sure, I do. All the coffee, lasagne, chili, broth.”

“Meredith, you are my wife. Well, my common law wife. Pretty close to the same thing. I know we keep separate finances, but for goodness sake, it’s not a big deal for me to get you things downstairs. If it were me in that bed, would you do it?”

“Of course I would.”

“Then let me do it for you. If you really insist on paying it back, donate it to Doctors Without Borders.”

“Ok, Doc. Hey, know what I was thinking we should do?”

“What, Meredith?”

“Have a dinner for the detectives at the safe house, Scott Fletcher and Karen and her family - to say thanks for everything.”

“That is a great idea, Meredith. But it’s a long way for Randall and Dana to come.”

“I wonder if they will have to come for Jane’s trial on the charges from here? Or we could pay their air fare to come on a weekend.”

“It’s something to think about, hon.”

The next day, Doc went to the apartment to shower, shave and change clothes, as usual. I fell asleep shortly after he left, but woke up a while later to someone in my room. He had on burgundy scrubs, the colour the porters wore. He wore a mask over his mouth and nose. “Hello, Meredith, I’m here to take you to the ultrasound department. Dr Quinn wants to make sure you are healing properly.”

“He didn’t say anything to me about it.”

“It probably slipped his mind. He’s a busy man.” He put the side rail down and turned off the cardiac monitor before disconnecting it. Then he removed the IV bag from the stand - I only had one this time of day, I would get my antibiotics later - and put it on the pole on the wheelchair before disconnecting the bag on my catheter and helping get from bed to chair. He laid a sheet over my lap, then wheeled me out of the room.

Something was not right about this. “Why are you wearing a mask?” I asked him.

“I’m getting over a cold and don’t want to pass it on to anyone. You really don’t need that on top of everything else.”

His explanation made sense, but I was still uneasy. His voice sounded familiar, even though the mask muffled it. “What’s your name?” I asked.

“Barry.” I had noticed that he had a hospital ID card around his neck but it was turned so all I saw was the back. Sometimes that happened with the cards, I’d seen it with the nurses.

“Barry” pushed me past the nurses’ station and a couple of the nurses waved to me. “We’ll see you when you get back”, one said to me. That told me that they knew where I was going, so maybe it was legit. However, I still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling.

We got on the elevator and went down to the basement, where the testing labs were. I was wheeled along a long corridor in a different direction than I was expecting. “We’re almost there, Meredith”, “Barry” said. At that moment, I finally figured the voice out. It was Dr Watters!

“I don’t think so, Dr Watters.” I tried to push myself up but he shoved me down. He didn’t feel very strong, but I was pretty weak at the time. I turned around and saw a syringe in his hand.

“Don’t make this difficult for me”, he growled. “You come with me willingly or you get this.”