I threw the notebook to the foot of the bed. So many things were going through my mind at breakneck speed. Was Jane out? Did she get bail after all? Was she here in Williams Lake? Or was she planning to escape and come here? Does she have someone who is going to come after Doc and I? I could hear an alarm sound on my heart monitor. I disconnected myself from it and the oximeter. Then I yanked my IV out, clamped my catheter and disconnected the bag and climbed over the rail. This time, I landed on my feet. All I could think of was that I had to get out of there and go to Jane and tell her to bugger off and leave us alone. I was not really thinking rationally.

At that moment, Doc and Alex ran into the room. A nurse was behind them.

“Back into bed, Meredith”, Doc commanded.

“No. I’m getting out of here.”

“Where are you planning on going?” Alex asked me.

“To find Jane. I have to get her to leave us alone.”

“You aren’t going anywhere but back to your bed”, Doc said. I took a step and faltered. He caught me and held on to me.

“Let me go, Doc!”

Alex must have picked up my notebook. He said “Julian, listen to this” and he read the email aloud.

“Oh, my God”, Doc said. He loosened his grip and I slipped out of it. “Get in bed, Meredith. You can‘t go there.”

“Says who?”

“Me. You are in no shape to be driving out there, and even if you were, you wouldn’t be able to see her.”

“I have to see if she‘s there, she might have escaped. I have to find her! I can’t go through what we have been through again! I just can’t!”

“She hasn‘t escaped. Scott would have notified us.”

I was starting to panic. “Maybe he doesn’t know. I can’t stay in here! She will know where I am!”

“She doesn’t know where you are.”

“She knows I‘m injured. If she doesn‘t find me at the hospital there, she‘ll come here!” I tried to take another step and Doc grabbed me again. I struggled to get free of him.

I heard Alex say to the nurse “Get 2mg Ativan, please.” Oh no, I thought. You are not drugging me up!

“Alex, no!” I yelled. “No drugs!”

“Then settle down, Meredith.”

“You can’t keep me here!”

“I can and I will. For your own protection.”

“And Jane’s”, Doc said. “Though I’m not sure I care about her safety.” Holy crap, Julian is a doctor through and through and he didn’t care about Jane’s safety? That said a lot!

“Meredith, don’t make me sign that form. That will go on your medical record.” That got my attention. I did NOT want something like that on my permanent medical record. I let Doc guide me back to the bed and sat down on it. The nurse had returned with the needle.

“Just set it down there”, Alex told her, indicating the table by the bed. “We may not need it.”

“You might want to put it out of her reach”, Doc told him. “She grabbed a syringe out of my pocket the other day and emptied it all over my shirt.” I saw Alex stifle a laugh. He knew how immaculate Doc was about his clothes. “Don‘t ever underestimate her.”

“Thanks for the warning, Julian.” He took the syringe from where the nurse had put it and moved it to where I couldn't get to it.

“Meredith, lie down. Please, hon”, Doc said to me. He helped me swing my legs onto the bed. I lay down on my good side and brought my knees up in the fetal position and curled up into a ball. I began to tremble. Doc sat on the bed behind me and stroked my hair.

Alex leaned on the rail in front of me. “Meredith, are you okay?”

“She does this when she is distressed or in a lot of pain, Alex.”

“What do you do to stop it?”

“If it’s pain, give her medication. If it’s stress, I do what I’m doing now. Stroking her hair has a calming effect on her. She just needs time to settle down. What’s your pain level, hon?” he asked me.

“9”, I replied.

“That’s pretty high.”

“It’s not pain, Doc.”

“What do you mean, Meredith?”

“It’s not the pain that I’m upset about.”

“It’s the email?” I nodded.

“I’m going to call Scott in a minute. First, I want to get you back on the monitor and get your IV restarted.”

“Do you have to do that right now?” Alex asked Doc.

“Well…I suppose not. Why?”

“Just leave her be with those things for now. Let her settle down.” He had already got some gauze and taped it to the back of my hand to stop the bleeding from me tearing the cannula out.

“Ok, I’ll call Scott first. But I want to see if this stress has affected her heart.” He got off the bed and called the detective.

Alex sat down in the chair beside the bed. “Feeling better, Meredith?” I shook my head no. “Are you worried about Jane getting to you?”

“Or Julian.”

He picked up my notebook from where he’d set it down after reading the email aloud to Doc. “It says here that the email was sent yesterday at 1:35pm. If Jane had escaped, you’d have been notified by now. And this says he or she is a mutual acquaintance of yours and Jane’s. It’s not her that sent the email.”

I looked at him. “She says she’s down but not out. That means she’s going to come after us.”

“I can’t deny that that is the insinuation. But it’s not likely to happen in the near future.”

“Unless she gets someone to do it for her. Looks like she got someone to send the email for her.”

“Scott is out of town, so he’s going to send someone to pick the tablet up to take back to the station”, Doc said. “In fact, he’s down there to officially charge Jane with the crimes she committed here. He will be doing that shortly. He said to tell you that Jane is definitely still in custody and we would be notified immediately if she were to escape. So you can rest easy, Meredith.”

“For now.”

“Worry about the future when it gets here.” Doc was sitting on the bed behind me again. “Alex, I think we should postpone our chat to another day.”

“I don’t, Julian.”

“I have to be here with Meredith.”

“Meredith will be fine without you for an hour or so, won’t you, Meredith?” I nodded. “I can see if we can use a room here on this floor if that will make you feel better.”

Doc’s phone rang. He looked at the screen. “It’s Scott.” He answered and talked to the detective for a minute, then put his phone down. “An officer is on her way over to get the notebook. She is going to leave one for you to use, hon, but he asked that you not check your email on it for now. Detectives at the station will watch for further messages from Jane or her friend. He’s going to call me after he’s laid charges against her. He said they may hold the bail hearing there so that she does not have to come here to Williams Lake. Now, I really need to get you back on the monitor.”

He attached the electrodes and turned it on. After looking at the readout for a minute, he said “Meredith, you need to relax. Your blood pressure and heart rate are too high. The arrhythmia isn’t good either.” I sighed.

A woman came in with my lunch tray. “I’m not hungry”, I said.

“You don’t have to eat right now. Just concentrate on relaxing, hon.”

“Hi, I’m here to pick up a notebook computer”, a voice said from the doorway. Doc picked it up and took it to the woman. They talked for a minute, then she came up to my bed. “Hi, Meredith. I’m Karina Tanner. I want you to know that you are safe. There’s no way Jane is getting out on bail, and the chances of her escaping are very, very low.”

“But she can get someone else to come after us.”

“It would be hard to set up from the holding centre. They monitor all written correspondence to and from the detainees, and phone conversations are monitored. When someone visits, there is glass between them and they have to use a phone. Those conversations are recorded.”

“She got an email sent to me.”

“Yes, but that could have been arranged before she was arrested.”

“I never thought of that.”

“Meredith, we will let you know right away if she were to escape custody. Do you want an officer at your door?”

“No, it didn’t help last time.”

“If you change your mind, let us know. Concentrate on getting better, okay?” I nodded.

Doc went to the nurse’s station and when he came back, he handed me some pills. “What are these?” I asked.

“Pain pills. Take them, hon.” There were three pills. I always get two for pain, not three.

“What’s the third pill?”

“Just something to relax you. It’s milder than the Ativan injection.” I looked at them, trying to decide whether to take them or not.

“Meredith, take the pills”, Alex said. I put them in my mouth and took a drink of water.

“I’m going to go back to my office. I’ll see you in a bit, okay Julian?”

“I’ll be there, Alex. Unless Meredith gets upset again.”

“Doc, I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Do you want a bedpan?”

“No, I can’t go on those, just help me to the bathroom, please.” He took me off the monitor, took the catheter bag off and helped me get to the toilet. When he left and closed the door, I took the pills out of my mouth and threw the sedative in the toilet, then I swallowed the pain meds.

I sat for a while, then flushed the toilet, washed my hands and opened the door. Doc came and got me and put me back in bed before leaving for his appointment with Alex. Shortly after he left, a gentleman came into my room with a bouquet of flowers. “These were left at the front desk for you, Ms Kingsley.”

“Thank you”, I said as I took them from him. Doc, you spoil me, I thought as I unwrapped them. They were gorgeous. I took the little card out of the envelope and read it.

“Down but not out” was all it said.

Jane again! Damn! Was I ever going to be rid of her? And this was proof she knew where I was! I had to get out of here!! I pushed the call button. A nurse came to see what I wanted. “These flowers came for me, but I don’t want them. Could you please give them to a patient who doesn’t have any?”

“Certainly”, she replied.

“Could you also disconnect me from the monitor and catheter bag so I can go to the bathroom for a bowel movement?” She didn’t know that I had asked the same thing of Doc just a short while earlier.

I sat in the bathroom for a few minutes, then went out to the room and looked through the bag of belongings that were sent with me from the other hospital. My clothes had been cut off me in the ER, so I couldn’t wear them. I slipped into my shoes and wrapped a blanket around me. I put my phone in my purse, picked it up and went to the door. Because I was on a heart monitor, my room was near the nurses’ station. They appeared to be engrossed in their computers. Probably Facebooking, the cynical part of me thought. I snuck out of my room and down the hall to the stairwell. It was closer than the elevator.

Walking was very painful and I kept stumbling, but I made it all the way down to the ground floor. I found the nearest exit and sat down on a chair to call a cab. Good thing I had my purse and my credit cards. Cab fare to the farm was not cheap.

The ride home was even more painful than walking. I swear the driver hit every bump in the road. He had asked about my attire and I told him that my clothes had been cut off me in the ER of another city when I’d got hit by a car and I had nothing else to go home in.

“You look like you shouldn’t be going home yet”, he said.

“I couldn’t stay there another minute. I hate hospitals.”

We finally got to the farm and he offered to help me up the steps. I told him I was fine. Halfway to the house, I stumbled and fell. The cab had already gone. I tried to get up, but couldn’t. I needed something to hold onto, but there was nothing between me and the steps. I got on my hands and knees and crawled. Once I got to the steps, I was able to use the post on the railing to pull myself up. I managed to get up the few steps and sat in one of the chairs on the porch to rest for a few minutes.

After a break, I got my keys out of my purse and let myself in to the house. I went to the bathroom downstairs to open the catheter clamp and let the urine out. Due to the tear in my bladder, urine was not supposed to sit in there. I sat on the toilet to think. I wanted to go to the detention centre where Jane was to confront her, but I knew I was in no physical shape to drive that far. No way in hell was I going to fly. I didn’t know what to do. I was feeling so panicky, worrying about Jane’s minions coming after me. She knew where I lived so I was not safe in the house.

I clamped the catheter again and got up from the toilet. There were no bags for it here at home, so I’d have to take my chances. I washed my hands and went out to the kitchen to get a drink. The house phone rang. I went to it and looked at the display. It was the hospital. I picked it up and the person asked if she could speak to Meredith Kingsley.

“You are”, I replied.

“I’m calling from Williams Lake Hospital. We have been looking for you.”

“I’m not there.”

“I see that. Why did you leave?”

“I have my reasons.”

“Are you coming back?”

“No. It is not safe for me there.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Someone is after me and she knows I was there.”

“You’d be safer here than at home. Does she know where you live?”

“Yes.”

“Do the police know?”

“Yes, they are involved. Please, just let me be.” I hung up.

The phone rang again as soon as I hung up. It was a number I didn’t recognize. I answered.

“I may be down but I’m not out”, a female voice said.

“Who is this?” I asked. No response. There was a click, then a dial tone. They had hung up. I knew that was Jane, I knew her voice. I dropped the receiver without hanging up and headed for the back door. I had to get out of here, but I was not steady on my feet. What if I fell again? I found my crutches in the downstairs bedroom closet. They would help me walk better and if I did fall, I could use them to get up. I went out the door and down the steps, then toward the barn. Partway there, I had to sit down on the ground for a rest. My stomach was heaving. After throwing up my breakfast, I got up and continued on.

When I reached the barn, I tried to climb the ladder to the hay mow. That was not going to work, I discovered. Where could I hide? Oh! I remembered hiding from Doc when I was playing around with him and wanted him to find me. I had hidden behind some bales of straw. I went to the other part of the barn where the straw was stored up against a wall and moved some bales like I’d done that day. This took a supreme effort and I had to sit down to rest in the middle of doing it. My pain level was through the roof but adrenaline and fear kept me going. Next, I got some horse blankets and put one down to lie on. I folded a couple up to make a pillow of sorts, and left one to cover myself with. I moved a few bales to block off the space I’d created and lay down. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. And I was in a world of pain. It did not take long for me to fall asleep.

The sound of the barn door slamming shut woke me up. I heard footsteps. Oh, my god, Jane is here! I thought. I curled up into a ball and could feel myself trembling. I held my breath as long as I could, afraid that she would hear me breathing. The footsteps got closer, then stopped. A moment later, they resumed. I could hear them moving away from me. A minute later, I heard them above me in the hay mow. Then they moved away again. After a moment, I heard the sound of the door opening and shutting. She’s gone! Relief!

I stayed in my curled up position, afraid to move a muscle. Eventually, I fell into a fitful sleep, filled with dreams about being chased and beaten. I woke up in a cold sweat, feeling like I had to run. I tried to get up, but pain pushed me back down. It was dark, there was no light getting into the barn at all and I did not have the lights turned on. I had to pee real bad, but did not want to unclamp the catheter here in my hiding place. It was too dark to go to a stall in the other area of the barn or outside to do it. I was afraid to turn the lights on, even if I could get to the switches in the dark.

I curled up into a ball again and wished Doc was here. My phone was in my purse in the house. I hadn’t thought to bring it out with me and I was way too scared to try to get to the house to get it. Where was Doc anyway? I wondered. When he realized I was gone from the hospital, did he go to the apartment? He must be frantic, wondering where I was. I needed to let him know. Then I remembered that I have a landline in the barn, in the other section where the stalls are. I couldn’t get to it in the dark, though. And I was too scared to even try. I fell back asleep.

When I awoke again, I could see a bit of daylight out beyond the bales of straw. This part of the barn is pretty dark when the big sliding doors are closed, even in the daytime. They are usually open when horses are here so they can come in for shelter. There‘s a penned area, so that they don’t have access to the whole barn. At that time, the doors were closed, since the horses were elsewhere. I decided to move the straw bales blocking me in and find a place to relieve my bladder.

Getting up was very painful, I barely made it. I slowly made my way to the spot where I had created an opening and pushed the top bale out the other side. Then I had to sit down and take a break before pushing the others out. I used one of my crutches to lean on as I walked through the opening and toward the penned in section. There was a gate in the fencing. I opened it and went through. I couldn’t go any further and sat down on the ground again.

After a break, I stood up and loosened the clamp on the catheter tubing. I squatted as best as I could so I wouldn’t get sprayed. There didn’t seem to be a lot of urine, especially considering I hadn’t gone since the day before. Once done, I tightened the clamp again and made my way back to my hiding spot. I didn’t have the strength to go to the phone or even to restack all of the bales of straw. I got two up and that would have to do for now. I fell asleep as soon as I lay down on the blanket.

The next time I woke up, I felt like crap. I had a splitting headache, an awful pain in my abdomen and the incision from my splenectomy hurt like hell. I had to relieve myself again, but could not walk, so I pushed the bales out of my way with my crutch and crawled out over to the penned area. I got on my knees to open the clamp but could not get on my feet. My stomach heaved but there was nothing in it to come up. There was even less urine than the last time.

Back in my spot, I managed to move the bales I was using to close it off and got them by the opening. The first two were easy, I could do them on my knees. Then I had to stand to get the third and fourth ones up. Daylight was fading, I needed to get them up in case Jane came in the cover of night. With a supreme effort, I got them up and then fell down and fell asleep where I was. I woke up a while later and crawling on my hands and knees, I felt my way to my blankets. I was shivering and pulled the top one over me and fell asleep again. I had another fitful sleep, waking up, then going to sleep again. One time, I could tell it was daylight again but I did not have the strength to get out of my spot and go relieve myself.

The next time I woke up, it was dark. I had been dreaming and heard my name being called over and over again. Thinking it was Jane, I lay completely still and quiet. Then I realized I was awake and it had been a dream. I heard my name again, but this time it was a male voice. I opened my eyes and could see a tiny bit of artificial light. It was coming from the other section. Someone was in the barn!

“Meredith, are you in here? Where are you, hon?”

It was Doc! “I’m in here, Doc!” I called out. But my voice sounded so weak. I tried to shout again, but could not get it out as loud as I wanted to. Doc’s voice got closer. He turned on the light in this section.

“Meredith!” He sounded frantic.

“In here, Doc!” My voice was still weak but it was loud enough for him to hear.

“Meredith? Where are you?”

“Behind the straw!” I watched the bales I had stacked being pulled back, then Doc came through the opening. He saw me on the ground and rushed over.

“Meredith, I was so worried about you! What are you doing in here?”

“Hiding from Jane.” He took me into his arms.

“Jane is locked up, hon. I talked to Scott Fletcher and he was going to lay charges on her, remember?”

“Doc, she called me! And sent me flowers!”

“I found the card in your room, hon. Is that what spooked you?”

“Yes”, I mumbled into his chest.

“Hon, you are hot.” He took one hand out of the embrace and put it on my forehead. “Meredith, you are burning up. How long have you been out here?”

“Since I got home. What day is it?”

“It’s Friday. You’ve been here since Wednesday! Have you had anything to eat or drink?”

“No.”

“How is your pain?”

“Bad.”

“Your incision?”

“Yes. My stomach, too.”

“Let’s get you to the house where I can take your temperature and look at you. Do you think you can walk?”

“I’ll try.” He helped me up and put his arm around me to support me while walking. We got to the barn door and I collapsed.

“I’m going to call an ambulance”, Doc said, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

“NO! I’m not going back there!”

“Hon, you need to.”

“No!” I started to crawl back into the barn.

“Ok, Meredith. I’ll carry you.” He picked me up and carried me all the way to the house and up the back steps. He took me to the bedroom on the ground floor and set me down on the bed. I was still in the hospital gown and the catheter tube was sticking out from under it as the gown had ridden up my legs. “Have you been emptying your bladder?” he asked.

“I did a couple times.”

“Only twice?”

“I couldn’t walk very well to get far enough away from where I was hiding, then not at all the second time. I had to crawl.”

“Oh, Meredith”, he said as he pushed some hair out of my face. “I wish I had been there for you.”

“When I was peeing?” I looked at him with a puzzled look.

“No, hon”, he couldn’t help but laugh. “When you left the hospital. I was off the floor and not there for you.”

“It’s okay, Doc.”

“No, it isn’t. I’m going to get something to use to empty your bladder into since you can’t walk.” He came back with a basin and had me lie on the edge of the bed while he held the catheter tubing over it as it drained. “There’s not much here, hon and it’s dark in colour. When did you last empty it?”

“I think it was yesterday.”

“You are dehydrated. I wish I had some catheter bags but I don’t. I’m going to get rid of this, then I’ll go to my car and get my bag. I’ll be right back.”

I fell asleep while I waited. I was so very tired, even though I’d been sleeping a lot in my hiding place. When Doc came back, he woke me up and had me turn onto my side. He gently parted my cheeks and pushed the bulb of the lubricated thermometer through my sphincter. It was cold. I felt so crappy that I couldn’t really enjoy it.

“38.9. You definitely have an infection somewhere. Let me look at you.” He guided me back onto my back and pushed the gown up. He took the dressing off my incision. “The gauze is very dirty, Meredith.” I saw the look on his face when he lifted it up.

“What, Doc?” I asked.

“It’s infected, hon. You haven’t had your antibiotics for a couple days and it’s gotten dirty.” He gently felt around the area. I winced. “Sorry, hon. Are you hurting anywhere else?”

“Yes.” I pointed to my lower abdomen. He palpated around there. I winced again. Doc took his stethoscope out of his bag and listened for bowel sounds. Then he listened to my heart and lungs. When he was finished, he sat down on the bed and said “Meredith, you have to go back to the hospital.”

“No.”

“Yes. You are very sick, hon. I’m pretty sure your incision is infected. You’re dehydrated. And I suspect urine has leaked into your abdomen. You might have peritonitis.”

“I’ll get antibiotics.”

“You need very strong antibiotics and they have to be given intravenously. You also need IV fluids.” I shook my head no. “If you won’t go, I will call Alex and get him to sign that form. Then the police can come and take you.”

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“He told me I can call him any time if I need to. And it‘s morning now.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” I curled up into a ball, my typical reaction to stress, pain, fear or anything that upsets me.

Doc reached out and stroked my hair. “Because I love you and care about you, sweetie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t want just the few months we’ve had. I want decades. Things will get better, this ordeal with Jane will be behind us and we can get on with our lives together. But first, you have to get well, and you can only do that in hospital. Will you let me take you?”

“If you let me get cleaned up first.”

“I’ll clean you up a bit and I will put antiseptic solution on your incision.” We keep a couple bottles in our huge first aid kit.

“I’m so sorry, Doc”, I said to him as he gave me a quick sponge bath. “I won’t blame you if you want to walk away.”

“Meredith, I have no intention of walking away. We’re in this together, remember? We have both said we want to be together for the rest of our lives. I’m sorry that I was not there for you when you needed me. I saw the card when I went back to your room. You’d dropped it on the floor.”

“She sent me flowers, Doc!”

“I kind of gathered that. It looked like a florist's card. What did you do with the flowers?”

“I told a nurse to give them to a patient who doesn’t have any.”

“Hon, your knees are scraped up. What happened?”

“I fell walking to the house from the cab. I couldn’t get up so I crawled to the steps.” He looked at each of my hands. “Your hands are scraped up, too. Ok, I’m finishing up now, I’ll get you a nightshirt to wear and then we need to get going. The sooner you get on fluids and antibiotics, the better.”

There was a knock at the back door. It was now daylight. Doc looked at his watch. “It’s 7am!” he exclaimed, then went to answer it. A couple minutes later, Karen came into the bedroom.

“Meredith!” she said. I tried to sit up but could only get halfway there. Karen pulled me up and hugged me tight. “It’s good to see you, girl, but not like this! Julian filled me in with what he said was the Coles Notes version. Holy shit, you are hot!”

“Doc seems to think so.”

“Do you want to sit up?” I nodded. “Here, I’ll put some pillows behind your back.”

“We are heading out very shortly to go back to the hospital”, Doc said to her.

“Maybe.”

“No ‘maybe’ about it. We’re going.” His phone rang. “Who is that at this hour of the morning?” He looked at the display. “It’s Alex.” He answered and I heard him tell Alex that he had found me. He left the room.

“Meredith, what happened?” Karen asked me.

“Jane sent me flowers, then she called me.”

“Are you sure it was her?”

“Yes, I recognized her voice.”

“How could she do that from jail?”

“I don’t know, Karen. But I feel like this nightmare will never be over.”

“It will be, Meredith. Hang in there. Julian was so worried about you when he couldn’t find you. The police are looking for you, too.”

“The police?”

“He filed a missing persons report. Everyone was afraid someone connected to Jane had kidnapped you. We knew you had come home because your purse is here. And nothing appeared to be missing from it. Your phone and wallet were left in it. We knew you wouldn‘t go anywhere without your phone or credit cards.”

Doc came back in. “Alex is going to meet us in the ER, so we need to get going.”

“Why is he going to meet us?”

“He’s been worried about you, too, Meredith. He wants to see you.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“You have to.”

“I’m so tired. I want to sleep.”

“You can sleep at the hospital. Karen, can you bring my bag out to the car?” he asked her as he closed it.

“Sure. And don’t worry about the house. I’ll turn out the lights and lock up.”

Doc wrapped me in a blanket before picking me up and carrying me out. He told Karen he’d call her later and let her know what was going on. The ride to the city was even less fun than the ride out here a couple days before.

We rode in silence for a while, then I said “How was your talk with Alex, Doc?” He didn’t answer for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me what was said, I just wondered if it went okay.”

“Yes and no.”

“Oh.”

“He is going to help me with the guilt I feel and that is good. But he told me I ‘hover’ too much over you.”

“How so?”

“He said that I spend too much time with you when you are in hospital and that I should go home at night instead of staying in your room with you. I didn’t tell him I sleep in bed with you.” My heart sank. Doc looked over at me and must have seen a worried look on my face. “Don’t worry, hon. I have no intention of doing that, unless you want me to.”

“I want you to be there with me, but I don’t want to hold you there. If you want to go home, then you should go home.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Ok, then don’t.” I gave him a small smile. That was all I could manage, given how awful I was feeling. If the seat belt wasn’t holding me in, I’d have fallen forward off my seat. Doc reached over and squeezed my hand.

“We’re almost to the city, Meredith. Not much further to go.”

“I don’t know if I can make it, Doc.”

“You can, Meredith. Think of your horses, hon, and how you’ll get them back when you get well. Think of Buddy. You just got him a few months ago, after all those years. Think of all the time ahead of you that you will have with him. And think of us, and being with me for the rest of your life.”

That little pep talk did it. It gave me the emotional energy to hang in there for the rest of the drive. Doc pulled up to the Emergency doors. “Wait here”, he said before getting out of the car. He came back with Alex and a wheelchair and they helped me into it.

I was taken directly to a room. They got me onto a bed and a nurse came in and took my vitals. I heard her say that my (oral) temp was 38.7 and that my blood pressure was 90/55. I knew that that number for b/p was low. I heard Doc talking to someone. He seemed to be telling them about what had happened to me at the safe house and of finding me in the barn in the night. Alex was beside my bed. “Jane”, I said to him. “Jane called me. She’s out.”

“No, she isn’t out, Meredith. If it really was her, she was calling from detention.”

“A cop told me their calls are monitored.”

“Julian is going to talk to the police after you are taken care of. They will be able to trace the call. Did she call you on your cell phone?”

“No, on the house phone.” I could feel myself fade away.

“Stay with me, Meredith.”

“Need….to…sleep.”

“Sleep later. You need to stay awake for now”, Alex said.

“Meredith, I’m Dr Ben Lawson. I think I’ve seen you before”, a voice said.

“I don’t know”, I replied.

“He stitched your hand up when you fell on that mug”, Doc reminded me.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Meredith, Julian told me what’s happened to you lately. I’m going to take a look at you, okay?” He lifted the gown the nurse had put on me and took off the dressing Doc had put on before we came in. He palpated around my lower abdomen. Holy crap, it hurt. “Can I get an ultrasound machine in here, please?” he said to someone in the background. “I’m going to look at your belly with an ultrasound, okay?” I nodded. “I think you may have leaked urine through the tear in your bladder.”

“What happens if I did?”

“You’ll need surgery to clean it up.”

“Nooooooooo. Too much surgery lately.”

“Let’s just wait and see if you need it before getting upset, Meredith”, Alex said. He was still at my side. Doc was standing next to him and had a very worried look on his face.

“I almost died in my last surgery”, I told the ER physician. He looked at Doc for confirmation.

“She had to be shocked three times”, Doc told him.

“Was that here?”

“No, at the other hospital.”

“I’ll get the records for the surgeon to look at if she needs surgery. She’s in the care of a cardiologist, right?”

“Yes, Oliver Hampton.”

“I’ll call him, too. See what we can do to minimize the risk.”

The ultrasound machine was brought in and set up. Dr Lawson squeezed the gel on my lower abdomen and pelvic area and ran the transducer over it, pressing down on me as he went. I moaned from the pain. “I’m sorry, Meredith. I know it hurts. I’ll be as quick as I can.” When he was finished, he said “It looks like there is some fluid in the abdomen. It doesn’t appear to be a lot, but definitely some. I’m going to call a surgeon.”

While he was gone, a nurse started an IV and changed my catheter, attaching a bag to the new one.

“I’m too scared to go through surgery again”, I said through my brain fog when she’d left.

“You don’t have a choice, hon”, Doc said to me. He was holding my free hand.

“It’s very understandable that you would be scared”, Alex told me. “But they are going to make it as safe as possible. They know what happened last time, and that knowledge helps them to do what they need to do to minimize the chance of complications. Julian is right, you absolutely have to have the surgery.”

“I’m so tired of surgeries.”

“I know. You have every right to feel that way.”

Dr Lawson came back into the room. “Oliver Hampton and Ivan Quinn are on their way down. Hampton wants her on a cardiac monitor.” He opened a drawer in a cart and took out patches for the monitor. Doc had taken the old ones off when he sponge bathed me at home.

“I can do that for you, Ben”, he said.

“Thanks, Julian. I have to get some paperwork filled out, including the consent form. Is she capable of giving consent?” he asked Alex. “She appears to be in and out of it.”

“I’m going to say ‘no’ on that”, Alex replied. “Even when she’s aware, she is not thinking clearly. Julian can consent for her. I think he has Power of Attorney.”

“Let me get her file on the computer.” Ben went over to the computer that was in the room. He read for a minute. “Yes, her POA is Julian Richards.” I had given Doc Power of Attorney a while ago when I re-wrote my will.

“I am capable of consenting”, I squeaked out in a voice that didn’t seem like mine. “I’m not unconscious.”

“No, but you are in and out of it, hon”, Doc said.

“And you are not thinking clearly, Meredith. That’s probably from the infection and dehydration. If you are going to consent anyway, why not let Julian do it?”

“I don’t like people making decisions for me, Alex.”

“Sometimes we have to let others do that. Okay? Now, try to relax. Do you want me to prescribe a sedative?”

“No.”

“I can if you want. Let me know if you change your mind. I won’t force it on you at this point since you are calm.”

Just then a nurse came in. “I have a phone message for Meredith.”

“Who is it from?” Doc asked.

“Karen Douglas.”

“Okay.”

“She said to tell you she hopes you get better soon and to remember down but not out.” She had a puzzled look on her face as she spoke the last words. That was not from Karen, it was from Jane! How the hell did she know I was here?

“Jane!” I tried to yell. Panic was quickly coming over me. “I can’t do this! I have to get out of here!” I pulled the IV out and was going for the cardiac leads when Alex grabbed me by the wrists. I started squirming as best as I could given my pain. I heard him call for Ativan. Oh, hell to the no!

“No, Alex! No drugs!” Someone brought a syringe over. I squirmed harder. Doc and Alex held me down while Dr Lawson jabbed me in the hip. I stopped struggling at that point. I knew it was useless. The shot had been given.

Doc started stroking my hair. “It’s going to be okay, Meredith. Trust me, Jane is not going to get away with this.” I could see the anger in his face.

“Doc, if I don’t make it, see to it that she doesn’t.” The Ativan was taking effect. “I love you.”