I slept better than I had the previous couple nights, and awoke to find Doc still asleep in bed beside me. His arm was around my middle, below the incision area, and I put my right hand on top of his hand. My pain seemed a little less than the night before, though I didn’t know if it really was or if it was euphoria at being back in our home area and having Doc in bed beside me. And, of course, knowing Jane was behind bars. The latter was tempered by the fact that I knew how determined and resourceful she could be.

Doc stirred. “I love waking up like this, hon. What time is it?”

“Let me see.” I lifted his arm and looked at his watch. “It’s just after 8.”

“I should get up and get your vitals. How is your pain?”

“A bit better.”

“You’ll need your meds, too.”

“The nurse will bring them, honey. Rest for a bit longer. You need it, too. I see you don’t have a blanket or a pillow. I’m going to make sure they bring them to you tonight.”

“I’m fine, Meredith. Just being with you is enough for me.”

“Doc, don’t get sappy.”

He reached up and tousled my hair. “Remember when you were in my clinic and you said you were going to make it your life’s mission to get me on a horse?”

“You remember that?”

“I do. And I’m making it my life’s mission to get you to be more ‘sappy’, as you call it.”

“You go for a ride with me, Doc, and I’ll be as sappy as you want me to be!”

He got up and retrieved his bag from the corner, where he’d put it the night before, when we’d arrived here. He took out his stethoscope and asked me to sit up so he could listen to my lungs and heart.

“You’re avoiding, Doc.”

“Yes, I am. Now, take a deep breath.” Carefully, he auscultated me, back and front. “Your SATS are up a bit at 81%”, he said when he was finished. “Your mitral clicks are still quite loud, though. I’m going to talk to Oliver this morning and see what he says.”

“I had hoped that that would settle down once Jane was caught.” I sighed.

“I had, too, hon. Don’t despair, though. It could be from your pain or from the complications during your surgery.” I knew he meant from when I was in v-fib and that he did not want to say those words in reference to me. “And take heart, hon - I’m not a cardiologist but it doesn’t sound anywhere near severe to me.”

“Good pun there, Doc.” He smiled and sat down on the chair beside my bed.

“I have something for you, hon.” He reached into his pocket and brought my ring out. “I didn’t want to give this back to you for a couple days, until you were on your way to recovering and not back to the OR due to a complication. Hold your hand out.” I did and he placed it on my finger.

“Thank you, Doc. I’m so glad to have it back - again.”

“Now, would you be okay if I took off for a bit later on?” he asked. ‘

“Of course I would.”

“I’d like to go home to the apartment and shower and change clothes. Then to the clinic to see how things are going there.”

“Go ahead, honey. I will be fine.”

“I’ll help you shower first, then I want you to rest while I’m gone.”

“I have nothing to do but rest.”

“That is good. You need all you can get.”

Just as he was getting me back into bed after my shower, Scott Fletcher walked into the room. “Hi, you two!” he said enthusiastically.

“Hi, Scott”, Doc and I said in unison.

“It’s good to see both of you back home, but not so good to see Meredith in hospital again.”

“It’s not good being in hospital again.” I said with a tone of disgust.

“I’m sure it isn’t, but this should be the last time.”

“Key word there is ‘should’.”

“If you are worried about Jane, she won’t be getting out any time soon. She was denied bail yesterday, so she will be in the detention centre until trial and then hopefully in prison for a good long time after that.”

“What about her charges here?” Doc asked.

“We haven’t formally charged her yet. I’ll be going there tomorrow to do that. Then there will be a bail hearing here, most likely in two or three days. That’s just a formality, because it’s her right. She will go back there afterward, since they charged her first.”

“Oh, good. She won’t be anywhere near us.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Now, to warn you. The Crown wants to present you two as witnesses.”

“Meredith won’t be able to go”, Doc told the detective.

“She doesn’t have to. We can set up a video link. She can do it right here in this room. You can testify from here, too, Julian.”

“I’m a little disappointed, Scott. I’d love to go to court and look her right in the eye while I tell the judge what she has done to Julian and I.”

“You will be able to do that at the preliminary hearing or if she waives her right to that, the trial.”

“Something tells me she won’t waive it”, Doc remarked. “She will probably want to see us go through the emotional pain of testifying twice.”

“Stay strong, Julian. We have resources for victims of crime, including counselling, if you want it.”

“I’ve already insisted that Meredith talk to a friend of ours who is a psychiatrist. She’s been through enough to drive even the sanest of people around the bend.”

“You have, too, Julian. I’m sure you could benefit from talking to someone.”

“Meredith would only agree to it if I talk to him as well. So, I will be doing that.”

“Okay, good. But if you need any of our victims of crime resources, just let me know. Now, I have some things for you.” He reached into a bag he’d brought with him and pulled out some electronics. “We have to keep your phone and notebook until the trial is over, Meredith”, he said as he handed me a phone and notebook, “so we got you new ones. We took the liberty to transfer everything from your phone to this one, it’s very similar but newer.”

“Thanks, Scott! I understand about you needing to keep mine.”

“Unfortunately, we had to get you a new number as we had to keep your sim card in your old one to be able to see what’s on it. The number is written on masking tape on the back. You have the same carrier and package as before.”

“You were able to do all that?”

“We’re the police, we can do almost anything”, he replied with a wink. “Julian, here’s your laptop and phone.” Doc took them from him. “We took your car to the police station parking lot so that it wouldn’t get towed by the hospital or broken into by vandals. I can drive you there when I leave if you like.”

“Sure, but how did you get into it? I have the keys.”

“We got keys from the dealership, their decal is on the rear.” Doc hates having any stickers on his car, but he let the dealer talk him into leaving theirs on it. I was thinking that he was probably glad of that right now.

“The police can do almost anything, right?”

“You got it! Seriously, I hope you don’t mind, I didn’t want to see anything happen to it.”

“No, that’s fine, I appreciate the consideration.”

“Did you find his Hustler stash in the trunk?” I asked Scott. Doc got a horrified look on his face.

“As a matter of fact, we did and we all enjoyed reading the magazines - for the articles, of course.” He winked at Julian.

Poor Doc, his face was so red. “Doc, we’re teasing you!” I finally said, unable to bear his embarrassment any longer. “Or do you really have a Hustler stash in your trunk?” Scott roared with laughter.

“Meredith, you know I don’t!”

“Doc, I’m teasing you!” He looked relieved.

“Meredith, I don’t know what to do with you!”

“Scott, you *should* have told him you found the handcuffs, blindfolds and enema bag.” Once again, the detective laughed heartily. I started to, but was cut short with coughing and a bolt of pain through my side.

“That serves you right, Meredith”, Doc said to me. I stuck my tongue out at him.

“It is so good to see you two in such a mood”, Scott said to us.

“We are feeling better than we have in awhile”, Doc told him. “Though Meredith is scared that Jane will escape and terrorize us again.”

“Rest easy, Meredith”, Scott said to me. “While we never say never, the chances are very low. And if she does, we will notify you immediately. Probably get you to another safe house until she’s caught again. Like I said, it‘s a very low possibility, so please don‘t dwell on it.”

“Scott, can you do me a favour, please, and say goodbye and thanks for everything to Randall and Dana? We didn’t get a chance to.”

“I sure can. You will probably see them at the preliminary. By the way, they have packed up the belongings you left behind and will ship them to the department here and I will get them to you.”

“All I left was the clothes they bought me. They should keep them.”

“It’s policy to buy new for people in protection. You might as well have them. Are you ready to go, Julian? I need to get back to the station.”

“Give me your new phone number before I go, hon, in case I need to call. “Can I pick you up anything?” he asked me.

“A can of Root Beer.”

“You and your pop. Okay, you can have one can. Get some sleep while I‘m gone.” He gave me a kiss before leaving with the detective.

I lay there thinking about recent events. My memory of what happened in surgery was becoming clearer and was freaking me out. I didn’t want to tell anyone, not even Doc, for fear they would have me committed. But his parents had asked me to tell him they love him and are proud of him. Or did they? Did I really see them or was I hallucinating? Doc wanted me to talk to Alex about what had happened to us. Could I tell him or would he think I was losing it? I was so confused.

I did know that even though I felt like crap, I was happy our nightmare was coming to an end. I just had to recover from my latest injuries and get through testifying in court. The latter probably wouldn’t be for months, if not longer.

I had one more scar to add to my collection. Plus a couple burn marks from the defibrillator paddles, which would most likely scar when they healed. I couldn’t help but wonder if Doc would be repulsed when he saw my naked body. He was too much of a gentleman to let on if it bothered him, but maybe he would start wanting sex only in the dark.

I sighed and turned from my back onto my right side. Damn, I was getting sick of not being able to lie on my left side. I was about to close my eyes when my day nurse, Stephanie, came in with a new bag of IV fluids. I was now down to one bag and couldn’t wait to ditch that and get the cannula out of my hand. Oh wait, Doc told me they don’t take it out until you are discharged, just in case. Damn.

Stephanie left after asking if I needed anything. I closed my eyes again and could feel myself fading away. I hoped Doc would be back when I woke up. I didn’t want him to go, but didn’t want to hold him back either. I had to get used to being away from him again. It wouldn’t be much longer before we’d return to our regular lives and he’d be gone all day Monday to Friday. That would mean I’d have my horses back, and I was so looking forward to that! I thought I remembered Doc saying something to me a few months ago about hiring another doctor and wanting to spend less time at work and more time with me. I would like that. It would give me more time to try to get him on a horse.

I was just starting to finally drift off when Dr Quinn came in to see me. “Good morning, Meredith. How are you feeling today?”

“The pain is a little better, I think. Still in a lot of discomfort, though.”

“That’s not surprising. It’s going to hurt for awhile.”

“Will the burn marks leave scars?”

“Yes. But it might not be too bad, some people have just a bit of scarring.”

“I was shocked three times.”

“Ouch. We’ll have to wait and see how they heal. Is it okay if I take a look?”

“Sure.”

He gently pulled the dressings up and looked at the marks. “The nurses are putting cream on this?”

“They did before we came here but there has been none since. Of course, we haven’t been here long.”

“I’ll make sure there is an order written for it. Let’s look at your incision.” He palpated around it for a moment, then put the dressing back on. “Mind if I sit down?” I shook my head no and he sat in the chair.

“I’ve read the records that were sent over, and the records from when you’ve been a patient here. You seem to be very susceptible to infection from deep cuts and surgical incisions.”

“Unfortunately.”

“So what I’m going to do is get you on an antibiotic as prophylactic. Hopefully, we can avoid it this time. Also, Julian has requested that your cardiologist and pulmonologist see you, so I have contacted them and asked them to stop by.”

“Yes, he told me he wanted me to see them.”

“It’s a good idea. I agree with him.”

“Nothing personal, Dr Quinn, I’m just so sick of doctors - except for one very special one.”

“I understand, Meredith. But if you can hang in there a while longer, you’ll be out of here and on your way home. And no offense is taken.”

Curt Wilcox came in just as Dr Quinn was leaving. Doc’s bestie gave me a gentle hug. “Julian called me and asked me to see you, and Ivan Quinn put in a request, too. I figured with two doctors making the request, I’d better do it ASAP”, he joked. “It’s good to see you back home, but not good that you are in hospital again.” He looked at the oximeter. “82% sats, I don’t like that, Meredith.”

“They were 78%.”

“Can I have a listen?”

I sat forward while the pulmonologist listened to my lungs. He listened to my heart, too. “Your lungs sound a bit raspy”, he said when he was finished. “I’m going to give you that inhaler again as well as some oral medication. Your MVP clicks are quite loud, but that is out of my realm of expertise. Have you seen your cardiologist yet?”

“No, but I believe I’ve been referred.”

“Good. I had quite the chat with Julian this morning.”

“Where was he?”

“At the apartment. He filled me in on what all has happened in the last few weeks. I’m happy to hear Jane has been arrested and is in custody.”

“Me, too!”

“I may be overstepping my bounds here, but I think you should know. Julian feels responsible for the whole situation. It’s really weighing heavily on his conscience.”

“This isn’t his fault at all! This is all on Jane and nobody else, Curt.”

“I agree. But he feels it’s his fault for getting involved with her in the first place.”

“He had no way of knowing how she was going to turn out.”

“He also feels guilty for leaving her. He said that had he stayed, he’d not have you but at least you wouldn’t have gone through all of this. He loves you so much that he wants you to be safe, even if that would mean that he’d never met you.”

I could feel tears welling up in me. “Curt, how do I convince him that it’s not his fault? I have tried and thought I’d got through to him.”

“I don’t know if you can, Meredith. I think he needs to talk to a professional and I suggested that to him.”

“He is going to talk to Alex Carmichael.”

“Yes, he told me that. Said it was some sort of deal he made with you.”

“He wanted me to talk to him, and I said I would only if he also did. Of course, that was in reference to events of the last little while, but hopefully, he will bring up the guilt. In fact, I’m going to tell Alex about it - don’t worry, I won’t name you - so he can fish around for it when he sees Julian.”

“Good idea. And while I’m overstepping, there’s something else you should know.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Julian wants to propose to you.”

“What????” I exclaimed.

“Exactly what I said - he wants to ask you to marry him.”

“Oh, God.”

“You don’t want to marry him?”

“I’m not sure I want to marry anyone, Curt. But if I were inclined to do it again, it would definitely be with Julian.”

“Why don’t you want to get married again?”

I sighed. “It hurts too much to have to bury a spouse.”

“Julian told me you’re widowed. Was it a good marriage?”

“For the most part, but we were having troubles near the end. Chris was spending more and more time at work and also drinking heavily.”

“Julian told me he drove while drunk and hit a tree.”

“Yes, after we’d had a fight about him getting home so late.”

“You know Julian doesn’t drink to excess.”

“I do. And he wants to cut back a bit on work to spend more time with me. You know, Curt, now that I think of it, he’s thrown out a couple hints, but I didn’t pick up on them.”

“He was feeling you out on it, Meredith. He doesn’t want to ask and have you turn him down. I think it would destroy him.”

“That is the last thing I’d want to do.”

“I know. But don’t say yes for that reason alone. If you say yes, do it because you truly want to be with him for the rest of your life.”

“Oh, I’ve already told him I want that. I didn’t think I needed marriage for it, though.”

“No, you don’t. But you’ve been married before, Julian hasn’t.” He reached over the side rail and put his hand over mine, being careful of my IV. “I can’t think of two people who should be together for life more than you two. You are perfect for each other.”

“You aren’t the first person to say that.”

“I doubt I’ll be the last. You really are perfect for each other. I hope you will reconsider your position on marriage.”

“We’ll see, Curt. I won’t say absolutely not. I’ll think about it.”

“Ok. I need to get going and order those meds for you.”

“Curt, is it okay to tell Julian you told me about the guilt? I want to reassure him.”

“Of course, it’s okay. And I’m going to be on his back until he sees Alex.” I gave him the thumbs up sign.

After Curt left, I thought about what he’d said. A couple things made a lot more sense now. Doc telling me that there was no point in changing my name twice and then when he tried to talk me out of wearing my ring on my left hand. He must have been so disappointed when I didn’t pick up on the hints!

The M word! How did I feel about that? Scared! It wasn’t that I didn’t love Doc - I did - and still do - with all my heart. I was so scared of losing him, though, like I’d lost Chris. I loved Chris, but in all honesty, not as much as I love Doc. We had married so young, probably too young. Still, it hurt so much when he died, and the guilt I felt at participating in our fight before he went out and got plastered out of his mind weighed heavily on me for a long time afterward.

But was I being fair to Doc? He was nowhere near that irresponsible. He’d never get that drunk or even drive after more than 1 or 2. I couldn’t see him getting mad at me for his dinner being overdone if he was late coming in from work either. Maybe I was being unfair to him with being so scared to marry him because of what had happened with Chris. I sighed.

I tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t. All these thoughts kept running through my mind. Lunch trays came but I wasn’t hungry. I pushed mine away and picked up my new phone, which was on the bed beside me. I called Karen. “Hey, girl!” I said when she answered.

“Meredith, is that you?”

“’Tis I”, I replied.

“You have a new phone number.” I told her about Scott bringing me a new phone and having to get a new number.

“How are you and the family?” I asked her.

“We are all fine. We’re back home now, and Buddy, Jack and Nell are at our farm. We’ll keep them here until you come home.”

“How are they? How did Jack take to being relocated?”

“They are all fine, too. It took a few days for Jack to settle in at Joanna’s but he did okay. I think with Chey and I around, it helped. He knows us. They all miss you, though.”

“I miss them so much, Karen, and I can’t wait to get home. I’ve missed you guys, too!”

“I’m coming in to see you tomorrow and I want to hear all about what’s happened since you left.”

“No, you don’t. Trust me on that.”

“Yes, I do! Even if it’s all bad.”

“It wasn’t all bad. I helped deliver a foal.”

“What? They have horses?”

“No, a neighbouring farmer’s horse.” I told her about Penny and Jim’s mare and how I went to help with the foaling.

“Oh, wow, Meredith, I bet they were glad you were able to do that!”

“They were, and that reminds me - I told them I’d keep in touch with them but I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone except the detectives until I was back home. Now, I can email them and find out how little Merry is doing. I took some pictures but I don‘t have the phone they gave me anymore.”

Karen and I said goodbye and then I called Scott to get Randall’s number. I called the detective right away. “How are you doing?” I asked when he answered. “I hear you had quite the bump on the head!”

“I’m fine, Meredith. They made me take a couple days off, but I’m back now. Dana is okay, too.”

“I feel so bad about you two getting hurt.”

“It’s not your fault. Nor is it Julian’s. It’s part of the job, it could have been much worse. And it was much worse for you.”

“Me being hit by a car was my fault, Randall. I took off on Dana and Julian.”

“I know but if you hadn’t, you’d all most likely be dead.”

“That’s what I’m told.”

“How are *you* doing, Meredith?”

“What do you know about what happened to me?”

“Just that you had to have surgery for a ruptured spleen and you have a tear on your bladder.”

“Yes, I had to have surgery. I almost died, they had to shock me three times.”

“Oh, my goodness, Meredith! How are you doing?”

“I’m very sore, but I will be okay. I have two reminders of the paddles.”

“Burns?”

“Yes. Poor Julian is going to hate my body.”

“No, he isn’t. He loves you, Meredith. Those scars will be a reminder to him that you are alive because of the defibrillator.”

“That’s a good way to look at it Randall. I hope Julian does think of it that way.”

“He will. Did they sew up your bladder?”

“No, they said it might heal on it’s own. I have to have a catheter for two weeks and if it’s not healed by then, I have to have surgery on it, which means the catheter stays in for two more weeks.”

“Oh, that’s rotten luck! I hope it heals without surgery!”

“Yeah, me too! Have you talked to Jane? Has she admitted to anything?”

“She’s clammed up, she won’t talk to anyone. She slipped up, though. We found a fingerprint on a piece of the bomb and it matched hers.”

“Wow, I didn’t think she’d be that careless.”

“Quite frankly, neither did I. It was probably an oversight, she may have either inadvertently touched it when she didn’t have gloves on or she forgot and picked it up. She may have tried to wipe it clean and missed a spot. Lucky for us, as now she’s being charged with 3 counts of attempted murder on top of everything else. If she’s convicted, the Crown is going to ask for life on each count.

“By the way, one of the men in the car that was on it’s way to the compound is singing like a canary. We offered him a reduced sentence in exchange for his testimony. He doesn’t know how Jane found you, but she approached him outside his place of employment and offered him a lot of money to go there. The plan was to take the compound by storm and kidnap you and Julian and take you to Jane. They all had wires on so that she could hear what was happening. That’s how she found out that they got caught and you got away. She could hear the police talking and what they were saying about you guys getting away via the corridor. We think she gave you a certain amount of time to get there, then detonated the bomb remotely. Obviously, she overestimated the time and happened to do it when you were out of the house.”

“How did she know about the other house and corridor?”

“We don’t know, but we’ll keep you and Julian updated on things.”

“That’s appreciated, Randall. Hey, can you do me a favour?”

“What’s that?”

“I took some pictures on the phone you guys gave me. Some of the foal I pulled. And some of Julian and I at the safe house. Could you please send them to me? That is, if the ones in the safe house can be sent. I don’t know if they would violate your rules or not.”

“As long as they are taken inside the house, it’s okay. We may be selling that property and going somewhere else anyway, now that it’s been found out. I‘ll be happy to send you the pictures. Give me your email address.”

After talking to Randall, I tried once again to sleep. I hadn’t had my eyes closed for 5 minutes when I sensed someone in the room. I opened them and saw Doc sitting down in the chair. He had changed clothes and had gotten a hair cut. “Hi honey”, I said.

“I’m sorry, Meredith. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t, I wasn’t asleep.” He stood up and gave me a kiss.

“Doc, come here. Put the rail down and sit on the bed, please.”

“Why, hon?”

“I want a proper hug.” He did as I asked and I hugged him as tight as I could, ignoring my burns and incision. As I held him, I said into his ear “Doc, none of this is your fault, honey. Please stop feeling guilty.”

He pulled out of the hug and looked at me. “Curt told you.”

“Yes, he did. But don’t be upset. He’s worried about you and so am I.”

“But if I hadn’t got involved with Jane or if I hadn’t left her…”

I reached up and held his face in my hands. “Julian, you had no way of knowing what she was going to do to you. And you did the right thing in leaving her. You couldn’t stay and be abused like that. Her actions are her own fault, not yours.”

Doc put his hand up and placed it on my left arm. “Meredith, I want to believe that, I really do. And I try so hard to.”

“Honey, I think you need help to deal with your feelings about it. Please talk to Alex.”

“I agreed to in order to get you to talk to him, remember?”

“I know, but that was to talk to him about what has happened to us over the past weeks. I think you should talk to him about your feelings of guilt, too. How can we get on with our life together if you don’t deal with it?”

He sighed. “You are right, Meredith. I will talk to him about it.”

“I’m glad, Doc.”

“Now, I knew you wouldn’t eat your lunch, so I brought you a sandwich.” He reached into a bag and handed me a roast beef sandwich - my favourite - and a can of A&W Root Beer. He had also picked up a sandwich for himself and we ate our lunch together while I told him about my conversations with Karen and Randall.

“Did Oliver Hampton stop by yet?” he asked when we’d finished talking about that.

“No, just Curt.”

“He might not have had time. I’m sure he’ll come in this afternoon. Let me take care of these sandwich wrappings”, he said as he gathered them up, “then I’ll put some cream on those burns.” He went to the nursing station to get the cream, then washed his hands and put on gloves. I pulled my gown up and he gently rubbed the cream into the marks left by the paddles.

“Doc, you are going to think my body is so ugly.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Look at it - another scar and now these burn marks which will scar over.”

“Meredith, you are alive because of those - both the burns and the incision. How could I ever look on that as being ‘ugly’?”

“Doc, Randall said you would say that.”

“Randall is a smart man. I think we both have things to work on. Me with my guilt and you with your body image and your worry about how I will see your scars.”

“You are right, Doc.” I wondered if I would ever stop being self conscious about my scars.