“I know, Doc, but the fact is, it *is*gonna hurt.

“I know you have had pain worse than this. How many times have you been kicked by a horse? Surely, you can handle an exam”, he said as he went over to the sink and washed his hands.

“Oh, I can handle it. I just prefer to not have pain. I don’t set out to get kicked by a horse, it just happens. Having an exam when I’m already hurting is like setting out to have more pain inflicted on me.”

“Ok, point made”, the doc conceded as he walked back over to the table. “But still, this needs to be done. Come on, let’s get it over with.” He reached for the sphygmomanometer on the wall. After taking my blood pressure, he commented “A bit high, but not surprising, given your pain and anxiety level. What is it normally?”

“120/70.”

“It’s 160/100 right now, but like I said, it’s not surprising. I need you to lie down now.”

I swung my legs up onto the table and lay back, being careful to keep the drape in place, though the doctor would be seeing under it soon enough. I bent my knees at right angles, it was more comfortable that way.

“I need you to straighten your legs, hon”, Dr Richards said.

“Aw, Doc…”

“Don’t ‘Aw, Doc’ me…”. How many times had I heard him say that in the last 24 hours?

“Doc”, I interrupted, “It helps my back to put my knees up, it straightens the spine. Lying with my legs straight hurts it.”

“What were you doing today to hurt your back? I thought I told you no heavy work?”

“I didn’t, Doc. It’s just my disk pain, which is aggravated when I lie on my back.”

“You have disk pain as well as pelvic pain and you were going to go riding yesterday?” he asked in astonishment.

“You are quite welcome to come out and exercise Jack for me, Doc.”

“Maybe you should consider selling your horses, Meredith.”

Whoa! Wrong thing to say to me! I thought as I bolted upright to a sitting position. “This is *not* up for negotiation, Doc. The horses are going nowhere. Don’t even *think* of suggesting such a thing to me again. If you do, I will walk out that door and never come back!”

Dr Richards took a step back in surprise. He looked like I had slapped him across the face. I don’t think he was expecting me to be so harsh and I felt guilty but I had to impress upon him that that suggestion does not go over well with me.

The Doc regained his composure and stepped back up to the examination table. “Ok, ok, I get the message. Now, lie back down. Please.” He put a hand on each of my shoulders and gently pushed on them. I complied and lay down. “I’ll be quick with this part, hon, then you’ll be in the stirrups so your spine will be straightened out in that position.

“Stirrups?” I tried to sit up again, but his hands were still on my shoulders and he was stronger than me.

“Yes, dear, I have to do an internal.” I groaned.

“Geez, Doc - you a sadist or something?”

“I know nobody likes internals”, he said. “But they have to be done. You do want to find out what is causing your pain, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. But I don’t want you to torture me while doing it.” I winked to let him know I was razzing him. He gave a small chuckle in reply. I straightened my legs out and tried to relax.

Dr Richards pulled the drape down to the top of my pubic mound and pushed the gown up to above my navel. “Ok, hon, let me know if you feel any pain or discomfort.”

Here we go, I thought as he began to palpate on the right side. “Any pain?” he asked while watching my face as he pressed down on my pelvic area.

“No.”

He finished the right side, then began palpating my left. I drew in my breath, knowing he was close to where it hurt.

“That hurt?” he asked.

“No.”

“Then why the sharp intake of breath?”

Because I know what’s coming, Doc.” Just then, he pressed where it hurt, and I yelped.

“This is the spot?” he asked. I felt like asking what gave him that idea, but decided not to. He’d probably had enough of my sarcasm for the day. Instead, I nodded.

“Ok”, the doc said. “Bear with me a moment, then I’ll be done this part.”

When he was done tortur….er, palpating me, he pulled the gown back down and the drape back up before going around to the foot of the table. He brought his little stool over and sat on it. Taking my legs one at a time, he put each foot into the corresponding stirrup, then instructed me to “scoot down.” When I was positioned the way he wanted, the doc put gloves on. Much as I hate this part of the exam, it was nice to have my knees bent and my spine straight.

“Meredith, I’m putting the speculum in now”, he said after pushing the drape up. I felt so exposed.

“Why, Doc?” I asked. “What does that have to do with my pain?"

“I’m going to do a full gynecological exam to make sure there is nothing else going on. Just relax, it won’t take long”.

Relax? Ha! Easy for *him* to say when *he* isn’t up here having *his* privates examined!

I felt the hard steel instrument enter me. At least he has a warmer, I thought. He truly does care about his patients and does what he can to make it as comfortable as possible. I give him a hard time, but that’s just my way. If I didn’t like him, I would find another ob/gyn, even if I had to travel to see one - there was only one other in this small city and it would be a cold day in Hell before I ever went back to him.

When he had the speculum in, the doc opened it up. I felt myself being stretched. There really is no way to describe it. I would rather be anywhere than here, I thought as I looked at the ceiling.

“Meredith, I’m going to take a couple swabs and then do a PAP.”

“Ok, Doc. Hey, you should have pics of handsome hunks up on the ceiling for us to look at,” I said jokingly.

“Is my face not handsome enough?” he replied. This was unusual, he didn’t joke around a lot. Maybe I was having a good influence on him.

“It is, Doc, but I can’t see it in this position. Hey, you could take selfies and print them out and put them up there.” I can’t be sure since I couldn‘t see him, but I think he blushed.

I flinched a little when I felt pressure on my cervix as he scraped cells off for the PAP. This is strange, I thought. I don’t usually feel that.

“Sorry, hon. I pressed a little harder than I needed to. I’m done with this part.” I breathed a sigh of relief as he withdrew the Medieval Torture Device and I removed my right foot from the stirrup.

“Not so fast, dear”, Dr Richards said as he caught my leg and put the foot back where it was. “The bimanual is next.” He stood up and put some lube on the first two fingers of his right hand, then inserted them into my vagina.

“I’m going to check your cervix and uterus, Meredith. This shouldn’t hurt, but it might be a bit uncomfortable. I‘ll try and be as gentle as I can.”

Dr Richards is so different from my last gynecologist, who didn’t seem to care about his patient’s comfort at all. I involuntarily shuddered at the thought of that prick, Dr Watters.

“Are you okay, Meredith?”

“Yeah, Doc. Just thought of something that I shouldn’t have thought about.”

Next, the doc put the fingers of his other hand on my lower abdomen and pressed down. I cringed inside, knowing what was coming when he got near my sore spot, but I tried to not show it as he felt bad enough as it was about causing me more pain. However, I couldn’t help but brace myself when I felt them on my left side.

“Try and relax, hon”, he said. “I know you are anticipating pain, but I can’t feel it properly when you are all tensed up.” I tried my best to comply. “By the way, how is Jack?”

I thought it strange for him to ask that in the middle of an exam, but answered anyway. “He’s doing good, Doc. Still needs that run, but I think he really enjoyed those ear scratches yester….” I gasped as he hit the spot where it hurt so much. “What the heck, Doc?”

“I had to get you to relax, so I asked you about Jack to take your mind off the exam. Now just bear with me, I’m almost done with the bimanual. Take some deep breaths, it will help.” I could feel him continue to press on me from inside and out. Following his suggestion, I took a deep breath and then another. “And before you get all hyper on me”, the doc said “I really wanted to know about Jack, I wasn’t just using him to get you to relax”.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. Dr Richards was getting to know me quite well! “Nice save there, Doc”, I said as I felt him withdraw his fingers from my vagina. “I know you were out of your comfort zone holding on to him and petting him, but I think you were starting to enjoy it by the time I took the reins back.”

“Maybe a little….” he admitted as he took his gloves off.

“Well, you are welcome to come out and get more comfortable around him - or any of my other horses - any time, Doc. I’m making it my mission to get you on top of a horse and learn to ride.”

“You are, are you?” I nodded. “Well, we shall see. In the meantime, I need to finish this exam.”

“You’re done now, aren’t you?”

“No, the vagino-rectal is next.”

“Aw, Doc…”

“Don’t….”

“Yeah, I know. ‘Don’t ‘Aw, Doc’ me’, right?” It was his turn to chuckle.

“Seriously, Meredith, I know it’s not fun, but I need to do it. As I said earlier, I want to make sure there is nothing else going on besides the suspected cyst.”

I groaned, not for the first time that day.