So... I said I'd tell you all about it, and here it starts.

Pretty much everyone that meets me says that I'm either a cartoon character, or more often, "such a little kid". I would tend to agree with that. I refuse to grow up. Not that I'm socially retarded, or unable to cope with the adult world, mind you, I'm just one of those people whose inner child has free reign.

As long as I can recall, I've been an infantilist. I've pretty much known all my "peculiarities" all my life.

I didn't have one of those twisted lives where my parents forced me into diapers for bedwetting, or kept me as a baby until I was 18, or anything like that. In fact, I've only wet the bed once in my life, and it was actually when I was 15, and it wasn't even my bed! (Explaining that on a date is quite an experience actually. Or so they tell me. I never did tell him about that.)

It started when I was 5. For no apparent reason, it popped into my mind that I wanted to wear diapers. I don't know why. Maybe it's that I potty trained early. (Parents should learn that there's always a price... Ya train 'em early, and they wind up back in diapers!)At any rate, I wanted them. So I did what any normal 5-year-old would do, and I asked my parents.

I'm only now starting to realize that my parents aren't all that normal either. Did they freak out and scream NO NO NO? Did they send me to a shrink? No... they weren't very concerned, really, and they bought me a pack of Huggies. In the purple package. I still remember everything about them... So I got my Huggies, and I had my dad diaper me, and I got into my yellow footie pajamas, and that was that. I quite liked them, and I went through an entire pack. I even wet them. I didn't want it to end... The last one that I wet I saved. I tried keeping it so I could use it again, but my mom found it and made me throw it out. Oh well. That was that. Or so they thought.

Having found something I enjoyed a lot, I wasn't about to give it up, so I went searching for a substitute. Plastic bags went some way toward it, but weren't quite enough. Fluffy blankets, towels, anything that would wrap around me the right way. I tried everything. My parents, being the economic people that they were, had kept some unopened boxes of Curity cloth diapers, which I found in the back of a closet. Joy! I played with those for a while, even though they weren't quite my size.

Then, when I was 9, my parents gave me what I'd asked for for years... A baby sister! Not that that was without its problems... I lost my mom's lap for 9 months, and lost half my bedroom for a while as well. OH well... what I lost that way, I gained in others. She got a diaper service. Still not quite my size, but hey, you make do with what ya got. And what I got from that was an endless supply of clean diapers, with that diaper service scent! And some plastic pants. Not a bad deal really, once she moved out of my room. Alas, all too soon, she potty-trained, and my supply was cut off once again.

Diaperless for two years, until 6th grade. Then, while reading one of my mom's Family Circle magazines, and cutting out Underoos (God, I miss my Underoos!) ads, I ran across an ad for Attends. After having scoured JCPenney catalogs, I knew what incontinence products were, so I made use of Procter & Gamble's gracious offer of a free sample to anyone who called the 800 number. And I did. Under SO many different names... At any rate, I wound up with something that fit me REALLY well, and was fun to order for people who didn't want them. (Many an afternoon was spent ordering free samples for other people. What a waste. They probably just threw them out.)

Attends, of course, were also available at the local drugstore, just a block and a half from my house. But I couldn't buy a whole pack -- too obvious. Depends were there too, and at one point, they sold trial packs. Two size small "briefs" for 99 cents! What a deal! I started spending my allowance money on those. I bought so many, in fact, that the pharmacist pointed out that it would be cheaper for me to buy the big pack. That was pretty traumatic. But he did have a point. So, I worked up the courage to buy my first real pack of Attends. They came in boxes at that time... I ran home with them, hoping nobody saw me, dumped all my legos out of the large cardboard box they were in, and voila! A perfect hiding spot for my treasure.

Being one of those people who's just the teeniest bit obsessive, I amassed large numbers of pacifiers, plastic pants, and of course, my Attends. Which I kept. I went through various periods every couple months where I'd decide that was twisted, and not do anything with them, or even throw some stuff out. And then I'd go back and do it all again. This lasted for a while, like most of age 12-14. Not that I ever gave it up completely. I cycled. One month no diapers. The next month, the life of the mind.

Diapered, in a high chair, (my family never throws anything out) with me tied into it, forced into it, of course, by the kidnappers who had grabbed me on my way home from school. Quite an active imagination and an incredible fantasy life. I knew all the details of where I'd get kidnapped, and who with (usually one of my cuter friends), and how we'd get tied up, and have pacifiers strapped into our mouths, and be forced to be helpless babies...

Not that any of that actually happened, though... Neither myself nor any of my friends were ever kidnapped, fortunately, since I doubt it would have had the outcome I wanted. I did get tied up by friends a LOT... since age 6, probably hundreds of times. And one or two of them even knew I liked diapers. I made a videotape showing and telling one friend about it. None of them shared my interest, though.

Point: Being different is hard. At this point in my life, I was having enough trouble coming to grips with being gay, let alone being a total pervert sicko. I read that total waste of trees "Everything you always wanted to know about sex". That did NOT help me in any way. Not only was I deviant sexually, but being gay, I was also doomed to a life without love, and with only my twisted fantasies for companionship. If I ever meet "Dr. David Reuben, the new apostle of sanity in sex"... I can't finish that sentence for fear of breaking federal regulations on threats via electronic communications. At this point, I became depressed for a year... I didn't eat much or do much. I slept a lot.

Then, I discovered that I wasn't alone. Not the only gay in the world, and certainly not the only diaper person either. On Compuserve, there's a forum for discussion of Adult Baby stuff, and I spent a lot of time there. ($1,206 worth of time in one month) This actually helped tremendously! Thus began my 15th year...

15. I was out (gay), I was happy, and I was dating. And I decided that yeah, I was still into diapers. So I told my boyfriend. And he was pretty cool with it! We went out and bought some Attends, and we had a lot of fun. So I was saved. I didn't think that I needed to give up the things that make me happy in order to lead a normal life.

I think I shall be a Diaper Ambassador.All my friends know that I like them, and wear them, and nobody's really too freaked out, at least not to my face. I do hear occasionally that people ask my ex if "Dave's really into that stuff?" but on the whole, it's pretty okay. And of course, it's a lot of fun when somebody who doesn't know says something like "you're being a baby." Or when a diaper commercial comes on, cuz everybody lets me watch them. I get jealous... kids get the coolest diapers...

I have introduced a couple people to diapers, who actually like them! I used to run a BBS, mostly out of boredom, but it worked out pretty well in a few instances...

Brief sub-story:

Once, a friend, who knew I was into bondage and stuff, and was into that too, logged on to my BBS, and asked if I recommended any files or anything. I pointed him to one of my favorite porno stories, and he liked it a lot... It's got both bondage and diapers in it, so I didn't know how he'd feel about it. But then, he was over at my house, looking through my files, and ran across a directory called ABABY and asked "so what's that, pictures of babies?" I said "no, at least not chronologically." He looked through them, and his eyes got real wide, and he told me how he'd liked the story, because he'd always wanted to wear diapers, but never had. I showed him all kinds of stuff, catalogs for baby wear, and toys, and diapers, and all, and we went for a walk, and I opened my pants and showed him the diaper I was wearing, and I have never seen someone so stunned... It was great! Long story short (too late), he loved it, and now he's "into it", and that's a happy ending.

Since that ended happily, I think I'll end this whole thing. Now you know.

-Davee

9/29/96