She Was My First

This is about a remarkable woman I had the pleasure of meeting … working with … learning from … and sharing some of my most intimate thoughts and moments with and whose strength I have only just begun to realize. She passed away on June 1 2007 and I miss her and think about her often. I want to take this time to tell you about her .. her life .. and how she touched mine and many others. Her name was Gail.

My husband and I are photographers and have a business that deal mainly with family portraits .. graduations .. weddings .. baby showers .. some glamor photography .. still life .. some commercial .. tourism .. have camera will travel. I loved still life and figure studies but there isn't a whole lot time to pursue those interests when trying to schedule around life.

It was the commercial and still life that we .. my husband and I .. met her. We had been commissioned to do some photography for a company that sells stock photos to catalogs and is contacted by various merchants to hire photographers to help their companies they represent advertise. Anything from tires … ranch equipment … cars .. clothing … hand lotion … you name it.

We took on a job where we needed a 'parts model' for hands mainly .. arms .. fingers … for a jewelry store. We advertised locally .. didn't find anyone … then tried out this new thing called the internet … new to me anyway. This was around the year 2000 and digital was just a word and not yet starting to make its way into mainstream photography and I was .. and still am .. not all that versed in the ways of the internet. Back then I didn't really understand a fellow photographer's deep concern a few years later when he told me that his computer had been hacked .. what is hacked? .. I remember thinking .. and some photo sets he had taken of me when he was trying out his new digital cameras had been stolen. What was the big deal? That's another story.

We liked Gail almost immediately when we met her. It was summer and a fairly warm day when we met with her. She was wearing a floral print summer dress with spaghetti straps and heels. She was tall .. 5'8" .. 125 pounds … jet black hair .. almost blue black .. and green eyes. Her figure was lean .. almost too lean .. and not 'perfect' like many professional models you see in modeling agencies and for magazines and runways. Her heels made her appear taller and I was very aware of my 5' nothing stature and wasn't so sure this tall woman wasn’t just showing off. She had a down to earth personality and was very straight forward and open. She wasn't the usual model we had anticipated and we really don't deal with that many professional models to begin with. Most of our subjects in our shoots are your average person wanting a portrait done for a graduation or wedding or baptism .. like I said .. a mom and pop business.

Usually we have to put the subject at ease but it was Gail who put us at ease … at the time I was losing my hearing and I was finding it difficult to follow conversations. I was very self conscious of this .. more than I admitted .. or understood .. but Gail seemed to sense my difficulties in hearing and made sure that she faced me so that I could attempt to understand what she was saying. I remembered thinking that maybe somewhere in her life was a deaf person that she had to deal with and how it didn't phase her at all.

Gail's smile when she talked with us was warm and genuine .. and since she made sure that I could see .. read .. her lips she and I looked directly at each other. I found myself looking more and more into her eyes as we went about our business of finding out what her experience was with photography and modeling and what her 'specialty' was when it came to her being a 'parts' model. I remember thinking that surely her eyes were some of the 'parts' that she modeled .. maybe her lips .. hands? .. yes .. they were lovely … long slender fingers .. graceful in the way that she would smooth her hair out of her face … or tug at the hem of her skirt when she would cross her legs or shift her position in her chair as we talked. Yes .. she had very nice legs too .. maybe a little bit of 'knobby knees' and her hips were maybe a little too narrow .. but her breasts were nice and full .. and she was truthful when she said that they were … ' … store bought titties .. ' and how my husband and I laughed when she told us this. She was so open and we were feeling so comfortable in talking to her.

As my husband and I talked to her .. we wondered if she would be someone we could use in classes for amateur photographers in still life. The 'parts' shoot wouldn't take too much time .. just a lot of lighting .. setting .. proofs .. editing .. submitting .. and getting feedback from the client. It would be tedious and although it wouldn't take too much time in a lot of respects … there were always re-takes .. and re-submissions. This was a new client and we did not know how it was going to run.

But we wanted to start classes .. for the budding still life or figure study photographer waiting to unleash their talent. We .. my husband and I .. broached this subject with Gail. We had all but decided to hire her for the 'parts' shoot we were going to begin soon and I asked her if she had any thoughts about interest in classes such as those. Gail said she thought it would be a good idea and imagined that a lot of people might like to try their hand at photography .. especially still life and figure studies. I asked her if she would ever consider modeling .. or posing for students in classes like those. She nodded her head and said she would enjoy that very much and liked meeting people. I told her that figure studies often involved nudity in a class setting with students of both sexes and walks of life. It was a dream of ours to try and make that work and my husband told her so.

She sat there patiently and listened as I was giving her sage professional insight as to what is involved in the classes my husband and I were thinking about doing and she moved in her chair and stood up while I was telling her all about it. Gail's movement wasn't out of place or hurried and she gave all appearances of listening to what my husband and I were saying about what we wanted to try with our business and maybe getting into teaching those classes. Neither my husband and I anticipated or expected what she did when she stood up .. her expression and demeanor hardly changed when she removed her dress right in front of us both … and then her bra and panties .. as I found myself forgetting how to talk right then. A quick glance at my husband with that look of .. ' did she just .. ?'

I will never forget that and I will never forget what she said to us .. 'I can help you make this work .. I want to help you make this work. I am very comfortable with who I am .. who I've been .. and with me being me. Let me prove this to you … let me help you dream.'

She left her clothes in the chair as we showed her around the studio .. our property .. and some of the props and sets .. indoors and out .. that we used in our business. I .. and my husband .. watched her .. looked at her .. studied her .. as she walked with us .. talked with us .. and how so very natural she seemed to be and how comfortable she was with her own body. Gail knew we would be looking at her and she made no effort to conceal any part of her body .. least of all her eyes .. her eyes that looked right back into mine .. her eyes that studied my face as I looked at her body .. the way she moved .. her perfections and imperfections … and was so much wiser than I was then .. and now.

I won't say that I became 'used to' her nakedness .. I did not .. but what I did become .. was her admirer for the grace .. and decency that shone through her eyes when she spoke with us .. not to us .. or at us .. but with us. She may not have been beautiful .. technically .. physically .. but I no longer could see this naked woman talking with us as anything but beautiful. I did not know it .. but this was the woman .. the first woman .. I would ever call a dear friend .. a woman who would become my teacher .. mentor .. who would teach me how to be with another woman .. and who would share my love of enemas and show me that what she said .. 'Enemas are the most intimate bonds that two people can share.'

In her way .. Gail would help me save my marriage .. and face a mother's worst nightmare .. and she started my lessons by simply allowing .. inviting .. me to be as naked with her as she was with me.