Suspicious Exam

On several occasions I have been examined by a doctor whom I felt was performing his exam in a way that was not in line (to me) with ethical practices. I know most people don't want to feel that their doctor may have ulterior motives when they are being examined. I actually knew personally a young (mid 30s) doctor whom I considered a friend. He related to me that he had actually been fired from a job at a local hospital. His main duty was to perform pre-employment physicals. I knew the man was gay, but I was always under the impression that his sexual preference would take a back burner to his medical ethics.

One night, over drinks, he admitted to me that occasionally he will fulfill some of his fantasies when he is performing an exam on a particular type of male. I later realized what he was describing was a male patient who he thought might be vulnerable. One example he told me about was a Middle Eastern gentleman who had a bit of difficulty with the English language, and also the ways of the American medical system.

My ex-friend thought he could entertain some of his fantasies, assuming the poor guy wouldn't know any better. Anyway, when the guy came into the screened off area of the hospital where the physicals were done, my doctor friend immediately zeroed in on the guy's apprehensiveness and nervousness. He had the guy take off his shirt, did his vitals, and after that he asked the man to take off his trousers and underwear. He said the patient obviously wasn't comfortable doing that, and tried to convince the doctor that he had never had to remove ALL his clothes for a doctor before.

Unfortunately for the doctor, since this was a fairly public area of the hospital, with just curtains drawn around the exam area, the man's protestations were heard by other medical staff in the area.

His big mistake, though, was when he wanted to examine the guy's genitals and prostate. He had the guy lie back on the table, then put his legs into the stirrups. Obviously the man felt completely humiliated in this position. Then, to add insult to injury, when it came time for the prostate exam, my doctor friend did a very lengthy and forceful exam, at which time the poor guy was squirming and protesting that it hurt him.

Unfortunately, the patient left and went to his new employer and related the story. Realizing that this sounded completely unethical, the hospital was contacted, and my friend was fired on the spot.

Getting back to the original topic, I'm just wondering if anyone has ever experienced an exam which they felt wasn't completely above board. In other words, did you feel the doctor was enjoying examining you just a bit too much!

Unfortunately, the patient left and went to his new employer and related the story...my friend was fired on the spot

Good! He should have been fired for taking advantage of a patient. I'm really glad that in this case he received at least some punishment. He probably should have lost his license to practice.

Back to your original question: No, I haven't had a suspicious exam where my doctor was taking the exam too far just for their own pleasure. But I have had a few exams where I feel that my doctor was actually enjoying the exam. I didn't mind that one bit.

Members have written lots of posts about this already. Some feel they have. Some truly have. But as the medical professionals here keep pointing out, it's not the norm any more than any other professional abusing his/her position is.

I'm really surprised that he acted so obviously knowing the setting and also surprised that he was fired on the spot without going through a review process (suspended pending the review, yes, fired, not so sure).

I haven't ever felt any exam was inappropriate in length or clinical aspect. Whilst that would be fun in the context of a play exam in reality it would be a horrible feeling. Whilst I know I would challenge or question something I was unsure of sadly their are many who would not.

I've always instilled in my family that if not sure of something you question and ask why whether that's at school or in the Drs office. Those who grew up to do "as dr says" are vulnerable to that otherwise.

However this is exceedingly rare I imagine, the brightest 5percent of students in the country don't go into medicine for that reason they do it as a calling to help others or from a scientific interest. If there was alternative reason I suspect they get witteled out long before they qualify.

If any of my adult exams were inappropriate, it was due to brevity and incompleteness.

As a child, my MD father acted as my doctor. That was inappropriate for a whole other reason.

As a child, my MD father acted as my doctor. That was inappropriate for a whole other reason.

I'll bet that was really awkward for you.

I'll bet that was really awkward for you.

I was young enough that I didn't know any better. Later (high school) it made things easy because he'd just fill out the forms with no exam. Shots or minor illness was just taken care of at home.

I was young enough that I didn't know any better

Then what part of that did you consider inappropriate? Just the idea that a close family member shouldn't be your doctor?

I know what the ethics councils say, BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a family member being your doctor.

How far removed from the practitioner do you think the patient should be? child, cousin? in-law? spouse? uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, SECOND cousin. . . ?

Yes, I and others on Zity have posted regarding exams that were either covertly or blatantly inappropriate. It is not like any other profession because most professions do not include the right to require you to remove your clothes and touch you.

There have been many celebrated and some less so cases in the media of doctors abusing their positions of authority for sexual gratification.

Unfortunately, I have found that many of the medical professionals who are on Zity have a knee jerk reaction to defend ALL suspected cases described here, due to their bias that medical professionals just don't do that, or they are just doing their job and we victims have overly active imaginations.

We are supposed to be a community were folks can speak freely about many topics that may be taboo in other settings. So please, let's just listen to folks, validate their fears and concerns and spend less time honing our bs meters.

Thanks for reading.

Thank you, jme! Nicely said and I couldn't agree with you more.

I know what the ethics councils say, BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a family member being your doctor.

How far removed from the practitioner do you think the patient should be? child, cousin? in-law? spouse? uncle, aunt, nephew, niece, SECOND cousin. . . ?

There needs to be a level of intellectual dispassion in the doctor/patient relationship that's impossible in close relationships - familial or social. The physician needs to be able to make painful decisions about care without extra stress. The patient needs to be able to communicate with the doctor without the common blockages inherent in a close relationship. For example, can most teens talk to a parent about a genital issue? It's tough enough to talk to the dispassionate doctor.

There isn't a field of work where there aren't some people who abuse their position in some way. Yes, some doctors take advantage of their patients. Likewise, some patients claim abuse or fraud where there is none.

It's a doctor's duty to do everything in his or her power to create a safe, compassionate atmosphere and provide the best care possible. Similarly, it's the patient's duty to research a good doctor and to come to the doctor prepared. Being prepared means gathering your list of symptoms and questions ahead of time and mentally preparing yourself for potential tests and examinations.

There needs to be a level of intellectual dispassion in the doctor/patient relationship that's impossible in close relationships . . . .For example, can most teens talk to a parent about a genital issue? It's tough enough to talk to the dispassionate doctor.

That's hardly been a problem in our family! 😁

I think most teens would prefer to talk about a genital issue to a parent before a dr. I think if when preteen parents are open with their children and have conversations about anatomy /puberty etc then it's easier to talk to them about it. Maybe it's different for girls as have to talk about "genital issues" when it comes to menstration, discharge etc.

Thank you, jme! Nicely said and I couldn't agree with you more.

Thank you!

I think most teens would prefer to talk about a genital issue to a parent before a dr.

Prefer talking to a parent about genital issues? You have got to be kidding.

Speaking up for us boys back then, I venture many would have preferred to see their pricks fall off rather than bring up the subject with parents ... I think that once a certain age - say 16 or so - I'd have sneaked off by myself to see a doctor if necessary, rather than breath a single word to either of my parents.

I suppose my reasoning went like this: if you bring up an embarrassing situation with a stranger (doctor), you never have to see that person again if you don't wish to. Parents you will have to keep on seeing for the rest of either of your lives, so the embarrassment is always there, ready to be brought up at the most inappropriate moments.

And I say this from experience. My father for instance, even in his late 80s, just couldn't keep from bringing up my lack of circumcision in company, say at Christmas time in front of guests. These things are bad enough in private between the two of you, parent and child. At least with a doctor, you know they have a legal obligation to ensure confidentiality and keep their mouths shut. Parents seem to think they have a legal obligation to blab about everything under the sun, embarrassing or not.

And on another tack, parents are hardly ever impartial when it comes to their offspring. It's better to get advice from a stranger/doctor who has no emotional stake in the matter. Parents are, for instance, known to be quite over-protecting at times, which is not always the most optimal way to approach medical problems. Or else they can just as well be in a sort of denial there is anything wrong with their children.

Neither is the best way to proceed.

"parents are hardly ever impartial when it comes to their offspring. It's better to get advice from a stranger/doctor who has no emotional stake in the matter."

Whilst I can totally see where you are coming from and I can't put myself in s boys shoes I think that speaks more of your relationship with your father then if teens are comfortable with talking to parents esp if he would discuss your circumcision status openly In front of company. Hopefully most parents aren't like that.

It depends on your relationship with parents and if your emotionally constipated, why is having no emotional stake better ?

To answer original post I've never suspected foul play with my dr.

And whilst having a dr for a father I think if you had an issue then makes sense he examined you but for routine exams prob should have been someone else. But I guess Drs due to the nature of training and their intelligence will think they are best at what they do so stands to reason he thinks was best to examine you jd4med. Thats why drs "make the worst patients" to busy telling their dr what they think and to do.

I'm not a dr but with my two they came to us if they had issue regardless where on body would be we talk about it have look if felt necessary and they were OK with it and then if required take to our dr.

Mom regulary examined my bro and me until age 16. It was no big deal.

Sometimes we talked about genital issues there was no embarassment

The patient needs to be able to communicate with the doctor without the common blockages inherent in a close relationship.

Got it. That makes total sense to me. Personally I would never have been able to talk with either of my parents about any delicate medical issues or questions. Based on the other comments here, it appears that this really depends on the parent/child relationship and possibly their gender. The comments seem to indicate that it might be easier for girls to accept a parent as their doctor compared to boys.

Whilst I can totally see where you are coming from and I can't put myself in s boys shoes I think that speaks more of your relationship with your father then if teens are comfortable with talking to parents esp if he would discuss your circumcision states openly In front of company.

It depends on your relationship with parents and if your emotionally constipated, why is having no emotional stake better ?

I was in my late 50s or early 60s when my father just had to bring it up (yet again). Hardly an age when a parent should talk about such things anymore. I was quite the big boy by then and knew my mind all too well on the matter. So did my wife ... 😃

What's emotionally constipated? Maybe a better way to describe what I feel would be emotionally over-satiated. I've heard enough of the drama and regrets and sudden upsurges of emotions on the part of my parents.

From the one by hearing dire apocalyptic predictions about insignificancies and from the other, by treating every routine illness as an occasion to start preparing for my demise (and getting out the Lourdes holy water when I'm not looking), since once one gets ill, getting well again is never assured. Gloom and doom. Don't tell me that those emotions should be factored into getting medical advice? Impartiality is the way to go and that presupposes no emotional attachment. When I go to a doctor I want good medical care and advice, not someone who is going to hold on to me and say 'there, there' or have tears in their eyes as if I am already halfway to the grave ...

And then from what my wife used to tell me of her parents and medical problems (let alone genital problems), they treated her as if she were personally responsible for actually wanting to get ill so that it would cost them money for her to go to a doctor. Which, by the way, was often refused and ended up taking years from her life.

So, I say, no emotions where medicine is concerned, neither positive nor negative. Impartiality and truthful, straight-up front advice and treatments.

I expect politeness of course and courtesy, but those things are not emotions, they are a manner of conducting social interactions to everyone's benefit.

When a female friend of ours was in her 30's, around 1985, she went to a new doctor for an ear ache.

After examining here ears he talked her into an breast exam.

BTW, I don't consider menstruation to be a genital issue in the context of my comment. Yes, girls will talk to parents about menarch issues. Boys will talk about nocturnal emissions. Not so much about 'that spot on my xxxx.' Or sexual activity. Yes, there are exceptions.

Well, suspicious now when I think back. My uncle brought me to a friend of his for tight foreskin problem. The doc tried a lot to push it back, al the while massaging my penis which got hard. He told my uncle to do massages with oil to get it elastic, so during the exam he had him stand on the table with me on and my legs spread, show him how to massage and had him try right there. He wanted to see me for check ups every 6 months.

Well, suspicious now when I think back. My uncle brought me to a friend of his for tight foreskin problem. The doc tried a lot to push it back, al the while massaging my penis which got hard. He told my uncle to do massages with oil to get it elastic, so during the exam he had him stand on the table with me on and my legs spread, show him how to massage and had him try right there. He wanted to see me for check ups every 6 months.

How old were you?

How old were you?

And moreover, I'd ask about the parents. Did they know about the doctor's visit and subsequent treatments?

When a female friend of ours was in her 30's, around 1985, she went to a new doctor for an ear ache.

After examining here ears he talked her into an breast exam.

@Rufusc, how did she feel about that experience? Did she feel he was being professional, did she feel like he was perverted? Did she enjoy it? Did it creep her out, or cause her to be afraid to ever go to see him again?

I was about 5 or 6. I went to live with my uncle since my parents died in a car accident...

Whilst I don't think it suspicious as such I remember i missed getting some vaccination at school and so mom made an appointment at some walk in centre to get it done some time later.

Rather then just give me the jab I had to remove my shirt and he felt for glands in my neck and armpits then unbutton my trousers and felt in groin. He didn't touch anything else

Then he gave my the jab in my arm.

So not exactly a scandal but I wasn't expecting it and didn't appreciate him just undoing my trouser not asking me to.

And to chim in to the break away aspect of the thread I agree that it's entirely down to the parent child relationship as to who would be happy to talk about or showing unsure of to a parent or prefer to go straight to dr.

Our eldest has lichen sclerosis and she is at age now where we have encourage her to take control of health herself and she does what is needed etc but she had no hesitation to talking to her mom or me and whilst not an exam have lookedat the issues when required.