Embarrassment at masturbation long ago

When I was 17, I emigrated to North America to join my father. My mother and siblings came 6 months later. For that 6 months I lived in a boarding house, sharing a room with my father. I slept in a single bed, and there was a small space between the bed and the wall.

Every night, after my father fell asleep, I would maneuver myself so I was leaning against the wall, with my cock pointing down between the bed and the wall, and I would ejaculate onto the floor or the wall.

The landlady never said anything, although there must have been some noticeable stains. It may be that she changed the sheets without moving the bed.

Why I didn't use a tissue, or even toilet paper, I have no idea, but to this day I feel a sense of embarrassment that I could be so careless. At the time, I was so horny, I just didn't care.

Perhaps if I knew others did similar things, my embarrassment about "leaving my mark" would go away.

ibrox said

. . . . I slept in a single bed, and there was a small space between the bed and the wall. Every night, after my father fell asleep, I would maneuver myself so I was leaning against the wall, with my cock pointing down between the bed and the wall, and I would ejaculate onto the floor or the wall.

The landlady never said anything, although there must have been some noticeable stains. It may be that she changed the sheets without moving the bed.. . . .if I knew others did similar things, my embarrassment about "leaving my mark" would go away.

Here comes the tough love. . . . It's really quite simple.

She never said anything because she realized you were a slob and she didn't feel it was up to her to clean up your scum. YOU had to live in it.

You should have taken a few tissues to bed with you and obviated the problem.

STAY EMBARRASSED.

@Switchablesusie I'm still fairly new here, but I've seen you dish out this kind of response to others. Fortunately for me, I was posting about a recollection from more than 50 years ago. This was after reading many and varied stories of masturbation, and recalling a time which I admitted I was not proud of.

You call it tough love. Then you call me a slob and talk about my "scum". Not what I had expected from Zity, known as the welcoming place for friendly kinksters.

I've read some of your posts, about your activities and lifestyle. I don't recall anyone being critical or taking you to task. The judgmental tone in many of your posts, and the general arrogance you display towards many people is off-putting to say the least.

I'm sure we will continue to have exchanges of views in the future, so I will just accept this opinion of yours and consider it just another @Switchablesusie salvo delivered from on high.

I'm sorry, but ejaculating against the wall (many times) in a house that isn't yours is wrong. It is no better than peeing on the toilet seat or floor and not cleaning it up.

I know some people may consider some of my sexual activities kind of severe, but they are among consenting adults. No one agreed to clean your semen off the wall. I realize the recollection was from over 50 years ago when you were a "wild and crazy" teenager, but that doesn't make it right.

Semen is actually easy to clean with water, isn't it?

Semen is actually easy to clean with water, isn't it?

You can shower it off easily but it's not so easy when it has dried onto a painted surface.

Besides, semen clean-up is the responsibility of the people involved in its ejaculation.

When I started this thread, I was thinking of the many masturbation stories on here, and I submitted this rather innocuous piece, dealing with events from long ago.. Your first response, @Switchablesusie was, in my opinion, in clear violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of the Rules. You were personal, derogatory, and I thought, way too hostile. My first thought on reading it was, you can't say those things. I was inclined to report you, but to whom? You are a Moderator, a thankless task, and somewhere in the Rules, it says that if you are unhappy with the Moderators, feel free to post in a different forum, or words to that effect.

.In my brief time on here, I've seen many examples of your blunt, no bullshit, responses. I'm not so fragile, that I will just shrink away and stop posting, but not everyone on here is prepared to question what I see as a form of bullying.You really should dial back your responses, ( less large fonts, less colours, LESS SHOUTING, for God's sake, and, by the way, isn't that against the Rules?) Perhaps some of the other Moderators should have a word.

Getting back to my original point, I was, and still am, hoping for some similar stories. ( " I jerked off into someone's panties", " I jerked off looking in someone's window", you get the idea.....). Unfortunately, any potential posters may have been discouraged from posting. They just might have left some ejaculate somewhere they shouldn't have. 🙄

You can shower it off easily but it's not so easy when it has dried onto a painted surface.

Sounds like you may have had some experience having to deal with this & that perhaps ibrox's post may have struck a nerve.....

When I began to read ibrox's most recent post, i clicked on his profile to see if he was just some whining millennial. Then i noticed he's a septuagenarian, and continued reading his post, at which time i would have figured it out. I love and admire that age where people are brutally honest, upfront, direct, and unwavering, not concerned about anything, be it retaliation, reaction, norms, whatever. I find it admirable that he's

not so fragile, that I will just shrink away and stop posting|

These folks, from about mid 60's an up, are the ones mentoring my life right now. Honest about past experiences whether proud or ashamed or anywhere in between, and speaking their mind without fear of anything. And standing up to authority in a constructive fashion. Not so easy to do, but I'm learning....

Sounds like you may have had some experience having to deal with this & that perhaps ibrox's post may have struck a nerve.....

I haven't had to clean it off a painted wall, but I have cleaned dried semen off non-porous granite tile on the bathroom floor that wasn't noticed until the next morning. That's just something that happens when you have sex in the bathroom. It has to be harder cleaning it off a painted wall than a tile floor.

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Back to my main point . . . . Sorry, but damage/destruction of someone else's property should not be condoned. I recognize the story you related took place over 50 years ago, and from the sound of it, you don't ejaculate against walls now, 😁 but even so, I take umbrage to the disregard for others' property.

Masturbation stories related by others, to my recollection have been about location, people in the vicinity, other specific people involved and/or props/toys/women's panties or equipment used, not damaging others' property.

I have a lot of respect for taking care of what does not belong to one's self.

I'm sure we all have things we have done (especially those of a more experienced age) that we would do differently if we could go back and do it again. But we must move forward and learn from the mistakes of our youth or the mistakes of others youth.

ibrox it would be nice if a kinder approach were taken sometimes on zity, but sadly that doesn't happen all of the time. Thank you for sharing your experience with masturbation. May you hear from others with their experience.

Sorry, but damage/destruction of someone else's property should not be condoned.

I'm guessing you don't rent out apartments or property on a regular or even infrequent basis. Because, if so, believe me, a few semen stains are incredibly small potatoes compared to the wear and tear that occurs from just living in a place, even from the best mannered people. If that's all to contend with, I'd be in landlord's heaven ... 😃

When I first stated masturbating after I would cum i would be filled with a sense of guilt and self loathing. Why, I don't know. I am glad to say I have moved beyond that now.

As a teenager, I would wear the same T-shirt for many masturbation sessions, layering multiple ejaculations in random patterns as I shot all over my upper body. After a while, there was quite a build-up. I was secretly proud of my "accomplishments". I thought I had a good hiding place - under the bottom drawer of my dresser.

It worked until one fine spring day when my mother moved the dresser to clean behind it. She held up the shirt when I got home from school said "You'll have to start on a new shirt" and walked away. I didn't ask for clarification; as a sheltered only child with a single mother, I was mortified. From then on, I would always use a tissue or paper towel, and later put it in the kitchen garbage.

I never heard another word about the issue, but knowing that she knew made me cringe for a long time. I had no one with whom I felt comfortable talking about this subject, so I spent years in unnecessary shame, made worse by a strong religious (Catholic) background that said this would earn me eternal condemnation. What a crock!

as a sheltered only child with a single mother, I was mortified.

She may have been mortified also, not knowing how to approach you about the subject (other than she was upset you were ruining a shirt), without a husband/father around to step in & help out.

I was mortified every time i woke from a wet dream, where sometimes my briefs would be ever so saturated. i was afraid my mom would think i was a bed wetter or had a problem. I wasn't even sure if i had a problem or not, because it was happening involuntarily, synonymous to me at the time with people who couldn't control their bladder. I was scared each time, rushing downstairs to the bathroom sink to rinse it all out and find a secret spot to let it drip dry. Hoping never to be discovered. As far as i know, it wasn't discovered. Unless they kept it secret from me that they knew.......

I think that just about every parent, father or mother, has known all about masturbation, especially in boys, from the beginning of time. It just wasn't talked about openly. And from everything I have learned, the girls don't miss out on the fun of self-exploration and pleasuring either. As unique and secret as the storms of puberty often seem to the one experiencing them, the journey was, is, and ever shall be universal. We just need to share the wisdom we have gained, if not by directly talking about it, then at least with an understanding and compassionate attitude.

Sometimes i get the impression there's a denial. "Oh he's in his room playing video games or doing his homework" "Oh he's sleeping". or they believe it won't start with their son until much later, when he's older and more mature. i think sometimes either there's a kind of denial, or they don't think about it too much. They think of their sons as being engaged in other interests that are non sexual, so the thought of it doesn't come up. Which may be part of the reason why it's not discussed.

It's one of those things parents are not likely to ENcourage, but they probably realize it would be futile to try and DIScourage it. And they don't want to think of the idea of their own underage children in a sexual context of what might be taking place. Another probable reason why it's not discussed

They secretly hope their boys will wait until they grow up & move out and get their own walls, shirts, & bedsheets to make messes on......

. . . . I spent years in unnecessary shame, made worse by a strong religious (Catholic) background that said this would earn me eternal condemnation. What a crock!

You're not dead yet. How do you know it's a crock? 😁 😁 😁

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She may have been mortified also, not knowing how to approach you about the subject (other than she was upset you were ruining a shirt), without a husband/father around to step in & help out. . . . .

She wasn't mortified. She has a son. She had sex with his father, presumably many times. She knows all about sex and masturbation. She only wanted to exert some power over her son. Every parent has to accept their children are sexual beings just like they are. I hate hypocritical parents.

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I think that just about every parent, father or mother, has known all about masturbation, especially in boys, from the beginning of time. It just wasn't talked about openly. And from everything I have learned, the girls don't miss out on the fun of self-exploration and pleasuring either. . . . .

Exactly, masturbation by boys and girls isn't a secret. Parents who try to prevent their children from doing so are just full of shit because they did it too and they know there are zero consequences to masturbating. They only want to exert power and influence over their children. Yes, we girls did plenty of exploration too.

Parents who try to prevent their children from doing so are just full of shit because they did it too and they know there are zero consequences to masturbating.

What about the parents that had gone through a strict religious upbringing and still believe in that crazy stuff ? Especially the older generations. I tend to think that's where a lot of the "lack of" communication originates. I believe there may be ignorant folks who can't wake up to reality, based on their (choose adjective) upbringing.

Consider Flow's strict religious upbringing and that the only interaction with his Mom on the topic was somewhat unpleasant. The proper guidance response would have been "I understand you need to do this, but please don't mess up your shirts over it", or SOMEthing. I tie in that the confrontation was not positive and making the point to mention the strict religious upbringing.

As opposed to the more liberal "us" who might say, "Yeah, go shoot your load high and far. Just don't hit the walls, or at least have some decency & clean up after yourself" 😉

"You're not dead yet. How do you know it's a crock?"

I don't, for sure. However, there is almost no mention or condemnation of masturbation in any of the ancient mainstream texts, be it Old or New Testament, Koran, or any of the myths that form the foundation of most religions. In Christianity, that preoccupation came along much later. In Catholicism, it became a central issue when celibacy became mandatory for priests. I wonder if there is a connection. While religious people are often tied up in knots about this, and very heavy-handed with others, the people I know who have a mature, integrated spirituality don't give it a second thought. When it comes to masturbation, neither Jesus or even Paul, with all his lists of condemnable things, ever mentions it.

I guess I should have said BAZINGA.

Of course it's a crock. I didn't mean for you to take my post so seriously. No damnation, no rewards, no heaven, no hell, just rotting in the ground.

I think most religions have a line somewhere against "spilling your seed" or some such rubbish even though they probably may not consider it a mortal sin.

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EDIT: I did some research and the punishment for lust is not pleasant. 😁 😁 😁

"The lustful are purged by burning in an immense wall of flames. (Cantos XXV through XXVII). All of those who committed sexual sins, both heterosexual and homosexual, are purified by the fire."

That kind of does sound like damnation. 😁 😁 😁

Just come prepared with a fire extinguisher and you'll be just fine.

I'm going to enjoy hell. All my friends will be there!

If you're looking for literal translations from the bible that prohibit masturbation, I think there are none.

OTOH, the bible prescribes the death sentence for homosexual sex (per http://www.biblestudytools.com/leviticus/20.html Leviticus 20:13), as well as a list of incestuous acts. Menstrual sex only warrants exile (Lev 20:1😎.

Handicapped/deformed people are prohibited from the sanctuary (Lev 21:17-23). Do we still adhere to the "eye for an eye" concept (Lev 24:17-20).

So how much of the bible are we REALLY supposed to follow? Somehow I think it is NOT a good LITERAL guide for the present day...

Jerking off onto the floor or wall next to your bed in someone else's home is on par with wiping your boogers on the wall next to the bed, it might even be worse.

When I was a teen popping my cork in bed at night, I used a sock - it was always dry by morning and I figured would go unnoticed.

Of course, my poor mother probably knew what was going on when now and then my dirty socks were a little 'crusty and musty', which in hindsight is probably why she refused to pick up our dirty clothes and insisted we put them in the laundry hamper ourselves.

I like your booger analogy. 😁

It's not that we don't want to touch something that has wet or dry semen on it. We have touched plenty in our lives.

As a mother, I will tell you we don't want to pick up our children's clothes because we want them to take on some responsibility and not live like slobs in the house they do NOT own.

Jerking off onto the floor or wall next to your bed in someone else's home is on par with wiping your boogers on the wall next to the bed, it might even be worse.

I have to take care of a rental issue this upcoming week, and seriously, I sincerely hope it will only concern semen stains. I know it won't of course, but it will be costing me a serious amount to fix.

It would be easier and a hell of a lot cheaper to just have to clean someone elses stains, however yucky, believe me. Because with renting, there are always problems of one kind or another.

As the OP here, I felt I had said all I needed to say, particularly about the first response received from Switchablesusie. However since she has posted 7 times out of the 24 posts, and may still be concerned about the damage/destruction of property, I thought I would google cleaning semen stains. There are numerous solutions suggested, with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser being a popular one. The most effective, however, is wall cleaning detergent, Tri-Sodium Phosphate.

Not that ejaculating on a wall is such a popular pastime, but it seems I wasn't the first, and probably won't be the last.

Thinking back almost 60 years, I recall that I wasn't a "wild and crazy" 17 year old, but rather a lost, lonely young man in a new country, with no friends and a father that I didn't particularly like. Because I'm a rather fastidious person that memory was embarrassing, but as I noted before, I didn't expect to be berated for posting.

So now it's 8 out of 25.

I said all I was going to say in my second post.

ONLY my FIRST TWO replies were in response to your two posts preceding mine. My subsequent posts were in reply to OTHER people's posts with the exception of this one and this one is only made because you brought it up..

With such disdain for errantly splattered spooge, I wonder if someone's true occupation isn't part time jizz mopper at the local peep show.

I've been a member here for nigh on to ten years, and one thing that has been a welcome constant is the unwavering honesty of SwitchableSusie's posts. You always know exactly where she stands on any subject she comments on, and I appreciate that in a person. And, it's an imperative for a Moderator. Susie is the personification of the old adage, "If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question". I hope she never changes.

By the way, ibrox, you weren't berated for posting. You were called out for repeatedly ejaculating on the wall of a rent house with total disregard for sanitation or the property of your landlord. I'm glad to hear you've changed your habits.

I've been a member here for nigh on to ten years, and one thing that has been a welcome constant is the unwavering honesty of SwitchableSusie's posts. You always know exactly where she stands on any subject she comments on, and I appreciate that in a person. And, it's an imperative for a Moderator. Susie is the personification of the old adage, "If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question". I hope she never changes.

By the way, ibrox, you weren't berated for posting. You were called out for repeatedly ejaculating on the wall of a rent house with total disregard for sanitation or the property of your landlord. I'm glad to hear you've changed your habits.

Just when I thought this thread had died a well-deserved death, it seems I'm being taken to task again.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion of @SwitchableSusie . I expressed MY opinion in post # 7.

When I posted, I didn't expect a standing ovation. It was an embarrassing memory, and I was under the impression that Zity was the sort of Forum where you could tell a story like that and have that sort of experience accepted as an unfortunate memory of a long-ago time in my life. Our definition of being berated may differ, but to be called a slob, and have ejaculate referred to as scum seemed pretty harsh to me.

By the way, @LDB since you're glad that I "changed my habits", we can both be glad that it has been more than 60 years since this unfortunate saga.

The most important things I remember about early masturbation was not to let anybody know what you were doing. That usually meant clearing away messes from many different surfaces. The pages of old books was the worst.