DST, timmyd, and Moonlit Brat, You all bring up great points that I have elaborated on in at least one, if not a few more previous posts.
DST writes: You are a switch so you enjoy both giving and receiving. You also said that you enjoy being spanked to the point of tears and love doing it to someone else so that they can feel that same release.
Moonlit Brat writes: As strange as it sounds, it's a great stress reliever.
timmyd writes: Adults need this type of guidance to keep them responsible and focused. It's made a positive difference in my life.
To start with, Doc and I basically put spankings into two different, possibly three different categories, 1) Dom/sub (has an air of seriousness, and the spankings can be painful, but they are not "real" spankings in the true sense of the word and meaning of real. For example, I may not put enough sugar in his coffee, for that I would be spanked, and it would hurt. So while in that context of a Dom/sub, that would be serious enough to warrant a somewhat painful spanking, for example.
2) Fun and playful spankings, yes, these can also be somewhat painful, but usually not as they are meant almost as a form of foreplay. Often times in situations like these the person getting spanked is taken over someone's knee, they are or both are naked, which in turn causes both parties to become even more sexually aroused, and you get the drift.
3) Doc and I call this third type of spanking "serious" spankings. I can honestly tell you when we mean serious, we mean serious. It's a punishment in it's truest form. Now, I am not meaning the person being spanked is going to be beaten. Unlike the first two examples, real spankings have a huge mental/deep emotional connection that stays in your head. With serious spankings there is no laughing, no smiling, and no enjoyment from either the spanker or spankee.
Growing up my parents would say prior to the few spankings I had ever received, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." I never understood that until I had kids of my own, but surprisingly enough, I understand it on an even deeper level when I have to administer them to Doc.
Another thing I learned growing up and as a parent is that it's been proven over and over again that in order for children to feel safe, loved and secure, they need rules, boundaries, limits, and have to learn that there are consequences, sometimes serious consequences to their actions and because of the choices they have made, and because of those actions and or choices they have to be held accountable.
For our first breath of life to the age of about 25, we fight tooth and nail to stand on our own two feet, make our way in the world, make our own rules, answer to no one, and not be held accountable for anything we don't want to be. We fight to be able to set our own boundaries, limits, and our own rules in which we want to live by. So we do this, we have accomplished all of the above mentioned, we fought hard to break free so we could be who we want to be, who we are, and on the flip side of that same coin, we now discover that we are standing alone. And after all that hard work to break away from the pack, suddenly we realize that doing so wasn't quite as great as one would have thought.
People are pack animals. We need each other to survive, as the saying goes, "united we stand, divided we fall". Yes I realize that is a historical/political reference, but it also fits nicely here as well. From the moment we are born, to the moment we die, our basic human, and I stress the word basic, wants, needs, and desires really don't change.
So rolling back around to how all of what I just said relates to adult spanking, among all of what I just wrote, children and adults alike need the same basic things, they need to be and feel loved, secure, and safe. When we are children we look to our parents for these things, as adults we look to the person we love.
And just like children, adults don't always want or like to be given boundaries, limits, or to be made to be held accountable to someone other than themselves, especially if the consequences of that accountability might not be a pleasant experience or a favorable outcome.
For Doc and I, among all the things we are to each other, in this case we are each others counter balance, also each others accountability person, as well as to ourselves. We are both very strong people, mentally strong, type A personalities, we fought hard to be the hard working independent people were are. We are the alpha person pretty much where ever we are, and almost always with whomever we are with. I am by no means bragging here, what I am trying to say is that we, since breaking free from our parents have always been in charge, have not ever had to answer to anyone, didn't have to be accountable to anyone or anything but ourselves and the few other things or people we wanted to be, and only when we wanted to be.
Type A personality folks like Doc and I often tend to constantly be surrounded by people who want to be like us, do what we do. We tend to have a lot of "friends", and I don't mean that in the true sense of the word either, followers might be a more accurate word to place there. We are often the life of the party, funny, laughing, witty, and oddly enough, with all these "positive" so called attributes, because we have fought so hard to be at the top of the pile, leader of the pack, we usually are very lonely people, and often very afraid. What are we afraid of you might be wondering? We are afraid of being alone. If the pile falls, everyone scatters, and we will be alone, however being at the top of the pile we are alone there too.
However, once in a while we type A personalities find another type A that is our equal, a person with whom we are willing to join us on the top of the pile, where we stand twice as strong. They are the person, who while are our equals, are also our opposite, their weakness is our strength, and their strength is our weakness, and if the pile that we are standing on top of falls, we no longer will be standing there alone, but we will have each other.
I know this has been a crap ton of psychobabble, but if you really stop to think about it, it makes perfect sense. We all need another to be accountable to, who will also make us be accountable to ourselves. They need to help us set realistic goals, limits that are reasonable for us and or the situation at hand. We need them to praise us for a job well done, reel us back in when we gone astray, and to hold our hand and support us when the ground beneath our feet is crumbling away faster than we are going.
For Doc and I, we are exactly that for each other, every day, in every way, and in every step of the way. I want, need, and am allowing him to be all those things for me, and in turn, he wants, needs, and is allowing me to be all of those things to him as well. And for us, if we mess up despite the fact that we know better, and our support person has steered us back on to the correct path, and we still continue doing the wrong thing, that's what warrants a "serious" spanking, and obviously for good and justified reasons.
I mentioned this in another post, two posts actually, one about Doc and the other about me and a serious spanking we had received from each other. And remember, it's not about the force behind the spanking, maybe 20 percent of it is, but the rest is 80 percent mental. After almost 26 years for me, 36 years for him of not ever having to explain ourselves, justify our actions, having to answer to anyone, or having to be held accountable to anyone but ourselves, finding someone who is mentally our equal, and willing to take responsibility for our well being, and what's in our best interest, because they love us enough to help ourselves be the best people we both know we can be, should be, and want to be.
As I was saying, I once took Doc to his breaking point, I was spanking him fairly hard, but not nearly as hard as I had and have spanked him previously and since. I put his own personal demons in his face and made him deal with them right then and there. I reassured him many times that he wasn't facing them alone this time, that I would be there holding his hand and I wouldn't let go no matter how shaky the ground he was walking on underneath him was. He allowed me in enough after two and a half years to enter into his inner most wall of protection and allowed me to help break down that last, or one of the last remaining security walls from the inside out. That night for the first time in probably 30 years he felt free from so many of his past demons. As we all know, often times we can't fix the current issues until we resolve the past ones that helped clear the roadway for the new ones.
Likewise, I to had a pretty difficult past, I too have a lot of my own demons to take care of. I am either a bit more stubborn than Doc was, or maybe just wan't ready to mentally face a lot of mine, but during our last trip to Kansas, over 4 years of us dating, I was finally in a place where I allowed him into my inner wall of protection. Where as his insecurities come out as just that, insecurities, mine come out a plain out right bitchiness. Hind sight being 20/20, I think mentally I was way over the top with my bitchiness as a, for lack of better terms, as a "cry for help". I needed to start healing myself, I felt sure I was strong enough with his support, but was afraid to take that first step. After 30 years of building up the protective walls, and keeping them maintained at all times, I was exhausted. I had one last outburst in me, and that was the one it took for him to give me what it was I needed most. Again, 20/80. Yes, he was spanking me pretty hard, but not hard enough to warrant the reaction from me. It took about 5 whacks with that leather paddle to me to start crying a bit, about 15 and I was crying pretty good, by about 25-30, I was crying hard and sobbing, at which he stopped. In our 4.5 years, I think he's only see me cry a time or to at best.
For both of us our sessions of "real" spankings for real reasons were exactly what we both basically had been asking for, we both needed, and both desperately wanted. While I can't really speak for him, but I am pretty sure he would agree with me 100 percent with me here, neither of us have probably felt as safe, secure and as loved as we did on the days we allowed the other into our inner most circle of trust, so that we could cry and release so much old pent up baggage, and allowing someone that understands who you are, what you are, who you want to be, who you can and should be, someone who wants you to be happy, content and satisfied, but also who can love you enough to give you the correction you need out of love and respect, not anger, selfishness, or to prove who's in charge, is the person that knows you the best, and loves you more than words can say.
Mashie