Had an appointment today at a colo-rectal specialty clinic. A few weeks ago, I was told during a play exam that I had a hemorrhoid that should be seen by a "real" doctor. After some increasing itchiness and one instance of bleeding, I decided to go ahead an make an appointment with the same doctor who did my colonoscopy about 18 months ago.
When my name was called, I was lead back to exam room #2 by a very attractive nurse. The room had a small, standard exam table with pillow, paper and a pad; a rolling stool, a gooseneck lamp and stainless steel cart where tubes of lubrication, disposable anoscopes, long cotton swabs, gloves, etc. were stored. She had me sit on the edge of the examination table as she took my pulse, blood pressure and (oral) temperature. Then she informed me that everything needed to come off below the waist - pants, underwear and socks - and she reached into a drawer to remove a pair of "moon shorts." She said they needed to be worn with the opening in the back. Before leaving she said to go ahead and get changed and crack the door once I was ready. She then left the room and gave me a few minutes to get prepared.
I immediately removed my jeans and white briefs. I like the idea of being exposed before taking off my shirt and socks. I also took the liberty of removing my watch and wedding band. For some reason, I've always felt silly wearing any jewelry during an exam. Knowing I had a few moments of privacy before I would have to open the door, I grabbed my phone and took pictures of the exam table, doctor's cart and my "moon pants." Unfortunately, the picture of my tighty-whities resting atop a pile of clothes on a chair came out pretty blurry. Satisfied with my clandestine photo shoot, I cracked opened the door. I quickly heard a voice in the hallway say "the doctor will be in soon." So I took a seat at the foot of the exam table and allowed my mind to wander to the exam.
A few minutes later, the doctor came in accompanied by the aforementioned nurse. She looked to be in her 30s with a nice figure, ample bosom and a rebellious magenta streak dyed into her mahogany hair. The doctor asked me a few general health questions before turning the conversation to the reason I was there. I told him I suspected I had a hemorrhoid due to the discomfort and relayed the information about the bleeding episode. I also told him that I was planning on being out of town quite a bit this summer and wanted to take care of the problem before it reared its ugly head again at a remote campsite or on a family vacation.
He donned a pair of examination gloves and put a headlamp on his forehead before extending the pull-out section of the examination table and asking me to lay on my left side; facing the wall. I did so and drew up my knees. I could feel (and hear) his gloved hands reaching through the slit in the paper shorts and spread my buttocks to expose my anus. After looking around for about 10 seconds and gently palpating my anus he informed me that I didn't have a hemorrhoid but was instead suffering from a pretty good size fissure. He said it was probably caused by straining too hard during a bowel movement. He then announced that he would do a rectal exam. I heard him request "lube" from the nurse. I assume it was her job to squeeze some onto his glove. Without further ado, he proceeded to introduce a finger into my rectum. The pressure and duration was in line with other DREs I have had. No instruction to "take a deep breath" or "bear down" or anything like that. Just a no-nonsense insertion and probing. He didn't say anything else as he withdrew his finger and stripped off his gloves. I remained in the Sims position as he told me that the fissure would be treated with an over-the-counter ointment and additional fiber in my diet. Sensing the exam was over, I went ahead and sat up. We shook hands as he said goodbye and turned to leave the room.
The nurse then gave me a few samples of the ointment and talked a little bit about stool consistency. She said if it doesn't get better in a few weeks to schedule another appointment.
On the drive home I was plagued by a sensation of diarrhea. I figured it was probably due to all the lubricant in my rectum. I was afraid to even let out a little gas not knowing what else might come out. When I got home, I sat on the toilet and passed a good bit of noisy gas, but nothing else. But when I wiped, I found the strangest thing in the toilet paper - a cotton ball! How did that get there? Did the doc stick it there to keep any lube from leaking out? That's the only reasonable explanation I can think of. Has anyone ever heard of this?
Here is a link to the photos I took of the exam room: http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=gallery;ox=showalbum;ax=6835