This is an old family recipe that I’ve attempted to adapt to contemporary spanking tastes. I find it comes in very handy when you need to “whip up” something quick but substantial “in a pinch”, like when your bottom or sub has been unexpectedly annoying at an inopportune time, or a toy or plaything wants to just drip by for a quickie and you are inclined to oblige. Very little preparation is required, and it can usually be done with just what you already have on hand. Despite the charming classic old-fashioned simplicity of this, it proves surprisingly satisfying, and tides one over remarkably well until there is time to prepare something more elaborate.
Serves One
Ingredients:
• One bare hand (left or right depending on you innate dominance), preferably slightly coarsened or callused, but that is by no means essential.
• One modestly-sized implement, e.g. a leather slapper on the stingy end of the well-known “stingy-thuddy” spectrum which is also gratifyingly noisy on impact, or perhaps a small sturdy paddle—if available, one with interior metal reinforcement. However, in a pinch, a hairbrush does just fine as well. Avoid culinary equipment such as spatulas and such, which is really not fair to either your spankee or your kitchen utensils.
• One very sturdy armless wooden chair.
• One fully consenting bottom or sub (see Introduction, page viii). If not already firmly in place, safe word protocol should be established or re-confirmed (see introduction, page xxii).
Place your chosen implement on a neat flat surface near the chair where it will be—temporarily--out of the way but, at the same time, ready to hand when needed. (Hint: it is important to first clear any clutter from the surface on which your implement rests so that, at the crucial moment when you implement is needed, you do not pick up, say, a salt shaker or a spool of ribbon instead of a paddle.) Aside from the flat surface proximate to the chair on which to rest your implement, there should be no furniture or other objects near the chair that could impede the free movement of your arm, or that crowd the spankee in any way.
Sit down on the chair. Make sure you are sitting squarely and comfortably.
In a stern and imperious voice, order the spankee to “Come here this instant.” Don’t be concerned that this command is a bit of a cliché. Clichés are clichés for a reason, and, like the lightening storm in a horror movie, it is there because it works. Keep in mind that some fire in the eye and a haughty disposition will help immensely to enhance the effectiveness of this step, and also instill the proper attitude of trepidation, if not induce outright trembling, in your spankee.
Do not order your spankee to undress, since you do not have time to watch a lot of dilatory fumbling with belts and buttons and zippers and such. Just yank down pants or yank up skirt, as the case may be, and--olly-oop!--over your knee he or she goes. Note: to insure proper positioning, if you are right–handed, make sure the initial position of your spankee is on your right during this step, and vice-versa if you are left handed.)
The Five Minute Spanking is best described and understood broken down on a minute-by- minute basis, as follows:
Minute One: Moderate hand “warm-up” spanking over underwear, with the occasional sharp hard slap to the tender parts of the upper rear thighs or to the sweet spot of the lower mid-buttocks, both to ensure proper attention is being paid and to create a certain anxiety about what is surely to come.
Minute Two: Harder hand spanking, with increasingly focused and well-aimed blows to all parts of the buttocks and upper thighs, with special attention paid to the tenderer portions, or at least to the portions that lead to more interesting audible reactions from your spankee. Towards the end of Minute Two, decisively pull down the spankee’s underwear with as close to one graceful yet forceful movement as possible in order to bare the buttocks. With most flesh tones, especially among the melanin-deprived, you should see a permeating roseate glow at this point, perhaps shading in some areas into a handsome and pleasing ruby.
Minute Three: With renewed, or even redoubled, vigor, continue the hand spanking on the now bared buttocks. Pause to use nails with escalating pressure on the skin, then scratch and pinch freely to taste. Pick up your implement with your dominant hand. Run its edge over the skin up and down the backs of the legs and up and down the cheeks of the buttocks.
Minute Three: Without warning, strike a very hard and sudden blow with the flat of your implement, and repeat with equal force over and over again, revisiting the same spots often for maximum effectiveness. Barring use of a safe word, continue without mercy.
Minute Four: Order your spankee to count out ten very hard strokes. Then, when your spankee thinks it must all now be over, administer ten more, with the spankee counting backwards. Then administer a really final ten, very hard.
Minute Five: Mini-aftercare. Rub, soothe and comfort. Then order the spankee up so you can have your lap (and your life) back.
Promises to be good, groveling, sniveling, and expressions of gratitude for his her sound spanking from your spankee make an excellent garnish for this.
Related recipes: see page 138, Quick and Easy Flogging, and page 182, Quick and Easy Bastinado.