My best experience was the first time I had had a full physical since school. I was 33. It was the 1990s.
A UK newspaper was offering full health assessments at a chain of private hospitals. You got a 60% reduction if you bought so many copies of the paper.
It was promised as 'head-to-toe' and it was before modern exams with scans instead of hands on stuff.
The wait was only about 10 minutes. Beforehand, I'd been sent a five page form with lots of questions about lifestyle.
First was a session with a nurse. She asked whether another nurse could observe the consultation as she was new. I agreed. The nurse took a blood sample. Then height and weight after I'd been asked to remove my shoes and socks. Then I had to strip to my waist in front of the two nurses. There was a waist measurement, chest measurement and then an ECG. This involved a lot of leads in those days. It also involved the indignity of having two small areas of my chest shaved as two of the sensors wouldn't stick!
I was then asked to get dressed again before returning to the waiting area prior to seeing the doctor.
He was a pleasant man in his forties. The preliminary history-taking was part based on the five page form and partly questions about childhood health and - forward thinking for the 1990s - about any stress-related issues with my job and family life.
The doctor then asked me to go into an adjacent exam room and get undressed. I was part undressed and asked him whether I needed to take off my underwear. He came straight into the exam room and showed me a blanket (unhelpfully) on a shelf under the exam couch. I was asked to cover myself with that, lie on the couch but be naked underneath.
I remember the exam well because it was very leisurely. The doctor did a good job of giving instructions but also chatted about life in general. I liked feeling at ease. It was skilful of him. I happily answered all his questions.
I covered myself from the waist down just as the doctor entered. He started checking my head but asked me to sit up and sit on the side of the couch for this. Otoscope, a check inside my mouth with a tongue depressor and then switching the lights out for a pretty lengthy look at my eyes with his ophthalmoscope.
Auscultation followed before I was asked to lie down again on my back. Hands over head to check in my armpits and then a lengthy and careful palpitation of my stomach. I recall thinking he’d go lower to my groin but he went to my feet to look between the toes, do pedal pulses and sensation with a sterile needle. He then moved each leg around in turn to check for motion and mobility. He said I was ‘a bit young for this’. I was to hear those words again.
Then the chat stopped. And he just took the blanket away so I was naked on my back. He checked my groin and inguinal areas a couple of times on both sides. Each time I was asked to cough loudly. The doctor pressed quite hard and I couldn’t help writhing a bit.
Then he told me to turnover for a rectal exam. Once again ‘You’re a bit young for this.’ This was the first time I’d had this exam. I heard gloves being put on and knew what the exam was going to be. He said nothing. The cold finger was inserted without any warning so an embarrassing gasp was unavoidable. This first rectal exam was not that long. As I turned over, he found his voice again and told me the rectal exam was all fine. Then he asked me to get dressed.
As I retell this, it strikes me how much I remember it in detail. But it was the first full medical like this. It’s been the model for my medical play. And for other real exams like that since.