Expulsion Orgasm
One of the extraordinary things about the male orgasm is that in those few moments just before, during, and just after the orgasm, nothing exists except the sensation. One's entire being is concentrated in that physical and physiological experience. Consciousness, with all else, disappears. The 'little death," as it was called in the Renaissance--when being is totally consumed. This morning, as I was expelling the first of three enemas, I became aware of a similar moment. It doesn't come immediately as one begins to release, but shortly after-- the moment when there is no longer the possibility of controlling the peristaltic motion, when nothing exists but the sensation of release. The moment when something deep within the bowels comes out--the build up, the point of no return, the release. I've been aware of this moment before when taking enemas and vaguely knew that it held a special and ambiguous kind of pleasure for me, but it never struck me before as it did today how similar it is to the moment of genital orgasm. A complete consumption of self by the physiological process. When I imagine another present for my expulsion (quietly present and attentive and supportive--something that has not been the mode of presence of those who've given me enemas and hung around for the release), there is a kind of extraordinary feeling of intimacy. I wonder if others have had this same sense of a special, orgasm-like moment in expulsion, and I wonder if this moment is part of the reason that enemas having become sexualized for many of us. I had always assumed the early sexual imprinting on enemas came from the anal penetration, coupled with the exposure and vulnerability. Now, I'm not so sure. I'd be curious to know the thoughts of others.