Naked Drug Tests

In Spring of 2001 I read an article in the Jobs section of the LA Times entitled "Hiring Practices, Intrusive but Legal".

The LA Times jobs editor recounted how once he had to undergo a drug test to get a white collar job. He had to go to a facility in which he had to totally strip naked & urinate in front of a physician.

Upon entering the room completely naked, the doctor put on gloves & helped himself to an exam of just his penis, testicles & prostate, saying that it would give an indication of what type of medical shape he was in. Nothing else! No heart, no lungs, no blood pressure, nothing! Nada, Zilch! Just the goodies, nothing else.The subject then had to stand there naked (in front of that sick fuck) until he got the urge to urinate.

This wasn't supposed to be a physical, it was ostensibly a drug test, but the doctor, with no laws or rules governing or overseeing the doctor's actions, granted himself full power to perform an unwanted, unnecessary exam on someone's reproductive organs.

How do I feel about this? I think drugs (& people who take drugs) tend to be scummy. They're a nusaince in the work place in terms of their sense of propriety, attendance, productivity, & they even steal. So what to do? Fire them when they screw up! That's that! Don't humiliate innocent people because of a few bad apples. What about the notion of 'presumed innocence'? And, of course there's a large segment of our society able to take drugs recreationally in moderation on weekends, & they can handle them just fine.

Now, in some of our most politically backward states, people who desperately need to go on foodstamps & other social services are subjected to drug testing, even though they are less likely to be on drugs than the rest of the population per capita. No savings to test them, it actually costs more to test them. This is the demonization of poor people. I also firmly believe that these intrusive hiring practices show a similar contempt for the working class (even well paid white collar workers) on the part the financially elite, the oligarchs & CEOs.

Physicians have no problem taking part in this, they get paid well & get a colossal power trip to go along with it. And this particular doctor I described went above & beyond by doing an extensive genital exam that even the employers probably didn't ask for.

I do have a fantasy that goes something like the scenario I described: I'm a young college student renting a room in an old man's house in a gated lakeside resort community. At the urging of my landlord, I'm hauled away by a bunch of bored rent-a-cops, who drag me down to the vacant police station for a protracted genital exam and urine test. After hours of the doctor probing, palpitating, whatever, I have such a hard throbbing erection I'm unable to urinate, so ultimately a semen sample is extracted for analysis.

In real life I avoid scummy scenarios that involve physicians. But if I did have to do something as I described, knowing that I'd be naked, and if I knew the doctor would have a certain creepy look to him, beforehand I would completely void my bladder & take about 300-400mg of Viagra.

I agree that drug testing has gotten out of hand.

For me, the majority of drug tests I've had only involved emptying pockets and using a special bathroom with dark blue water. The specimen cup usually has a thermometer strip to try to insure a fresh sample. Only once did I have a semi-observed sample. The nurse stood outside the bathroom stall with the door open. She could hear but not see.

I disagree with your characterization of people who use drugs. Not all drugs, but just because the government had deemed that this drug or that is illegal, doesn't mean shit. The key is not to be impaired at work. What you do on your own time is nobody's business. The problem is that there's an instant test for alcohol intoxication. There's not yet a similar test for other drugs. With the coming of legal drugs allowed, that should change. Innovation follows money. There money in legal drugs.

I did write that there's a huge segment of the population that can handle recreational drugs on their own time didn't I? This so-called "war on drugs" is causing far more misery than the drugs could ever cause.

That said, I live in a mountain town near Palm Springs that's the methamphetamine capital of the country. (Lot's of skin heads too.) I see the worst of the worst. I personally don't like it when I'm conversing with a person whose speech becomes slurred due to the effect of alcohol. I just become offended & want nothing to do with the slob!

I really am surprised that no one has commented on the actions of the doctor. Performing a gratuitous genital exam, not acting on behalf of the job applicant's interest as his personal physician, not caring at all how the job applicant my feel about a perfect stranger putting his hands on (& in) his reproductive parts!!

What do I think? I think the doc's a class A perv, & has some serious issues. OK, as an exhibitionist I have issues too, but I am not, & never will coerce or force an unsuspecting individual into something they're not consenting to. In other words, I'm not in a position of authority & am abusing it.

On a level this doc's a MedFetter's dream come true, but what about all those decent folk without MedFet's just trying to get by & feed their family. IMO what that doctor did is tantamount to rape, that's not hyberbolic on my part to say it. I don't understand why people don't see these things in more objective terms & stand for it. That's what we get for not questioning authority.

Furthermore, I would never send an employee out for a physical that included a genital exam. An employees reproductive health is their own business, & strictly between them & their personal physician. One exception, if I was a Nevada pimp.

In theory there are ADA laws protecting workers against being discriminated against for having say, prostate cancer. So why should I as an employer go on a fishing expedition up a hapless "working Joe's" ass for prostate troubles in the first place?