As a kid I heard other kids mention people masturbating. They made the hand motion in the air and talked about it like it was not a cool thing to do but something gross, to be embarrassed about. So I knew about it, but wasn't interested in it because I only associated it with other boys making fun of it. But when I was 12 or 13 I was at an outdoor mall and walked past a Victoria's Secret store and I felt a twinge. I only glanced at the posters of the models and the mannequins in the window, because for some reason I didn't want anyone else to see me looking. I thought if anyone knew I was interested in women they would think I was a loser because I didn't have a girlfriend. I guess I was very self-conscious in some ways.
Anyway that night, and every night after that I would think about the models in the thongs and push up bras and the women in the store trying on the thongs and push up bras, and I got so hard it almost hurt, then fell asleep before it subsided. I still didn't see any point in rubbing it while it was hard. I was content to practice thinking of hot women and getting erections going to bed because I knew one day I would be going to bed with such a woman and I wanted to be ready. But I had a few wet dreams over the next year or two. Then when I was 15, lying in bed at night, I thought about a girl in my class who had huge boobs even though she was quite thin. She was a very pretty tan brunette. But if the light hit just right, she almost had a vague hint of a mustache. So I was a little embarrassed to be thinking about her nevertheless. Anyway she had flirted with me and showed me her g string in class that day, and as I lied in bed that night getting harder and harder thinking about her and imagining her wearing some of the stuff I had seen in a Victoria's Secret catalog that arrived in the mail that week, I ejaculated like a fountain without even touching myself.
I had quite a mess on my hands and my mom still did the laundry so I cleaned up as best as I could with some tissues right away. I decided if this was going to happen again, I should just ejaculate right into the tissues instead of getting it on my bed first. So the next night I thought about the hot girl wearing lingerie and the Victoria's Secret ladies while holding a few tissues against myself. I gripped my cock and rubbed a bit to get my juices flowing, and the next thing I knew I was finally consciously masturbating. I believe I started masturbation at such an old age as 15 because I guess it had to happen spontaneously while I thought about pretty women first, so I could associate masturbation with my attraction to the ladies rather than associate masturbation with the boys my age who I had originally heard talk about it.
At that age I was still on the fence about God and sins, because I had been to a Catholic elementary school. I decided if I already jerked myself off once, it wouldn't hurt to keep doing it as much as I wanted. I soon stopped thinking about religion and sins and everything altogether, so I guess masturbation helped me get over that stuff.
Sometimes I felt I had to masturbate the night before I played hockey so that my head would be clear and I could concentrate better. I believed I developed a very patient and disciplined and focused approach to sports by using orgasms to clear my head before playing. Other times, though, I would skip it for a day or two so that I would have extra energy and aggression and play meaner. Sports are all about fun to me, so it was fun to calm down by giving myself an orgasm beforehand and then playing loose and relaxed, and other times it was also fun to abstain from masturbation and then play like a savage. Either way my game schedule put me on a regular schedule of jerking off sometimes and not jerking off other times. The most interesting thing about masturbation to me was how it affected my moods and how I played.
Since I started masturbating in bed, lying on my back, most of my fantasies had the woman on top. So to this day, in my sex life I have only ever gotten off with the woman on top. I also never liked masturbating in the shower- only tried it once or twice and it was too distracting to concentrate on standing up and getting off at the same time so it never really worked in the shower. Apparently it's common to do it in the shower, but I never wanted to.