A friend of my had an extremely aggressive form of prostate cancer when he was in his late thirties/late forties that required its removal. He had numerous complications that led to atrophy of the penis. Although devastated, at first, he is actually glad that it happened to him. Here are some of our communications about it.
Friend: One of the reasons I am more comfortable with small endowment now - it does not trigger a woman to be distracted by or focused completely on the cock that was large, ever hard, and insatiable as you know. Now I feel solid and comfortable in my genitals being a part of me to be loved with the rest of me, and not that I am simply an evil necessity as a life support system for a large cock.
Dianne: A life support system for a penis. I never thought of it that way but I see your point. I suppose the same thing could have been said of me; that I'm a life system for my vagina. It does seem to be the thing most men have been interested in most of my adult life. It gets tiresome feeling like a circus act all the time. I hope I'm liked for more than that but I'm sure without it, I wouldn't be as interesting to some.
Friend: I think we both know the pain of being that nonexistent necessary evil of a life support system for the priority genitals. While I know it has been some time, I am willing to bet that, as you discovered, I could be very neurotic in bed in the past - trying to detach myself from the large cock and even convince myself that I was only savoring your pussy thanks to the plus-sized cock that I could always rely on to do the job while discounting myself/my own self worth - detaching from a woman - any woman - by reminding myself constantly "I am only here because of my cock, there is nothing special about me at all" - it trained me to enjoy/take pride in my endowment not because of typical large cock male ego, but because I had to survive on the knowledge that I was able to pleasure a woman thanks to an ever ready, hard, virile cock. I taught myself to see myself only as that cock's owner, to be attentive to a woman's every nuance of response and enjoyment because that was all I was worth to women - as best I could, to ignore the pain of being otherwise undesirable, of even amidst the sex, training myself to only exist as my cock.
I am probably the only man on the face of the earth that can look down at such a small, unreliably virile penis, and feel a swell of pride, content, happiness, with what I have now, far more than any pride the large one ever gave me. A contentedness that even gives me more pleasure when masturbating - which is very rare for me any more - enjoying masturbation not as a necessity driven by an ever-hungry cock, a critical need to feed my old cock to keep it under control - now with masturbation, I take incredible pleasure/pride in my body's enjoyment - perhaps that is why I so rarely masturbate now, because I get so much more fulfillment and joy from it, while in the past, I would frequently simply look down at the thick hard flesh in my hand and sometimes even be in tears of desperation, dealing with it more from necessity than enjoyment - I cannot count how many times I would lie back, or stand even for quick stolen moments of masturbation in the bathroom or shower - even driving on the expressway - and feeling, thinking, God, please, let this ease the need for a while - please let this orgasm make the hungers go away for a while, furiously and vainly trying to make it stop being so hot, so hard, so often, endless stroking to try - and fail - to empty it and make the frightening hunger go away for even a few hours' peace from the urges, the hungers.
I have found myself increasingly grateful to have encountered you again - while I know you likely will say it's not necessary, it provides me the opportunity to make amends beautifully, naturally, comfortably. Once, I tried attending a few sex addicts anonymous meetings - I found myself having nothing but contempt for the process, because I would look around the room and feel a contempt for the others there, almost laughing, finding myself thinking really? is that all you've got? is that all your problem is, is that all you struggle with? The only part of the process I found appropriate, and had the true feeling/need for a given step, was atonement, making amends. I did try it a few times, only to find myself the target of intense ridicule, hatred, from those I tried to make amends with. The few I was able to reach out to/contact, were incredibly nasty in response - but I suppose that goes with the territory of sex. Of not knowing whether I was the one who victimized, or allowed myself to be victimized by being used for a big cock by others. I have found myself over the last few months - because of reconnecting with you - only finding myself motivated to make amends with you. You've told me not to worry about what I can't undo, and I understand it - but you are the only one that I feel I want to make amends with. I was such a helpless, sick slave to my cock back then, and the helpless aching need to "matter" or 'be worthy", and being taught by others that I was only worthy thanks to a capable cock.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting. I do not fear, nor want to avoid, sexual pleasure between you and I - I think we are likely two very rare people who can completely understand each other's inner workings and impaired bodies enough to be capable of healthy sex. Because of that understanding, we possess the ability to nurture each other in body and mind.