I'm in my 50's and married to a woman that's also not into enemas. Due to my health and past injury the only way I can achieve orgasm/ejaculation is by way of masturbation which in the past few months always starts with a self-administered large volume enema. Prior to taking an enema for the purpose of stimulating my masturbation experience I sometimes like to browse the internet looking at enema equipment, enema pics, reading stories etc. to further stimulate my imagination and masturbation fantasy. My problem with browsing for pics on the internet is always being redirected to video and being spammed with "meet a fuck buddy in your area tonight" and live web-cam popups. I was once called an asshole for not responding to a live web-cam popup. The live web-cam popups asking me to come visit in person and fuck are so disturbing given the fact I can't perform like a normal man, even if I wanted to throw my money away on it. Of course everything is FREE, soon as I register and submit my credit card information.
There are several aspects common in just about every porn video that disturbs me, and does nothing to turn me on. I don't like the exaggerated moaning and groaning sometimes to the point of screaming that is common with literally every porn video, even enema videos. Easily remedied by turning off the volume but that still doesn't help me to embrace all the fake jaw dropping facial expressions like "WOW its so big and scary" fake expressions of submission and pain, fake expressions of enjoyment or ecstasy like the actors are truly into the scene which are always directed at the camera, as a turn on for me. Very few videos I've seen that I can say the character is genially into and enjoying the scene. Even enema video and pics are elusive in this way.
Worst of all for me is the emphases on exposing the male ejaculation to the camera, and the idea that every woman craves being slimed in the face or on the tits, and the assumption that every man is turned on by it. How many people play out their sexuality similar to the common porn video? Many do I'm sure but certainly not everyone like the porn industry suggest. For some time I have known humiliation as it relates to masochism at the center driving my enema fetish and shaping my sexuality. An age old fantasy has me cuckolded and forced to lick out a dripping cream pie, my only reward or sexual relief is being allowed to masturbate after the job is finished to her satisfaction. This fantasy has recently resurfaced intensifying to the point of spending many hours on the internet collecting creampie pics, arranging slide shows and playing them on my big screen HDTV as part of my masturbation scenario.
The problem here is finding pics with true facial expression without the male and/or male organ in view. Faces are the most important aspect in my masturbation fantasy. When masturbating deep in the throws of lust it's the face I see in my imagination, there has to be an attractive female attached to my every fantasy. Finding nude images of women that don't seem unapproachable with a pleasant facial expression often proves to be difficult at best. I only crave the common girl next image with a genuine smile or at least a neutral expression. I figure this comes from growing up with penthouse magazine and my lack of sexual experience throughout my teenage years.
In school at age 14 I remember selecting a different female classmate each day for about a month and using the image of her face fresh in mind from that day exclusively in my masturbation fantasy following bedtime that night. I pretty much grew up on penthouse magazine having learned everything I know about sex from reading penthouse letters, which in turn played a major role in shaping my sexuality, sexual desire and fantasy. I anxiously awaited each new issue in anticipation of masturbating while reading penthouse letters and turning to a pre-selected pictorial for the climax or happy ending some call it. Back in the day images of male erection and penetration where not allowed, let alone images of male ejaculation. Pictorials where mostly all girl with very few picturing male/female sexual interaction.
To be continued later....