Submissive vs. Slave

You see this all the time in the personal adds “Slave looking for Master to serve” and the very next sentence you see “ I’m new to this “ or “ I’ve never done this before”. How can you claim to be a slave if you don’t have an understanding of exactly what it is to be a slave vs. a submissive? For those of you who are new to the BDSM lifestyle hopefully this will give you a starting point. For those with experience in the lifestyle, your comments are welcome.

A submissive is one who freely and willingly consents to serve a particular Dom/Master or Mistress. A submissive has many rights, the most important being the right to say No I will not do that. They have the right to negotiate

the intensity and duration or even stop a scene during a roll play session, they have the right to ask why, they have the right to ask if they may complete a given task or assignment in a manor other than given by their Owner if they feel they are either physically or other wise incapable of completing the task as directed. A submissive must ALLWAYS be respectful when exorcizing these rights.

That being said, A true submissive serves from the heart, eager to please his/her Owner. he/she studies and learns their Owners needs and desires’, sometimes taking care of them before his/her Owner even realizes that is what they wanted. A true submissive doesn’t need the hear words of praise, knowing their Owner is comfortable and content is praise enough. A true submissive awakes with the thought of how can I be of service today and goes to bed with the satisfaction of knowing he/she has served well.

Now you may be saying to yourself, But I have to be aggressive and take charge in my professional life. So what, this makes you no less a submissive because as you go through the day you make sure that your actions and decisions are carried out in a manor that your Dom/Master or Mistress would approve of.

As for slavery, this is my opinion.

Slavery in the above board BDSM lifestyle is also 100% consensual. A slave also has rights, but only two. They have the right to choose to serve or choose not to serve a particular Dom/Master or Mistress. By choosing to be a slave, they knowingly and willingly give up ALL other rights and the only way out is to beg their Owner to release them. They can not say no, or refuse to carry out ANY task, assignment or order given by their Owner, regardless of how distasteful, unpleasant or painful it may be. A slaves only limits are those set forth by his/her Owner. That being said, I can not stress enough how important it is that a Master or Mistress be in tune with their slave. While in service a slaves’ sole purpose it to serve and please his/her owner.

I am aware that in the under world, more often than not, slavery is forced. Be it by threat of severe bodily harm or even death. I am 100% against this type of slavery as it is not only illegal, but in my opinion just plain wrong.

Submission as is slavery is a gift, one to be cherished and nurtured. With this gift comes a trust. The sub/slave trusts the his/her Owner will take care of them and keep them safe. he/she trusts that their Owner will always be mindful of their physical and emotional well being, insuring they remain in a healthy state.

You may find the following links helpful in the learning process, I check them from time to time to see what’s new as well as for general reference.

http://www.dslivingnlearning.com/home.html

http://www.submissiveguide.com/

I might also suggest that you visit the posting for S/M vs. Abuse, also located in the BDSM lounge.

Peace be with you all……sleep with the angels

Education is the best thing to have. A place to learn just makes it that much easier. Thanks Stretch for the information and I will definitely utilize this for I myself am new to the whole sub/dom(e) life style.

I'm glad that you found this to be helpful, the only way to learn is to do your research and study. If I can be of any further assistance feel free to msg me. The only stupid question is the one you have and don't ask.

A slave can retain other rights unless such slave agrees to a Total Power Exchange.

If that is what they agree to, how ever in my opinion to be a slave means that a total power exchange is eminant. In my opinion a slave with rights is more a submissive than a slave.

That was an interesting read, but a lot of times there can still be confusion about what is meant with the various terms. I think it's most important to talk to your partner in detail and decide what it is that they are actually interested in. As long as two people can agree on what they want, the terms they use aren't so important.

My introduction to "play" did not turn out well primarily because of miscommunication and lack of defining the terms. Partly my fault because I just marched right in and really did not understand the complexity of the situation. If I had been more open and upfront by letting every one know I was a real newbie the experience might not have been so intense. I am not complaining. I really enjoyed it while it lasted and I am a lot wiser now.

The whole slave / submissive thing is much clearer after reading this post. I had a good understanding on what my role was and is and now there is a clearer road map of how things are to be, I understand each dom / master has a different opinion of how their particular relationship / situation is suppoed to be. but things are much clearer for me after reading this post. Thank you

Steve39...I'm glad you were able to gain a better understanding of the differance in the two positions. You are very correct in the fact that each Dom/Master/Mistress has their own opinion as to the level of intensity reguarding each position. That is why communication is so important.

danfox.....I'm sorry to hear that your first time at play didn't go well. It is important to have a solid understanding of what it is you seek. Don't ever be afraid or embarrassed when approching a new Dom/Master/Mistress to be honest about your level of experience or inexperience, or even if there is something specific that you want to learn. A good Dom/Master/Mistress will take that knowledge into consideration and use it to gear your education/training accordingly.

douglass....In one respect I agree with you. If you and your partener are simply doing a bit of roll play, terminology is unimportant. However if one is involved in or entering into a serious lifestyle relationship, then terminology and protocal are very important as they are part of the foundation of the relationship.

If anyone has any questions feel free to post them or you may Msg me privitly if you wish. If I don't know the answer I'll do my best to help you find it.

Peace be with you all .....Sleep with the angels 😃

A sub typically has more rights. I think of a slave as being collared and a sub not. I think a sub has more freedom than a slave, but the can vary from one relationship to another. Whether someone is a slave or a sub is usually up to both involved.

Most people don't know the difference even after years of practice and use the terms exchangably.

I would be very cautious when and if ever answering any strange ads online for any BDSM activity. I would go to local BDSM munches, events and various dungeons in your local community to get to know all the Kinksters. I would advise never being in any kind of rush, hurry, or feel pressured to play or jump into any Dom/sub relationship until you really know that person very well. There are many predators, abusers, bullies, and rapists who prey on newbies under the pretense of being a "Dom", especially if they are trying to control you after only knowing you briefly !!!

Figure out your hard limits as either a slave or a submissive, and stick to them. I ignore any Dom, Mistress, or Master who uses "submissive" and "slave" interchangeably. I am a submissive, and a Switch at times. I never fully enjoyed being a Domme. Each relationship is quite different and unique.

I personally use proper terminology during role play, or play. Everyone has their own fantasies, fetishes, and dark desires they wish to explore. The key is finding the right mate or play partner. Wearing a collar isn't a game. It's a very serious decision. Would you go up to an acquaintance your barely knew and say, "Hey, now we're married, so use me ". ?? Of course not, so be careful. If any Dom or Mistress demands "No Limits", please run away fast!!

Being a submissive or a slave does not make the Dominant better than you as a human being. As a submissive, you do have the right to be treated well, praised. loved, cherished, and adored. A submissive isn't a doormat or a Zombie. Fetlife is a good site to explore various BDSM events, fetish balls, and join groups where you can engage in meaningful discussions and make friends. Avoid Alt.com, collarme, and Craigslist, unless you just want a hookup.

I know of happily married Master/slave couples who raise children and run a household, making decisions together. To each his own.

I will not speak about slaves, because my Russian parents were real "Untermensch" under the Nazi occupation, meaning "subhuman". Horrific times.

Safe, sane, consensual. If there isn't mutual respect, trust, love, and good communication, it's a recipe for disaster.

My definition of submissive may be different than yours, and the Dominant may have ideas and expectations far removed from what the submissive expects. The expectations need to be discussed far beyond the bedroom. What physical limits? And what emotional limits? What does each want emotionally? What time committment? Submissive in the bedroom only and 'equals' outside? Slave 24/7? And if it's either a long distance relationship or one that is not the only or primary relationship for either, the communication needs to be fairly extensive. Otherwise the relationship (and it IS a relationship) will not be satisfying for either. Starting with 'submissive' and 'slave' is only a vague beginning. Shaping that relationship for each requires give and take in an ongoing manner, despite the power exchange. I'd advocate less definition and labels, which often create more problems than not. Knowing what you want out of the relationship is paramount. Can the other person fulfill that need? The discussion needs to go way beyond a negotiation list, IMHO.

Excellent viewpoint and crucial observations,

@enemasubgirl !!! I see so many newbies just jump into the first relationship that comes along, even within just days of meeting someone, and I suspect some of them might be quite intimidated. Great discussion!!

I couldn't agree more with the both of you. SweetGirl, let me start by saying that I an truley sorry that your parents had to endure the atrocities they did. You are correct in saying that submission and slavery are not interchangable, you are either a submissive or a slave. I beleave there are varying levels or degrees in each instance but none the less each brings with it its own lifestyle. enemasubgirl, [The discussion needs to go way beyond a negotiation list] it is so important to establish the needsand desires that each has as well as the individual goals to be achieved.

Trying to define the difference between slave & sub is always so confusing to me. I've come to the decision that the term is negotiated between parties more than anything else. Now, granted I'm inexperienced, but have been training w/ a gifted & experienced Master w/ great references going back over 20 yrs. So.... at this stage He calls me a submissive w/strong slave tendencies, yet often describes me to others as a slave w/ limits. So, for me at least, the definition is as yet unclear.

If you are willing to be a slave, can you truly be a slave? One has to be kept almost beyond their control in order to be a true slave. Really they are asking to be a submissive in that case.

Thank you for explaining the difference so nicely. I would like to believe that a Master / Mistress always knows best and therefore knows whats best for His / Her slave.

First off, joisaslutslave....You are more welcome, I am glad that this was able to give you a better understanding of the differances between a submissive and a slave. Please bare in mind that this is my opinion and others may not agree with it.

miss Tanya,

Hello it's nice to meet you. In one respect you make a valid point "One has to be kept almost beyond their control in order to be a true slave". I beleave the key word here is "almost" and that is a very fine line, I personally do beleave that one can willingly devote them self to life as a slave, giving up control over what happens in their daily life. Once they make that commitment, then their Master or Mistress can begin molding and training them to suit their desires.

In order to force someone to be a slave, you must break thier will and spirit in essence creating a mindless idiot in my opinion. I personally would not want a robot for a slave.

Anya, I see how you would be confused being referred to as a slave in one sentance and a submissive in another.Hell, that confuses me...(smiles)..I think the question here is which do you feel you are. I would suggest that you go to your Master, explain your confussion, tell him what you feel you are and ask that he choose one reference to use.

What ever you do.....be respectful and polite.

I hope his helped

One can be a sub and turn it on and off as the situation calls for, but being a slave is a 24/7 lifestyle.

I must admit that I came to this group with the intent to prove you wrong in your definitions between a slave and submissive. After meditating on it, I repeatedly failed in doing so. I HATE being called a slave yet, due to my proposition, my classification always boils down to slave.

I suppose I do want to add that the misconception about slaves is that we are mere ragdolls for the Wicked. Although my body and mind belongs to Him, my mere consent and cooperation is what guides Him and I through our Lifestyles. My Master would not be pleased to always fight for such 'gifts' nor would I. I find great joy and pride in being creative and attentive and most importantly so does He. I GIVE JUST AS MUCH OF MYSELF TO HIM AS HE DOES TO ME!!! It can compare to living in a dream world with nightmares hiding about (explanation upon request).

Can there be a gray area in this matter? If I love to live wild and sporadically must I be restricted to constant dictatorship solely because I am His slave? He loves me with all that is Him and wants me to be happy so does that make me a submissive because he would tweak his ethics for me?

I realize this is an older thread, and was surprised it isn't a longer thread.

Stretch made some excellent observations, but I don't agree with his comment concerning communicating his pleasure to his submissive/slave. As with any relationship, communication is the key to it's success. The slave/submissive needs confirmation their actions have been, at the least, acceptable. If that is not communicated it is far to easy for the submissive to believe his/her actions have been less than Master/Mistress desires.

Offered respectfully.

I consider myself submissive to my dominant wife, but I could be her slave. It's easy for me to say that I will do whatever she tells me to do...100% of the time. I can do that because I trust her to never do anything to harm me.

I appreciate that the OP qualified (further into the conversation): "Please bare in mind that this is my opinion and others may not agree with it."

As far as i know, human volition can be manipulated and coerced, but i don't think it can be removed? I.e., whether a "slave" or a "sub," one always has a choice. Except with physical force, but i think that is a departure from this conversation?

It seems to me, that whether "slave" or "sub," the decision to act from either position is a moment by moment thing, not a one time decision?

i have seen two groupings in the Dom/sub world: those who presume what should be and those who work for what they want. i think the first is often an illusion that ends in frustration and failure.

i think all relationship is work, requiring ongoing attention from both parties. i think there is a disconnect (i.e. a failure to relate) when either party relies on a rule, that exists outside the person, to dictate action rather than ongoing choice.

I don't consider myself a Master as such but do have Dominant tendencies. I have learned enough on this site from people that are real Doms and Dominatrices to know that becoming a slave is not easy and requires a mindset that most will not be willing to assume. My advice is to do a weekend or even a night first and lay out everything that will be done and agree to it. Be sure to include a safeword to stop it then see if you like it. A full time commitment for that lifestyle can be rewarding or total hell. Go slow, explore it well before deciding anything. Be careful, stay safe.

Am i a submissive yes. at times. but i do have a life. in private im totally submissive but in public never. as far as being a slave, definitely not for me. many people enjoy the lifestyle and thats ok for them but not my thing

I enjoy being a submissive but never a slave. I am a lady out of the bedroom and intend to stay that way. But in the bedroom, I want to give of myself to a certain level. Not abusive never, just giving

I think you described this very well. It certainly relates to the way I feel about it. And I'm a submissive (with experience). But still, many Dominant men don't get the difference between a submissive and a slave. They think it's the same and they can just abuse and play around as they please. That is not always easy to deal with. Especially when you are clear about your own preferences. Submission can go deep for me. Once set, I agree to obey to the rules the Dominant partner and I agreed on. And can be hold accountable. The difference between a slave and a submissive however, is that for the slave rules are set without discussing it with him/her. That is different for a submissive. A submissive and the Dominant partner take time to discuss this, before the D/s really starts. After that, I, as a submissive, agree to give up control when it comes to obeying these rules. But always have the right to ask the Dominant partner to adjust them if it doesn't work very well or doesn't work out well at all.