Last week I had enough of the pain and called my doctor’s office. They put me through to a nurse who tried to tell me to take some OTC meds to alleviate the pain. I told her I had been doing that and thought I was to the point I needed to be seen. She told me that I could schedule something later in the week as they were booked solid. When that wasn’t good enough for me she suggested I go to a walk in clinic that just recently opened up near the doctor’s office.
So off I went, expecting to be there for hours upon hours. I signed in with the receptionist and don’t ever recall speaking with her as to what the nature of my visit was. I sat in the waiting room watching old, crusty, disheveled men calling patients into an exam room. I saw one female nurse who was going form doing this to doing that and back to doing something else. She seemed busy as hell.
Anyway, I got interested in reading news stories on my phone when I hear my name being called. I look up and see this short, pretty, professional looking female wearing a white coat and sporting a stethoscope around her neck. She offered up a handshake saying her name was Doctor Balyenski (I know I probably butchered her name, but that’s what it sounded like to me.) She walked me down the hall and around a corner. She instructed me to walk in and have a seat next to the desk.
She asked what I was in to see her for this day and I told her my groin pain was increasing and OTC meds were not helping that much anymore. I told her my primary doctor’s office was booked and they suggested I come here for an examination. We went over some details and recent medical history and tests. She then asked me to stand at the foot of the table and she would do an examination. She told me to stop about a foot shy of the table and turn and face her. She swung her rolling chair around and told me she would sit in it and examine me. She asked me to drop my pants while she donned a pair of gloves.
She reaches into a box marked ‘small’ and pulled out one blue glove. She tried to dig in there again for another but the box was empty. She turns back to me and tells me to lift my shirt up and she will return with a new box of gloves. She opens the door and walks out into the hallway. The door slowly swings open. I drop my shirt a bit. She comes back in and sees my shirt still down. She again tells me it will be easier for her if I lift my shirt. I do. She cleans her hands then dons blue gloves.
She sits down and asks again, left or right side hurts more. I tell her the right side. She tells me she will start on the left side first. She picks up my testicle and moves it around while trying her best to feel the area behind my testicle. It was a weird feeling, mentally that she made such an effort to feel the back side of my testicle without touching my thigh or leg area. She then found an area she could grab a hold of and keep my testicle steady. She then repeated this process on the right side. However, she ran into some issues and had to release my left testicle. She then worked her way back and had both testicles in each hand. She lifted them as if balancing them to see if they were the same weight. She rolled her finger and thumb around. I grimaced in pain. She stopped and asked if I was alright. I told her I was just fine. I knew she would have to hurt me a little to find out what was wrong with me.
She then dropped her hold on my testicles and poked my inguinal area asking me to turn my head and cough. Again. Repeat on the left side.
She then pushed her chair back and stayed bent over in her chair but looking up at me telling me she did not feel a hernia but (she reaches back out to my testicles) says she thinks my right testicle is higher than the left side and my hernia repair from years ago could have caused this and there is no fix for it. She said she does feel a slight bulge in the area when I grimaced in pain. She said she would send me down the hall to get an ultrasound done just to be sure.
She replaced her right hand glove and told me to turn around, she would perform a digital rectal exam while I was there. I took one glance at the table and how low it was to the ground and knew I would give it a try and see if she said anything. I placed one knee up on the table then the other. I saw her move and attempt to position me, I put up the other knee and began to lean forward until I was there on all fours. She said “okay” under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. She said she had to lube her finger and for me to stay like I was for a second. She opened the tube I saw on the tray. It looked like a brand new tube to me. As she opened it she dropped the top. She then told me she had to get that top to open the new tube and for me to hold on a bit longer. I bent my head around and looked in her direction. She was down near the ground searching for the top. She finally found it and stood back up. She asked if I had a recent PSA test result in my records. I told her I did and I believe the doctor told me it was well within the range and not concerned with it.
She pierces the tube and attempts to squirt some lube on her finger. I am still watching her. The tube lets out an audible fart noise. She makes a face, as if she was embarrassed she had made the noise herself. She squeezed again and yet again the tube let one rip. She then squeezes quickly and too much as lube falls out of the tube at a high rate and high volume. She spilled a large glob of it on the tray. It too made a splat sound as it hit the tray. She then turns her attention to me, on all fours and uses her left hand to spread my cheeks a bit more than they already are spread. She scans her finger up then down the crack of my ass and finds my rectum. Before she can say anything I help her out a bit by lowering my upper body closer to the table.
She inserts her finger and goes directly to my prostate area. She gives it one quick swipe and then turns her finger around to the left and then points her pad of the finger up, then left again. She seemed to be missing my prostate on purpose, because she found something else? I’m only guessing at this point. She withdrawals her finger, yet leaves it touching my bud. She stands up and swings around. She then presses back into my rectum. She pokes more than swipes at my prostate area. She finally reaches the right side of my prostate and leaves her finger there for two seconds. She then withdraws her finger and instructs me to stand up and face her. She is eye level and in close to my mid section that I felt like I might have almost hit her in the nose if she got any closer. Its not like I could step back any, the table was right there. She picks up my penis with her gloved left hand and zeroes in on the tip of my penis. She squeezes the tip a bit. I see the look on her face. She slides her thumb and finger down the shaft of my penis and squeezes at the base one more time. Again with the up close and personal inspection of the tip of my penis. (I actually thought at this very second that she may want to wear safety glasses if she keeps this up much more)
She then strokes (lack of another word) up the shat and yet again inspects the tip of my penis. I felt like asking her if she was expecting gold or maybe music to result in her efforts. She slides back and begins telling me what her findings were, while mostly looking directly at my penis and testicles. She used hand gestures as well to go along with her speech. She then looks up at me and quizzically looks at me and wonders why I am not dressed yet. I asked her for a tissue. She reaches to her side and hands me the box. She stands up and returns to her computer and begins typing some more while talking to me.