Another cute article I found on no sleep, lol. Again, I have added some of my own thoughts here and there along the way, please feel free to join in on the fun and share some of your ideas if you should feel so inclined to do so.
May is Masturbation Month and in honor of it I'm going to let you all in on a little secret that I 100 percent believe to be the ultimate truth. Ready? Masturbation is the key to saving the world's problems. Oh! Yes! It is.
Masturbation relieves stress, gets out our pent-up frustrations, cures headaches and menstrual cramps, makes people happy, and can bring on labor for those who need to get the baby out. If we all had more self-love, we'd be doing more deep breaths in and slow breaths out and positively altering the air we give our plants.
So in the spirit of saving the world's problems (and probably many of your own), one self-given orgasm at time, I will share with you 69 different ways to pleasure yourself. Happy masturbating!
1) Alone (sucks, but will do in a pinch, no pun intended, if we are not together or can't do so even separated and with the cams)
2) With a friend of the same sex (Okay, I will admit, I may have done this a time or two when I was in college, no regrets)
3) With a friend of the opposite sex (no, actually never, for me it's always been too embarrassing to do with just a friend)
4) In front of a mirror (yes, a few times, and orgasm face is not a pretty sight to see my friends, trust me, lol)
5) While sitting over the engine in the back of the bus (Last time I was on a bus I was a senior in high school and didn't know what an orgasm was at that point in my life.)
6) During the spin cycle of your washing machine (again, sadly no, if I had known what I was doing, it might have been a possibility back in the day, but when I finally learned what an orgasm was and how to make it happen, the new washer are made so much better, or maybe just a lot quieter, making this almost impossible I would think?)
7) With your hands (yes, absolutely, this was how I started out doing it. I still do it occasionally, but really prefer my magic wand instead.)
😎 With a vibrator (Magic Wand to the rescue, nothing beats it, again, no pun intended.)
9) With the back of a spoon (no, I guess I am not that creative, maybe I'm too tired, but I can't even fathom how one would go about using such an instrument to obtain an orgasm in the first place. So if anyone can enlighten me, please be my guest.)
10) With only pressure on your clitoris (oops, I was under the assumption that the first 9 were from clitoral stimulation. That's usually the only way I have an orgasm. Once in a great while I can have one inside or in the "other" place.)
11) Anally (yep, can do this especially if I have a vibe on my clitoris, then I get a two-fer, sweet!)
12) Vaginally (Never by myself)
13) A combo of 10, 11, and 12 (Hehehe, heck yes, the orgasmic trilogy, simply fantastic! However that takes a lot of skill. I would think it would be much easier with a third hand, lol)
14) The minute you wake up in a groggy way (Negative Ghost Rider, I'm a total bitch first thing in the morning. The only thing I want is a cigarette and a coke or a sweet tea, lol)
15) Right before you go to sleep in a lullaby way (yes, these are usually my favorite times, especially when I get the chance to do it in front of him on the cams. Something about it is so endearing and precious. It relaxes me and I usually fall asleep faster and sleep much better.)
16) When you wake up in the middle of the night in a comforting way (Umm, never wake up in the middle of the night, better living through chemistry. God love Remeron and Ambien!)
17) In the shower in a wet and clean way (once in a great while, legs get shaky, usually am in a rush showering before going to work, so maybe only a few times.)
1😎 Using the pulsating water from shower head (I don't have this function. Did so once in Steve's hot tub, that was very interesting.)
19) Using the rush of the water from the bath faucet (I don't think I am limber enough to get that close, but honestly haven't ever tired.)
20) With your mind (well, I have had a few orgasms, and just recently in the past 2 months oddly enough, have had them in my dreams, but I wake up and I am in the middle of really climaxing. So 41 years old and never new women could have wet dreams, who knew?)
21) Wearing a blindfold (Nope, never alone. Doc's put a blindfold on me a few times, once, maybe twice. I love that, he needs to do that more often.)
22) Under the covers (yes, but don't really care to do so, I find it a bit cumbersome. I like my freedom and room. Also, being totally exposed like that sort of puts me in the mind set of how it would be if I ever got the chance to play with a group of people watching me, and that really excites me.)
23) Totally naked (that the way I like it best, again, makes me completely exposed)
24) In lingerie (never in a million years! I really detest it. I don't even own a purse, or make-up, so lingerie, not a chance in hell.)
25) While at work in an 'eff' the system kind of way (Nope never, I can't even hardly find time to pee much less do anything like that, lol.)
26) Wearing tight jeans and wiggling around in them (Umm, that helps get me warmed up and going, but I can't finish in them, too constricting for my pleasure.)
27) In a fitting room in an "oh I look good in this outfit" kind of way (Again, can't say I have.)
2😎 In a public bathroom in a desperate way (Again, never, way too dirty for me, no matter how clean it may look.)
29) In the back of a cab in a sexy way (I have never been in a cab, remember I am an Amish Nun, we use horse and buggies.)
30) After you've had some wine (Haven't had a drink in over 15 years, and 15 years ago I didn't know how to masturbate so no.)
31) After you've had some whiskey (See above)
32) After you've had some beer (See above)
33) Straddling an armchair (Oddly enough yes, with my vibe positioned correctly, absolutely yes, multiple time, and sometimes multiple times in a row too, lol)
34) With your right hand (Never with my right, too uncordinated, I am a 100 percent right brained south paw.)
35) With your left hand (If I am using my hand, or holding something in my hand it's always done with the left.)
36) With both hands (No, and sitting here thinking about that, I am not sure I am that coordinated to pull something like that off without looking like a complete and total goof ball, lol.)
37) With one finger (yes a few times, but find using one finger makes me sore sometimes)
3😎 With your knuckle (ouch, nope, never even thought about that.)
39) With the palm of your hand (tried it a few times and didn't like it at all, did nothing for me, too broad of a surface I think.)
40) With your wrist (nope, can say I have never thought about doing it that way either.)
41) Using lube (once in a great while. If we are doing the cam thing, just seeing him makes me produce all the natural lube plus some that I need to make things run quite smoothly.)
42) Using your saliva as lube ( once or twice, not my first choice.)
43) Outside (No, but it is a HUGE fantasy of mine!)
44) Standing up (yes, but the older I get, or fatter perhaps, the weaker my legs are when I'm done, then I am usually sore for a few days in my upper legs.)
45) Lying down, facing up (yep)
46) Lying down, facing down (absolutely)
47) Sitting (well sort of, sitting in my computer chair in front of the cams, but my computer chair reclines back, so I am not entirely sure you would or could consider that sitting up?)
4😎 Doggie style with your arm reaching behind you (yes, but towards the end, I find it hard to maintain that position for very long.)
49) With the lights on (yes)
50) With the lights off (yes)
51) While watching porn (no, but reading porn if that counts?)
52) While staring at a photo of your dream guy or girl (absolutely, if we are not doing it over the cams, then I pull up a picture of him either on the computer if I am down at it, or on my cell phone if I am upstairs.)
53) By nipple stimulation only (nope, but clitoral stimulation combined with nipple stimulation usually makes me climax harder and faster.)
54) Loudly (yes, which I absolutely LOVE. I cum much harder when I am able to let it all out. However often I have family sleeping or watching TV directly above where my computer sits, so I have to keep it quiet.)
55) Quietly (unfortunately yes, which as I said, I hate.)
56) While breathing heavy (yes, sometimes I do this towards the end, or when I am having trouble getting over that last point to allow myself to climax. Breathing heavy helps that along a lot.)
57) Using circular motions (that's how I usually do it, no matter what I am using to do it with.)
5😎 By tapping your clitoris (tried it a few times, does nothing for me at all.)
59) By putting different but continuous pressure on your clitoris (nope, I'm a pretty much "wax on, wax off", or "paint the fence" type of girl, and I like the same motions and same pressure all the time.)
60) Against a pillow (tried that a few times, but again, when you are used to having 7 inches of hard thick man meat to play with, a soft pillow just does absolutely nothing for me at all.)
61) While getting a back massage (no, never thought about that before)
62) During a pedicure (Oh MYLANTA NEVER. I hate my feet and don't like them even to be seen, much less touched. That would throw me into a full blown panic attack. I would have to pop a few Ativan to be able to even breathe in a somewhat lessened hyperventalative state. So never in a million years!)
63) Using the stop and go method -- taking yourself to the brink of orgasm, stopping, then starting again ( I have tried that a few times, alone I usually don't have that much time to get the task completed without being bothered/intrupted, so usually when I get started I don't stop. However when Doc and I are together, I love it when he brings me to the brink and back a few times before finally letting me cum.)
64) Having a quickie with yourself by keeping the intensity high from the start (yep, see above response.)
65) While riding a bike (well, now that you mentioned it, looking back on it now, I think I probably have a few times when I was between the ages of 13 and 18 when I used to bike race competitively. I know sometimes down there things felt really good, but I am not entirely sure I ever really had a full blown orgasm, but close. Remember I didn't know what they were back then, lol. So who knows?)
66) During kegels ( nope never. Actually I hate doing kegel exercises. They feel really weird to me and I can't stand that feeling. Okay TMI here on this next part, but remember, I haven't slept for more than a few hours a night at best for almost a week, so just chalk up this next sentence as sleep deprivation diarrhea of the mouth, lol. I had two babies, both by c-section because that area down there is a bit smaller than most as it is, and he's packing a hefty 7 inches. Needless to say, it's a mighty tight fit as it is already, any tighter and he woudln't be able to get in without killing me, so, I really don't have any need do do them.)
67) While kissing someone (well sort of. Once in a while he will pull me in close, wrap one arm around my back, have his other hand down there masturbating me, kissing me deeply, while we are standing. That's a hard thing to do and takes a lot out of us, but my oh my is it ever fun. By the end my legs are too weak to even support my weight and he is basically holding me up, lol. He's such a stud.)
6😎 With two fingers making a "V" around your clitoris (nope, can't say this has ever crossed my mind either)
69) By pressing your thighs together in a rhythmic motion (nope, have not done this either.)
Get creative, people! There are a lot of ways to pleasure yourself, and May has just begun.
How many of these have you done? Can you add any more?
Mashie