The first time a OB/GYN (a woman who had the longest talons -sorry, there’s no other way to describe her nails- known to the human race) did a rectovaginal exam on me, it was really unpleasant. I’m very anal erotic but the combination of terrible bedside manners, no warning, and those fingernails was just nasty. I switched doctors right away, primarily because I felt so violated even though she knew that it was my very first exam and she handled it so poorly. That was shy of 20 years ago and I have since found extremely professional and decent physicians (all male; that first experience was enough. I’m not saying that women can’t be excellent doctors but I have felt much more comfortable with men, and there is nothing erotic about it) who have done countless exams involving their fingers in my rectum and they have never been anything that turned me on, but nothing to be dreaded, either. Because of my health issues, I have to get very frequent colonoscopies and BEs and those are always preceded by a rectal exam. I get my colonoscopies without any sedation and have been doing so for over a decade and BEs are done only with a couple of shots of a medication that will help your bowels to relax so I have been awake for way many fingers up my butt that I can count. On top of my annual OB/GYN check ups, I’ve had also a variety of procedures, and those, too, frequently enough, involved having my doctor’s finger inside my rectum. Very much like my GI doctor, he’s very professional about it and will always let me know what he is about to do and why, uses generous amounts of lube, and doesn’t “linger” inside me unless absolutely necessary. The part I dislike the most is the nurse -I understand that it’s a matter of liability, it’s a comfort for many patients and it is just how it’s done, especially when you have a male physician and a female patient- who is the invariable presence during all of the exams. Some are very nice and some are downright annoying or, worse still, make me feel like they are staring at my most private body cavities while the doctor does what he has to do (the staring thing may just be a perception of mine but it’s still not fun), but I truly wish they didn’t have to be there. Since it’s not optional, and neither are my visits and exams, I try and ignore their presence and be polite and respectful but avoid catching their eye, for example, or making small talk with them (again, I understand that they are doing their job and that even the small talk is something that other patients probably consider to be a good distraction but, well, I don’t).
One thing is for certain: I’m always happy when the exams are over and the only fingers I want inside me are my partner’s.