So many obstacles in the way.

My boyfriend and I have a very fun sex life, but there's something missing.

I am submissive and he was vanilla before we met. I introduced him to the joys of spanking a willing bottom and he absolutely loves it. If only that was the end of the story. But I am also rather preoccupied with anal sex, enemas, suppositories, etc...

My boyfriend has never had anal sex in his entire life, and had never gone anywhere near that part of a woman before he met me. Every girlfriend in the past told him that area was off-limits, so he assumed anal sex was something everyone talked about but nobody actually did. To make matters worse, he has IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), so he's had lots of bad experiences with his own nether regions, and no good ones.

It took about 3 months of having regular sex (and me often gently reminding him that I would love for him to touch me there) before he had the guts to insert some very small anal beads and then have traditional vaginal sex with me. I asked him afterwards how he felt about it and he said, "I don't know... it felt very.. clinical". Oh no! Beads + sex = clinical??? He did say that he might eventually get comfortable with it, but it's been probably a month since that happened and there's been no observable progress in that direction.

So here's where I stand right now. I really, really like this guy. He is amazing... intellectual, funny, warm, generous, dominant in the bedroom, but always respectful. I'm willing to give it all up for him if that's what I have to do. I have toys. I have an enema bag and I know how to use it. Thanks to the internets, I can read stories and watch movies about other people doing the things I want to do. I can do these things to myself. It's not the end of the world.

I'm not going to nag him. I'm not going to risk making him feel like this has to happen or he'll lose me. I'm not going to keep trying to get him to do something that creeps him out because of his own bad experiences. I just wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation and if there was some way to change it that I haven't thought of yet.

And thank you in advance for not offering your services as his replacement. We are monogamous and committed to each other.

m.

Well, you might mention that enemas and IBS go together. Just take your time, I'm sure he'll come around. Good luck.

I guess I should clarify that he's experienced enemas, colonoscopy, sigmoidoscopy, horrible bowel preps, etc. None of it was fun or erotic for him. He kind of scratches his head at why I would want this.

Hmmm if he has had bad experiences with it all then it may be hard to get him in to enemas. Maybe you can just try to have him give you one and if he's not comfortable, then that's it. It's a decision where you can give up your kinks for him or not. If he's worth it, than the bag gets put away. You can even just do solo play on what he doesn't like too. Keep trying on the anal sex, he's just not used to that but he may come to enjoy it. The best you can do is communicate with him. Good luck!

I agree that it is best to talk to him. Surely he sees what a turn on it is for you understandable that he may not find pleasure in it himself.

I think its best to talk through how you feel and involve him in it slowly even if he were to watch while you played.

Good luck

If enemas are really a part of your joy & a part of your sexual being, you may come to a point where you just have to have the experience with a lover... Having someone that won't recipricate may become a big drag to you in life later on in the future. As many others here have professed. If this is truly a fetish for you, I suggest you be honest with your lovers early on in a relationship. That way if it doesn't work out, nobody is really hurt too bad. For some people a fetish is like being gay. You are or you are not. If you are straight, would you date a gay person and convince them they should be straight? I wish you the best, whatever decission you make 😉

Sphinxtergirl,

take your time, make him appreciate all these things bit by bit.

It is very difficult to speak about that kind of anal pleasure with people that never tried it. I am still looking for the best way tackling the subject..

does anyone have ideas?

Wow, took a couple weeks off... thanks for the responses! I thought I'd give you an update 😃

I did tell him about my fetishes pretty early on... I'm not very good at keeping secrets of any kind. And I think he cares enough about me that he would indulge me if I told him I needed that from him. He might even find it all vaguely interesting in some ways. I guess I'm hoping someday he'll actually want it and initiate it. I realize I might be asking for way too much!

In other news, while I was away, we tried anal sex. It was pretty much unsuccessful, in that he swears it was too tight and there's no way he will ever fit. And actually, since he's about the same size as the largest thing that's ever been in there, I'm not sure his fears are completely invalid. (The other larger sized person I did that with was experienced with anal sex.) However, I saw it as a big step in the right direction that he decided to try it without any badgering.

I think we're going to be fine. Sacha is right. Bit by bit. Our sex life is amazing, even when the filmed version would probably only qualify as vanilla hardcore 😃 In some ways, vanilla is very appealing. Makes the "sprinkles" all that much more special!

Sphinxtergirl -

GREAT attitude!!! Just remember patience is a virtue AND the "sprinkles" will help!!!