The possibility of being stopped and unexpectedly searched is probably a fear / fantasy for many of us. The reality is actually usually pretty awful, but I had a sort of enjoyable experience at Funchal airport – exactly three years ago today. No cavity search though. My wife and myself were about to return home from a lovely 10 – day holiday in Madeira. Having passed through security (no problems at all), we were idly strolling towards the departures lounge (via a coffee shop) when were approached by a very young (he cannot have been more than 1😎 anxious – looking airport security guard. He seemed very ill – at – ease from the outset. He spoke to me.”Senor B*******?” “Yes.” Hesitant…..”If you don’t mind senor, I must ask you to come with me…immediately. Please…follow me.” I was puzzled. I am just about the most compliant, boring, law – abiding citizen you could wish for.
So, I just started to follow him – as did my wife. “No…madam, not you please. Just your husband. You are free to go.” My wife had to speak, of course. “But….what on earth could you possibly want with him?” “I am sorry madam, I am not at liberty to discuss security issues.” Security issues? Still, I wasn’t worried in the slightest. “Probably just routine…or some mix up. I’ll see you soon,” I said cheerfully. She wandered off, meanwhile the young man (actually quite handsome) led me back into the security zone and into a side room. There was just a chair and a table, with a telephone on it – and two doors behind the table.
There was also a second security guard. He was older (probably in his 40s), bigger and he was armed. I noticed that he had my suitcase with him. He spoke next. “Senor B******?” “Yes.” “Please may I see your passport and your documentation?” I obliged, telling him that I had already been cleared by security. “We need to do some more checks” was all he said. He asked me to identify my luggage and then went through all the spiel about had I packed it etc. I answered truthfully and he left the room through one of the rear doors, taking the suitcase with him. As he did so he vaguely gestured towards me and flapped an arm at the younger guard.
He sat nervously behind the table. He asked me to turn out my trouser (actually shorts) pockets and also the contents of my shoulder bag. It did not amount to much. Passport etc, small leather wallet, some loose change, a paper tissue, a notebook, a novel and a biro. Still he checked it all – then examined the bag really closely before tipping it upside down. Nothing else fell out. It was bizarre. I actuall felt incredibly relaxed – but I could sense his acute anxiety. He cleared his throat…”Please will you remove your shoes..” (Oh wow!! Was I going to be strip searched? I could not believe it!! I slipped off my trainers and handed them to him. He spent ages checking them. He then asked me to take off my socks. I did.
He was the security guard – in charge. But I did not feel threatened. In a halting voice he asked me to spread my legs and said he had to carry out a thorough pat down. Wow!! It was thorough. He got right close to me…got me to hold my arms out sideways. He did the whole routine. Actually, I found that I was getting turned on. He did a thorough ‘TSA’ style down in the groin area, pushing up against my balls and cock. I was bare – legged, barefooted. He asked me to raise one leg at a time and he checked the soles of my bare feet. He also checked my toes.
Still it wasn’t over with. Again….he very nervously asked me to unbutton and open my shirt and to loosen my shorts and just pull them down to my hips. I did. He felt all over my bare torso, sort of under the open shirt, putting his fingers into my armpits for example. He ran his hands a couple of inches into (& all the way around) the waistband of my underpants. Finally – and I think he was more embarrassed than me – he pulled the waistband of my undies forward at the front and quickly glanced down at my (by now) slightly tumescent cock.
He sat down behind the desk again, picked up the ‘phone and punched in a number. He then spoke in Portugese, glancing across at me from time to time. I couldn’t tell what was being said, but he shook his head occasionally and I picked up the words ‘No’ and ‘nothing.’ He put the ‘phone down, smiling wanly. The older guard reappeared with my suitcase. He just glanced at his colleague and shrugged his shoulders. He turned to me. “Thank you for your patience, senor B*******. Please get dressed. You are free to go. My colleague will escort you.”
I simply got dressed, the suitcase was returned to the baggage department and the nervous young guard escorted me to the edge of the security area. Then, something really odd happened…really odd. He touched my arm lightly. “Senor B*******, I am so sorry. I am ashamed. Perhaps you will not report me? Please…I was…just following orders.” I was totally flummoxed. I could hardly tell him that I had actually enjoyed him sort of stripping me!! But I wanted to reassure him. “Report you? Why would I report you? You were very…..proper and considerate. As you say, you were just following orders. Just doing your job. Airport security is very important. “Oh….thank you senor, thank you. Have a good journey home!”
Madeira is hardly a hotbed of International intrigue. I just told my wife I had been selected for random extra security checks. Maybe I had?? But it was all so odd. Why was he so nervous? Was he being trained? Filmed? If anyone has any thoughts / views / ideas on this strange incident….I should be very interested to read them.