Here's some interesting info on the author, a French woman who wrote the story at age 47 and kept her real identity a secret for many years after the story was published.
http://tinyurl.com/3a2vtub
You can get the DVD here:
http://tinyurl.com/3ndn9yh
anitaanne,
The party scene you mention is the party Sir Stephen told her she did not have to attend if she didn't want to. She told him she wanted to go, saying, "I'm proud of what I am" and as you say entering with a proud look on her face---while wearing a head dress that resembles a bird of prey as a way of displaying her self confidence.
egirlky,
Your reaction is probably the same as many. Wouldn't it be awesome if we all had knowledgeable, trusted lovers who would help us experiment with all our kinks, find our limits and maybe push them a little. I suspect our limits are much higher than we would ever imagine.
lucam,
I was a little disappointed with that scene. It seems to me that, as a true Dom in the context of that story, he would have insisted that she "caress herself", rather than let her get away with refusing. After all, she had alredy agreed to the conditions of staying there and was still free to leave at any time.