Low sex drive- wants to say yes to sex but can't "why"

My sex drive has decreeased over the last few months. I want to say yes and have sex with my partner but have hard time getting aroused. So it is easier to say No. Any suggestions??

I guess, since you have provided no information, that you are male. Two things spring to mind, both of which require a visit to a real doctor. Both require tests. First and most likely cause is low testosterone. Injections work fine and are fairly inexpensive. Second is diabetes.

Now you can do this yourself if you have access to a decent blood glucose meter. A fasting (nothing to eat overnight) blood glucose reading of 126 or over is, by default, consistent with diabetes. You can go for glucose tolerance testing and several other more sophisticated tests, but this is one that tells you the truth. I personally believe in starting new Type 2 diabetics on insulin sooner rather than later. Your doctor and I will probably have a severe philosophical difference on this.

Regardless of results of these tests, you do need to get to the root of this problem. It is not just affecting your sex life; it can affect your whole life.

Doc

Interesting that you mention Diabetes I have been tested borderline and am trying to get it down. I am female 52 and thought this problem was maybe part of menopause

Certainly, decreased libido can go hand in hand with menopause, it does with most women. But so can diabetes. I am a diabetic, just about your age and I am also menopausal. I'm a little concerned about your seemingly cavalier attitude towards your diabetes. Trying to get it down? Not good enough. If diet and exercise aren't effective, then you need to be on one of the dozens of oral meds, and if that doesn't work, insulin. I was on oral meds for years with very limited success and many side-effects. I begged my doctor to put me on.insulin and he finally did. Now my blood glucose is in extremely tight control and all things considered, I feel pretty good. However, due to the diabetes I have had my right leg amputated, lost most of my vision and I am waiting for a kidney transplant. I wouldn't wish this set of circumstances on anyone. Diabetes is a sneaky bastard. Get it under control.

Like Speed, I feel that more patients should be on.insulin, doctors are reluctant to prescribe it and many patients don't like using it. All I know is that it works for me, and millions of others. Also, you might want to get your hormone levels checked, a correction could put the spring back in your step!

Good luck!

OK, everything that ladydocisin said is absolutely true. Go to an endocrinologist and see what he/she suggests for you. In most of the world, insulin is started far too late for best control of Type 2 diabetes. The Scandinavian countries start most patients on insulin at diagnosis.

I am an insulin dependent Type 2, two of our daughters are Type 1 diabetics. We were all on insulin pumps until mine failed. I will not get anything from Mini-Med (Medtronics) as that company has treated the girls so poorly and the parent company has been engaged in so many fraudulent activities in the medical appliance field. We all maintain decent control and have avoided any amputations or major visual issues (except for our oldest daughter).

Also, someone who knows the full drill on hormone replacement therapy for women can probably help you. Proper hormone replacement therapy involves an individualized profile and several different hormones to achieve best results. An endocrinologist is also the doctor to start with in this search.

I know you can do this and make your quality of life so much better. You must take the first steps.

Speed

Female here and I have the same problem I could care less if I have sex ever again Love husband it's not him it's just me no desire at all it sucks. Best of luck Lars58

Maybe314

Since my last post...and reading over it again, I feel the need to correct myself. The comment I care less if I have sex again was incorrect. I care I just had not had the desire. I now, do again and hope that this feeling keeps up. I hope you have the same thing happen to you as well, lars

Never give up!!!

Maybe 314, that is good. However, if your desire again flags, you need to find out why. It could be depression, or depression meds (they are notorious libido killer, especially in women) or all the things we have detailed in this thread. You also could need a great, certified sex therapist. They can be a huge help.

Good luck,

Speed

I thank you for your advise I am aware that meds can be a libido killer as I am bipolar, so have been on a great deal of meds at times I have finally decided that I am not going through the rest of my life sedated and put the meds away!

Saw this quote the other day and thought how true is that !!! "In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal".

I choose not to be like that anymore

Best thing I could do for myself and husband. I also am in menopause so that has it's own set of problems.

As far as sex therapist UMM NO!

Thank you again for your advise

Ladies, if you love your husbands or partners...if you love yourself....find a way to say "yes" to continued sexual activity. My wife and I have been married for over 31 years. She went through menopause about 11 years ago. She came through it with a complete shutting down of her desire for sexual activity. She could talk about it...but she did not want to follow through or even satisfy herself. As her husband, I tried to help, cried for mercy, asked, and even begged for us to at least have some intimacy. I saw a counselor. She would not. She came to me about 5 years ago...summer of 2006... and point blank told me that she no longer wanted to participate in any sexual activity and that I should take care of myself in private "if I felt the need."

There was a recent study described on "Curiosity" on the Discovery Channel which talked about the benefits to orgasm for women. By use of an MRI and other testings they demonstrated that at the point of orgasm the brain literally "lights up" and multiple areas receive increased blood flow. The individual finds better sleep, greater endurance, and a more agile mind. Their recommendation is that a woman should have an orgasm at least 3 times a week...if not daily...to keep the mind and body well.

Why do I tell you of this study? Because my wife, at age 63, is showing definite signs of dementia and though she is still working a job...finds it difficult to do her job due to decreased mental agility.

The old adage comes to mind: "Use it or lose it!" Keep your sex drive alive just like you keep your body nourished. There are some reasons to not have intercourse. But there are no good reasons to 1) not have an orgasm yourself and 2) not be able to provide a loving and affectionate time with your spouse (partner).

Itr sounds like your wife would benefit from estrogen/hormone replacement therapy.

I agree with you Switchablesusie

When I could take them they did make a big difference in my desire for sex

maybe314

People tend to get less sexual as they age. Lack of immagination

Meds for most anything will jack up you sex drive.even a guy taking a T-shot after awhile the tingle will go away then its just another drug you have to have....but would I stop heck no. I'm still enjoying the tingle..lol

Don't forget to factor in another biggie when it come to a persons sex drive is any and all cardiac medications. These have a whole lot of big issues in this department. Just an FYI there.

I saw this and wanted to add that depression can take a huge toll on your libido. My fiance has this and the first year we were together we couldn't stop having sex. fast forward and BAM! no more sex for weeks at a time. It sucks but I have done a lot of reading on libido and depression. If you have depression and it is affecting your libido then you can ask your doctor to let you try different medications. Welbutrin is one of the anti depressents that seem to help in certain people. I am NOT a doctor and I do NOT replace a professional opinion. Depression is a very serious thing but is manageable.

Hope this helps someone or anyone.

One thing you guys all have to remember here is that most if not all of these medications are what I call in "dial meds", which means they are in my "own" class of medications hag will : 1) will absolutely not work the same on everyone. Everyone will have slightly different side effects. everyone will have different both positive and neg reactions usually to them. 3) Most of these drugs take a 7-17 day. and even some up to 21 days to reach their full potential in a person, meaning that by the end of day either 7, 14, or 21, you will notice whether or not this medication is working or not, and what kinds of side effects you will have from them. And the same goes in reverse, and often times as I have seen, especially in the elderly even longer for these symptoms to leave the body entirely. Then after the allotted amount of time you need to make the decision that you either like them or you don't, weigh the good with the bad. If you like them, great, if you can deal with the side effects if there isn't any or they are minimal even better, now it's time to start the dialing process Sometimes you get lucky and hit it the first try, but highly doubtful giving the nature of the beast.

So, if he first medications doesn't work then it's time to start the process all over again, and again, and again until you find the medication that works for you. One of them will eventually work and give you the desired effect for your depression withtout too many of the other extra side effects, and as much as I hate to sound like this, if this happens to be the case for you, you finally find the medication that works great on your depression issues but the side effects are a litle more than you are happy with, well then there are medications that will help take care of that too.

I am going to share with all of you some pretty private information, but I feel like it might be needed here and might help someone in this case as I know how hard this can be, because I have been there myself. After the "event" that shattered Doc and I's life I want into a pretty severe depression. I pulled away from this board a lot, basically pulled away from all my friends, most of my family including my kids, parents etc. I started on Wellbutrin. I did notice that it helped some, but not a lot, and I didn't notice any side effects to speak of for the most part. But I was also diagnosed with SAD which is a form of depression that happens with the seasonal time changes, fall to winter, then the depression usually goes completely away when spring hits. However, this year, mine didn't go away. So I talked it over with Doc as he had also been noticing the non-changes and quite frankly missed me, hell, I missed me too. So after much talk and research we decided to try one of the oldest meds in this class by the name of Remeron. I had my doctor here write me for it, he also agreed it might be a good call. And it worked wonders. I felt like the old me was back. I was smiling again, I could laugh and find humor in things. I actually wanted to get out of bed on my days off and do things. He started me off on 15 mg which is a normal but low dose. However, I also know that in the elderly we give Remeron to patients as an appetite stimulant, and let me tell you, I shot up from 165 to 191 in about 3 month. This was a side effect I was not at all happy with. But then, I had to weigh, no pun intended here, the good and the bad.

I used to weigh 245 pounds, and I worked somewhat hard to get down to 145 and crept back up to between 155 and 165 for 2 years no matter what I ate, drank or did not do any esercise at all. I was loving that.So back into Dr.John's office after having talked with Doc who thought he had a solution, they conversed and were again on the same page. There is a new study out that another old medication by the name of Topamax when taken with remeron off sets the carb cravings one gets late at light for the serious munchies. And by serious munchies I don't mean a hand full or two of chips or a few cookies, no no my friends, I mean a half of a large bag of chips, sleeves of girl scout cookies, left over pasta and anything else you see that want, looks good, is easy and is available, oh, and I don't also mean one or two of these items either, I mean all of them in one sitting. Then I often take Ambien on occasion, so I then don't even remember doing all that eating either. But, I am happy to report the topamax was a very very quick fix, and also helps me sleep better, execpt tonight and I happen to be out of all my meds currently because of the storms, the pharmacy's still are not all up on line and hare having to hand write things out, which tust me, is a total bitch, so currently, they are only filling the absolute basics. They have assured me that all will be totally back up and running by today or tomorrow morning at the latest.

The key, the most important key to almost all things like this is solid and honest communication with your doctor. I read on here on another post that the person on here who was the patient want to his doctor and explained to him, the doctor that the current medications he was on was messing wit his sex life. And the person on here reported that the doctor sort of chuckled at him and said something along the lines of "are you serious, you are worried about your sex life and want to change your heart medication because you can't get it up?" Now I am not sure it was worded quite that way, but the point is, that doctor was way out of line.

I am just a nurse, I do not know even a 100th of the cardiac/depression meds and their slue of slide effects, and don't claim to, but your doctor should. And talking about sex should not be a problem for him or embarrass him in any way. Not everything can and will be fixed by switching a few meds around here or there, upping or lowering a few mg here or there but it's a start in the right direction into getting you back on the right track to feeling better and being able to "feel Better" lol, if you know what I mean there on my little pun.

Well, I hope something on here has helped. Sorry for the long post. I have been talked to about not going over 3 paragraphs and honestly have been doing pretty well, at least I think, lol.

Just remember, communication, communication, communication.

Mashie.

For a number of people, blood pressure medicines, as well as cardiac medicines can not only contribute to depression, they can clearly alter one's sex drive. Anti-anxiolytics, like Xanax are known sexual downers too. And for some men, even when they have the sex-drive, they may have delayed or absent orgasms. There are some drugs for male enlarged prostate (benign prostatic hypertrophy: BPH), which can cause retro-grade ejaculation. When you add anti-depression medicines to the mixture it can be a potent cocktail. Pardon the use of "cocktail" in this instance. Nevertheless, speak with your healthcare provider and consider taking another med. The common fact of getting older, is that most people have poly-pharmaceutical experiences, so this obviously gets more complex for the patient. Add to this years of diabetes, history of smoking, your blood vessels take a big hit from those two. It's not all unpleasant when getting older, but seek some assistance from your Doc and see how it improves.

Any good natural foods to help with sex drive

I discovered eight weeks ago about Xanax and another pain med, Tramadol for treatment of a cervical vertebrae in my neck for shoulder and arm pain. If you want to completely kill your ability to have sex, this is the recipe. There was no way I could achieve erection or even come close to culminate in orgasm. The Xanax and Tramadol really seemed to set some of my emotional components back to the point I had almost no interest at all, which in itself is quite depressing I stopped the Xanax cocktail and got on a PT type rehab program which really helped the pain issue and I am at least as good as before, if not better simply because I was also able to lower some of my other med dosages along with losing a little weight. Once I stopped these meds, my libido and a couple of other issues have been getting better along with raising my metabolism and lowering an increasing propensity to diabetes.

I also started taking Testosterone injections about a year ago for Low T but this is probably due to a very tiny tumor at the base of my pituitary gland which seems to be affecting some of my component hormones. I was told that there would be some side effects to but the out come by going on a low dose weekly regimen would ultimately increase my libido and improve a few other factors such as a propensity to Type II diabetes.

My husband has a low sex drive-cigarettes, work, etc but doesn't want to get help or take drugs to increase this. In turn, my sex drive has decreased with menopause and vaginal dryness. Add these two together and you have a recipe for no zippity doo da day in the bedroom.

If your partner wants sex and you feel less interested but not to the point of wanting him to leave you alone, why can't he put some time into arousing you? I know the issues of weight, menopause, health are very relevant too. But, it seems to me there are a lot of men online looking for sex. They admit to being married, love their wives but she isn't interested in sex any more. Any woman who has tried online dating has heard this story.

I have always thought it the men put half the effort into arousing their wife which they do into trolling for sex from other women/ men they would likely find their wife would become more interested in having sex with them. Of course, it would require the men to focus less on their own needs and more on her needs. In my experience with online dating this is where they fall flat. Even with the women they try to pick up they have no interest in her or her needs only in getting their own needs met.

I had a marriage in which my husband lost interest in sex. We ended up divorced, the sex was only a part of the problem. I did try to change his lack of interest in sex and I sure did go through all the feelings of being alone in our marriage and feeling rejected. So I am not writing this as someone who can not see both sides.

Seriously, if I kiss my husband more than a 'peck' on the lips, he can't handle the 'stress' and he gets furious and tells me to go away. If I flirt? It's a really bad week. If I was to mention I was horny? Or show some sort of interest in sex, like I touched his privates? Holy Moly! I'd get the serious stink eye and a lecture about how I know he has issues with performance anxiety... *dies* It kills me that I am not even allowed to try foreplay... Ugh! People go through things that their partners can't always get them out of. Hubby's deal is Low T, so he says... (Yes, we tried treatments, no we can't use them for a huge variety of reasons) I do know that many people with a low sex drive suffer from hormone imbalance. It might be worth checking into.

My hubby has no sex drive, I don't think it is medical as he does get erect, he just just has interest . he was single for years before we met and had not even had a date. I hoped it would get better after a while but it hasn't. He will occasionally spank me but not really hard and when I have given him ideas on foreplay or suggest subtle ways of humiliating me but he just answers this does not come easy

Last time we had intercourse we concieved our son. He is celebrating his 14 th birthday soon.

In my case male with very low sex drive.I think my t hormones has dropped low but can't take replacements due to medications.

Unfortunately I haven't had a partner in several years when my ex lover & i were together we had great sex, yet when alone i still really enjoyed masturbation.

She had much more sex drive than i for most part.

Because of my past of incest & sexual abuse when I felt pressured it all resembled the same so i with drew until it was to late & relationship ended i since worked through the unresolved issues.

Now i have sex drive & no one to drive with my sex drive 😃

My wife has never had a very high sex drive. I on the other hand would like sexual contact multiple times a week. This has made for some spirited discussions about frequency and variety. My wife like to be orally pleasured to orgasm (the only way she can cum without a vibrator and then be taken on her back until I come. She doesn't want to reciprocate the oral sex and doesn't like sex positions other than missionary. She considered it an effort to accept rear entry sex and never wanted to be on top.

She led a very sheltered and religiously repressed like before I met her and after we were married I realized that her whole family, parents and siblings had weird ideas about sex. Her mother and father were both almost ignorant about sex and sex discussions or incidental nudity were forbidden. She carried that attitude into our married sex life and didn't readily accept casual nudity and was very put upon when I wanted lingerie or sex in locations other than out bedroom.

As we have worked through our sexual differences she has opened up somewhat and even became more adventurous after I secretly asked a couple of her more open girlfriends to get her to talk or at least listen to them comment on their sex lives. One of her friends told her how "dirty talk" really aroused her (it drives me wild) and she actually

became more vocal during sex. You cant imaging the stress she felt when I wanted her to talk and respond explicitly during sex.

After reading the prior comments and writing this I realize that I don't have it as bad as I thought. She still can't suck me off, but she has opened up a bit even allowed anal touching during oral sex to the point that she reluctantly admitted that she liked it and it helped her cum and to eventually relax enough to accept and enjoy anal sex. I know I should feel thankful she still will play a bit, I think I would trade all the anal play for a good cum in her mouth blow job.

My last comment is to ask how in the hell do so many people end up with sexually non compatible marriages?

Your sex drive does decrease with age along with body functions do to surgery and the like. We have found that the use of favorite toys gives us just enough fun to get the satisfaction we need. Give that some thought.

Lots of helpful info in this thread :-) I would rule out medical causes (get a check up). Hormone levels could be off. Best of luck to you - Keep us posted !

What if the desire is there but the negatives are so great it can not be pleasureable? Lots of variables and not always just the woman. So in the end one capitulates and simply gives up.