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I feel for you in your problem. It's a difference between you and your girl which is rather divorced from the usual Sex Therapy, which you are possibly contemplating - and yet! - it is strangely answerable the same way.
I wrote a short treatise on Sex Therapy and I reproduce it below. Hopefully it may help you to decide if you want to pose your problem to a therapist. Don't worry about that - however 'normal' or 'bizarre' they will have heard it before.
Sex therapy is designed to enhance the patient’s experience of either marital, partnership or solo sexual encounters and experiences, to repair poor or staid relationships, to help patients deal with worries concerning sexual issues and in particular thoughts that sexual practices are wrong or to be deprecated.
It is not desirable that there should be an exchange of monies in therapy as the relationship should essentially be built on personality and trust. There must be no judgemental factors in any consultation, rather a seeking to resolve problems through constructive dialogue and consent.
Therapy can be delivered at a range of levels.
Counselling
In counselling, either by correspondence or face to face discussion, the patient (or couple) are interviewed about their perceived problems. Most problems are seen as simple incompatibility in the sexual part of their relationship with a partner where sex drive or libido are mismatched in terms of need for sexual interaction or where the need for frequency or depth of sexual activity between the partners is vastly different between them. It can often be solved by suggesting regimes where both partners agree to try modifying their ‘demands’ so as to more closely match their partner’s wishes. Most often it is found that partners grow into the new regime, both by each of them accepting the differing needs and by themselves finding that the renewed talking about those differences actually promotes within themselves a new level of libido.
There is also often the question of one partner desiring certain forms of intimacy not desired by the other. An example of this would be one partner desiring, say, anal intercourse, with the other partner fearing this or finding it disgusting. Trying to cope with these differing desires can result in unwilling submission and thereby resentment which worsens the situation.
Counselling on these lines can be achieved by reassurance that practices which worry are neither ‘dirty’ or dangerous and need not be painful etc, or by suggesting modified forms of play.
Limited Practical Therapy
This would involve often somewhat intimate physical contact between the patient and the therapist, or, in the case of a couple, physical interaction between themselves, with or without physical input by the therapist. Problems of this nature are often related to being unable to orgasm fully, or orgasm at all, plus matters of premature ejaculation, lack of foreplay etc.
Such physical contact between a patient and the therapist first revolves around demonstrating that one must be able to relax. Unless a patient is relaxed – either during therapy or in the partnership bed – the therapy (or the lovemaking) won’t be at its best. If a patient can relax in the company of the therapist then that is the first barrier overcome.
Next will be prolonged massage and gentle stimulation equating to foreplay or, if a couple, actual foreplay if they are comfortable with that. The latter is essential to emphasise the different arousal rates of the sexes and to allow them to identify with each others needs and preferences, to teach them above all to communicate and to understand.
Finally the therapist can teach a couple or a single patient what orgasm is, how it can differ from what is commonly perceived to be an orgasm, but isn’t, how to break down physical and mental barriers to being able to experience full release in sexual intercourse or masturbation, what is right or wrong between partners, and how to bring variety and maintain freshness to their sexual life etc. In the latter case there are other, more advanced techniques, which can be learned, probably at a subsequent visit.
Full Practical Therapy
This would normally be as before but by agreement can be extended to full sexual intercourse between the therapist and the patient – observing strict contraceptive methodology and with appropriate sexual health certification.
This is an uncommon extension to therapy because of the nature of the contact and the expense involved. It is NOT available in this practice. At any price!
At all levels of therapy care should be taken not to create emotional bonds between the patient(s) and the therapist. Attachments, other than those of mutual trust and confidentiality must not be sought or encouraged. Criticism of the patient or the patient’s partner is likewise seen as destructive and must be avoided.