I ask my patients everyday, "are you having a good day?" Most say yes, once in a while a few will say no. So I usually cop a squat on their bed, hold their hand and look them square in the eye and say word for word, this exact thing, "You know what, everyday you wake up is a good day, the day you don't wake up, probably not going to be a very good day." And that always makes them laugh. Then I usually give them a hug and a kiss and they and I usually feel better about the day. They realize they are alive so they smile, and I am the one that put that smile on their face and made them feel a little bit better about the day, so, that makes me smile.
Because of my job, death doesn't scare me, although I have never been faced with it myself. Well, that's not true, I have been, but just didn't realize it, lol. I tend to be very stone wallish and cold when death comes around, again, part of the job I guess.
When everyone is falling apart around you, your patient is dying, family is crying, full code or not, someone has to be in charge and be the strong one. I have to be the support for my patients family. They are counting on me to be able to take care of the things they need done so that they can spend their last few minutes making peace, and or coming to terms.
I know a lot of people who are not in the medical field often think we are cold people, or uncaring. Sometimes maybe, but not usually. If we fell to pieces along side the family, we wouldn't be doing anyone any good. The family needs a strong person to stand there and hug them, support them, and comfort them. If nurses emotionally broke down every time one of our patients died, we would emotionally burn out in a year or two.
Especially for those of us who work in long term care facilities, our patients become our family too. We see them often times more than we see our own families, more than their families see them. When they die, we grieve too, just not publically, and we may not grieve for each patient. Sometimes emotionally we can't afford that, so I often manifest my grief in other ways, or I store it up and cry for 3 hours.
How did I get off on this tangent? Seriously. Sorry folks.
So back to the topic at hand. The way I see it is, even though everyday I wake up is a good day, it is in fact one day closer to death. That's reality, and in black and white, that's the way it is. Goodness knows I can't stop it, so I might as well make the best of it while I can and am able.
Again, off topic, out of all my years of nursing, I have one patient that has been my all time favorite. Due to HIPAA, I will call her Ginger. Well, Ginger will be turning 105 here in just a few days. I am not really supposed to have favorites, but I do, lol. I just can't help it. She is cute as a button. She takes a total of 4 meds, three of which are vitamins, and a sleeping pill. She is completely alert and oriented and funny as crap. I just love to listen to her stories from when she was a kid.
She walks faster than I do, and when I tell her to slow down before she falls, she usually says something along the lines of, "If you would quit smoking, you might be able to keep up." She's right, and she and I both know it, lol.
Ginger has managed to outlive her entire family, sad in a way, but she has us and thinks of us as family. I just love her! Again, there is a point I am getting to again with my story of Ginger.
I have learned two great and wonderful pieces of advice in the past two years, one from a shrink friend who said, "friendly doesn't always me they're your friends." And the other from Ginger who tells me all the time, "you are really in love, I can see it in your eyes. Tell him everyday how much you love him and appreciate him, and he will treat you like a princess." And again, she's right, and he does.
I never knew how beautiful like could be until I was finally able to really love someone, and give myself to someone without fear, or feeling threatened. It just kills me, these people who keep predicting the end of the world. All I can think of is how sad their lives must be, constantly thinking about the end.
I took 4 years of Latin in high school, and oddly enough, the most appropriate phrase to fit this post, and one in which everyone is familiar is "Carpe Diem"
Mashie