A weekly coffee enema has been an integral part of my routine for years. They appear to have such a dramatic effect on me, both physically and mentally, that now even my wife insists I never miss a week.
My mood seems more even – I think they make me feel happier and more content. I also think I have more energy and require less sleep because of them. Everything feels right and adjusted inside, and I rarely have a sore lower back. Even my roseacea stays in check. So there’s lots of reasons for me to do regular coffee enemas. Plus, when done “right,” they’re an extraordinary experience.
Here’s what’s evolved over the years into my “right” way:
We start by boiling 3 heaping scoops of dark roast in a ¾ filled saucepan, for about 10 minutes, then we simmer it for another 10. After it settles for a couple of minutes, we strain the coffee into a 2-quart juice jug that’s been filled with 2 or 3 cups of the hottest tap water. Finally, we add ½ teaspoon of cayenne and stir it well.
I’ll take the lidded, ¾-full jug into the bathroom, along with a thick face cloth, a blanket, my bath towel that gets folded into a pillow, a watch and the open-topped enema bag, with the smallest tip.
I always start by taking off all my clothes and putting a tiny dab of hand-cream in and around my hole to get it ready. A cup of cold tap water goes into the bag first, followed by about ¼ of the hot coffee. The temp is right when it’s as hot as my finger can comfortably stand – I guess around 103 degrees. The lid is replaced on the jug to retain the heat and the bag gets hung from a vanity drawer, so it’s very low – less than a foot above the target.
Once all the air has been purged from the hose, I lay on my right side and insert the tip. But I found a trick with the delivery procedure that makes the enema very effective.
Years ago we researched coffee enemas and discovered the caffeine was absorbed through the hemorrhoid vein, causing a release of bile and impurities from the system. So I make sure only the very tip of the nozzle is just barely inserted inside of me, while I allow only a slow trickle of the hot, spiced coffee to travel slowly over the entire sensitive vein, beginning at the entrance. While it’s only 2 or 3 cups of solution, I can feel every hot gurgle, beginning at my hole, and spicy warmth throughout the region. In all, it takes at least 10 minutes of pretty intense sensations before it’s all in.
I keep my wrung-out, triple-folded facecloth within reach to use when the urge to release becomes too strong. (And it does – believe me.) When that happens, I shut off the flow and push my hole closed with the facecloth, by applying upward pressure from my “taint” area. (That also often puts pressure on my prostate which can cause involuntary leakage of pre-cum.) When done “right,” nothing is released and the facecloth is never soiled with anything more than a little hand-cream.
Once the urge to go has subsided, I replace the very tip of the nozzle and continue the flow. When the bag is empty I check the time and hold it in for a full 10 minutes. Through massage and hip pumping I can maintain a fairly continual series of urges to “go,” keeping the vein soaked in coffee. These actions will require the application of the folded facecloth several times during that 10 minutes to help hold it in. I’m always very pleased when the times up and I can finally get relief.
That hot coffee enema is immediately followed by another hot coffee enema, only this time I pour in half the jug - so it’s bigger and stronger than the last.
I add cold water to the remainder in the jug up to the 1 quart mark and set it into a sink-full of cold water, while I take the second enema.
The results of the second enema are usually not too spectacular and often only coffee comes out. I still must stop the flow a few times and use my facecloth to push my hole closed during the administration - and the 10-minute retention is no walk in the park either.
The results of the third enema, however, are quite a different story.
This enema is quite cool, but it’s even bigger than the last. I raise the bag a foot for this one, in the interest of time, but it still takes at least 10 minutes to drain, the heavier flow intensifying the experience. The cool water seems to increases the urge to go and I’ll also get a little cramping from it sometimes.
Because it’s not cooked in, the cayenne has settled, making the last enema spicier than the first two. So with the tip just barely inside my hole, the entire region is highly sensitized by the cool, spicy feeling. I can seldom finish without several pauses.
Around the 8th minute of retention, things can get interesting, but the challenge to hold it in is well worth it. The urge to release is more powerful than with the previous 2 enemas and requires considerable self-discipline to retain for the full 10 minutes.
I’m always a little surprised with the results - what comes out is often amazing. Sometimes it smells like bile, which I guess is the goal, but there’s always an incredible amount of “stuff” that comes out. (I always get rid of any residual, with a 3-quart salt & soda rinse the next day.)
In all, the 3 coffee enemas take about an hour and they never fail to provide a great clean-out. I would recommend this method of taking coffee enemas to anyone that feels adventurous enough to try it. If you’re like me, you’ll love the results enough to do them every week.
Do you have a routine that works as well for you? I'd love to hear about any tricks or tips you can offer to make coffee enemas more effective.