My experience of receiving a forced suppository as a child is seared into my memory. Decades later, I can still recall in vivid detail the physical sensations and emotions I had during that traumatic episode.
One afternoon when I was about 7 years old, my mother called me into her bedroom and told me to take off my clothes. I did as she asked, thinking she was going to give me a bath, but I asked why, because I was usually given a bath in the evening. She then told me to put my shirt back on and lie down on the bed. As a young child, you do as your mom tells you, although I felt curious and puzzled, lying on the bed naked from the waist down.
She then told me to turn over because she was going to give me a suppository. It dawned on me that she was going to carry out her earlier threats of clearing my bowels. You see, I was one of those kids with pooping anxiety, and she often caught me standing with legs tightly together trying to withhold pooping. She would warn me to stop doing that or I would get a suppository. But those threats seemed empty before. She might have seen me poop-holding earlier that day, but I don't remember.
Horrified by her intentions, I jumped off the bed, but she grabbed me by the arm and shouted for my dad. My dad came in and they lifted me back onto the bed and tried to hold me down. Something primal made me struggle and physically challenge both my parents. She must have called for more help, because soon one of my aunts was there at the bedside. I tried to claw at my dad as he held my legs, but my aunt deflected my arms. I started crying and pleading in despair as I began to lose the fight against the three adults. They then forced me to lie on my left side with my knees towards my chest and my bare buttocks pointing at the foot of the bed. I was held in that position with my dad pinning my thighs to the mattress; I remember him leaning his upper body weight on my legs, and my aunt gripping my wrists in front of me. She whispered into my ear: "It's for your own good".
I remember lying there feeling defeated, betrayed and ashamed, with my exposed bottom at the mercy of my mom. Through teary eyes, I saw another aunt standing against the far wall of the bedroom, watching silently with a face made of stone. I remember the sounds too, in between the sounds of my own wailing. Piano sounds in the background of my sibling practising music scales. The rumble of an old air conditioner. I could not see what my mom was doing at the foot of the bed, but I heard the sound of a drawer opening, and then the distinctive noise of foil wrapping being opened, which I later discovered was the dulcolax suppositories for children.
I felt my buttocks being parted by mom's fingers and waited for the inevitable. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that she was crouching; I could see her forehead above my right hip. I then felt something sharp poking the inner flesh of my buttocks and my body jerked in response, prompting my mom to scold my dad for letting my legs slip. I later learned that she liked to keep one end of the suppository in the metal foil, which scratched my skin as she inserted the open end of the suppository. Next, an odd feeling of pain was the sign that something had penetrated that delicate opening. The pain lessened only after I felt the intruder slide deeper into my body.
When the deed was done, the other adults left me in the room with my mom. I don't remember much after that. There was a burning sensation in my bottom, I felt the urge to poop and released a substantial amount in the toilet under her observation and much to her satisfaction.
I often wondered if my mom knew how hurt and humiliated I felt when they were violating me. And why were my dad and aunt so eager to participate in the violation of a child's body by force? And was the other stone-faced aunt watching because she was deriving some voyeurisitc sexual pleasure from what should have been kept behind closed doors?
I believe that their behavior was partly caused by an obsession of their generation with the bowel habits of their children. But the decision to hold me down by force and penetrate my body had to be driven by subconscious human instincts for sadism or sexual dominance; they probably consciously felt justified by the excuse of improving children's bowel habits. These same basic instincts are fully embraced by BDSM practitioners with much more honesty than these "accidental" child abusers.
The impact on a young child whose brain is still developing can be significant. Stimulation of intimate parts of a child's body, including the erogenous anal region, can permanently alter neurobiology associated with sexual development, and result in fetishes. Natural tendencies for dominant/submissive sexual behavior may also be amplified by the trauma.
Whatever the cause of our fetishes, we can't help but be aroused by them. As for myself, the topic of suppositories sometimes evokes a curious rush for me, as did this recalling of my experience.
This is my first post on these forums btw, and I'm glad to get this off my chest.