Do you believe having a emotional affair is adultery?

We meet a lot of people on this board. I for one have become attached to a few. Do you believe that this attachment emotionally is adultery?

Not at all! It is not only possible but normal to love several but still be in love with one special person. I think that the emotional attachments we form are really healthy.

Ginnie,

Adultery takes more than just a feeling. It requires some sort of action. Since there are no actions that you can do over the internet; there would be no adultery. However, if you are in private correspondance with someone and the two of you state that you loved the other, more than your partner/ spouse; then you may be bordering on adultery. If this is what you are asking; then you need to examine your relationship to the person with whom you have a commitment.

I would suggest that you arrange for a face to face meet with your cyber friend. If you find there is chemistry; then you need to reassess your relationships.

Happy returns,

Joan T.

As others have said, adultery requires more than just feelings. Legally, at least in Georgia, it requires intercourse; however, cheating encompasses much more than adultery. Any secret intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse is cheating to some extent. If your question is biblical (Ten Commandments) in nature, adultery means a woman being sexual with a man that is not her husband. That is why there is one commandment that prohibits adultery and another that prohibits coveting they neighbor's wife. Remember, they didn't have civil (legal) marriage 2000 years ago.

Hi Ginnie,

As usual, a very good question and not an easy one to answer. In the legal sense, as others have pointed out, it's not adultry at this point. Is it cheating on a different level? Perhaps part of the answer depends on how your spouse/so would feel if he/she found out about your cyber connection.

I think your instinct about the fantasy being better than the reality is dead on. As someone else suggested,and only if you are comfortable with it, meet your cyber friend but only to get acquainted face-to-face in a safe public place...not to get into action. Then, assess how things went and see how you feel going forward. If you still feel as you do now, then you need to consider what your future actions with this person may bring, and what the ultimate consequence might be. Is divorce or loss of your significant other a consequence? Is this new "relationship" worth that price?

Just my two cents. Good luck.

Arianna

It may not be adultery, but it is sneakiness. If you want to do this talk about it with your partner, just as you would if sex were involved. After all, at least some clothes are going to be off. I have administered to a newbie with my gf present many years ago. She suggested it. More on this when I have the time to fully describe this amazing event (actually twice).

Hi ginnie i don't think it is fair to u partner/husband did you talk to you partner what u like maybe he is willing to give it a try why is it that it is so hard to ask u partner to try out some new ting's and i have to include my self to that

So long as the activity remains in the realm of fantasy it is not cheating.

I agree. As long as it remains in the realm of fantasy it is not adultery. In fact, sharing the fantasy through IM, email, etc. is, to me, no more adultery than reading an interactive book on the same subjects. I am a MWM, almost 60, married for almost 35 years to a spouse who detests enemas or any kind of anal play. I would never meet anyone r/l, but sharing fantasies on the net are something different in my opinion. BTW I respect those who don't share the opinion, that's fine for them.

My feelings on this topic are so conflicted I don't even know if I should post a reply. Some of the conversations I have had with the men on here I definitely would not want my husband to find, but at the same time, he knows that I correspond with men and look and pics and cam shows. I have promised that I will not meet or do phone. I actually came out and asked him how far he was willing to let me go to keep from having to make love with me. He did not like that one bit, but it did not wake him up like it was intended to.

I too keep this site and my interest secret from hubby. I've tried to approach him with this 'interesting' form of pleasure, but he adamantly refuses. Therefore I am more than grateful to have found cyber friends with similar interests. Yet like you noted, it causes feelings of guilt and conflict within me. I feel for you...stay strong!

No I do not think so .

Only if you want it to be. If you meet someone and you have sex it's adultery. To some people just talking is adultery cause you are talking with someone other than your spouse.

Eaten aint cheaten

Physical, emotional, oral, if it breaches the confidence and trust of your partner, it is probably adultery!

For me, No but my more legalistic wife would say otherwise. Therefore, out of respect for her, I honor that.

There is still room to relate to others in a healthy manner. She would agree.

To those of you gents that believe that oral sex is not cheating I ask the following question--If your wife or girlfriend comes home late and says I would have been home earlier, but I met this guy and we went to his place and I sucked him off and he ate my pussy, but we did not have sex, so what do you want for supper? You would be totally cool with that because it was only oral. Really? Really?!?!? Come on!

Ginnie, you say nothing about your significant other, or your relationship with him. But that's the really important bit, isn't it? My wife doesn't share my enema yearning, but it isn't secret from her. She doesn't yet know about this site (I've only been here myself a few days), but I won't hide it from her, because there's too much OTHER stuff invested in our shared lives that might be at risk. How about you?

The point is this: if you and I got talking, I would have to share it with her before it got to you and me dreaming about what might be... And that would have to be with your permission, too because God is also especially fond of YOU and doesn't want you to get hurt either. But there's no telling where that might lead! It's unlikely that my wife would feel threatened; we are a very secure couple.

And I know what we'd both want for you: go and give that man of yours more love more passionately in more and more imaginative ways, and help him explore your sex life with more freedom. Find ways other than speech to show him what you like. Make fantasies come true right there at home! They won't be yours alone, then, because his will be included, too.

What you're feeling is not yet adultery, but you are right to be uneasy! John Wesley is a name you may have heard - he founded the Methodist Church. Here's some wisdom from his ma.

Susanna Wesley was one the the great mothers of history. One day one of her daughters (she had 19 children) wished to do something which was not altogether bad, but which was not right. When she was told not to do it, she was not convinced.

It was late and she and her mother were sitting beside a dead fire. Her mother said to her: "Pick up that bit of coal." "I don't want to," said the girl. "Go on," said her mother." The fire is out, it won't burn you." "I know that," said the girl. "I know it won't burn me but it will blacken my hands." "Exactly," said Susannah Wesley." That thing which you wish to do won't burn, but it will blacken. Leave it alone."

Indeed.

Johnny

I prefer to think of it as harmless flirtation. In my case this isn't going beyond the fantasy level.

Very good post. I feel when the primary emotional focus is upon someone other than your spouse it MIGHT be cheating. I have had a hand shake from other females that have been a sexual experience for the both of us. Just because there is an attraction, does not mean adultery has taken place. Is it adultry when two people of the same sex have fun together? If not, It should not be considerd aduldtry when two people of opposite sex enjoy each others company as well. Women just happen to be more fun than Dudes!! They have better toys to play with as well!!!

Or maybe it is, in fact, adultery if two people of the same sex have sex together (not necessarily simply sending msgs unless they become very serious) but not with their true partners. Let's not make same sex relationships second class folks.

Thanks for being aware.

I would say No, but I always try to take in consideration my partner. If she was in the same room as me when I'm online, and was reading what I say...How would I feel? How would it make her feel? I would'nt do or say anything that I would'nt say or do with her present.

GINNIE - My wife is aware I see other ladies. Some I see to give and receive enemas. Some I see for medfet (I'm on the other site too!) Some I see to have sex with them. Some I just correspond with on the same subjects.

Despite my wife's awareness and at whatever level mentioned above, including just correspondence, I am an ADULTERER! So there!

I'm a very happy man. I could make you happy too!

That's a real interesting way of putting it, BigK. I consider it adultery if the spouse doesn't know. If they do know, then I consider it a special arrangement, whether open marriage or whatever they wish to call it. I don't worry about the religious definition or implications of adultery. Adults should be able to do what is best for them, no matter what others think, as long as they have the permission and/or blessing of their partner. It's understandable that some people wouldn't want to play with anyone who is married, but the world is a big place and if it is meant to be, the right people will find each other.

Thank you, egirlky, for your response.

Almost any noun can be interpreted in a number of different ways and each is entitled to his or her interpretation and should not be criticised for it. That being said there's always room for non judgemental dicussion.

My particular interpretation is based on the first dictionary definition 'marital infidelity' which is not further defined as to secret or 'public' and I consider that my activities fall fully under that definition. Furthermore our marriage vows contained the phrase 'and keep thee only to her as long as....' I am in breach of that, at least, therefore I am an adulterer!

You quite rightly mention the religious viewpoints. Now I am an avowed aetheist and theoretically can disregard the biblical aspect, the Ten Commandments etc. Also as an aetheist I can theoretically discard my marriage vows as they were made in a church. However, I am in breach of that also, therefore I am an adulterer.

For those other posters and readers who have different views, assuming you have considered your own position, whatever conclusion you have come to, thats fine by me.

Regardless of my own infidelity there are two things I would never do. One is to lie, the other to wilfully hurt someone (in the emotional sense that is. It's different if the lady wants a spanking, lol).

I've had a look at your profile and find your postings interesting. If you would like to chat (I can just about resist cyber sex) I've put your YIM address into YIM for you to accept or decline. I think the UK is about 7 hrs ahead and I'm normally on about 2200 hours. Kind regards and thank you for your contribution.

I don't think can be spoken of adultery...unless your attachment is not to damage of the relationship in real life

No, I think it's not adultery unless you want and/or desire physical intercourse.

I do not think it is adultery merely to think these thoughts, as it seems natural to nearly all. But to act on it is different, they can 'git' you for that, but not for what you think or don't say.

As a loner and retired

being here is i guess emotional a quiet place to visit and vent

Certainly, it is! Even an emotional connection, outside or your marriage or relationship, is a violation, unless your

partners know about it. ( Of course they wouldn't )

Only our President can deny this! 😃

It is a violation and a penalty flag needs to be thrown!