Generational values being shattered.

Yes, I am willing to share most things openly in forums like these, however I remain well schooled as youngster about revealing family shortcomings. It sure seems the old adage, "If you cannot say something nice about a person, say nothing at all." is long gone.

I've never shared my fetish needs to any of my family, except my late wife. TODAY I am extremely glad I haven't. I've been HIT HARD lately, by revelations of intimate, personal problems that are true. These came from more than one of my family members, to my girlfriend, without any consent from ME. NOTHING is SACRED. My fetish needs told to her, would be a good laugh, cos she shares those with me. LOL.

I am an honest man, I would eventually have shared these "things" with my GF, when I felt total trust in her. Yes, I do have some glaring warts in my past, but none that would endanger anyone. By what RIGHT, or MOTIVATION, do people reveal such things to a virtual stranger? I've little doubt these things could end a very good relationship. Walt

One thing that has always been true from personal observed. Everyone's values are based off of their experiences; and will continually change as time goes on. I know, my values 10 years ago and now; are not the same anymore. Sure, I still have the a lot of my old values of how to treat others and what not. But; that doesn't mean I will treat everyone the same.

One phrase that was told to me quite often. "To expand your own horizons, you must first go out of your own boundaries." In simplest terms, it means that you can't just live your life, staying in your own box. You have to get into these different situations to expand; and grow as a whole.

Once upon a time, in the long long ago, the distinguishing charactistics of the genteel person revolved around true attention to personal courtesy. Personal courtesy is demonstrated in many ways such as dressing properly, considering the feelings of others, treating others as you would like to be treated, being trustworthy etc.. A true gentleman never went on an airplane or train without a jacket and tie, and ladies were always well dressed. Not long ago I saw a couple try to board an international flight wearing tank tops and running shorts, and they were upset when the flight crew would not allow them on. I believe that today the ego-centric attitudes that many people maintain detract from the basic trust and consideration of others, "I'm going to do what I want and to hell with you". Is it any wonder that marriages and friendships don't last very long? I agree with Chris that your likes and dislikes are continually changing throughout your life but there is a basic personality that one should try to maintain regardless, that is your persona and, unless you wish a continuing change in relationships, you should be known and respected for your temperament and regard for others. How often do you go to the mall or dinner or the theater and see people dressed so shabbily in clothes you wouldn't own, or if you did you wouldn't wear them outside of your house unless you were going to a masquerade party. What impression do you have of those people?

When I was growing up the popular love songs were a discussion between two lovers, today they seem to be a discussion between one party and his/her friends about the other party. Personal relationships seem to be a thing of the past, and we as a society are worse off because of that change. I sometimes wonder what would happen if suddenly there was no internet or cel phone available, would we be able to hold a face to face conversation? I believe that the anonymity of the phone or the internet has engendered a whole new attitude towards the interchange of information between people, Do you really know who is texting or tweeting you, and do you trust anything that you receive in todays media?

Sorry for the rant but I sometimes get disheartened and down about the world events and I have to vent, I suppose that is one good aspect of the internet, not too many take it seriously. LOL

From what I've seen, can you truly know your own persona? I know if you asked me to describe my persona I had 10 years ago, and now; it would be 2 different ones. The key issue behind all this, is how well do you know someone, or even your self. I know I don't know myself too well yet.

I'm sorry to hear that Walt. That was rude and inconsiderate of them to say anything. I hope this is not what ends it for you and your girlfriend. Best wishes for what lies ahead.

Walt, I feel shattered for you! Every one of us has things in our past that we are ashamed of; it is inevitable! But if we then handle them right, they enable us to grow in spirit and even help others avoid taking the same wrong turn. If I'm trying to help someone overcome an alcohol problem, I always enlist the help of a recovering alcoholic. They're the best!

No doubt, you are no longer the person you were when the damaging stuff happened. Now's the time to test this!

The person who spilled the beans no doubt told himself/herself it was 'to protect' your new GF. That's usually a lie we use to avoid facing the truth that we're being vindictive. If you can find the strength, go to that person; but be very careful what you say! By no means attack - rather ask, "Do you know how that made me feel?" Share your pain at what has happened. It may be that the revelation was made without thought and the offender will be horrified at the result. If the offence is admitted (it may well be) you open the possibility that the offender might repair (as best he/she can) with you GF the damage done. But if not, at least you need no longer carry the burning resentment you now feel. Ventilating always helps! Jesus had some words to say about this sort of thing. You can find them in Matthew's gospel at chapter 18, beginning at verse 15.

Johnny

The title and content of your post seems to indicate that you blame this experience on the difference between the values of your generation, and those of later generations. I'm no spring chicken at 56, and am aware that some of the values from my upbringing are not always spoken of by later generations. However, I'm also aware that many of the "values" that were supposedly held by my, and earlier generations, were bullshit. They were nothing more than lipservice. People were just more clandestine in their transgressions than today. I'll just point to one famous example... Bill Clinton was crucified for what the beloved John Kennedy did with great frequency. How many televangelists, preachers and politicians of our generation have we seen go down in flames, caught at doing exactly those things they preached as being so wrong?

Like you, I'm sometimes distressed at the decline of common courtesy; but I've met many an old fart who lacks that virtue. In the end, I prefer honesty to bullshit.

I would suggest that your experience speaks more to the moral character of the individuals who outed you, than pointing to a failure in a whole generation. I know many fine young people who would have never thought to do such a thing, and I know several "mature" folks who would relish it.