Vaginal numbing creams

Hi,

Does anyone know of some good numbing creams that can be used on the Vagina. My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years (together for 7 total) and have not had vaginal sex--she is in a vaginismus self-help program, but I thought maybe something to numb the first touch (which is when she starts to freak out)would help. Any reccomendations? Thank you.

Firstly bigjoe let me express my sorrow at the trouble you and your wife are having with your relationship. As a happily married man of nearly 53 years with a still wonderful sex life its hard for me to imagine how you both feel.

You say that your wife is in a program to help her with this but you don't mention if you are involved with her in the program. If whoever is helping your wife has not involved you then you should be asking to become involved.

You mention the possible use of numbing creams because as you say your wife's body responds badly at 'first touch'. It's rare, but not unknown, that there are physical reasons for vaginismus. The reasons are primarily psychological, possibly relating to being taught in childhood or adolescence that sex was wrong or to a subsequent bad experience with some other partner. Your wife is probably fearful and tense before that 'first touch' comes anywhere near her vulva.

I'm sure you realise that making it 'her' problem isn't going to be helpful and from the tone of your enquiry I can sense that you feel as anguished as she does.

Do please continue to give her your support. If the program doesn't include you then it should. If it still doesn't work then continue to pursue a cure. There are some elements of such programes that involve the use of graduated dilators that she can use herself, usually in private, so that she firstly has full control of their use and can become relaxed enough to understand that it needn't be painful, especially if physical examination shows no morbid condition.

I wish you both every success in this difficult time.

Anything which would "help" her would make intercourse less than satisfactory for you.

She needs a very good health team including a ob/gyn well experienced in this area and a mental health professional.

Speed

Hi Bigjoe57

Im not sure if emla is recomended for vaginal use could be worth checking tho ive not used it myself on the vagina only on the scrotal sac prepping patient for an injection, the vagina is very delicate so please check further before using on your wife.

Have you tried this kit www.vaginismus.com

If im wrong please tell me as its good to know 😁

Doc

DocJ--the kit you reference is the one we have purchased a few months back. She was into it at first and then got discouraged at the speed she was moving from the first dialator to the second and is trying to get back on track with it.

BigK--Thank you for your post. I am certainly involved in the treatment and as stated above she is currently using the kit DocJ refrenced. I was just thinking of maybe some other way to help us out, as there is not anything really wrong with her and it actually upsets her more than me that she can't move forward when it comes to penetration. We do still have fun with other things in the bedroom so that keeps me generally satisfied, but I don't think she is as much from those which is why it upsets her more.

Anyway, thank you both again for the replies.

I don't want anyone to misunderstand me--here is some more info:

It has been confirmed there is nothing wrong with her physically.

She is using the kit from www.vaginismus.com

I am, of course, invloved with the self-help process and was just thinking of ways to help the process. I thought maybe making the first insertion of even my fingers (which has not yet been done) less "painful" to her would make a second attempt with lots of lube and no numbing cream easier for her knowing in her mind from the first with the numbing that it could be done. Of course, pleasure for the both of us is the main goal. In fact, she is more upset about all this when we talk about it then I am--I am satisfied with the things we do in the bedroom, but I don't think she gets as much plesure from those things. Thank you for listening.

Hi again bigjoe

I'm pleased that you are involved with the program but it wasn't initially clear in your first posting.

On re-reading your post I've seen reference to a your wife being in a 'self-help program' and I'm wondering if this is a program developed by the dilator sellers and as such may not be addressing the presumed psychological issues but merely the 'mechanics' of dilation.

I apologise if I'm getting the wrong impressions but I was so concerned at hearing of your problem. I still think numbing creams are not the answer. Even if they did aid penetration they would dull sensation, for both of you. Furthermore, when you decided to stop using such products the problem would probably surface again.

May I repeat my good wishes for you both.

Thank you for your support. The self-help kit does include information and exercises that help to work through the pshycological side of the matter. I will do my best to get her back on track with that program. Thanks again for the help.

Merged duplicate topics, please refrain from posting duplicate topics in more than one forum. thanks!

Your wife should get in touch with angielouwhos who is a member on this site

??? why numbing, there would be not sensation for her and her problem wouldn´t be solved

Perhaps this is more of a psychological issue...?

Thank you all for the input. As stated in an earlier reply of mine-it was just an idea to speed the process along, but getting her back on track with the program we purchased is of course the best thing to do. I will keep you updated and, again, I do appreciate the help and support.