26, male, Amsterdam. Sadly my relationship of a year and a half ended, different dreams of the future, work took me back to europe, bla bla
But the story I thought i'd share was how we came to experiment enemas together. I "took the plunge" with her last year, we must have been dating for 4 months or so. She was gone on a one week trip and I was left at home and started playing around with enemas again. I never understood if my interest in enemas and anal play made me bisexual, and growing up with a conservative perspective I had a lot of shame about it...
So I felt compelled to say something. I didn't want to wait till I was middle aged and realize that i am unhappy and have not been true to myself and my desires for most of my life.
I was talking to her on the phone and I felt comforted by the distance of talking through the phone. (I know, slightly chicken) I didn't talk about enemas at first. I talked about my questioning my sexuality sometimes, having fantasized about receiving anal sex, that perhaps i'm bisexual, that I am confused and scared of what i might uncover if I go exploring. BUT that I don't want to live in fear of myself.
I don't remember if that's exactly how it went, but she didn't have a whole lot to say. I don't remember if it was in that same conversation or when she got back, but from that conversation she took it to mean I wanted to have anal sex with her and we didn't talk about me for perhaps 2 weeks. I did really like the idea of anal sex with her, so I wasn't complaining, but I threw out all this stuff and I felt it was being ignored, she didn't ask me anything about my questioning.
So I finally worked up courage again and said I felt like us not talking about it feels like my upbringing where we didn't talk about unpleasant things, pretending they weren't there. She said she thought if I wanted to talk more about it i would bring it up and I thought she was in denial we ever talked about it. I remember one night the lights were out and we were talking. I was trying to explain that her asking me questions is showing interest, and it was hard to explain...
I felt shame about talking about this, explaining my fantasies, talking about my experiences, especially since she was not showing any interest in knowing about it. I was projecting that her silence was judgmental and I didn't even want to bring it up again. I did bring it up again, there in the dark bedroom. I said I didn't feel like talking about this again, that I am afraid of her rejection and I already feel rejected. Part of me wanted to get angry and protect my feelings, and I said this, and the other option was to get vulnerable and cry. My muscles were tense with anger and I started to cry. She held me and got honest with me. She had her own prejudice and narrow mindedness, that she was shocked when I first told her and how she didn't know how to react. I don't remember how it went exactly from there, but it felt like we had finally gotten honest with each other. She started to ask questions, we started to talk about fantasies we hadn't dared to mention yet. We watched a guide on how to have anal sex for girls together, we started to explore each other. I was more ambitious at first but always patient and after not too long she brought some fantasies to the bedroom when I felt insecure and narrow minded. We developed a great atmosphere where we could talk honestly. Not all at once, it was a getting to know the other one process, and it felt like it would have continued and continued. To be honest, there were some ideas that I said I didn't feel comfortable with, or didn't dare (yet). There were things she didn't dare yet. But it was always changing and growing.
Anyway, there's more and stories that i'll try to try and share when I have more time. Its been a trip expanding my experiences and open mindedness
i've lost my flow of thought, have a great night!